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Karen Duggan
April 13th, 2007, 08:47 PM
A long time ago, far, far away in Cyberspace, a girl named Kyra, and some other "K" girls started a swimming soap opera. Inspired by the Friday the 13th thread, I think we should move on to spookier material...

It was the night before Nationals. My bags were packed by the front door. One more glance at them as I wondered if I had everything, and then I headed up the stairs. "How can it be 1:30am?" I growled, frustrated it was so late. "Getting up early is going to suck!" I mumbled.
The alarm rang and I sat up with a jerk. "Karrrrrrren, get up," a strange voice whispered. "Whuh?" I thought groggily (ed. note: is that a word?). "Wake up, the alarm went off," I thought to myself.
"Karrrrren?"
"What?!" I said rather annoyed.
"If you packed it, you will go."
"Oh you're funny Pat. HA HA," I said grumpily (ed. note: is that a word?) from lack of sleep. I looked over and Pat wasn't there. On his pillow was a note saying he went for a run, he'd be back in a few minutes.
"This is not good," I said to myself.
"Karrrrrren? Are you listening?" said the spooky voice.


Add on please, if you like, change characters, names, add a different setting, plot, whatever, but be "pooky" as my son who cannot pronounce "sp" yet would say!

FindingMyInnerFish
April 13th, 2007, 09:33 PM
Then I remembered... I'd programmed the alarm to "talk" to me. Had one of those tapes made up and set to go off. But how was I to know how realistic they could sound at 0-dark-thirty. Note to self... go back to regular buzzer.

I was interrupted at this point by that same voice.... "This ISN'T just a tape, dearie...."

"Right. Sure. Not a tape. I already have you pegged. Give it up."

I reached to turn off the alarm, when suddenly....

Seagurl51
April 13th, 2007, 10:11 PM
Sure blame me for the soap opera...that was all Heather..:laugh2: Special K's rock!!


.....when suddenly I noticed the spirit of Janet Evans standing in my door way......





and sadly now i have to get to work...but I'll add more later!

The Fortress
April 13th, 2007, 11:40 PM
My secret nemesis grabbed me by the hairs I hadn't shaved yet. She loomed tall and ominous as I peered bleerily through Draculina eyes that could not adapt easily to the earlier morning light flickering through the shrouded blinds. I thought, is this a nightmare? Am I awake? I didn't sleep much... Did my pre-set coffee maker start making the perky stuff? Then, I looked up and she said menacingly, "Where are the fastskins, dearie? No .1 edge for you at this meet." I glanced over to look for help. But the unsupportive husband was gone his daily run ... I quickly ran over in my mind all the moves from Mission Impossible 3, but suspected my impaired reflexes were not up to the task. So I opted ...

islandsox
April 14th, 2007, 02:11 PM
So I opted to stagger to the closet and get my fastest magic carpet, the Fastskin II, and I let it take me from my screaming alarmclock down to the aroma of coffee beans the size of almonds, and then my magic carpet took me through the walls out into the fresh air and off to the Zones we went. I won first place in all of my events, and first place in everyone else's events, what a wonderful swim day, I thought "will anyone in my family believe me when I tell them I won every single event, even their events?"

And then I heard the most horrible sound in the world, it was my alarm clock screeching like my big, red parrot, and I thought is this Groundhog Day or.....

newmastersswimmer
April 14th, 2007, 02:50 PM
....or is it the day of the walking dead!...(more specifically the day of the walking dead former swimmers)....Continue....


p.s. Great signatures Les and Donna LOL! (nice new avatar too Les!)

FindingMyInnerFish
April 14th, 2007, 02:51 PM
... is this ground hog day or ...
April Fool's day?

Drat that alarm... Interrupted an awesome dream... I looked around to see if Janet had reappeared, and there she was, this time with the magic carpet...

"You STOLE IT!" I shrieked. "No WONDER this whole REM cycle thing is messed up. Now I have to start all over again with today and what's with the parrot?"

Janet just smiled knowingly. She was clearly enjoying this, and I was trying to figure out how I was going to explain to my relatives that I hadn't won every event after all (see, I was getting a little confused by then between dream and reality). What to do, what to do?

Then I remembered something....

newmastersswimmer
April 14th, 2007, 02:53 PM
...I remembered it was the day of the walking dead (zombie swimmers that is)...LOL!! I guess we both posted at the same time InnerFish LOL!!

FindingMyInnerFish
April 14th, 2007, 03:14 PM
...I remembered it was the day of the walking dead (zombie swimmers that is)...LOL!! I guess we both posted at the same time InnerFish LOL!!

