Swimming Stereotypes

[abc]

Equipment Rep
Trains with every piece of equipment available at all times.

The Luddite
Trains with nothing. Only uses a loin cloth and goggles in workout.

The Barnacle
Leaves right on your feet. Couldn't count to five or ten if his life depnded on it.

The Coach
Not an actual coach, but someone who is consumed with technique. Swimming is a precise set of moves that can be broken down, categorized, and scientifically analyzed.

The Jaded
Could care less about technique. Just wants to swim and leave the analysis to the eggheads.

The Swimaholic
Trains at least 10 swimming workouts a week. Anything less is viewed as not trying.

Fast Guy who Never Trains
Shows up once a month and breaks national records in practice.

Hardest Working Man in the Swim Business
Trains like a ferocious animal in workout, but has no speed when it comes to racing.

Lane Guy
Works out in a lane that is far too fast or slow for him.

The Crack Guy
Dude, pull your swimsuit up or get a bigger size.

The Newbie
Shows up to practice in board shorts and a scuba mask.
_________________

As for myself, I would fall into the categories of Luddite and Jaded. Also, I wrote this from a male perspective, but the women are included as well. Any other stereotypes?

[Typhoons Coach]

The Newbie
Shows up to practice in board shorts and a scuba mask.

I absolutely love the "Newbie" swimmers! For Master's swimmers they are a bit more "off" than the age-group swimmers, but still enjoyable in my eyes!

Personally, I am definitely a coach in and out of water...analyze everything...not good!

[Doug Adamavich]

Some I see include:

Swimmer Barbie
Wears a two-piece suit to show off her "enhancements" and always gets in late to make sure everybody sees her.

Triathlete
Only swims freestyle (slowly) and wears a wetsuit at practice.

18-24 Age Group
Stands around on deck talking about vapid topics, texting their friends, listening to their iPods, and get in after warmup is over.

Male ex-Collegiate Swimmer
Talks incessantly about his college times and the other guys he swam against. High-fives other guys at workout and talks louder than anybody else in the pool, coach included.

[aquageek]

The Elevator Repairman

Has never been in a pool or seen meet yet is an expert on the sport.

The Team Organizer

Plans all the team events and gets no recognition but is loved by everyone. Every team needs this person.

[gobears]

The Elevator Repairman

Has never been in a pool or seen meet yet is an expert on the sport.


LOL. I used to be a true Swimaholic. I don't fit any of the Stereotypes listed now. Maybe something like:

The Reformed Swimaholic: The ex-swimming obsessed swimmer who now trains but only enough to have fun and stay in shape.

[Charge]

Some I see include:

Swimmer Barbie
Wears a two-piece suit to show off her "enhancements" and always gets in late to make sure everybody sees her.

Triathlete
Only swims freestyle (slowly) and wears a wetsuit at practice.

18-24 Age Group
Stands around on deck talking about vapid topics, texting their friends, listening to their iPods, and get in after warmup is over.

Male ex-Collegiate Swimmer
Talks incessantly about his college times and the other guys he swam against. High-fives other guys at workout and talks louder than anybody else in the pool, coach included.

Man, I show up at practice just for the Barbie Swimmer, makes those 5: 30 workouts more entertaining.

[elise526]

The Cutthroat
Spends hours studying competitors' times on the Internet, has memorized their times, and purchased the latest and greatest technology to take them down.

The Meet Phobic
Loves to train hard and swim fast, but for whatever reason, cannot be talked into doing a meet.

The Independent
Shows up for masters practice and when given 10 x 100 I.M. by the coach, decides to do 5 x 200 breast in the same lane as the I.Mers.

The Yapper
Enjoys using kick sets to catch up on the latest gossip. Also, known to skip sets to talk about the latest sale at Macy's.

[inflictfreedom]

Beer Glasses - Thinks they're swimming straight and strong but in reality they're thrashing all over the lanes, invoking fear in the hearts of lane mates.

[jim thornton]

The Finn.
A sort of obnoxious guy with barnacle tendencies who uses the Finnish Formula to "age grade" his times and, thanks to such math, has NEVER BEEN BEATEN by anyone whose victory would cause him distress.

[CreamPuff]

The Stalker
No matter what practice you attend (morning, lunch or evening) - and you have no set pattern - that person is there. Even if you decide to randomly do a double. They are there doing a double too.


The Faker/ The Psych Out
This person whines incessantly about how they suck; are slow; are out of shape; they haven't swum in 27+ years; they can't do that stroke or distance and then they end up kicking everyone's ass.

The Mid Life Crisis
This person is around middle age but insists on training and swimming meets with the kids while wearing the skimpiest training suits possible; tan is optional. LOL Oh wait, that's me!

The Man's Man
90% weight lifting
9% telling others what to do to become a better swimmer
1% swimming

The Dictator
He/ She is not the coach; however, you are more afraid of this person than you are of the coach. This person is in complete control of the lane at all times. Lane order is told to you. Sets are followed to a T unless Dictator (not the coach) changes them. You must leave 10 seconds behind each person or suffer the consequences. If you are faster than said lane leader/ dictator, you are still not to break through that 10 second barrier. Otherwise, it's the rack.

The Leper
You are so annoying that you are the only one in the lane.

SPED Racer
They suddenly want to race you provided
1. they have fins and/ or paddles and/ or other piece of speed enhancing equipment and you don't
2. they win

[aquageek]

The Name Changer/Avatar Updater

Once proud, now confusing to simple minded forum browsers.

[knelson]

The Browser

Checks either top ten, individual results or current top times list on the USMS web site at least once a day.

[thewookiee]

The Elevator Repairman

Has never been in a pool or seen meet yet is an expert on the sport.

.


LMAO!!!

[Leonard Jansen]

The Petri Dish
Comes to the pool with a disease that the CDC classifies at the "EVACUATE EVERYONE WITHIN A 10 MILE RADIUS"-level. He/She then proceeds to spit great quantities of stuff with the color of split-pea soup and the consistancy of vulcanized rubber into the gutter. Two weeks later you hear that a member of the pool maintainance staff just died quite horribly and their entire house had to be burned with napalm "just to be sure."

-LBJ

[qbrain]

The Transfer Athlete: They are in better shape then Michael Phelps and they look like they deserve their own fast lane. They started swimming because an injury is preventing them from continuing their previous sport at an elite level. They are both the strongest and slowest in the pool, and know none of the competitive strokes.

The Tidal Wave: The person you want to draft off of, but hate to swim in the next lane over from. Splitting a lane with the person guarantees a lung full of water by practices end.

[BillS]

The Late Bloomer

A fevered and frequent competitor, TLB continually rationalizes slow performances by citing dense, impenetrable research on VO2 Max and other incomprehensible alleged measures of athletic capacity. TLB references ad nauseum the fact that TLB did not swim age group, thereby missing out on the prime VO2 Max building years. TLB will only compare TLB's performances to those of other, similarly situated TLBs (down to country of origin, educational background, current economic status, and year of immigration to this country) thereby ensuring TLB's victory in TLB's narrowly self-defined peer group. Will debate these points endlessly, vociferously, and mindlessly on various fora until forced to leave.

Note: May be somehow related to The Elevator Repairman, see above.

[USMSarah]

Beer Glasses - Thinks they're swimming straight and strong but in reality they're thrashing all over the lanes, invoking fear in the hearts of lane mates.

:laugh2:
Ahhhh, yes... the lane hog (love your title for it)... this person also knocks into you on a consistent basis and never learns!!!

[jim thornton]

This is an excellent thread topic, Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. or Miss ABC.

I am thinking that if there is anyone in our ranks with cartooning talent, an illustrated volume of these swimming types might prove to be a best selling stocking stuffer type gag gift for swimmers of all ages.

I suggest the profits of such a volume be split thusly:



5 percent to Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. or Miss ABC
5 percent divided evenly to each participant who has come up with types
10 percent to the cartoonist and book publisher to be divided as they see fit

and



80 percent to yet another stereotype familiar in both swimming pools and life itself, to wit:


The Me
A self-interested individual whose personal swimming times, practices, bouts of illness, etc. are, in this person's eyes not the only things of interest in the whole wide world, but together represent 80 percent of the things of interest in the whole wide world.

The Me, for specific purposes of asset distribution of book sales based on ABC's original idea and the very funny contributions of a host of forum swimmers, is this me, i.e., Jim Thornton, though you can also make the check out to James Thornton, Mr. J. Thornton, or a host of similar variations. At my local bank, they know it is all about The Me.

[thewookiee]

The Late Bloomer

Note: May be somehow related to The Elevator Repairman, see above.


No. Two different types. TLB has actually seen a swimming pool. Has actually been in a swimming pool. Has actually swam in a meet at somepoint in their life. Has actually tried to learn more about the sport and at somepoint listened/read books by top level coaches

The TER pretends to know more about subjects, while not having done anything in said subjects and ignores information from people that have first hand knowledge of said subjects. The TER is more pretender than contender.

[JimRude]

Train Like Tarzan, Race Like Jane
self-explanatory

[Mookie]

The Lucky Guy - Swims on a new Masters team with a nationally known coach, there are generally twice as many ladies as guys at practice, and it's at a great pool where you almost never share a lane. Hey, that's me!

[imspoiled]

THE EAFG (Equipment Assisted Fast Guy/Gal)

The EAFG is convinced he can hang with the big dogs in the pool. He insists on swimming with the fastest workout group, however the EAFG can only make the sets wearing the world's largest hand paddles and/or fins. The EAFG is also frequently heard offering to let the truely fast, non-equipment assisted swimmers go ahead, then assumes the role of The Barnacle.

The Trickster

The Trickster shows up late to practice, joins the lane mid-set, and insists on taking his rightful place in the lane. The trickster can be a speedy swimmer, and often takes pleasure in "racing" the swimmer in the next lane; although, the other swimmer may not know it. The trickster is commonly seen resting after the first 100 of a 400 swim and then pushing off hard to start the last 100 to finish ahead of those swimming an unbroken 400.

[aquageek]

The BFFs

These are the 4 or 5 pals that insist on swimming in the same lane together every practice even when there are 4 lanes on either side of them with only 1 or 2 swimmers. BFFs are also prone to lots of practice chitter chatter.

[FlyQueen]

[QUOTE=imspoiled;163349]THE EAFG (Equipment Assisted Fast Guy/Gal)

The EAFG is convinced he can hang with the big dogs in the pool. He insists on swimming with the fastest workout group, however the EAFG can only make the sets wearing the world's largest hand paddles and/or fins. The EAFG is also frequently heard offering to let the truely fast, non-equipment assisted swimmers go ahead, then assumes the role of The Barnacle.

QUOTE]

Not that we know any of these, right? ;)

The Pain the ARSE
Will NEVER lead the set even if they are the fastest person in the lane. They tend not to allow the requisite 5 seconds between them and the person in front of them then continue to ride that person's behind but refuse to go ahead of them.

The Creepy Old Guy
Middle aged man that always wants to share his lane with the 20 and 30 something women but will never swim with men. He finds ways to hug or touch said lanemates. Said lanemates refuse to swim in front of him during breaststroke sets. COG makes inappropriate jokes and is basically a total and utter DOM with no redeeming qualities.

[SwimStud]

The Miller or The Miller's Wife
Swim crawl in a 25 yard pool and manage to take 72 strokes in one length, and yet somehow manage to do one arm in 35!

[SwimStud]

The Creepy Old Guy
Middle aged man that always wants to share his lane with the 20 and 30 something women but will never swim with men. He finds ways to hug or touch said lanemates. Said lanemates refuse to swim in front of him during breaststroke sets. COG makes inappropriate jokes and is basically a total and utter DOM ...

AKA The Floyd

NB. The COG is similar to The Stud but The Stud is younger, cute and has many redeeming qualities and is usually sought after as a lanemate. ;)

[jim thornton]

The Creepy Old Guy
Middle aged man that always wants to share his lane with the 20 and 30 something women but will never swim with men. He finds ways to hug or touch said lanemates. Said lanemates refuse to swim in front of him during breaststroke sets. COG makes inappropriate jokes and is basically a total and utter DOM with no redeeming qualities.Sorry, Heather. We COGs actually hate ourselves. We're crying on the inside even if it looks like our tears are made of saliva and coming from the corners of our mouths, not eyes.

Stop us before we leer and ogle again!

What's more, 80 percent of the time, we are pure bluster. I think you young girls will find that if you actually stopped, turned, and offered to have your way with us, we'd probably be so scared we'd hightail it... straight to the nearest tyrsting spot. Within 2 years, we'd stop bothering you completely!

Is this what you mean about inappropriate jokes?

[CreamPuff]

The AWOL
Gets out of practice during difficult sets - particularly when they are getting their butt kicked. The usual excuse is a conference call or dental appointment.

The Flirt
Often the female, college or high school age sprinter who wears a lot of make up and flirts with the coach 90% of the practice. 5% of the practice is spent swimming and the last 5% is spent flirting with the other boys on the team.

The Big Bad Wolf
Huffs and puffs so hard on the wall between sets or laps that you consider getting out and calling 911.


The ADD/ Mathematically Challenged - Often the same person
Regardless of how often the set is repeated by the coach/ lane mates AND/ OR written on the dry erase board, ADD NEVER knows what's going on. Mathematically challenged NEVER counts correctly during distance sets.

The Let's Pull Stats out of our A$$
Makes up random percentages to try and support their position on the Message Boards. See the Flirt as an example.

[jim clemmons]

The Creepy Old Guy
Middle aged man that always wants to share his lane with the 20 and 30 something women but will never swim with men. He finds ways to hug or touch said lanemates. Said lanemates refuse to swim in front of him during breaststroke sets.

:blush:

Hey, be nice.

[tjrpatt]

The Shower Rat These people swims for 30 minutes and hang out in the shower til it is the end of practice and there parents come to pick them up. One guy on my age group was "shower ratting" one day fell and got a concussion from his "shower ratting activities".

The Shocker This is a swimmer who looks out of shape and probably can't swim for diddly squat. Gets up to race and shocks the people who stated that he/she couldn't swim. This is also true for the swimmer that is built like an adonis or supermodel. This person gets in the pool and is so slow and uncoordinated.

Shocker Examples
At 14, I was at summer leage champs and this was my fat year. At 15, I found an old newspaper picture and I was thinner there. Well, my friend's dad was telling me that this woman was going off about how I can't swim and I wasn't going to do anything. Mind you, I was seeded first at the meet. I swam my race and won. This woman was in utter shock and said,"he's a jock."

