View Full Version : Hope for a missing FB Pro in LL size?

jim thornton
August 25th, 2008, 09:30 PM
One last desperate cry for help regarding my purloined Fastskin Pro LL blue body suit, last seen dangling from a metal hanger/hook in the men's lockerroom at the University of Maryland pool on Saturday evening, August 23rd.

It turns out that I accidentally grabbed my friend Neil Wasserman's suit by mistake, which was hanging by the adjacent hook and shared a similar, though not identical, color; different material (FS2 vs. FSPro); different shape (leg suit vs. body suit); but identical price gouging manufacturer, i.e., the Speedo corporation.

My friend Neil, out of decency, did not take the remaining suit, even though he was mad that someone had probably purloined his. I wish he had been a little more of a criminal, and I had been a little less of a doddering old synaptical plaque victim.

So, part of it is my fault.

Whoever did take my suit will probably realize the mistake at some point soon (assuming the pilferage was accidental). But even if it was intentional, he or she will find out soon enough.

Because, you see, I suffer a mild but nevertheless contagious-through-dermal-contact form of leprosy. I do not have the money to offer a reward for my lost Pro; I will, however, gladly tell you what medication you must start--WITHIN 72 HOURS--to contain the disease and keep your urogenital unit from dropping off.

In the words of Paul Harvey, "And now you know...the rest of the story!"

jim thornton
August 29th, 2008, 11:39 PM
An awful lot of views here--45! This gives me multiple suspects to work with, since as we all know that criminals invariably return to the scene of your crime.

Oh, my little Fastskin Pro! I am still searching for you, and I will never give up, despite what all the authorities now believe are unspeakable acts of depravity that have been performed all over your blue water repellent skin.

The horror!

With the right counseling, the two of us will join again, and cut through the water like a well-dressed marlin set free!