But way to knit the two strands together! We now continue with our regular story.... and I'm all agog to see what happens next....

newmastersswimmer
April 14th, 2007, 05:50 PM
...and then all of a sudden Janet Evans' head spins around a couple of times and then she vomits green slime all over me....Now continue...LOL!

How's that InnerFish? LOL!

islandsox
April 14th, 2007, 06:15 PM
And to my surprise, once again, the parrot-screeching alarm clock goes off and I realize it is race day, but there is no Janet Evans on this morning, there are Fortress, Dave Barra, and Swim Stud at the foot of my bed and so I put my feet on the floor and there is this yucky green slime stuff (where did that come from?). I shake my head in bewilderment; so much like yesterday, so much different, how can this be?

So I go to the garage and get the X-large Fastskin Magic Carpet and we all go thru the walls (again) and out to fresh air, but this time Fortress is making the magic carpet stop at Starbucks for the coffee that was brewing yesterday. We zoom through the glass door, our carpet hovers while coffee is given to all, and off we go to Zones. Yesterday I won my events and everyone else's events, today I am the underwater Snooper camer videotaping all of their strokes and turns. And Fortress wins her 100 free way under a minute just like the predictions, and Swim Stud does a terrific 100 free also, I think a very fast time since this is not his beloved breastroke.

And after Zones, we pile on the magic carpet and drop everyone off to get ready for the party tonight. So I return the Xlarge magic carpet to the garage, sit on the edge of my bed, set my parrot-screeching alarm clock, and realize I am just plain......

FindingMyInnerFish
April 14th, 2007, 07:20 PM
exhilarated. It's been a long day but the last thing I want to do is sleep. Restless, I jump up, pace back and forth, unable to settle down. Oddly, the green slime has disappeared. Did I imagine it? Did I imagine Janet heaving? Was it Janet or did I eat some strange mushroom that made me hallucinate? And did that mushroom enhance performance? If so, I had to get more of it, although I wasn't crazy about the possible digestive side-effect. Where'd Janet go anyway? If she were there I'd ask her, but probably by now she'd gone off to some other swimmer's digs.

Just then I got a strange phone call from SwimStud. He was talking excitedly about abandoning breast stroke and taking up the 800 freestyle. "This is crazy talk!" I shouted.

But he was adamant. "I have to, don't you know? I've seen...."

Peter Cruise
April 14th, 2007, 07:55 PM
"....Dave Barra, he suddenly was just there when I woke up, holding a flashlight under his face and he was chanting 'Distance is king'. I tell you it was spooky!" "Did you banish him" I asked, "There are simple spells for ridding yourself of minor demons and bedbugs, as well; all you do is yell 'G'wan beat it, I'll call the cops, you cinema poseur!' "
Rich admitted that he had not, in fact, Dave had convinced him and was currently going through his DVD collection, discarding most of them as 'not dark enough'.
Rich went on to say that distance butterfly was starting to...

islandsox
April 14th, 2007, 08:04 PM
I've seen that beam of light that shows me the way of 32 lengths of the pool, plus Janet is only a body length ahead of me.....I am flying, faster than I ever have, I am on the heels of the Queen of Distance, Oh Wait, I am on her heels because I am drafting, will anyone notice? Probably not cause everyone's eyes are on Janet. I'll just sit back here and no one will notice that I am not swimming hard, Janet and Me, oh Janet and Me, we are one, almost, and this 800 free is so much easier than a 50 Breast. Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Who is that on my heels? Oh no, it's Diane Mc, and Donna, and Julie, what are they doing? Oh my, they are drafting off me, me and my Janet, something needs to be done and now!!! I guess I'll have to pass Janet, the Distance Queen, but will she be angry at me? Or maybe she needs to be pushed by a breastroker; after all she can tell her grandkids about me and how I helped her to another record. And here comes the last length, my head is down and I am sprinting, wow, I am sprinting with all my might and here we come, side by side, Janet and me, 4 strokes to go, 3 strokes to go, 2 strokes to go and I dive for the wall!!!

I look up at the electronic timing and I have won, I have beaten Janet the Distance Queen, I have beaten them all, but wait, oh no, wait, what is this I see? I look at my reflection and I am not Swim Stud, I am.....Mrs. Swim Stud, but how can that be? She doesn't swim, does she? Has she been secretly......

ensignada
April 15th, 2007, 09:14 PM
...apprenticing under TI and other swim god/dark arts gurus whilst SwimStud taps, taps, taps his days and evenings on the forums? Now, not content with besting her husband at his events, she has joined forces with the "others" and will settle for no less than...