At college, this guy on my team was 6 foot 5 inches and kind of built like Michael Phelps. Well, when he would get in the pool, he was so uncoordinated. Of course, he improved during the swim season but I am sure that people were initially intimidated by him.

[tjrpatt]

Hardest Working Man in the Swim Business
Trains like a ferocious animal in workout, but has no speed when it comes to racing.

Lane Guy
Works out in a lane that is far too fast or slow for him.


I totally used to be the Hardest Working Man in the Swim Business. I would train harder than anyone in the area(from Sept 94 to March 96) but I was never able to turn that hard work into a Junior National Cut or a Full Ride to College. There were a few people that trained with me and had stellar performances. That was annoying because these people wouldn't had these great times if they were training with the lazy bums on my old age group team.

I was the Lane Guy from maybe April to July. I was still training with the second fastest group because I didn't feel that I was ready to train with the Big Dogs yet. Of course, everyone around me was telling me that I was ready and telling me that I was way too fast for this lane. Now, I am with the fastest group and tearing things up.

[The Fortress]

The ADD/ Mathematically Challenged - Often the same personRegardless of how often the set is repeated by the coach/ lane mates AND/ OR written on the dry erase board, ADD NEVER knows what's going on. Mathematically challenged NEVER counts correctly during distance sets.

Hmmm .... I sometime lose count in 200s ... I think there needs to be a separate sub category of Sprinter ADD.

The Purist:

Never ever uses equipment and scornfully looks down their nose at those who do. Constantly comments on use of equipment. Especially dislikes fins, which must be the devil's work. When they take a break from the lectures and go to a meet, they get whooped.

The Excusifier:

Has to tell you, throughout practice, the 10,00 reasons they aren't going fast tonight: got a cold, didn't get sleep, re-doing their kitchen and is sore, lifted weights and is sore, not ready for the set, hasn't been working out enough, etc. This type causes another type to roll their eyes:

The Stoic

The opposite of the Male Ex-College Swimmer and the opposite of Wolf-Girl or Wolf-Whine (discussed on other threads). This experienced and speedy swimmer never complains or whines during practice. Works most sets. Encourages lanemates. Knows what repeat he's on. Thanks the coach at the end of workout. Comes back for more.

[elise526]

The BFFs
Y
These are the 4 or 5 pals that insist on swimming in the same lane together every practice even when there are 4 lanes on either side of them with only 1 or 2 swimmers. BFFs are also prone to lots of practice chitter chatter.

Each one of these swimmers could definitely qualify to be a Yapper.

[Iwannafly]

The Stoic

The opposite of the Male Ex-College Swimmer and the opposite of Wolf-Girl or Wolf-Whine (discussed on other threads). This experienced and speedy swimmer never complains or whines during practice. Works most sets. Encourages lanemates. Knows what repeat he's on. Thanks the coach at the end of workout. Comes back for more.

Hey, this one is me...except for the experienced and speedy part!:-)

[elise526]

The GGTTW (God's Gift to the World). This type is typically male (but not always), built like a Greek god, holds lots of records, and has an unusually high opinion of himself. Can only speak to or communicate with other GGTTWs. Not really interested in what the opposite sex says unless it involves a tumble in the bed.

[Typhoons Coach]

The Excusifier:

Has to tell you, throughout practice, the 10,00 reasons they aren't going fast tonight: got a cold, didn't get sleep, re-doing their kitchen and is sore, lifted weights and is sore, not ready for the set, hasn't been working out enough, etc. This type causes another type to roll their eyes:

The Stoic

The opposite of the Male Ex-College Swimmer and the opposite of Wolf-Girl or Wolf-Whine (discussed on other threads). This experienced and speedy swimmer never complains or whines during practice. Works most sets. Encourages lanemates. Knows what repeat he's on. Thanks the coach at the end of workout. Comes back for more.

Hmmm....I have a couple of both of these on my age group and master's teams...guess they never grow out of it!

[Chris Stevenson]

Sammy Save-Up
Cruises through the first 9 repeats of the set -- often the last in the lane -- and then does close to a PB on the last rep because "the only swimming worth doing is at race pace."

Warm-up? Don't need no stinking warm-up!
Arrives late, chats with coach or pretty female swimmers (aren't they all?), and dives in just as the first set starts.

(Inspired by Laura Smith)

[aquageek]

The Excusifier:

Has to tell you, throughout practice, the 10,00 reasons they aren't going fast tonight: got a cold, didn't get sleep, re-doing their kitchen and is sore, lifted weights and is sore, not ready for the set, hasn't been working out enough, etc. This type causes another type to roll their eyes:

I just call these people triathletes. Commonly heard - "I didn't/can't/won't go hard as I'm going to run a marathon and bike to South America after this."

[CreamPuff]

I just call these people triathletes. Commonly heard - "I didn't/can't/won't go hard as I'm going to run a marathon and bike to South America after this."

:lmao:

[chaos]

[QUOTE=CreamPuff;163364]


The Big Bad Wolf
Huffs and puffs so hard on the wall between sets or laps that you consider getting out and calling 911.


thats me these days. (good thing none of the lifeguards are ever awake during masters practices.... i'm sure i'd be ejected)

[Glenn]

The Late Bloomer sounds vaguely familiar!!

[Jayhawk]

Euro-Speedo Guy
Middle-aged, hairy, big belly. Still wearing the same tiny water polo suit he wore in Russia in 1980.

Forum Moth
Drawn to new forum users like a moth to a flame. Immediately senses their weaknesses, like a predator in the wild.

[Doug Adamavich]

Man, I show up at practice just for the Barbie Swimmer, makes those 5: 30 workouts more entertaining.

Dude, let me tell you...it's not all that.

I don't know what is more laughable:

Beer-enhanced middle-aged men who try and swim (and act) like they did when they were in High School, albeit unsuccessfully.

-or-

Silicone-enhanced women strutting around in a two-piece suit vying for the attention of the cute guy(s) in practice, with a high degree of success.

Actually, both are laughable come to think of it in a sad sort of way.

[nhc]

Agressive Eggbeater
Stands on deck silently for 3 minutes, and before you know it, suddenly jumps in, crawls fiercely splashing water across the lanes and catches everyone's attention, yet by the time she reaches the other end, she is not any faster and used more stroke count than others to whom she meant to show off. She still appeared to be a winner because everyone was looking at her.

[CoachML]

El Gordo (the fat guy)
The guy who uses 2-3 floaties in the deep end and scares the crap out of lifeguards. You can often hear them whispering to each other, "oh my god. I don't think I could get him out..."

[knelson]

The One Speed Only

Swims everything from a 50 to a 1000 at virtually the same pace.

[MAC swimmer]

The AWOL
Gets out of practice during difficult sets - particularly when they are getting their butt kicked. The usual excuse is a conference call or dental appointment.

The Flirt
Often the female, college or high school age sprinter who wears a lot of make up and flirts with the coach 90% of the practice. 5% of the practice is spent swimming and the last 5% is spent flirting with the other boys on the team.

The Big Bad Wolf
Huffs and puffs so hard on the wall between sets or laps that you consider getting out and calling 911.

The ADD/ Mathematically Challenged - Often the same person
Regardless of how often the set is repeated by the coach/ lane mates AND/ OR written on the dry erase board, ADD NEVER knows what's going on. Mathematically challenged NEVER counts correctly during distance sets.

The Let's Pull Stats out of our A$$
Makes up random percentages to try and support their position on the Message Boards. See the Flirt as an example.

Hee hee. Cream puff knows me...the excusifier. At the beginning of hard sets, we all look at each other to see who will lead. Who will puss out? Sometimes I lead...but every week, someone has an excuse for not leading...and sometimes it is me. CLASSIC!:)

[SwimStud]

The One Speed Only

Swims everything from a 50 to a 1000 at virtually the same pace.

Dammit Kirk, leave me alone!

[CreamPuff]

The Name Changer/Avatar Updater

Once proud, now confusing to simple minded forum browsers.

Geek, you are seriously ruining my bad girl reputation.

[tjrpatt]

The 9Monther-This person only swims from Sept to June. You never see this person on an LCM Top Ten or at any LCM meets. This is due to being at a location where there aren't LCM pools or meets, does the Triathlons in the summer, or is at the beach house all summer.

[elise526]

The Exhibitionist
The swimmer who is oblivious to the fact that his/her practice suit has become painfully see-through. Only gets a new suit when a fellow swimmer offers to buy him/her a new suit.

[Doug Adamavich]

The Ringer or The Natural

Shows up in practice one day and quietly swims very fast. Usually this guy/gal was an ex-collegiate or Age Group swimmer who has taken time off from the sport and is coming back with a vengance. Fast, knows a lot of drills, does not complain, works the sets, usually leads the (correct) lane for him/her. Does not say much about where they swam beforehand unless cornered. Comes to a meet and is amongst the fastest swimmers in the pool

Guess this is a composite stereotype but I have seen these types show up at practice.

[That Guy]

Calisthenics Man - Before and/or after his workout, he does a bizarre dryland routine. This routine must be performed at the edge of the pool, as though he might dive in at any moment, but you know he really won't. Also, make sure not to interrupt him, because then he'd have to start over.

Toys R Us Woman - She has every toy there is and uses most of them at the same time while plodding through endless splash-free laps: fins and pull buoy, waterproof mp3 player, headphones, cap, goggles, nose clips.... hey if it took me 4 minutes to swim 100 yards, I'd probably need entertainment too.

[Leonard Jansen]

The Charmer a.k.a. *Sigh...* a.k.a. That #%$(@#^&

Usually a guy who is a few years out of college, swam at college, still looks like Adonis in a Speedo, and is fast. The Charmer is usually hard to see because the women on the team surround him whenever he's not swimming. This goes for ALL the women - the younger ones want to marry him and the older ones are either in cougar-mode or trying to fix him up with a daughter. He often has a job like sales rep, so his BS ability borders on the superhuman. Alternately, he has a job in teaching at a pre-school, is "sensitive", loves kids, hopes someday to "meet the right girl and have a large family" and that makes the women melt in double-time. On top of that, he never has a full-time girlfriend or wife, the thought of which makes some of the women on the team unable to form a coherent sentence when he is in the room. He can lower most women's IQ's by 30 points with a smile. When he does finally marry, sales of anti-depressants skyrocket for miles around. Every other man on the team would kill him if they thought they could get away with it.

[The Fortress]

The Charmer a.k.a. *Sigh...* a.k.a. That #%$(@#^&
Alternately, he is "sensitive", loves kids, hopes someday to "meet the right girl and have a large family" and that makes the women melt in double-time.

Really?! That might cause me to run ... lol

Very funny though, LBJ. I'm sure there's a female equivalent to this.

[tjrpatt]

AntsyPants-This is someone who has leave on every set. If we are supposed to leave on the 60, this person leaves on the :56 or :57.

[elise526]

Really?! That might cause me to run ... lol

Very funny though, LBJ. I'm sure there's a female equivalent to this.

The Sweet Little Thing
Is always a female and of the type that the men on the team feel a need to help and protect. She is literally helpless when it comes to knowledge of swimming, intervals, or meets, or at least pretends she has no understanding of such things. If she is a good swimmer, then she is naive about matters outside of swimming. Helps to be under 5'3" and less than 115 pounds so as to not be intimidating in size to the male triathletes in practice. Some overlap with the Swimmer Barbie.

[chowmi]

The Leaver - lane leader who (deliberately) starts the next set without waiting for the rest of his lane to even finish warm up. With or without the option of selecting an interval that clearly the rest of the lane cannot keep up.:confused: Two subtypes: The one who wants to get away from slower lane, and the one who is trying to keep up with the faster lane. Everyone else: collateral damage.

The Taperer - person on practically a permanent taper since she is always swimming meets. With or without the cheerleading option - doing partial sets, she sits on the deck and cheers on her lane! Motto: Life is too short not to be on a taper. :cheerleader:

The Unsung Hero - swimmer that have the most interesting story - especially those that overcame their fear of water or other major life adversities.

;)

[pwbrundage]

The "Kicked My A** 20 years ago ... and still doing it"
This guy/gal is both the motivation and pain associated with being competitive ... beat you when you were a "real" competitive swimmer in your youth and continues to do so. This is the person that frustrates you, but drives you to come back for one more race year after year.

Pool Stud Turned Open Water Guy/Gal
Former serious age group/collegiate swimmer who trains like an animal and wins open water races left and right, but won't go near a pool competition to save his life.

Humbling Iron Tri Guy/Gal
The truly great Iron-person who beats "pure swimmers" in the open water swims ... and you know full well that swimming is their weak leg of the triathlon.:bow:

[BillS]

The Late Bloomer sounds vaguely familiar!!

You have a good memory.

[Sam Perry]

Haven't posted in a LONG time but this brought me out of the catacombs.

THE OLD SCHOOL EQUIPMENT GUY - shows up in a stars and stripes speedo complete with mustache and no cap. HIND WELLS Compy goggles (or Dara Torres style speedo goggles) and yellow speedo rectangular hand paddles. Hates those new falngled digital pace clocks and wishes we still had the plastic Omega Timing touch pads at meets. Talks incessantly about swimming for "Doc" at IU and how goggles changed his life in the sport of swimming.

[Glenn]

BillS - Glad someone noticed!:D

[inflictfreedom]

I love this thread ha ha.

[nhc]

I love this thread ha ha.

Will each of us find ourselves here? ;)

[Leonard Jansen]

Ms. Perfect

She's 5'10" and beautiful beyond belief for her age, which is almost impossible to guess. She's intelligent, articulate, and has a great career. She's a good swimmer and superb lane mate. A critical and deep thinker with a ready smile and a kind word of support for anyone who needs it. Everything about her is effortless and balanced and yet she is unaware of her own perfection. She could wear pig poop and make it an instant fashion must-have. She's informed on any topic that you care to name, but isn't obnoxious and can talk knowledgeably about world politics or science or baseball with equal ease. She has a wry smile that hints of a younger past that was less restrained than present and that she just might show to the right person. She can get out of the pool and somehow her hair is dry and perfect. She is also genetically immune to the "raccoon-eyes" goggle syndrome. She's so perfect that even the worst horn-dogs on the team don't hit on her and, as a result, she's no threat to the other women on the team and consequently they all consider her their best friend. Gradually, you get up the nerve to ask her out, but it's not going to happen because of one of the three next types listed....


