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pdjang
June 22nd, 2008, 10:59 AM
You would pay $45 to enter the meet and find out that the swimmer in the next lane paid $27.50.

You heat would be delayed for 3 hours and you could not go the bathroom. Whereas the event scheduled behind you would have already finished.

TSA (thousands standing around) would search all the swimmers prior to gaining entry to the pool deck. Some lucky winners (90-94 y) would be pulled off for special full body searches.

The shady spots on the pool deck are more expensive.

There is surcharge for using the newest speed suit (!$#@).

ALM
June 22nd, 2008, 01:18 PM
--No more than 3 oz. of Gatorade per swimmer.

--The first swim bag is free; after that it's $25.00 per bag.

--The Fortress would have to pay more to be seeded in Lanes 4 or 5.

--Remove all flip-flops when passing through security.

--Must agree to help other swimmers if sitting in the "lifeguard row".

--Meet referee would give the "goggle safety lecture" before each event ("In case your goggles fill up with water on the start, carefully remove the goggles, up over your head. Assist your small children only after removing your own goggles.").

meldyck
June 22nd, 2008, 02:35 PM
The meet CEO would take all the entry money even if the meet 'underperformed' last year's meet and would cut out all paid refreshments for the volunteers.

geochuck
June 22nd, 2008, 03:01 PM
The only liquid you have would be the water in the pool.

CreamPuff
June 22nd, 2008, 03:24 PM
Meet officials would be caught running the meet while intoxicated.

Lane width and length would be cut in half. And in half again later on.

There would be rampant smoking in the bathrooms between events.

Races would be delayed mid-swim due to an overcrowded swim venue.

Instead of your competitor in the lane next to you, there's a crying toddler doggie paddling to the wall. When you both reach the wall, he barfs on you.

You wonder how the swimmer next to you got to do the race with her pet dog in tow.

Sprinters like Ande would convert to distance in order to partake in the mile high club.

Now. . . if the government ran swim meets. . .

onefish
June 22nd, 2008, 03:30 PM
If they had the meet at Charles de Gaulle, your lane assignment would change frequently and you'd never get there in time because the signage always points in the least useful direction. Meet sponsors would simply shrug. :dunno:

DV

SwimStud
June 22nd, 2008, 03:37 PM
Water Marshalls would be mixing in with the regular competitors for security purposes...we just need to class noodlers as terrorists and we can solve a big issue!!

Glider
June 22nd, 2008, 05:14 PM
Serve 'em some baby ruths...that'll clear the pool:rolleyes:


Water Marshalls would be mixing in with the regular competitors for security purposes...we just need to class noodlers as terrorists and we can solve a big issue!!

Sam Perry
June 22nd, 2008, 05:52 PM
You would have 6 exits from the pool. Two up front, two in the middle, and two in the back of the pool.

You get oxygen masks after racing that look like margarine tubs.

You drink Ginger Ale instead of Gatorade or sports drink.

The meet BBQ social event consists of peanuts and a quarter of a frozen turkey sandwich.

The locker room is the size of a shoe box.

During the meet while waiting to compete, you get to watch 10 year old episodes of Seinfeld, Just Shoot Me, and Friends. If it is a long meet, they will show a compelling feature film like Mr. Bean.

Need I go on???

nyswimmer
June 22nd, 2008, 05:54 PM
You would have to wait two hours to leave the pool after your race, because there's no open ladder available.

amyro1234
June 22nd, 2008, 05:58 PM
All you would be able to eat are pretzels. Any thing else is a ten dollar charge.

There would be a three hour long pause (a layover) between each event.

The locker rooms would only have one toilet each, which may or may not have soap.

It would cost over 300 dollars to enter the meet.

Your meet bag would have to be stored in an overhead compartment.

Electronic devices would not be used untill about twenty minutes after the meet starts.

Allen Stark
June 22nd, 2008, 06:01 PM
If your swim bag is too large,it would have to be checked and never seen again.

nyswimmer
June 22nd, 2008, 06:09 PM
The entry fee would mysteriously change by the hour.

SwimStud
June 22nd, 2008, 06:18 PM
Air turbulence takes on a whole new meaning...

quicksilver
June 22nd, 2008, 07:10 PM
..if the airlines ran swim meets...