SwimStud
April 15th, 2007, 10:38 PM
...performing flip turns at every opportunity and even rolling the correct way during back turn.

...I wake as I hear a car screeching in the street...my dream, yes Barb Ensignada and I were swimming in the same lane...but we are going the wrong way...

...then I look around the room and see the green slime..."AHA!" I say to myself, this is what keeps giving me stomach upsets before meets...I walk to the bathroom;tiptoing...1, 2,3,4,5, 6 I droppmy Pajama pants to pee and realise I have to take two more steps...then I notice the crowd standing in the room watching me...Peter Cruise and Alllen Stark shaking their heads in dismay...all I could utter was...

newmastersswimmer
April 15th, 2007, 10:53 PM
...I'll I could utter was...Look guys its cold in this bathroom o.k......Remember what George from Seinfeld said alright....its the cold...not my British ancestry!!

The Fortress
April 15th, 2007, 11:00 PM
I'm so sorry I lied about my diamond calves. A dreaded mistake. I didn't mean to steal your thunder. I just thought you both were injured and that Peter was wine tasting. Besides, I stuttered, fumbling for words and feeling defensive and exposed without my PJ bottoms, I know my flip turns are not picture perfect, but it's not due to that pinot grigio that Peter is always sipping ... I hastily yanked my PJ bottoms up and staggered back to the bedroom in an ambien-induced haze. I realized my upset stomach was probably due to ambien, not green slime. I wasn't in a horror movie. It was medicinal. I relaxed, ever so temporarily. Then, I sat on the bed and gazed, still dazed and fatigued, and mesmorized by the cracks in the ceiling. Slowly, the cracks began to reconfigure ... What was it? OMG, they resembled the creases of Jim Thornton's smile. I screamed and ...

Seagurl51
April 15th, 2007, 11:07 PM
...I screamed as the ceiling opened into a gapping black abyss lowering itself down upon my feeble pajamafied body. I felt the rafters and sheetrock closing around my skin as I was swallowed into the blackness. I lay there, too terrified to move. The cold and dark was penetrating down to my bones. I began to shiver. Suddenly about 10 feet away the brightest light I have ever seen erupted into being and at it's center was the most horrifying sight....

newmastersswimmer
April 15th, 2007, 11:13 PM
...I screamed as the ceiling opened into a gapping black abyss lowering itself down upon my feeble pajamafied body. I felt the rafters and sheetrock closing around my skin as I was swallowed into the blackness. I lay there, too terrified to move. The cold and dark was penetrating down to my bones. I began to shiver. Suddenly about 10 feet away the brightest light I have ever seen erupted into being and at it's center was the most horrifying sight....


...the most horrifying site....it was a replay of Rich in the bathroom again LOL!

Seagurl51
April 15th, 2007, 11:15 PM
...the most horrifying site....it was a replay of Rich in the bathroom again LOL!

*commercial*

Some how I knew you were gonna say that. :rofl:

*regular programming*

Peter Cruise
April 15th, 2007, 11:52 PM
Light gradually returned to the scene of the horrifying crime. A creature of ghastly mien was slowly revealed, the remains of entire thread still dripping from its cavernous mouth- The Lurker had struck again!

FindingMyInnerFish
April 16th, 2007, 12:45 AM
Staring into Rich's eyes, while temporarily removing the thread from its mouth and displaying it at its full length, the Lurker intoned, "be frayed... be very frayed," as it loomed menacingly close.

Just then, however, a tag team made up of

newmastersswimmer
April 16th, 2007, 12:50 AM
Staring into Rich's eyes, while temporarily removing the thread from its mouth and displaying it at its full length, the Lurker intoned, "be frayed... be very frayed," as it loomed menacingly close.

Just then, however, a tag team made up of


....a tag team made up of.....Kyra and Heather began mocking him profusely as he lied curled up in the corner of his supposedly cold bathroom.....and then guess who appeared next....none other than....

newmastersswimmer
April 16th, 2007, 08:32 AM
....a tag team made up of.....Kyra and Heather began mocking him profusely as he lied curled up in the corner of his supposedly cold bathroom.....and then guess who appeared next....none other than....


An alien cyborg from the future.....A loud booming voice came from the direction of the cyborg....."Prepare to be assimilated into a racewalking butterflyer you foolish Breaststroking BritWit!!.....Resistance is futile!!"....And then you will never guess what happened next....