The Turd Husband

You find out that Ms. Perfect may be married to The Turd Husband. He's the guy who everyone prays won't be able to come to the team Cristmas party with Ms. Perfect. You know - the guy who always leaves his finperprints in the onion dip. He swam in high school, where he and Ms. Perfect were sweethearts (a classic case of buying at the right time). Now he won't go within a mile of a pool unless it's to go to her meets and complain what a waste of time swimming is to anyone who will listen. He'll complain to the lifeguard if no one else will listen. Despite that, he is the world's leading expert on all things swimming - from training to competition to the Olympics to which of the barely-legal women on the team looks best in a swim suit - he knows it all. Just ask him, he'll be all too glad to tell you. If he is at a meet, he is often reading a paperback with a name like "Biff Studmuffin: Lost Commando Patrol Leader #47" and he's read the first 46 in the series as well. He's not physically abusive, but treats the household appliances with more respect than he does Ms. Perfect. It's impossible to understand why Ms. Perfect stays with The Turd Husband, but maybe someday she'll tell him to hang his skidmarked underware off of someone's else night table knob. At this point, Ms. Perfect may find...

The "Friend"

Ms. Perfect may have a "Friend." You know that other woman who swims in Ms. Perfect's lane? The one who is nearly a Ms. Perfect herself, except for the fact that she has an absolutely biting, sarcastic sense of humor that she verbally castrates you with on a regular basis? Well, she and Ms. Perfect live together and it's not because of financial reasons. Think about it - wouldn't the two most perfect women in the world want the most perfect partners in the world? Of course they would. And since they are the most perfect creatures in God's creation, who better? Certainly not....


You

At 5 AM you awake in your parents' converted basement to a self-produced burst of flatulance that raises the covers 12 inches and slingshots the cat halfway across the room. You have aspirated part of the pillow with your violent snoring. The non-aspirated part of the pillow has deep gouges in it from your 3 day old stubble, which is coarse enough to be used to clean a barbeque grill. In a panic, you realize that you'll barely have time to make swim practice and then hurry over to Burger World, where you are Lead Hash Brown Cooking Technologist. Stumbling towards the 4'X4' bathroom, you step on something unpleasant and realize that your cat is protesting you not scooping the cat litter for the last month. You try to remember where the litter box actually is, but decide that you can just follow the ammonia smell if you really need to find it some day. Left over pizza from last July 4th oozes off the top of a lampshade like a moldering stalagtite. In the bathroom you realize that the toilet is still clogged - It's the same thought you've had for the last 2 weeks at this time of the morning. You vow to get it later tonight. You also vow to eat more fiber so the clogging happens less often. Congratulating yourself on your resourcefulness, you pee in the sink, while humming "I Did It My Way". You wonder if all that hair on your back and in your ears was there the day before. Still hung over slightly, you slump against the sink with the grace of a deer that's taken a bullet to the gut. With foaming toothpaste running down your right arm, you face yourself for a moment of agonizing self-appraisal. This lasts for about 2 nanoseconds and then you go back to what you were originally thinking: "This is it! Today's the day! Today at practice, I'll ask Ms Perfect to go out with me! Today she gets the limitless benefits of my irresistable masculine attentions! God, won't the other women on the team be jealous!?!"

-LBJ

[Doug Adamavich]

The PUP (Physically Unable to Perform)

Former fast swimmer who still can beat almost anybody in his/her age group...when they are healthy. This person is injured/hurt/sick 80% of the time, hence you don't see this type very often. But when they appear, their speed in the pool is undeniable. The PUP is normally a hypenated type (ex. PUP-Stoic) since it is part of their overall swimming stereotype identity.

[tjrpatt]

This thread is so entertaining.

[Doug Adamavich]

Will each of us find ourselves here? ;)

Yes! I now know that I am either a Stoic or a Purist, although I will sometimes use a pull bouy if the coach *requires* it. After all:


Fins are for cheaters!
Paddles are for those who want to destroy their shoulders!
Kick boards are for sissy boys and commies!

Oh sorry, I am a Stoic, I shouldn't have said anything... Maybe I have a split personality:confused:

[chaos]

is this the begining of a screen play?


Ms. Perfect

She's 5'10" and beautiful beyond belief for her age, which is almost impossible to guess. She's intelligent, articulate, and has a great career. She's a good swimmer and superb lane mate. A critical and deep thinker with a ready smile and a kind word of support for anyone who needs it. Everything about her is effortless and balanced and yet she is unaware of her own perfection. She could wear pig poop and make it an instant fashion must-have. She's informed on any topic that you care to name, but isn't obnoxious and can talk knowledgeably about world politics or science or baseball with equal ease. She has a wry smile that hints of a younger past that was less restrained than present and that she just might show to the right person. She can get out of the pool and somehow her hair is dry and perfect. She is also genetically immune to the "raccoon-eyes" goggle syndrome. She's so perfect that even the worst horn-dogs on the team don't hit on her and, as a result, she's no threat to the other women on the team and consequently they all consider her their best friend. Gradually, you get up the nerve to ask her out, but it's not going to happen because of one of the three next types listed....


The Turd Husband

You find out that Ms. Perfect may be married to The Turd Husband. He's the guy who everyone prays won't be able to come to the team Cristmas party with Ms. Perfect. You know - the guy who always leaves his finperprints in the onion dip. He swam in high school, where he and Ms. Perfect were sweethearts (a classic case of buying at the right time). Now he won't go within a mile of a pool unless it's to go to her meets and complain what a waste of time swimming is to anyone who will listen. He'll complain to the lifeguard if no one else will listen. Despite that, he is the world's leading expert on all things swimming - from training to competition to the Olympics to which of the barely-legal women on the team looks best in a swim suit - he knows it all. Just ask him, he'll be all too glad to tell you. If he is at a meet, he is often reading a paperback with a name like "Biff Studmuffin: Lost Commando Patrol Leader #47" and he's read the first 46 in the series as well. He's not physically abusive, but treats the household appliances with more respect than he does Ms. Perfect. It's impossible to understand why Ms. Perfect stays with The Turd Husband, but maybe someday she'll tell him to hang his skidmarked underware off of someone's else night table knob. At this point, Ms. Perfect may find...

The "Friend"

Ms. Perfect may have a "Friend." You know that other woman who swims in Ms. Perfect's lane? The one who is nearly a Ms. Perfect herself, except for the fact that she has an absolutely biting, sarcastic sense of humor that she verbally castrates you with on a regular basis? Well, she and Ms. Perfect live together and it's not because of financial reasons. Think about it - wouldn't the two most perfect women in the world want the most perfect partners in the world? Of course they would. And since they are the most perfect creatures in God's creation, who better? Certainly not....


You

At 5 AM you awake in your parents' converted basement to a self-produced burst of flatulance that raises the covers 12 inches and slingshots the cat halfway across the room. You have aspirated part of the pillow with your violent snoring. The non-aspirated part of the pillow has deep gouges in it from your 3 day old stubble, which is coarse enough to be used to clean a barbeque grill. In a panic, you realize that you'll barely have time to make swim practice and then hurry over to Burger World, where you are Lead Hash Brown Cooking Technologist. Stumbling towards the 4'X4' bathroom, you step on something unpleasant and realize that your cat is protesting you not scooping the cat litter for the last month. You try to remember where the litter box actually is, but decide that you can just follow the ammonia smell if you really need to find it some day. Left over pizza from last July 4th oozes off the top of a lampshade like a moldering stalagtite. In the bathroom you realize that the toilet is still clogged - It's the same thought you've had for the last 2 weeks at this time of the morning. You vow to get it later tonight. You also vow to eat more fiber so the clogging happens less often. Congratulating yourself on your resourcefulness, you pee in the sink, while humming "I Did It My Way". You wonder if all that hair on your back and in your ears was there the day before. Still hung over slightly, you slump against the sink with the grace of a deer that's taken a bullet to the gut. With foaming toothpaste running down your right arm, you face yourself for a moment of agonizing self-appraisal. This lasts for about 2 nanoseconds and then you go back to what you were originally thinking: "This is it! Today's the day! Today at practice, I'll ask Ms Perfect to go out with me! Today she gets the limitless benefits of my irresistable masculine attentions! God, won't the other women on the team be jealous!?!"

-LBJ

[tjrpatt]

Idiot Savant-A training mate called this other guy this this summer. This is a swimmer who has average overall abilities but is out of this world in either kick or pulling. The guy in my workout group can "throw down" in a pulling set but trains with the second fastest group. On some occasions, trains with the fastest group.

The Dragger-this is someone who can totally go first in his/her lane but goes 2nd or 3rd in the lane.

Bromacing the Pool-These are two guys that train in the same lane(because they are too fast for the rest of the practice) and only talk to each other. They are in their own little world of Junior and Senior national Cuts and NCAA cuts. The worst is sharing a hotel room with these guys because they act like you are not there. If you don't have at least a Junior Cut by 16, you are nothing to them.

Too Cool for the Pool-This is someone who makes the Olympic Trials. They go to Trials without doing any real training for the meet. I mean like 30 minutes and weekend training is nonexistent.

[CreamPuff]

The Payback is a B%$&^

This person swam circles around you, was waaay better looking than you, AND was perfect in every way both in and out of the pool. He/ she never gave you a moment's notice back in the day. Now however, the tables are turned and you are kicking their a$$ in the pool AND you're still the same size you were in high school. Payback person, not so fortunate.

[pwbrundage]

After all:


Fins are for cheaters!
Paddles are for those who want to destroy their shoulders!
Kick boards are for sissy boys and commies!



Doug, aren't these facts indisputable?

[pwbrundage]

Haven't posted in a LONG time but this brought me out of the catacombs.

THE OLD SCHOOL EQUIPMENT GUY - shows up in a stars and stripes speedo complete with mustache and no cap. HIND WELLS Compy goggles (or Dara Torres style speedo goggles) and yellow speedo rectangular hand paddles. Hates those new falngled digital pace clocks and wishes we still had the plastic Omega Timing touch pads at meets. Talks incessantly about swimming for "Doc" at IU and how goggles changed his life in the sport of swimming.

Sam, weren't you seen in compy's the last time you showed up at Cactus?

[elise526]

The Blue Mooner
Swimmer who only does a meet once every two or three years with said meet usually being Nationals. The swimmer puts down some ridiculously slow time because he/she has no idea what he/she can do in a race. Usually ends up in top five at Nationals.

[srcoyote]

It is a fun thread. How about:

THE BUBBLER

Age group swimmer who sets records that survive 20 years later despite spending most of practice sitting at the bottom of the deep end of the pool blowing bubbles under those who are diligently trying to complete the set so that they might be good enough to come in second to the bubbler at meets.

THE SOLO

Will not swim for a team and insists on training alone at odd hours. Gave up meet swimming years ago, but will swim open water events provided he can get in on the outside of the pack and avoid contact. Won't draft because he must go at his own pace only. Can be a shocker based on his beef and beer diet created appearance making him look slow. Thinks that these stereotypes are funny enough that he might consider joining a team. . . my friend, that is.

[BillS]

The Dude

This fellow, invariably male, 6'4", and sporting that natural, never had to try for even a day to maintain ripped 6 pack, shows up in a baggy pair of O'Neill or Quicksilver shorts with a half used bar of wax in the pocket and with a leather band with a shark tooth or a strand of puka shells around the neck. He announces he's just there for a month or so to get in shape for tow-in season at Mavericks or Teahupo'o, and proceeds to do just that. After two days he ends up in the second fastest lane, and promptly takes down all but the team's top three swimmers, despite professing to have no competitive background whatsoever. His turns are awful, his head position is worse, and he looks like he's drowning cats while swimming free, but he's at the wall before you on every repeat, already slinging surfer dude-speak while you feel like vomiting quietly into the gutter from your secret 100% effort to for once beat him to the wall.

The women love him for his bleached mop, tanned bod, thongs, neckwear, and dude-speak. The guys just hate him. About 6 months after he mercifully disappeared back to whence he came, you catch a glimpse of a guy who looks eerily familiar being towed into a giant wave at Teahupo'o while flipping channels past the surf channel. You keep flipping to the video poker tournament and put the whole debacle out of your mind.

[CreamPuff]

The Mystery


No one on the team (even the team busybody) really knows the story on this person even though Mystery has been swimming with your team off and on for years. This physically perfect specimen alternates between driving an expensive foreign sports car, SUV, and motorcycle and often moonlights as a Kona qualifying Ironman (top 3 in AG) in addition to being one of the fastest swimmers on the team. Typically, mystery is off in Hawaii, New Zealand, or West Palm Beach for training; however, he/ she occasionally makes an appearance at your podunk facility. Mystery does not appear to have a job or family/ spouse but it's rumored that he/ she has a sizable trust fund with multiple dwellings all over the world. You are honored when Mystery even acknowledges you and you briefly consider how to ditch your spouse for a quick fling with this gem (not that mystery would even consider you.)

[Doug Adamavich]

Sam, weren't you seen in compy's the last time you showed up at Cactus?

I think Mr. Perry qualifies as an Old School Swimsuit Guy-PUP. C'mon Sam, confession is good for the soul.

BTW, where do you get those hideously ugly suits? The 70's were like three decades ago...

Then again, maybe you have been able to purchase new(er) looking apparel but I would not know. After all, you've been PUP for so long:bolt:

[The Fortress]

The Mystery


No one on the team (even the team busybody) really knows the story on this person even though Mystery has been swimming with your team off and on for years. This physically perfect specimen alternates between driving an expensive foreign sports car, SUV, and motorcycle and often moonlights as a Kona qualifying Ironman (top 3 in AG) in addition to being one of the fastest swimmers on the team. Typically, mystery is off in Hawaii, New Zealand, or West Palm Beach for training; however, he/ she occasionally makes an appearance at your podunk facility. Mystery does not appear to have a job or family/ spouse but it's rumored that he/ she has a sizable trust fund with multiple dwellings all over the world. You are honored when Mystery even acknowledges you and you briefly consider how to ditch your spouse for a quick fling with this gem (not that mystery would even consider you.)

I haven't really "found" myself. But, if I got to pick, I wouldn't mind being this one. lol

[elise526]

Since I'm close to 5'10," I'd like to think that I'm Ms. Perfect, but I'm too obnoxious and have a wonderful husband, so I don't qualify.

[SLOmmafan]

18-24 Age Group
Stands around on deck talking about vapid topics, texting their friends, listening to their iPods, and get in after warmup is over.