The first class swimmers (fastest) would have to compete in the earliest heats.

geochuck
June 22nd, 2008, 07:16 PM
Where would that have you start, early or late in the competition???
Isn't it odd that all the people riding coach are the ones to board last...and have to walk past all the 1st class passengers already snug in their cushy seats.
Never understood why those seated in the back had to wait.

And that said...if the airlines ran swim meets...

The first class swimmers (fastest) would have to compete in the earliest heats.

3strokes
June 22nd, 2008, 09:52 PM
Originally Posted by quicksilver http://forums.usms.org/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://forums.usms.org/showthread.php?p=137754#post137754)
Isn't it odd that all the people riding coach are the ones to board last...and have to walk past all the 1st class passengers already snug in their cushy seats.
Never understood why those seated in the back had to wait.


That's because:
1- It flatters the ego of the First Class passengers (who -or whose employers- paid a heck of a lot more), seeing how many people are envying them their comfort.
2- It makes those cheap passengers, seated at the back, resolve to try and scrape enough money to fly First Class -at least- their next trip. (Thus, a money-maker for the Airlines.)

3strokes
June 22nd, 2008, 09:56 PM
And if that Airline were Air Canada :canada:


All the instructions and calls:

On Your marks.............Get set.............. (Pistol Bang)
would have to be bilingual.

If the meet was in Quebec, then French first, and twice as long and as loud as English.

Anglophones would be disqualified if they started on the "Allez" and would have to wait for the "Go".

Au-revoir mes amis.

waves101
June 23rd, 2008, 08:53 AM
The start would begin at the other end of the pool. You'd have to run down the deck, make a sharp turn into your lane and take off from the blocks.

knelson
June 23rd, 2008, 09:50 AM
The start would begin at the other end of the pool. You'd have to run down the deck, make a sharp turn into your lane and take off from the blocks.

No, this isn't quite accurate. Your entire heat would line up, single file, at one end of the pool. Then you'd slowly walk to the starting end where everyone would start from the same block, but you'd have to wait a while until the swimmer ahead of you was a ways down the pool.

Sort of like the sprint lane during warmups, I guess! :)

Leonard Jansen
June 23rd, 2008, 10:44 AM
They would squeeze you three to a lane, with you in the middle and the two guys you would be between would be massive enough to have a noticable gravitational field.

-LBJ

Sam Perry
June 23rd, 2008, 11:28 AM
When the starter calls you up and announces the start, you can't understand a word he says.

Ripple
June 23rd, 2008, 12:17 PM
As you're about to start, a voice comes over the p.a. system informing you that you can find a flotational device under your starting block "...in the event of a water landing.." :confused:
(To conform with FINA rules, it won't actually float.)

gull
June 23rd, 2008, 01:17 PM
Women would be thrown out for wearing suits that were too revealing.

lefty
June 23rd, 2008, 01:21 PM
Perhpas this belongs in the Non-Swimming section...but...I don't know what US airlines are going to do. In orer to compete on price with the no-frills carriers they would need to slash jobs and sell off equipment (with no buyers). So competing on cost is not an option. And now is not the time to sell "premium" services to the public....

aquageek
June 23rd, 2008, 01:27 PM
Lefty - you are sounding more like a righty.

knelson
June 23rd, 2008, 01:35 PM
In orer to compete on price with the no-frills carriers

They're all no-frills carriers now :)

Really I don't have a problem with that. In the "old days" flying was sort of an adventure and the airline services reflected that. Today flying is just a way to get from point A to point B. There is really no reason airlines should provide any additional services above and beyond what is needed to accomplish that goal of getting you where you need to go. If you want the extras take the train.

I think the number one thing many of the U.S. airlines could do to save money is to replace their old, inefficient airplanes with newer ones. Of course the problem is they have no money to do this.

mbmg3282
June 23rd, 2008, 01:50 PM
On the bright side, if you competed in the meet often enough, they would give you free drink coupons for beer and wine. If you are a relatively new swimmer, you can still have beer and wine during the meet, it will just cost you $5.

gull
June 23rd, 2008, 01:56 PM
I think the number one thing many of the U.S. airlines could do to save money is to replace their old, inefficient airplanes with newer ones.