Yeah, more like sit in the hot-tub chatting til the absolute last moment you can possibly hop in to start the first set.

[SwimStud]

The Sweet Little Thing
Is always a female and of the type that the men on the team feel a need to help and protect. She is literally helpless when it comes to knowledge of swimming, intervals, or meets, or at least pretends she has no understanding of such things. If she is a good swimmer, then she is naive about matters outside of swimming. Helps to be under 5'3" and less than 115 pounds so as to not be intimidating in size to the male triathletes in practice. Some overlap with the Swimmer Barbie.


Aw sugar is someone not getting enough attention from the boys at swim practice?


;)

[MAC swimmer]

The Kid - 13 year old Age group female who missed morning workout or has a conflict with the club swimming workouts. Flirts with coach so much that the coach doesn't even acknowledge your end of the pool. Oh yeah, then she turns out 10 x 100 on 1:05. She's so happy that she flirts with the fricken coach during the rests. Kicks everyone's a$$. Does not seem to feel pain....Grrrr!

The Foreigner - french or german or swede guy who speaks almost no english. Wears a real speedo (only one). Women will do anything for him. Swims incredibly fast but since he speaks no english I can never figure out where he swam. Has no weaknesses--kicking, IM, distance, sprints. The guy is a friggin beast!

[Kurt Dickson]

The Browser

Checks either top ten, individual results or current top times list on the USMS web site at least once a day.

Also known as a Top Ten HO: Thinks it's better to tie for 10th place in 9 events than one number one time (actually it is only two 10th places for SCM and for the record I don't really think it's better it is more resigning myself to that fact).

[Kurt Dickson]

There is no competition in my age group because I'm so unbelievably old: This person regularly shows up to Arizona meets (quite uninvited) and never stops talking about all the records she has broken. She immediately runs over to the scoring table after a swim and states that was "just a national record and not a world record" so that fact can be announced. She will continue to talk even if you say "I am walking away now." I hope none of you run into this one as I promise you will put a bullet in your head to stop the drone.

[meldyck]

There is no competition in my age group because I'm so unbelievably old: This person regularly shows up to Arizona meets (quite uninvited) and never stops talking about all the records she has broken. She immediately runs over to the scoring table after a swim and states that was "just a national record and not a world record" so that fact can be announced. She will continue to talk even if you say "I am walking away now." I hope none of you run into this one as I promise you will put a bullet in your head to stop the drone.

I once heard this person say to her grandkids something to the effect that they could never expect to swim as fast as grandma. We need to institute this kind of innovative educational tactic in schools nationwide. Unfortunately, my wife usually winds up in the locker room at the same time as said swimmer.

[elise526]

Aw sugar is someone not getting enough attention from the boys at swim practice?


;)

Oh, can you please help me? I used to be the belle of the ball and I'm so upset that nobody pays attention to me anymore. All the flashy suits and long fingernails just don't seem to do it anymore. I just don't feel like a real woman anymore because the men aren't dropping at my feet asking what they can do for me. :cry:

[SwimStud]

Oh, can you please help me? I used to be the belle of the ball and I'm so upset that nobody pays attention to me anymore. All the flashy suits and long fingernails just don't seem to do it anymore. I just don't feel like a real woman anymore because the men aren't dropping at my feet asking what they can do for me. :cry:

Somehow I doubt much of that... :D

[knelson]

The Bulldozer

Usually gets in late and dives in right in the middle of warmup. You realize he's there immediately because he always swims right down the center of the lane. His stroke is a little ugly and he's a little bit of a Sammy save-up, but you can't really get too mad at him because he's a nice guy.

The Gung-Ho Guy
Always starts the set within ten seconds of when the coach is finished explaining it.

[elise526]

The Bulldozer

Usually gets in late and dives in right in the middle of warmup. You realize he's there immediately because he always swims right down the center of the lane. His stroke is a little ugly and he's a little bit of a Sammy save-up, but you can't really get too mad at him because he's a nice guy.

The Gung-Ho Guy
Always starts the set within ten seconds of when the coach is finished explaining it.

:rofl::lmao::rofl:

I saw a couple of those this week. Gotta love their intensity and passion for swimming!

[inflictfreedom]

John Doe - Lap swimmer comes in, and swims for about an hour and leaves. Probably recognized by other regulars but doesn't really know anybody or speak to anyone except for a few guards that take the cash at the door to exchange a few polite words. Probably wants to join a team for support but isn't ready for the commitment or doesn't have the time avail yet. Characterized by boring sets and preferance to freestyle without flip turns because it's too embarrassing to practice it and make a scene. The invisible swimmer, used to swim in board shorts.

[nhc]

Very Polite Floating Debris
Perhaps 70 of age, seen frequently in the slow lane, crawls with one hand in the speed of a snail, back bended over, hardly moving! At the end of the lane, very politely asks if you want to go first. You politely say, no, go ahead please! There he goes, hopelessly, and you immediately regret letting him go first.

"They keep hitting me" Big Woman
250 pound woman whose body occupies 2/3 of the lane and who can't help but swimming in the middle of the lane, but because she's slower, it's always others who "hit her". Not the one to admit own fault, she calls out to the guard: "Sir! He keeps hitting me! Tell him to move to the other lane!"

[inflictfreedom]

You politely say, no, go ahead please! There he goes, hopelessly, and you immediately regret letting him go first.

ha ha, awwww. And then you feel strangely guilty for regretting it.

[tjrpatt]

Hidden Treasure-This person can swim like a fish. Can do 200s on 2:40 without any problems. Can do a 500 yard free at 5:50 without going 100%. This person could easily have TT times and could "throw down" at open water swims. But, blatently refuses to do any kind of swim meets or open waters.

[3strokes]

Beer-enhanced middle-aged men who try and swim (and act) like they did when they were in High School, albeit unsuccessfully.

-or-

Silicone-enhanced women strutting around in a two-piece suit vying for the attention .

I'll take door number 2

[elise526]

Big Bertha
A female version of the Crack Guy whose ill-fitting suits will not cling where they need to leading to unsightly overexposure.

[inflictfreedom]

Big Bertha
A female version of the Crack Guy whose ill-fitting suits will not cling where they need to leading to unsightly overexposure.
How will I see the wall now that i'm blind?

[Sam Perry]

Sam, weren't you seen in compy's the last time you showed up at Cactus?

Guilty as charged. There are still NO better goggles on the market than Compys, 'nuff said!

[Sam Perry]

I think Mr. Perry qualifies as an Old School Swimsuit Guy-PUP. C'mon Sam, confession is good for the soul.

BTW, where do you get those hideously ugly suits? The 70's were like three decades ago...

Then again, maybe you have been able to purchase new(er) looking apparel but I would not know. After all, you've been PUP for so long:bolt:

I thought you might be referring to me as the PUP until you started to say how fast they were, then I knew you weren't talking about me.

The suits? Man you don't know high fashion when you see it. It is all about the statement, especially when I am now getting my arse kicked regularly I need something to stand out.

[Sam Perry]

The POSTMAN - the guy that shows up at workout every day and never says a word to anyone. He never smiles, never acknowledges anything. He usually goes right on your feet (sometimes with fins on). No one dare says a word to this guy for fear that he might go "postal" in the locker room and just open fire with the heat he has been secretly packing.

You might think I have totally made this up. I am not. We had a guy like this a few years ago and I swore he was the Unabomber.

[SwimStud]

The Misguided
Turns up in a square cut speedo suit awith googles on and atop his head in an odd fashion. Built like some skinny large headed humanoid alien creature, The Misguided asks the lifeguard to assist in getting a busy pool to circle swim...seems a smart move. When the lifeguard asks what level The Misguided is compared to the old lady swimmers in this or that lane The Misguided is always faster than them. Upon final entry and locomotion through the water, it becomes painfully apparant how much slower The Misguided is...

[The Fortress]

The Narcissist

Loves to talk about his or her meets, times and training. Loves it when people go on and on about what a fabulous swimmer they are -- would never stop a monologue in this vein. Loves being the center of attention. And never, ever, asks the person they're conversing or swimming with how their own training or meets are going. This is the Opposite of Paul Smith, right wing anti-Title IX Clydesdale though he is.

[nhc]

Ugly Dancer
These women swim as if they are dancing, and they seem to believe their styles are very beautiful, with very strange uniformly soft hand and arm movements, usually their forearms, elbows and upper arms are in the same plane parallel to the water--hope you get the picture. That might be beautiful if it's part of a dance, but horribly aweful and ugly for swimming!

[MAC swimmer]

THE HOTTIE COACH: 20 something ex-NCAA swimmer now masters coach that is so beautiful you forget your own name when you look at her. Every guy there has to get some face time with her before practice begins or they get real pissed. Her sets are brutal and long but you would rather die and sink to the bottom than disappoint her. The gals love her too because she is so nice. Will drive the men nuts by wearing skin tight spagetti strap tank top once a week. She can never bring her boyfriend or whatever to the pool or he would be killed and buried in the back.

[Ahelee Sue Osborn]

What a great thread...
I just removed my request for other team's funny end of the year awards. Got plenty of hilarious stuff right here!

Of course NONE of them fit me :)
But then I'm not sure anyone really knows how they appear to the team.

[elise526]

The Gone Off the Deep End
The stressed-out swimmer who has a hot temper reminiscent of Sonny Corleone from The Godfather. Comes to swim already wound up and is ready to take his stress out in the pool. Goes ballistic when he finds the pool not as he expected. Belittles lifeguards if the lane ropes aren't already in and screams at or runs over any noodler in the pool. Also carries a plastic thermometer to measure water temperature. Has been known to throw thermometer against the wall in a fit of rage when he discovers that the water temperature exceeds 81.

[That Guy]

John Doe - Lap swimmer comes in, and swims for about an hour and leaves. Probably recognized by other regulars but doesn't really know anybody or speak to anyone except for a few guards that take the cash at the door to exchange a few polite words.

STOP FOLLOWING ME AROUND! :bolt:

[tjrpatt]

how great is this thread?

[tjrpatt]

The Sink Wetter-This is someone who comes to practice, hangs out in the locker room and wets his/her suit in the sink before their parents come to pick up them or does it to show their parents that they swam when they get home. Also, this person tends to dunk their head in the sink to show that they swam that night.

The Grouch-This is a swimmer who has fast times(Senior Cuts), is about to get a full ride to college, is spoiled beyond belief but roams around with the Jennifer Anniston sour puuse.

[inflictfreedom]

STOP FOLLOWING ME AROUND! :bolt:

ha ha loner too huh? that was my attempt to create a stereotype for myself. This is my year to join a masters team if I can find the time.

[srcoyote]

ha ha loner too huh? that was my attempt to create a stereotype for myself. This is my year to join a masters team if I can find the time.

I'm afraid I fit this stereotype as well.

[elise526]

The Locker Room Vandal
This swimmer is a combination of the Postman and the Gone Off the Deep End. Like the Gone Off the Deep End, is easily angered. He is, however, like the Postman in that he can hold it all in while in public. What makes him unique is that instead of immediately reacting to whatever has made him angry, he waits until he gets into the locker room and literally does go postal - slamming lockers, breaking soap dishes, throwing swim equipment, and kicking bottles of shampoo.

A typical scenario is when he swims a race and gets DQed for some questionable infraction. Instead of letting the "F" word fly in front of the official, throwing his cap and goggles, or letting his disappointment show to his teammates, he waits until he gets into the locker room and explodes.

[That Guy]

The Locker Room Vandal
This swimmer is a combination of the Postman and the Gone Off the Deep End. Like the Gone Off the Deep End, is easily angered. He is, however, like the Postman in that he can hold it all in while in public. What makes him unique is that instead of immediately reacting to whatever has made him angry, he waits until he gets into the locker room and literally does go postal - slamming lockers, breaking soap dishes, throwing swim equipment, and kicking bottles of shampoo.

A typical scenario is when he swims a race and gets DQed for some questionable infraction. Instead of letting the "F" word fly in front of the official, throwing his cap and goggles, or letting his disappointment show to his teammates, he waits until he gets into the locker room and explodes.

I've seen this. It can be pretty scary if you have no idea it's coming. I remember near the end of a morning prelim session of a conference championship meet, multiple guys from one of our rivals burst into the rather small locker room, one of them going completely ape-$#!+, his teammates trying to keep him from killing anybody. Apparently their 400 free relay got DQ'd while I was getting dressed.

[nhc]

The Treasure Searcher, or the Fugitive
All you see is a magic snorkel moving back and forth in the medium lane. No face, ever. Underneath the snorkel is either someone looking for treasures at the bottom of the pool, or a fugitive scared to be recognized by potential detectives among swimmers or guards. (The latter is more likely!)

[SwimStud]

The Turnip

A non-competing masters swimmer who resents competing swimmers, who sometimes peruses swim forums with disdain and who instead of just accepting that some folks like to race and get excited by their and their friends "race condition" times, or like to share the odd joke or two in the form of baiting, ragging, lampooning, deriding each other, assumes there is a "inner circle" and takes everyone to task for not just being a lap swimmer and for not avoiding all jocular activity or racing talk. The Turnip sems to think that things should be done in Turnip fashion and feels entitled to a sticy thread to this end. Teh Turnip is not a good representative of all USMS swimmers (though The Turnip may suspect they are) who are competing or not, and who come here for a bit of fun and/or advice, which is free to be enjoyed or ignored.

[CreamPuff]

The Turnip

A non-competing masters swimmer who resents competing swimmers, who sometimes peruses swim forums with disdain and who instead of just accepting that some folks like to race and get excited by their and their friends "race condition" times, or like to share the odd joke or two in the form of baiting, ragging, lampooning, deriding each other, assumes there is a "inner circle" and takes everyone to task for not just being a lap swimmer and for not avoiding all jocular activity or racing talk. The Turnip sems to think that things should be done in Turnip fashion and feels entitled to a sticy thread to this end. Teh Turnip is not a good representative of all USMS swimmers (though The Turnip may suspect they are) who are competing or not, and who come here for a bit of fun and/or advice, which is free to be enjoyed or ignored.

The Rutabaga
While seemingly similar in form and function to The Turnip, Rutabaga shows up almost daily to masters 5 AM practices claiming to be a non-competitive Turnip, and then proceeds to put on fins and race you until one of you drop dead. Rutabaga concludes the practice by emphatically stating to all the coaches and swimmers that their competitive racing days are over and they are just in this for the "social" aspect. Coach then pulls you aside after practice to remind you to not be so hard on poor little Rutabaga as they are not as serious as you and Rudy is simply here for the camaraderie?!

[smontanaro]

... then proceeds to put on fins and race you until one of you drop dead.

Which suggests that you took the bait. ;)

[CreamPuff]

Which suggests that you took the bait. ;)

:)

Which brings me to the next stereotype,

The Headbanger
Poor little Headbanger is overly optimistic not only about the sport of swimming and their own swimming ability but life in general. Headbanger is ALWAYS up for a race and willing to race not only all ages of humans in all types of gear and equipment (from paddles and fins to full on scuba) but also the occasional marsupial, canine, or barracuda.

Regardless of what is in the lane next to headbanger, HB will always try and race it. The only occasion during which HB thinks he/ she may lose, is when said swimmer in the next lane gets out, puts on tennis shoes, and runs laps along side the pool during the set. HB is happy that this running/ swimming race has only happened twice to date. Other challenging pitfalls for HB include swimmers starting the set mid way through; swimmers getting out halfway through; drafters; and the turn around in the middle of the pool people. HB races through all the commotion.

Headbanger, not unlike Bart Simpson banging his head continually against the wall, is constantly shunned by the Div I swimmers for poor technique as well as well hated by all Turnips and Rutabagas for his competitive spirit. Poor little Headbanger!

[inflictfreedom]

STOP FOLLOWING ME AROUND! :bolt:

:)

Which brings me to the next stereotype,

The Headbanger
Poor little Headbanger is overly optimistic not only about the sport of swimming and their own swimming ability but life in general. Headbanger is ALWAYS up for a race and willing to race not only all ages of humans in all types of gear and equipment (from paddles and fins to full on scuba) but also the occasional marsupial, canine, or barracuda.

Regardless of what is in the lane next to headbanger, HB will always try and race it. The only occasion during which HB thinks he/ she may lose, is when said swimmer in the next lane gets out, puts on tennis shoes, and runs laps along side the pool during the set. HB is happy that this running/ swimming race has only happened twice to date. Other challenging pitfalls for HB include swimmers starting the set mid way through; swimmers getting out halfway through; drafters; and the turn around in the middle of the pool people. HB races through all the commotion.

Headbanger, not unlike Bart Simpson banging his head continually against the wall, is constantly shunned by the Div I swimmers for poor technique as well as well hated by all Turnips and Rutabagas for his competitive spirit. Poor little Headbanger!

Ha! I like this one. I think theres a little HB in all of us.

[pdjang]

I once heard this person say to her grandkids something to the effect that they could never expect to swim as fast as grandma. We need to institute this kind of innovative educational tactic in schools nationwide. Unfortunately, my wife usually winds up in the locker room at the same time as said swimmer.

There is no competition in my age group because I'm so unbelievably old: This person regularly shows up to Arizona meets (quite uninvited) and never stops talking about all the records she has broken. She immediately runs over to the scoring table after a swim and states that was "just a national record and not a world record" so that fact can be announced. She will continue to talk even if you say "I am walking away now." I hope none of you run into this one as I promise you will put a bullet in your head to stop the drone.

Some personality disorders are worse than others (egomania versus serial homicide).

It may make you feel some what better to know that at this years LCM Nats, a single high point trophy was awarded and the awardee gleefully displayed the little plastic gold swimmer on a wood base to all within earshot.

[USMSarah]

10-Second Tom
For any swim over 150, this swimmer always loses count on any given set. Title taken from "50 First Dates"... everytime swimmer(s) loses count, I think "Hi, I'm Tom." If you have not seen movie, you will not get that.

;)

Happy Holidays!

[Doug Adamavich]

Baby Diesel - A young woman who talks incessantly and loudly about most anything her mind (usually complete nonsense) at that particular second. Is definitely in it for the social aspect, let there be no doubt. Is always asking what the set and interval is because she was too busy talking (idling?) with other Baby Diesels to hear what it was. Distractions to others, including coaches, is intended to garner additional attention, especially from men. Name is derived from her having such a big mouth, she could drive a truck with it.

If you don't remember the old school Cosby Kids episodes from the 70's, you won't get this one.

hey - hey - hey...

[swimcat]

:lmao::lmao::lmao::rofl::rofl::rofl:Very Polite Floating Debris
Perhaps 70 of age, seen frequently in the slow lane, crawls with one hand in the speed of a snail, back bended over, hardly moving! At the end of the lane, very politely asks if you want to go first. You politely say, no, go ahead please! There he goes, hopelessly, and you immediately regret letting him go first.

"They keep hitting me" Big Woman
250 pound woman whose body occupies 2/3 of the lane and who can't help but swimming in the middle of the lane, but because she's slower, it's always others who "hit her". Not the one to admit own fault, she calls out to the guard: "Sir! He keeps hitting me! Tell him to move to the other lane!"

[jim clemmons]

Baby Diesel - A young woman who talks incessantly and loudly about most anything her mind. Name is derived from her having such a big mouth, she could drive a truck with it.



...or you could drive a truck through it. :D

[CreamPuff]

The Pottymouth

Particularly entertaining if not shocking upon first meeting, the Pottymouth strings profanities together more skillfully than a drunken sailor. Pottymouth typically ends all sentences with a few curse words; however, Pottymouth really showcases their (profane) use of the English language after the coach has given challenging a set. If you are lucky to befriend the more worldly, well traveled Pottymouth, you will have learned a small dictionary of curse words in other tongues, typically Spanish, Italian, and German by the end of the long course season.

The most fascinating yet distressing PM's of the group are typically the PMS's (Pottymouth Seniors) and PMJ's (Pottymouth Juvies.)

[elise526]

Gumby
After this swimmer has finished his workout for the day, he enjoys going down to the deep end at the end of his lane and doing all kinds of unusual exercises. This swimmer may be seen doing jumping jacks, yoga on the bottom of the pool, and strange body contortions. Has been known to cause swimmers to choke on water while they are getting timed in a 500 free because they crack up when they look over and see him doing the Macarena on the bottom of the pool as part of his usual routine.

[quicksilver]

The Procrastinator

They spend an eternity on deck making mindless pre-dawn small talk with anyone who will listen. After they lose their audience, they begin doing all sorts of contortions and stretches. By this time the warm-up is well underway.

Another ten minutes will pass and there they are, just staring at the busy lanes... alternating their hand placements on the wall, twisting this way and that. Until finally, the coach loses their patience and says something like "get in the $#%ing pool already!"

They hop in and do 2 laps of warm up.

[rtodd]

I admit I stare a bit at the pool when it is 6 or 7 in the morning and I am yawning. But when I jump in I go.

[That Guy]

The Man
For up to 15 action-packed minutes, this big muscular swimmer dominates the lap pool with impressive sprints. Once he gets in the water, look around and see that he's trying to impress Non-Swimmer Friend, Cute Lifeguard, and/or Sheepish Girlfriend. No one can exercise anaerobically for more than about 15 minutes without significant rest, so by that time he's in the hot tub reliving his minutes of glory.

The Race Starts When He Says It Does
In the middle of a warmdown, you are startled to discover that after 10 minutes of resting on the wall, he's racing you all out. Should you acknowledge him by accelerating to race pace, even though you don't need to? No. As his reward for the 25 Thrashstyle event that he is about to complete, you are required, immediately, to demonstrate a flip turn.

[Thrashing Slug]

This thread is hilarious! I don't know about everyone else, but I see a little bit of myself in many of these stereotypes.


Stroker

This person swims stroke instead of free at every opportunity, without any need to modify sendoff times or distances. You look over to the next lane and see them calmly cruising by swimming backstroke, fly, or breaststroke while you suffer and die trying to keep up swimming free.

EAFG Outside Smoker

This person is slower than most others on the team, and dutifully swims in the slow lane, working each set and trying to get better. On those occasions when their favorite toy is allowed, they accelerate to dolphin speed and smoke unsuspecting teammates.

Dishonorable Equipment User

Insists on using their toy of choice, even when the coach specifically tells everyone not to. Cruises by you with fins on the kick sets as your quads are seizing up. Hangs on your feet with paddles and a buoy on the distance sets.

Road Hazard

Does totally random things while everyone else is swimming the set the coach wrote. Shows up late and jumps in while you're warming up. Swims some intervals with you, stops at the wall on others. Alternates between circling and splitting the lane.

[slowfish]

The Fading Barnacle

This is a modified version of the barnacle. Since the barnacle sticks to your feet, you let them lead the lane and they set a wicked pace until 1/2 way through the workout when they completely croak.

[stillwater]

FIN GUY

Wears fins when the going gets tough. Boldly states that his fins don't "Make me faster, they just give me better head position."

Gets out early.

Only sprints (and sprints well)

I shouldn't care, but man o man, FIN GUY bothers me.

[srcoyote]

Gumby
After this swimmer has finished his workout for the day, he enjoys going down to the deep end at the end of his lane and doing all kinds of unusual exercises. This swimmer may be seen doing jumping jacks, yoga on the bottom of the pool, and strange body contortions. Has been known to cause swimmers to choke on water while they are getting timed in a 500 free because they crack up when they look over and see him doing the Macarena on the bottom of the pool as part of his usual routine.

Ooooh. That one's funny.:applaud:
A guy at my pool is doing something resembling tai chi. Wax on. Wax off.

[Ripple]

I haven't seen a Gumby lately, but occasionally find myself in the YWCA pool at the same time as a group of 10-14 year old synchro swimmers. I've nearly run into the wall a few times after spotting them doing something physically impossible under water.
I really must get some horse-blinkers for my goggles, for the times they are in the pool. And some really good industrial ear protection for those times I find myself sharing a locker room with them.

[rtodd]

"The memory loss / shoulder shrug guy"

The person that can't remember a not so complicated set and gives a shoulder shrug as to what is next. Also can't count laps over four and screws that up as well.

That was me today.

[jonblank]

The One-Stroke Wonder

Despite his best training efforts, ownership of multiple instructional videos, countless hours of exasperated attempts by patient and understanding coaches, this poor specimen has only one competitive stroke. Also known as The Why-Can't-I-Swim-Backstroke Guy.

[Peter Cruise]

The guy swimming in front of you in the lane who shares with you the fact that he is suffering from diarrhea...

[Kevin in MD]

FIN GUY
I shouldn't care, but man o man, FIN GUY bothers me.

I am the same way, I know I shouldn't worry about it and let him do his own thing, but fin guy bothers me a lot as well.

[slowfish]

[/B]I am the same way, I know I shouldn't worry about it and let him do his own thing, but fin guy bothers me a lot as well.

Same issue here but rather than Fin Guy, it's Pull Buoy Guy

[Thrashing Slug]

Fin Guy and Pull Buoy Guy don't bother me, unless they also happen to be Dishonorable Equipment User.


The Fading Barnacle... nice... :rofl:

[orca1946]

How about the "GAUKER" you know , the guy who looks too long at the girls?!!!

[pwolf66]

How about the "GAUKER" you know , the guy who looks too long at the girls?!!!

Depending on the age of the offender, that's probably covered in the DOM type

[SwimStud]

Depending on the age of the offender, that's probably covered in the DOM type

*cough*poolraat*cough*

[pwolf66]

*cough*poolraat*cough*


Wow, really went out on a limb with that one there

[That Guy]

Slacker
College swimmer on break who spends less time in the pool than putting on a cap or sitting in the hot tub post-"workout".

I saw one today. She got in the water when I was at the 25 yard mark of a 500 backstroke. When I looked for my approximate 400 split, she was walking past the pace clock on her way to the hot tub. She was in the water for, at most, four and a half minutes! (I did a best time for that 500 back, 6:08 :cane:)

[elise526]

The MAW = Middle-Aged Wannabe

The forty-something year old swimmer that now realizes how much time and talent he/she wasted in high school and college. Trains with a fury, intent on bettering those times from the wasted days. All is going well until The MAW trains with a nineteen year old college swimmer and can't recover enough between sprint sets to keep up.

[SwimStud]

The MAW = Middle-Aged Wannabe

The forty-something year old swimmer that now realizes how much time and talent he/she wasted in high school and college. Trains with a fury with the intent of bettering those times from the wasted days. All is going well until The MAW trains with a nineteen year old college swimmer and can't recover enough between sprint sets to keep up.

*cough*Wolf*Cough*

You asked for it :p
:bolt:

[tjrpatt]

Slacker
College swimmer on break who spends less time in the pool than putting on a cap or sitting in the hot tub post-"workout".

I saw one today. She got in the water when I was at the 25 yard mark of a 500 backstroke. When I looked for my approximate 400 split, she was walking past the pace clock on her way to the hot tub. She was in the water for, at most, four and a half minutes! (I did a best time for that 500 back, 6:08 :cane:)

If there was an hottub with my age group team's pool, that hottub would be more crowded than a Tokyo subway train.

[3strokes]

How about the "GAUKER" you know , the guy who looks too long at the girls?!!!

What do you mean "too long"?
If the gals are purty, one can never gawk too long.

[nhc]

What do you mean "too long"?
If the gals are purty, one can never gawk too long.

Rarely saw runners gawking fellow gal runners that way ;)

[thewookiee]

Rarely saw runners gawking fellow gal runners that way :)

Runners don't know what they are missing then. Maybe it has to do with swimmers wearing less material, no matter the time of year. While runners will bundle up more

[CreamPuff]

Gym swimmer

Gym swimmer swims at your local 3 foot deep, 87+ degree, 26 yard gym pool (not known for it's great facilities.) You always know GS prior to your entering the pool as you can clearly hear the slapping/ beating of the water clear into the women's locker room. GS is visibly upset when you glide right by him despite his efforts to try every toy in his bag (you know that abacus won't be much help) to help give him some extra speed. The first moment you stop to read what's next in your workout, GS mentions that you must compete because usually he beats everyone he's ever seen at this pool - and by a lot. You casually answer, "Oh really?" and then immediately regret saying that you were just warming up. GS typically has some kind of communicable disease always accompanied by a sinus infection and continues to hock up a lung and enough mucus to fill a small mud hut throughout the duration of your workout. Again, during your break, he continues to say how you are annihilating him (didn't realize you were racing?!) and how he is going to swim this illness out. Again, you regret saying that, "It's hard to swim when you are sick" as you take the wall lane in the hopes of only ingesting half a mud hut of mucus. At the end you thank god that you were doing a short Paul Smith workout as GS leaves by saying (is that anger in his voice?), "You're a beast!" and the maintenance guy douses the deck with ammonia and promptly rinses it right into the pool. You are relieved when a supervisor scolds the maintenance guy but it is short lived relief as the reprimand is only for failure to put a yellow "Caution, Wet Surface" sign on the deck.