Manufactured by Boeing, of course.

notsofast
June 23rd, 2008, 01:58 PM
If airlines ran swim meets, 10 people would be entered in an eight-lane race. Two would get bumped.

aquageek
June 23rd, 2008, 02:02 PM
I saw a segment last week that said a $10 increase in the cost of a barrel of oil equates to an $800m increase in operating costs for an airline (just saying I saw it, don't know if accurate or not). There isn't some magic new engine that is gonna save an airline that kind of money. Even if you dump your pensions, get rid of snax, charge a bag fee you can never make up that kind of unanticipated instant cost increase.

lefty
June 23rd, 2008, 02:32 PM
They're all no-frills carriers now :)


I more or less agree, but the problem is that United cannot do no-frills as cheaply as Southwest because their fixed costs are too high and they cannot dispose of those assets, and their payroll is too high. Or put another way, United wasn't designed to compete with Southwest so doing so is impossible.

Dolphin 2
June 23rd, 2008, 02:47 PM
If there's a weather delay in an outdoor pool, everyone is held hostage in the men's or women's locker rooms for 12 hours without any ventilation, running water, or working toilets. :eek:

Dolphin 2

mbmg3282
June 23rd, 2008, 05:08 PM
If airlines ran swim meets, 10 people would be entered in an eight-lane race. Two would get bumped.

Of course, if you got to your event early and there was space available in an earlier event, you could swim that one instead (unless your swim meet is called Southwest).

aquageek
June 23rd, 2008, 05:18 PM
All the bathrooms would be unisex and you'd always walk into one that was occupied by an old woman in an unsightly state (a sight I shall never be able to erase from my mind, NEVER).

That is the ONLY preflight safety instruction they should give, and give it at least twice.

Sam Perry
June 23rd, 2008, 05:56 PM
How about a break from the meet in the Minneapolis airport?
:drown:

notsofast
June 23rd, 2008, 07:59 PM
Of course, if you got to your event early and there was space available in an earlier event, you could swim that one instead (unless your swim meet is called Southwest).
Of course, you'd be charged extra to swim standby.
Really, it would go like this:
There would be 5 heats scheduled with 50 swimmers entered, overbooking each heat by two swimmers. Two heats would be canceled. The rest would be delayed by ATC (Aqua Traffic Control). They would be scheduled for three hours later, but you couldn't leave the blocks because any race could start at any time, and if you aren't there, you'd lose your spot.
Oh and the people swimming standby would be ranked by the number of races they have swum in.
(BTW, my wife is flying to Chicago tonight. The flight is delayed two hours.)

swimshark
June 24th, 2008, 07:30 AM
You earn "frequent flyer strokes" to use toward entry at a later meet only to be told later that the meet is across the country and you can only use it to enter the 200 fly - which is not your event.

PArob83
June 24th, 2008, 09:41 AM
Your only allowed to swim with one bag, and you have to because you cant leave it anywhere or else they will evacuate the building and blow up your stash of swim gear. and some venues will allow you to swim with your bag and possibly a laptop or camera.

Leonard Jansen
June 24th, 2008, 10:22 AM
Anyone attempting to start a race with a starter's gun would be arrested and dragged into a back room for a full-body cavity search.

Same goes true for anyone caught joking about anything or saying things like "She's the bomb."

-LBJ

onefish
June 24th, 2008, 02:56 PM
Some of my towels and suits might be declared biohazards and confiscated.

No negative verbal imagery about pain, suffering, sudden flaming painful death, burning out, blowing chunks, gakking up a lung, or wishing you'd been on the exit row.

The Steinway provided by my frequent sponsor would not be carry-on.

DV

3strokes
June 24th, 2008, 07:11 PM
There would be different levels of entry fees (for the same event) that define restrictions:

For example:
100 LCM (any stroke)

If you pay $50, you can do a flip turn; $40 will let you do an open turn.
If you only pay $25, there's a minimum stay (pause) at the wall of 5".
If you pay the cheapest entry fee ($0.25. Hey! You wanted the best deal!) your minimum stay at the turn is 15"

And if you want to change your options (events), after the warm-up has commenced, the change penalty could be anywhere from 1/10th to 3 x your entry fee.

PArob83
June 25th, 2008, 05:28 AM
some pools charge extra for the "ladder lane" for those that like to rush out.