[ViveBene]

Award-winning writing!

I think we've got the answer to Swimmer mag's problems.

VB

[nhc]

Runners don't know what they are missing then. Maybe it has to do with swimmers wearing less material, no matter the time of year. While runners will bundle up more

Heck, even if the runners wear swimsuits I doubt they look as charming, with all those excess muscles unevenly distributed ;)

[That Guy]

Disappointment - looks fantastic on the pool deck. Once they're in the water however, you're glad the pool isn't very deep because they would drown. Their attempts at swimming are so ugly that you have to look away. Pay attention, swimmers: there is much to be said for graceful movement in the water.

The same is true of runners - some are poetry in motion, some are trying not to die, most are somewhere in between :D

RE: Gym swimmer - LOL, I once had a zone-4 weekend warrior yelling questions at me from 4 lanes over. I opted for one-word answers since it would have been embarrassing for both of us if I identified the elephant in the room and told him that he might improve his wretched body position by getting his face in the water, and he might get his face in the water if he had some goggles on... :doh:

[tjrpatt]

Aqua Nicotine-These are swimmers who actually smoke and swim. This is someone who smokes a pack every few days or more. When I went to college, I never imagined that swimmers actually smoke cigarettes. Man, there were maybe 8 people on my college team that smoked and one guy was pretty good. He was a 3:53 400 Yard IMer and a 1:53 200 Flyer. But, I think that he could have been a sub 1:50 if he didn't smoked.

[3strokes]

Aqua Nicotine-These are swimmers who actually smoke and swim. This is someone who smokes a pack every few days or more. When I went to college, I never imagined that swimmers actually smoke cigarettes. Man, there were maybe 8 people on my college team that smoked and one guy was pretty good. He was a 3:53 400 Yard IMer and a 1:53 200 Flyer. But, I think that he could have been a sub 1:50 if he didn't smoked.

Unfortunately this is so true. In my twenties, it was one to two packs/a day and I used to swim LCM from 50 to 1500. My best 50 was 27.2 and I didn't realize what I could have possibly achieved until now, 45+ years later. (I did quit on 2/2/2002).

P.S. The Czar, Alex Popov was (is?) a smoker.

[Hoosier]

John Doe - Lap swimmer comes in, and swims for about an hour and leaves. Probably recognized by other regulars but doesn't really know anybody or speak to anyone except for a few guards that take the cash at the door to exchange a few polite words. Probably wants to join a team for support but isn't ready for the commitment or doesn't have the time avail yet. Characterized by boring sets and preferance to freestyle without flip turns because it's too embarrassing to practice it and make a scene. The invisible swimmer, used to swim in board shorts..

Oh my god! this is me! lol Great thread.

[srcoyote]

Did we cover the New Year's Resolution Lap Swimmer who shows up in team USA jammers, scuba fins and diving mask and then wants to race.

[tjrpatt]

Unfortunately this is so true. In my twenties, it was one to two packs/a day and I used to swim LCM from 50 to 1500. My best 50 was 27.2 and I didn't realize what I could have possibly achieved until now, 45+ years later. (I did quit on 2/2/2002).

P.S. The Czar, Alex Popov was (is?) a smoker.

I didn't know that about Popov.

[Swimsical]

Did we cover the New Year's Resolution Lap Swimmer who shows up in team USA jammers, scuba fins and diving mask and then wants to race.

:drown:

That's almost me...

[aquajock]

The Browser

Checks either top ten, individual results or current top times list on the USMS web site at least once a day.
Yes, that would be me...

[laineybug]

Re: The Late Bloomer


Careful, invoking the TLB may have dire consequences.


Lainey

[aquajock]

What about Swimmer Ken who spends the entire warm-up on deck flexing his muscles, showing off his tan, and pretending to talk to the coach while everyone else swims?

[3strokes]

I didn't know that about Popov.

I remember reading that in an article a few years back, describing a day in the life of.............. The article also mentioned his coach Touretzky and what made me remember this article is that it described Popov as a chain smoker.
However, I've been searching Google but am unable to find that specific reference.

[Chicken of the Sea]

Don't know if it's a stereotype.... the guy who insists, for purposes of the "swim golf" game, that his par is 14.85 strokes per length (and isn't joking).

[Peter Cruise]

The Late Bloomer would demand your scientific evidence for anything you espouse, then ignore it as he attacked anything steroetypical about your national origin. Plus, he would lament the ignoring of the magificent history of late blooming featuring the only genuine example that should have been featured in the USMS magazine.

[jim thornton]

Are we discussing He Whose Name Must Not Be Mentioned on This Forum?

[BillS]

The Late Bloomer

A fevered and frequent competitor, TLB continually rationalizes slow performances by citing dense, impenetrable research on VO2 Max and other incomprehensible alleged measures of athletic capacity. TLB references ad nauseum the fact that TLB did not swim age group, thereby missing out on the prime VO2 Max building years. TLB will only compare TLB's performances to those of other, similarly situated TLBs (down to country of origin, educational background, current economic status, and year of immigration to this country) thereby ensuring TLB's victory in TLB's narrowly self-defined peer group. Will debate these points endlessly, vociferously, and mindlessly on various fora until forced to leave.

Note: May be somehow related to The Elevator Repairman, see above.

What, you mean this sounded vaguely familiar?

Disclaimer: The Late Bloomer is a work of fiction, sprung fully formed from my fevered, alliterative brow. Any resemblance, real or imagined, to any person or personage, living or dead, sentient or semi-comatose, including, but not limited to He Who Must Never Be Mentioned, is entirely, completely, or at least sorta unintentional.

[ljodpundari]

Then there's the real Luddite. Back some time last millenium I was in graduate school at a university that only admitted male undergraduates. Suits of any kind were discouraged in the practice pool (50 meters, in the sub-basement of the gym). If actual swim goggles existed, as opposed to dive masks, I had never seen any.
Graduate students could opt for the exhibition pool, where suits were required. This had both windows and women.:)

[aztimm]

The Resolutionary/Resolutionaries (a term I found on another discussion forum)

Swimmer(s) or other people who workout who show up in early January and/or beginning of a particular season/semester, or other major event. They generally last 2-3 weeks, then again fade away.


I certainly noticed this at my gym. Last week, heck even on Sunday, I had my choice of 25+ treadmills. Monday I had a choice of....1 or 2. For the past few weeks we've had 2-3 swimmers per lane (sometimes only had 4-5 lanes). Suddenly today we had 5 per lane (with 8 lanes)...I'm sure even more once college is back in session.

[That Guy]

Bob Noodleman - A seemingly sane man, about 35-40 years old, Bob pays for a gym membership so he can spend 20-30 minutes a day with a noodle in the therapy/kiddie pool with the jets on going round and round in the same direction as the current. (Going against the current for that long would constitute a workout.) I even saw a Bob-in-training recently: a man in his early-to-mid-thirties selected a noodle from the bin and then (much to my amazement) sat with it in the hot tub! If he applies himself and really focuses on that noodle, in a few years he'll be ready to circle around the kiddie pool like Bob.

[tjrpatt]

Cheapy Cheaperton-This is a swimmer who thinks that the USMS membership yearly fee is astronomial and that is why they don't want to sign up for their USMS card. I don't think that it is that crazy to spend. You are eligible for ten top times, discounts on rental cars, and subscription to Swimmer Magazine, etc. I guess that since I am getting my USA-Swimming membership, I am spending like a Rockerfeller with these Swimming membership cards.

The Complete Metamorphosis -This is a swimmer who has been out of the water for about 3 months but is able swim with the fastest group in no time(maybe with a few days to the week). I guess that this had to do with doing other forms of exercise when he/she is not swimming or just amazing ability.

[Allen Stark]

One Year Wonder-Shows up at meets once every 5 yr when he/she ages up.Never seen the next 4 yr.

[chowmi]

The Resolutionary/Resolutionaries (a term I found on another discussion forum)

Swimmer(s) or other people who workout who show up in early January and/or beginning of a particular season/semester, or other major event. They generally last 2-3 weeks, then again fade away.


I certainly noticed this at my gym. Last week, heck even on Sunday, I had my choice of 25+ treadmills. Monday I had a choice of....1 or 2. For the past few weeks we've had 2-3 swimmers per lane (sometimes only had 4-5 lanes). Suddenly today we had 5 per lane (with 8 lanes)...I'm sure even more once college is back in session.

Excellent!

Remissionary/Remissionaries - the term for the above the other 9ish months of the year.

Although not a sterotype, Resolutionary Resentment - the term for the feeling you get when encroached upon by Resolutionaries. Usually accompanied by feelings of annoyance to territorialism. (IE, hey! That's MY parking space, MY favorite locker, mine, mine, mine!)

Yesterday a CIR (Clueless Inconsiderate Resolutionary) jumped in on MY weight machine during MY turn (mine, mine, mine!) and immediately began watching TV. Yours truly was so mad (and that is rare indeed!) that I went over to the pull up bar and by some miracle did 4 unassisted pull ups, walked back with arm akimbo (learned that word from the community radio's word of the day). CIR was still watching TV.

[Doug Adamavich]

Yesterday a CIR (Clueless Inconsiderate Resolutionary) jumped in on MY weight machine during MY turn (mine, mine, mine!) and immediately began watching TV. Yours truly was so mad (and that is rare indeed!) that I went over to the pull up bar and by some miracle did 4 unassisted pull ups, walked back with arm akimbo (learned that word from the community radio's word of the day). CIR was still watching TV.

Michelle Chow, angry? I did not know such a thing was possible... Must have been bad fo sho.

CIR, that is a good one indeed and a common occurrence this time of year.

[That Guy]

Toys R Us Woman - She has every toy there is and uses most of them at the same time while plodding through endless splash-free laps: fins and pull buoy, waterproof mp3 player, headphones, cap, goggles, nose clips.... hey if it took me 4 minutes to swim 100 yards, I'd probably need entertainment too.

I'm in awe; the bar has been raised. I haven't seen the original TRUW in quite a while, but now there's a new sheriff in town. At first I couldn't figure out why someone would wear a full-length Blue Seventy to practice in, especially someone so slow (she swam in the 3-5 minutes per 100 yards range, and wasn't elderly or disabled). Then I noticed the headphones (and the mp3 player clipped to the back of the B70) and it all clicked. OF COURSE the successor to the TRUW throne wears a technical suit at all times! Anything less would be uncivilized!

[Glider]

Yeah, but I bet it knocked that 3:00 hundred down to 2:58....or about a song per 100.:bump::bump:

I'm in awe; the bar has been raised. I haven't seen the original TRUW in quite a while, but now there's a new sheriff in town. At first I couldn't figure out why someone would wear a full-length Blue Seventy to practice in, especially someone so slow (she swam in the 3-5 minutes per 100 yards range, and wasn't elderly or disabled). Then I noticed the headphones (and the mp3 player clipped to the back of the B70) and it all clicked. OF COURSE the successor to the TRUW throne wears a technical suit at all times! Anything less would be uncivilized!

[Michael Heather]

Haven't seen this type listed here and am at a loss for naming, perhaps the good folks of the forums will help.

This person is reasonably fast and always swims in the fastest lane, but cannot keep up without cheating. Working out in a 50 meter pool, this person will swim the first length of a 100 freestyle, then turn on his/her back to pull on the lane lines for the second 50. If she/he is behind the pack in a set (and usually is, since he/she is not as fast as the rest of the lane), a mid pool turnaround is in order to create the effect of keeping up with the lane. Oh, and they use fins for the entire workout, sometimes only using one fin to show that they can keep up, I guess.

The only name I come with is cheater, but that is not very inventive. Any other suggestions?

[Glenn]

Just use his name, Mike!

[thewookiee]

I enjoy those with "god like complex" They seem to know everything about swimming, how people should swim, how people should train and if they are questioned or a person dares swim strokes in a way that are opposing to their thinking, then that swimmer is wrong and isn't considered a good swimmer.

You will find this type of person at most pools that are busy with teams, lap swimmers, noodlers, etc. This person will gladly tell you what it thinks and if you disagree with dismiss you as uneducated on the sport of swimming.

[Michael Heather]

Just use his name, Mike!


I don't know how to spell Glenn.

[The Fortress]

Oh, and they use fins for the entire workout, sometimes only using one fin to show that they can keep up, I guess.


One fin?!

Seems like that would really mess up your stroke.

[elise526]

I enjoy those with "god like complex" They seem to know everything about swimming, how people should swim, how people should train and if they are questioned or a person dares swim strokes in a way that are opposing to their thinking, then that swimmer is wrong and isn't considered a good swimmer.

You will find this type of person at most pools that are busy with teams, lap swimmers, noodlers, etc. This person will gladly tell you what it thinks and if you disagree with dismiss you as uneducated on the sport of swimming.

What is scary is when you run into one that acts this way and really doesn't know that much about swimming. Also, I've come across a few triathletes that have looked down their noses at me when they asked my opinion and I suggested they try doing sets of 100s instead of straight swims of 1,000 yards.

[thewookiee]

What is scary is when you run into one that acts this way and really doesn't know that much about swimming. Also, I've come across a few triathletes that have looked down their noses at me when they asked my opinion and I suggested they try doing sets of 100s instead of straight swims of 1,000 yards.



Yup. Gotta love tri guys... "only way to get better is to swim straight sets of the distance we have to race...grunt grunt grunt"



If you gotta time...go to the downtown Y or north river in chattanooga...they have each have a lap pool that is about 80-81 degrees before the AU meet.

[elise526]

Yup. Gotta love tri guys... "only way to get better is to swim straight sets of the distance we have to race...grunt grunt grunt"



If you gotta time...go to the downtown Y or north river in chattanooga...they have each have a lap pool that is about 80-81 degrees before the AU meet.

Thanks, wookiee. I probably will head up to Chattanooga a few times in the next couple of weeks. Our pool has been hanging out between 85 and 87. Love Chattanooga - one of the coolest cities in the SE and easy to get around.

[swimmj]

Haven't seen this type listed here and am at a loss for naming, perhaps the good folks of the forums will help.

This person is reasonably fast and always swims in the fastest lane, but cannot keep up without cheating. Working out in a 50 meter pool, this person will swim the first length of a 100 freestyle, then turn on his/her back to pull on the lane lines for the second 50. If she/he is behind the pack in a set (and usually is, since he/she is not as fast as the rest of the lane), a mid pool turnaround is in order to create the effect of keeping up with the lane. Oh, and they use fins for the entire workout, sometimes only using one fin to show that they can keep up, I guess.

The only name I come with is cheater, but that is not very inventive. Any other suggestions?

Cheating weasels - a la Dilbert. I've witnessed this in swimmers from 6 to 60+, so it's definitely a universal. Watch a group of the fastest swimmers in the pool and give them a set of 8 x 50 IM order, :20 RI You will be amazed at how many cut the rest time by substantial amounts to stay with the group. The other end of the pool is no different.

[jim thornton]

Cheating weasels - a la Dilbert. I've witnessed this in swimmers from 6 to 60+, so it's definitely a universal. Watch a group of the fastest swimmers in the pool and give them a set of 8 x 50 IM order, :20 RI You will be amazed at how many cut the rest time but substantial amounts to stay with the group. The other end of the pool is no different.

Doesn't this explain a lot about human herding instincts, from Rush Limbaugh dittoheads to hedge fund managers?

[stillwater]

I am a cheating weasel.

I have mental problems too; I am scared of sets of 35 per 50, 1:10 per hundred, 2:20 per 200. (Longer ones I'm cool with). I know I shouldn't be, but I am.

I admit, I leave early (not on the first one) to bank seconds. I feel I own them, I created them. They are my seconds to use at my whim. Those seconds give me comfort during my pain. I use them carefully. I enjoy watching the clock go backwards, and if need be, catch up to my challenging interval.

I am a cheating weasel.

[Peter Cruise]

Be careful about being a cheating weasel...it could get you impeached.

[3strokes]

One fin?!

Seems like that would really mess up your stroke.

That's the reason they U-turn in the middle of the length...........

[LonghornbackinTX]

This is great stuff. I see myself as a mesh of many of the stereotypes. I also see a lot of those stereotypes in the pool, whether in team practice on just at practice on my own time.

[Doug Adamavich]

The Burner - This is a young, tall, skinny guy who swims really fast and is very mellow all the time. Then you go party with him and you find out why, he smokes weed! When he is not wearing his fancy workout threads he is wearing his organic hemp t-shirt and a beanie hand-woven from natural fabric made by a villager in Jamaica. Talks about going to the beach with his "bros" a lot and chillin' out to world music.

Far out!

[That Guy]

Swim Commuter - old man who swims 25 yards from the men's locker room door to the hot tub, and then later swims back. After the first leg of his trip, the pool reeks of his aftershave. He swims right down the middle of a lane, regardless of who is in it or what they are doing.

[Tim L]

Doug,

The Burner. Right on, man. I knew that dude. His name was Monty which fit well. He swam with me in college and the last I heard he was working in a flower shop. On a swim meet trip he once partied all night with Golden Earring after he broke curfew to go to their concert and still kicked everyone's ass the next day. Best swimmer on the team and occasionally smoke would come wafting out of his room as he left for workouts. He never seemed to quite hit his tapers though, but mid-season he was freaking great.

I am sure you are referring to our more famous friend, but this has to be a fairly common stereotype.

Tim

[Doug Adamavich]

Doug,

The Burner. Right on, man. I knew that dude. His name was Monty which fit well. He swam with me in college and the last I heard he was working in a flower shop. On a swim meet trip he once partied all night with Golden Earring after he broke curfew to go to their concert and still kicked everyone's ass the next day. Best swimmer on the team and occasionally smoke would come wafting out of his room as he left for workouts. He never seemed to quite hit his tapers though, but mid-season he was freaking great.

I am sure you are referring to our more famous friend, but this has to be a fairly common stereotype.

Tim

The team I am on is at a public university (ASU) and we have a fair number of younger swimmers, most of whom are students. There are a few who wear Birkenstocks, natural clothes, and handcrafts from Third World countries. Dunno how many of 'em enjoy the Ganja nor do I care. Still you gotta think, is that guy/gal a Burner?

[orca1946]

Thru all the oddities we have ,we are still in the water to keep our head on straight!:afraid:

[Doug Adamavich]

The Zig-Zag Man: Older man with a beard and long hair in a pony-tail who comes to practice every once in a while. Wears a special necklace everywhere, usually a peace symbol or some other ecclectic item. Clothes come from thrift shops and he drives an old VW or Subaru with "Free Tibet" stickers on it. He is a quiet individual who normally sticks to himself. Doesn't go to meets or social functions. This individual is very healthy, he grows his own plants and herbs, goes to farmers markets and hippie co-ops, and prepares his own juices.

May be an older Burner, former top-level athlete, hippie, starving artist, professional college student, alternative medicine practitioner, guru, trust fund kiddie, community organizer, religious prophet, or just a guy who likes to stay in shape.

[The Manimal]

I loved being the newbie =).

[Fueco]

What's the one for that guy who swam in high school and college and was the slowest guy on the team. And then after taking 9 years off he comes back to swimming because he'd always wanted to do the crazy open-water swims?

That's me... :coffee:

[srcoyote]

What's the one for that guy who swam in high school and college and was the slowest guy on the team. And then after taking 9 years off he comes back to swimming because he'd always wanted to do the crazy open-water swims?

That's me... :coffee:
Ummm, actually that's me, too. Now I look down my noses at people who only swim sets of 100's even though I'm still so damned slow.

[Slowswim]

Equipment Rep
Trains with every piece of equipment available at all times.

Fast Guy who Never Trains
Shows up once a month and breaks national records in practice.

Hardest Working Man in the Swim Business
Trains like a ferocious animal in workout, but has no speed when it comes to racing.


How, you nailed me (3 times) on the very first posting.:afraid:

[Herb]

The Non-Stop Swimmer:

This person, usually a thin female in my experience, lives in the water and never stops swimming. Never does a set, but swims 15,000 yards without stopping (distance is only a rough estimate because no one has actually stayed long enough to see her start and stop her swim). Usually does a 50 in a consistent 55 second pace, so you will be continually leap-frogging her throughout a set, and eventually will get lapped by her in between your sets.

Have seen her 100s of times but still not exchanged a word. Tried to ask her if you could share the lane once but the closest you got was a slight nod of encouragement in the middle of her flip turn.

[hermine]

LOVE THOSE.............

[That Guy]

The Optimist - places a dry towel at the end of his/her lane. Expects it to be dry when his/her splash-free workout is complete. Is easily confused by those who do butterfly, flip turns, etc.

[orca1946]

You are what you make yourself into.

[Dacsus65]

John Doe - Lap swimmer comes in, and swims for about an hour and leaves. Probably recognized by other regulars but doesn't really know anybody or speak to anyone except for a few guards that take the cash at the door to exchange a few polite words. Probably wants to join a team for support but isn't ready for the commitment or doesn't have the time avail yet. Characterized by boring sets and preferance to freestyle without flip turns because it's too embarrassing to practice it and make a scene. The invisible swimmer, used to swim in board shorts..

Sadly, this is me. :)

[orca1946]

Tall & skinny. I see more muscles on swimmers now than in the old days.

[gobears]

There may be only one of these (at least I hope there aren't enough to be a "stereotype"): Women's Swimsuit Guy. There is a guy who is often moving from sauna to spa when I get to the pool (24 Hour Fitness) at 4:30am. He is dressed in a one-piece women's string thong bikini thing. It's very odd. I've never seen him in the pool--not sure his suit would stay on if he tried to swim in it. Probably not safe to enter the spa or the sauna after him though.
:bolt:

[Peter Cruise]

He might be from Kazackistan.

[ViveBene]

I've met her. At the end of her swim, so I could ask her how many miles. I don't find anything offensive in it. And she was faster than :55.
:)

The Non-Stop Swimmer:

This person, usually a thin female in my experience, lives in the water and never stops swimming. Never does a set, but swims 15,000 yards without stopping (distance is only a rough estimate because no one has actually stayed long enough to see her start and stop her swim). Usually does a 50 in a consistent 55 second pace, so you will be continually leap-frogging her throughout a set, and eventually will get lapped by her in between your sets.

Have seen her 100s of times but still not exchanged a word. Tried to ask her if you could share the lane once but the closest you got was a slight nod of encouragement in the middle of her flip turn.

[gobears]

He might be from Kazackistan.

:applaud: Didn't think of that one!!! That MUST be it.

[Bobinator]

Here's a couple:

1) Rocky Raccoon- A female swimmer who forgets to remove mascara before the workout.

2) The "Blocker"- The person who swims in front of you and never goes all the way to the wall. If there's 4 or 5 in the lane you will be lucky to get to the 15 meter mark before you have to stop.

3) The "Italian"--The person you swim with whose previous meal (and breath) always reeks of GARLIC! :D

[Bluewater34]

How about the Inspired Olympian?

This guy/girl just got through watching 14 straight days of NBC coverage of the Olympics and has decided that Phelps, Piersol, Torres, et al will need some help in the next games and he/she is just the person to do it; despite the fact that his/her last competitive swim was in 8 & Under as 2nd leg of the 4 x 50 relay.

Gym/pool membership: $600.00
Performance body suit: $375.00
Goggles, fins, paddles, snorkel, Team USA cap, speedo backpack, bouy, tether, kickboard: $250.00

Swimming for 3 weeks, a combined 8500 yards total, then completely dropping the idea all together: Priceless


Blue

[jim thornton]

How about the Inspired Olympian?

This guy/girl just got through watching 14 straight days of NBC coverage of the Olympics and has decided that Phelps, Piersol, Torres, et al will need some help in the next games and he/she is just the person to do it; despite the fact that his/her last competitive swim was in 8 & Under as 2nd leg of the 4 x 50 relay.

Gym/pool membership: $600.00
Performance body suit: $375.00
Goggles, fins, paddles, snorkel, Team USA cap, speedo backpack, bouy, tether, kickboard: $250.00

Swimming for 3 weeks, a combined 8500 yards total, then completely dropping the idea all together: Priceless


Blue


Highly amusing. But perhaps a more affordable waste of money than The Inspired Masters Golfer or The Inspired World Championships of Poker Player or The Inspired 75-Foot Wave Tugged by Jetski Surfer all of which boast even higher rates of tuition to get your Ph.D.--Doctor of Phoolishness.

[elise526]

He might be from Kazackistan.

I'm hopeful that you don't mean Kazakhstan. If you do, this type of ethnic or national origin stereotyping seems a little bothersome.

[knelson]

Highly amusing. But perhaps a more affordable waste of money than The Inspired Masters Golfer.

After watching the Masters on TV yesterday I could see how this would happen, though. All three of the guys who made the playoff had guts! I'm sure the average couch potato sees these guys and says "how hard can that be?" :)

[gobears]

I'm hopeful that you don't mean Kazakhstan. If you do, this type of ethnic or national origin stereotyping seems a little bothersome.

Hey Elise--

You obviously didn't see the movie "Borat". Google Borat swimsuit and you'll get the joke.

[Peter Cruise]

Heck no, Elise. Borat was a true fashion leader! Besides, as a Canadian, I've been stereotyped on this site more than a few times.

[That Guy]

Heck no, Elise. Borat was a true fashion leader! Besides, as a Canadian, I've been stereotyped on this site more than a few times.

But you do have an emote! :canada:

There's no American flag emote. Ah well. It's peanut butter jelly time!!! :banana:

[geochuck]

Under my fat exterior there is a skinny man.

[Big Jim the finger]

I've seen that and I don't know that it is a good idea or that it makes it right to do it to other countries. I recognize that it is hard to draw the line as we have all stereotyped men and women on this thread, and admittedly, it has all been amusing. Racial, ethnic, and national origin stereotypes, however, seem a little bit overboard.

Borat is a fashion leader? :)

Get off of your soapbox for a moment and think about the context in which the comment was made. If not for stereotypes, much humor (and this entire thread) is obsolete. Ridgid, judgmental reactions do not help. In fact, no one here needs a reminder about political correctness. Borat was a fiction, picking the country of Kazakhstan simply because it is funny to pronounce.

[elise526]

Get off of your soapbox for a moment and think about the context in which the comment was made. If not for stereotypes, much humor is obsolete. Ridgid, judgmental reactions do not help. In fact, no one here needs a reminder about political correctness. Borat was a fiction, picking the country of Kazakhstan simply because it is funny to pronounce.

I will admit that my reaction was strong, but who is the one being judgmental here? If nobody here needs to be reminded of political correctness, then why are some threads shut down and posts deleted by the moderators?

I'm sure you've been up on your soapbox a few times if something has hit close to home. Stop judging me for getting up on mine. :oldman:

[Big Jim the finger]

I will admit that my reaction was strong, but who is the one being judgmental here? If nobody here needs to be reminded of political correctness, then why are some threads shut down and posts deleted by the moderators?

I'm sure you've been up on your soapbox a few times if something has hit close to home. Stop judging me for getting up on mine. :oldman:
I dislike getting into this type of discussion because it does not follow the thread, but here we are.

I have reread my post and fail to find any judgments being made. It is a plea for you to lighten up on a light subject into which an unnecessary emotional point was injected. No one was ridiculing you or anyone you know. Or any country, ethnicity, race or religion. In fact, they were simply referring to completely fictional characters in a movie playing out completely fictional scenarios.

Next, please be clear on the difference between PC, which is a stupid ideological ploy, and political statements, which are not tolerated.

Have a nice day.

[elise526]

And back to the topic of the thread:

The Turn Blocker
This person is a very social swimmer that makes a special trip over to your lane to chat with the person in the lane next to you. He/she gets right in the middle of the lane on the end of the lane, making it almost impossible to do a backstroke turn. This type of swimmer can be a real hazard during warm-ups at meets, as he/she will engage several people in a conversation, all at the end of the lane. Any hope of practicing turns during warm-up at the meet is shot down when The Turn Blocker gets in your lane.

[elise526]

There may be only one of these (at least I hope there aren't enough to be a "stereotype"): Women's Swimsuit Guy. There is a guy who is often moving from sauna to spa when I get to the pool (24 Hour Fitness) at 4:30am. He is dressed in a one-piece women's string thong bikini thing. It's very odd. I've never seen him in the pool--not sure his suit would stay on if he tried to swim in it. Probably not safe to enter the spa or the sauna after him though.
:bolt:


That would freak me out! I'm surprised a noodler hasn't reported him to the manager! You might want to warn the noodlers to keep their smelling salts handy if this guy sticks around.

[Michael Heather]

Maximum effort, minimum efficiency

I watched a rec swimmer today and counted 58 strokes in one 25 yard length :eek: Perhaps this is normal, she was doing backstroke.

[That Guy]

Maximum effort, minimum efficiency

I watched a rec swimmer today and counted 58 strokes in one 25 yard length :eek: Perhaps this is normal, she was doing backstroke.

Wow. My new target in practice for backstroke is "to the nines" - 9 or more SDK and no more than 9 strokes per length. 58 strokes is almost 175 yards' worth...

Last week I observed a lap swimmer take 35 strokes for 25 yards of freestyle and 25 strokes for breaststroke. Anybody got any butterfly stats? :afraid:

[TRYM_Swimmer]

Last week I observed a lap swimmer take 35 strokes for 25 yards of freestyle and 25 strokes for breaststroke. Anybody got any butterfly stats? :afraid:

A Lap Swimmer doing Fly?? Have NEVER seen one of those. Scary thought.

By the way, pre-noodles, my wife and I had always referred to them, particularly the ones who "fill" a lane as Turtles and Whales. (Kind of insulting to the real animals, I guess)

[elise526]

The Smacker
You don't want to share a lane with this guy or gal. Guaranteed, no matter how hard you try to stay on your side of the lane, he/she will smack your head while he/she is swimming on the other side of the lane. This is true whether you are splitting the lane or circle swimming. The Smacker somehow finds a way to smack you even while swimming in another lane because he/she rides the lane rope. Doing breaststroke sets while The Smacker is swimming in even an adjacent lane can be deadly as this individual will somehow end up kicking you, usually in a bad place. When the coach announces a set using paddles, you immediately think of a way to get about two lanes over from The Smacker so that you don't end up with a black eye, a laceration, or a concussion.

[That Guy]

A Lap Swimmer doing Fly?? Have NEVER seen one of those. Scary thought.

Oh sure, I've seen it plenty of times. Generally one of the following:

- The Closer - A lap swimmer rests a few minutes and then finishes their workout with a 100 im sprint
- The Brave One - A slow swimmer does a set of 100 im's (and doesn't substitute free for fly)
- The Idiot - After seeing me do some fly, he attempts to imitate me, though he does not know what he's doing. One time I had two of them going at once, it was awesomely terrible.

Nothing wrong with the first two; they're swimming hard. And The Idiot is worth his weight in comedy gold. (Yes, The Idiot is always male. The Brave One is usually female. The Closer is usually male.)

[tjrpatt]

The Hot Mess-This is someone who has issues with all the strokes that you don't know where to begin to give this person tips.

[gobears]

The Macho Stud: This is the guy that always gets into the lane next to the (very) pregnant woman and makes sure to start his warm-up (an all-out sprint) when said pregnant woman is coming out of a turn (off the same wall) on a long pull set.

Needless to say, said pregnant woman keeps the strokes long and relaxed looking while making damn sure to kick the Macho Stud's Ass--thus dubbing her something but I can't think of anything good...

[That Guy]

Needless to say, said pregnant woman keeps the strokes long and relaxed looking while making damn sure to kick the Macho Stud's Ass--thus dubbing her something but I can't think of anything good...

Dara Torres?

[jim thornton]

I am confused. When Dara was pregnant, was she kicking her own ass?

[gobears]

Dara Torres?
:D


I wish. The "macho stud" I had in mind is a 50+ freestyle-only lap swimmer, not any of the (really) macho dudes on here...

[KEWebb18]

The Smacker
Doing breaststroke sets while The Smacker is swimming in even an adjacent lane can be deadly as this individual will somehow end up kicking you, usually in a bad place.

I swam with one of these in college. Unfortunately she WAS a breaststroker:afraid:, and of course for some odd reason our coach always put the sprinters next to the stroke specialists (probably to keep the distance swimmers from attacking us out of jealousy when we were hanging out on the wall...)

[elise526]

Adonis
A male swimmer who is built like a Greek god, well-mannered, kind to the ladies, and slightly devious. He can be a world class swimmer or he can be a decent athlete who has just taken up swimming. He is slightly reserved and generally an observer. Even women who don't usually gawk find themselves fixated on him. All women, whatever the age, find some way to get his attention whether it be asking for swim advice, car advice, home repair advice, etc.

If he is single, older women are not sure they would want their daughters dating him because they see the devious streak. Women his age and even slightly older go after him with a fury because they see him as a challenge. The GGTTW types truly resent this guy because he always seems to get the girl.

[CreamPuff]

Adonis
A male swimmer who is built like a Greek god, well-mannered, kind to the ladies, and slightly devious. He can be a world class swimmer or he can be a decent athlete who has just taken up swimming. He is slightly reserved and generally an observer. Even women who don't usually gawk find themselves fixated on him. All women, whatever the age, find some way to get his attention whether it be asking for swim advice, car advice, home repair advice, etc.

If he is single, older women are not sure they would want their daughters dating him because they see the devious streak.


:rofl:


Women his age and even slightly older go after him with a fury because they see him as a challenge.

See Cougar. . .

[CreamPuff]

The Voyeur

Watches you very closely throughout the duration of each and every practice. At best you are uncomfortable with this. At worst you are slightly freaked out. You're not sure which is better or worse - that s/he is looking at your technique or er, . . . other things.

The Egomaniac

Races and swims as fast as possible the entire practice while never working on making changes or improving technique. You can visit 5 years later and EM is exactly the same in terms of style and stroke habit. It's like you were never gone for that time frame.


The Parent
This person is only a few years older than you; however, s/he will correct you several times each practice on everything from stroke technique to attitude, lane etiquette, and grammar.

[jim thornton]

The Voyeur

Watches you very closely throughout the duration of each and every practice. At best you are uncomfortable with this. At worst you are slightly freaked out. You're not sure which is better or worse - that s/he is looking at your technique or er, . . . other things..

Just so you know, if The Voyeur has a Y chromosome and his brain tissues were exposed to a normal level of testosterone during gestation, he is looking at er,.....other things.

There is one theoretical exception to this, but I add theoretical because I am not sure how he could possibly arrange it. To wit, if he somehow managed to be swimming next to you during the refractory period, provided he can keep his eyes opened under the circumstances, he might be temporarily interested in your technique.

You know the refractory period is at an end, however, when he asks if you mind his swimming right behind you to better study the nuances of your breast stroke kick.

I hope this helps.

The Lecherous Explainer

[CreamPuff]

Just so you know, if The Voyeur has a Y chromosome and his brain tissues were exposed to a normal level of testosterone during gestation, he is looking at er,.....other things.
The Lecherous Explainer

Oh my friend, the voyeur can absolutely have two X chromosomes. You underestimate the female gender.

. . . he might be temporarily interested in your technique.

The Lecherous Explainer

There are good enough swimmers out there in which some are enchanted by technique - both good and bad!


You know the refractory period is at an end, however, when he asks if you mind his swimming right behind you to better study the nuances of your breast stroke kick.


The Lecherous Explainer

Ugh! I've had this happen! 40+ year old ex NCAA Div I swimmer INSISTS pm going right behind me (say 1 second back) during LCM IM set at 5:45 AM. :bitching: Just call me the unsuspecting, chaste, unsullied, naive, cream-puff-pushover. After that set. . . never again!

[SwimStud]

Oh my friend, the voyeur can absolutely have two X chromosomes. You underestimate the female gender.



You'll make Jim dribble if you keep that up...

There is also the Deep Voyeur this swimmer doesn't swim at all but takes a deep breath and sinks below the surface so that they can gaze upwards at the swim team practice going on above. One time, yes, a very cool aesthetic way to watch swimming...three to four times a week gets you kicked out of the pool and your membership revoked

[CreamPuff]

The Next Generation: Bad Girls

You may think you're tough. Sure, you clawed your way up the corporate ladder making six figures before age 30; you were promoted to a board of previously all male executive managers as the first female SR VP in a predominantly male industry; you're reputation is to make grown men cry in the board room, the bedroom, and, your favorite location, during practices. You spit nails and curse like a sailor while being a fabulous wife and mother to at least three.

But you know you do not compare to the next generation of swimmer girls. These gals swim as fast as the men did when you were in high school. In fact, some of them out swim the top high school boys and college men now. They are taller, faster, and stronger - than most of the girls and some of the boys. 1:48 in the 200 FR is the norm (untapered, no LZR.)

Amy Van Dyken may have spit water in her competitors' lanes, but these gals spit water in the lane and at the face of their teammates on a regular basis. You are pleased when it's pool water rather than purple gatorade. If they snap a towel or cap at your ass, it can be heard round the world and it leaves a huge welt for a week.

A game of water basketball with this group makes Pro football look like a sewing circle. You feel lucky to come out of the game only having lost a half pint of blood and some bruises unlike some of the boys who are in the ER with a missing limb or appendage.

You regularly chicken out and swim with the 6+ foot boys in their lane because well, they are slower than the New Gen gals and you are less likely to be swum over.

There IS crying. Daily. But 9 times out of 10 it's the boys. When it is a gal, they later hit OT cuts during the season. You consider becoming a fan of crying.

You and the 30+ years of experience coach bring your A game (physical and mental along with your bag of witty comebacks) to practice each day and try your best to keep New Gen at bay and under control. You succeed. . . some of the time.

Screaming matches and strong language are the norm (by Next Gen and NOT the coach) if you accidentally leave on the wrong interval; miss the interval; foul up the set; or god forbid, *try* and cheat.

Any and all respect that you may have earned is lost forever if you even think about putting on fins or paddles during a swim set.

SDK was learned at birth and is performed better than Orca or Flipper. 50 LCM SDK repeats of no breathers with NO fins are a mere warm up.

If a cat fight erupts within the New Gen group, you AND the coaches run for the nearest bomb shelter.

You are secretly pleased that you didn't have to compete with this group of gals b/c you know you would lose.

Your masters teammates are not pleased at all or even slightly amused when you apply some of the tricks and lessons learned with New Gen. They are happy when you leave to go back with New Gen.

You love every minute of it. You thought you were tough. You're not. It's the next generation.

[Ahelee Sue Osborn]

The Next Generation: Bad Girls

You may think you're tough. Sure, you clawed your way up the corporate ladder making six figures before age 30; you were promoted to a board of previously all male executive managers as the first female SR VP in a predominantly male industry; you're reputation is to make grown men cry in the board room, the bedroom, and, your favorite location, during practices. You spit nails and curse like a sailor while being a fabulous wife and mother to at least three.


Very proud to say I both know of few of these awesome BAD GIRLS and have them in the practices I coach - and swim.
Very proud...

I unfortunately do not qualify on several counts (3 babies and the swearing) but consider me a huge fan.

Looking forward to the numbers growing in masters swimming!

[Big Jim the finger]

The Next Generation: Bad Girls

You may think you're tough. Sure, you clawed your way up the corporate ladder making six figures before age 30;

Yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah;

You love every minute of it. You thought you were tough. You're not. It's the next generation.

I thought this was supposed to relate to actual species of swimmers. Putting the traits of WNBA players and fans together and calling them something else is inventive but not accurate. Tough girls making boys cry? Not while estrogen exists.

[jim thornton]

According to stats from USMS, 61 percent of USMS members from 20-29 now are female.

In running races, a 10-12 percent time gap between men and women has stabilized in pretty much every distance. At both elite and amateur running competitions, two to four times more men than women turn in relatively fast times as evidenced by how close they come to sex-specific world-class standards.

The same fellow who did this statistical analysis and published two papers in the journal Evolutionary Psychology is now collecting data on swimming. Somewhat to his surprise, he has found that this gap in competitiveness does NOT exist in swimming. If anything, the opposite is true--with more women coming closer to sex-specific world class standards than men.

It's really fascinating to me to see this rise in the Super Girls of the world. Kristina and Dara and Leslie all seem to embody it. The evolutionary biology theory has long held that men are competitive because victory endears them to the distaff gender. (One researcher told me that during medieval jousting bouts, the fair ladies would actually lift their skirts to show the knights what was at stake.)

I am not sure if Super Girl swimmers reap the same psychosexual rewards as the Super Boy swimmers, and I find it impossible to imagine that many (or any) of you would be motivated by even the most attractive male swimmer "lifting his Speedo" as you step up on the blocks as a way of showing you what's at stake.

Allegedly, women in the Olympic village were throwing themselves at Michael Phelps. I don't think the reciprocal was true for Natalie C, though she is arguably a much more physically appealing specimen as a female as MP is as a male. It fact, it seems that I read somewhere that guys in the Olympic village were hitting on females based on f their standard attractiveness measures, not their medal status. If anything,women who won Gold were kind of a turnoff.

My question to you super girls of swimming--and I am not joking--is what motivates your training and zeal to be the best? I do think that for a lot of guys, there is at least a subtle subtext involved of attracting the chicks. It almost seems that super girls get more satisfaction from crushing guys than attracting them. Is it as simple a matter as this: guys swim for lust; girls swim for revenge?

I would honestly love to hear the philosophy of female competitiveness.

[The Fortress]

I unfortunately do not qualify on several counts (3 babies and the swearing) but consider me a huge fan.

I do really well on that score. Upon re-reading though, I think Kristina was saying that cursing career women DON'T compare with the Next Gen chicks. I"m certainly DQ'd because of my penchant for "cheating."

Jim,

Women do not swim competitively to attract men. Swimming makes you look like a tank, and is counter-productive on that score. Revenge and escapism are probably more accurate.

[CreamPuff]

lol, that is what I have most in common with the Next Gen girls. I'm apparently a huge cheater and thus disqualified from membership on that basis.

Jim,

Women do not swim competitively to attract men. Swimming makes you look like a tank, and is counter-productive on that score. Revenge and escapism are probably more accurate.

Don't look at me. No kids. Eva. Plus a lot of other things that DQ me as well like being a swimming hack who can't SDK - at all.

There are some well known affairs that took place between some female swimmer champions (including olympic medalists) and others who may or may not have been their coaches. :confused:

And is revenge all that far from hate which while seemingly the opposite of love is actually the closest emotion to love. . .
Perhaps Freud was correct in that it's all about sex or death. . .

[Chris Stevenson]

Women do not swim competitively to attract men. Swimming makes you look like a tank, and is counter-productive on that score.

Speaking only for myself, of course, but athletic women are vastly more appealing than sickly supermodels and their ilk.