SwimStud
April 16th, 2007, 09:10 AM
...I found myself SDKing halfway up the pool and breaking out into an arm muscle propelled 50FLY...and shaved 3 secs off my previous time...then the inspiration to buya monofin and work towards doing a 100fly entered my mind.

This began was really scary because...

newmastersswimmer
April 16th, 2007, 09:14 AM
...I found myself SDKing halfway up the pool and breaking out into an arm muscle propelled 50FLY...and shaved 3 secs off my previous time...then the inspiration to buya monofin and work towards doing a 100fly entered my mind.

This began was really scary because...


After I finished swimming that lightening fast 50 fly and got out of the pool in search of a monofin I noticed that everywhere I went I was walking at an extremely high rate of speed (and kind of wobbling side to side as I walked)....it was the strangest thing I have ever experienced.....then when I got to the swim shop to by my monofin, you will never guess who was standing behind the counter....it was...

The Fortress
April 16th, 2007, 12:13 PM
Standing behind the counter was the Lurker, ghastly mien still intact. SwimStud was worried he would be frayed alive. He hesitated, blinked, wondering if his imagination was running rampant or whether this was a sign. A sign that he would never be a butterflyer. A sign that he would never learn the king of all strokes, and bear the ignominy of the Bork forever. Stud glanced longingly, lovingly, at the monofins on display, knowing that with such a device in hand, he would also find 2 more abs. The Lurker, noting his interest, approached. Stud was frozen in his tracks. The Lurker opened his slime covered maw and growled ...

islandsox
April 16th, 2007, 12:48 PM
and growled, "Do you feel lucky, Punk? Well do you? And the Fortress growled back at the Lurker, "Mr. Lurker, do you know who I am, and do you know that this Monofin is......

imspoiled
April 16th, 2007, 03:39 PM
the key to mastering the SDK, the reason d'etre for all swimmers with injured shoulders, and the key to a kick-a** backstroke start!

Rich, so inspired by Fortress' compelling speach confronted the Lurker and declared, "I will master the SDK, conquer the 100 fly, AND become a blazing fast backstroker!"

At this, the Lurker lunged forward and...

Karen Duggan
April 16th, 2007, 03:57 PM
...said, "Why do you people keep calling me a Lurker, it's Lopper. As in I like to lop off heads!"
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," screamed Rich as he ran out the door, leaving the Monofin behind on the floor.
(cue evil laugh) "Ha Ha Ha, now I've got the power," (cue dance music). The Lopper held the Monofin high above his head with two arms stretched toward the sky claiming victory. When the song was over he went in search of his next victim. This time it would be a sprinter. Or perhaps he would make the sprinter an ally, as all sprinters are EVIL (insert smilie with horns)...

The Fortress
April 16th, 2007, 03:58 PM
The Lurker lunged forward and dove at Stud's diamond calves, hoping to lop them off and brutally and irreparably injure Stud so that he would never again be subjected to reading "attaboys." However, the Lurker underestimated the BritWit, who adroitly and expertly sidestepped his ungainly, lurch-like lunge with a futball move. Reaching behind the counter, Stud grabbed the coveted MF and whacked the Lurker with the swim toy turned Lurker weapon. The MF shattered upon impact with the Lurker, whose icy heart had rendered its entire inner core brittle and unyielding. To Stud's amazement, pixie dust spilled out of the monofin. Rich stared in wonderment, blinded by the golden sheen. Suddenly, striken by a midas-like attack, Stud dove into the golden dust and emerged looking like a winged Oscar trophy. At that moment, as the Lurker regained consciousness, another customer opened the door to the swim shop and ...

Karen Duggan
April 16th, 2007, 04:09 PM
OOOH, it's one of those stories where you get to choose the next part!!!
Sorry, Fort, we must have been typing at the same time :)

SwimStud
April 16th, 2007, 04:14 PM
...cried "Wow so that's what they hide behind the sword on the oscar statue!"
"Don't be alarmed maam!" I said, "It's just the remnants of my mono fin..."
I then spotted the Lurker making for the door and screaming about heading for "The Bay"...

I told Fortress "Gimme a piggy back! My knee is still sore.." and we galloped off after Lurker as...I looked behind and spied Dana hauling a large bag of cupcakes..."I'm going to pelt lurker with these!" She cried. Donna was heard to mutter, "I'll track lurker down in the OW for miles...don't know who they're messing with!"

The Fortress
April 16th, 2007, 04:14 PM
Under Stud's weight, and despite his slender figure, Fortress' left labrum finally tore apart. She screamed vociferously in agony, as an EVIL sprinter is wont to do. The gleaming Stud was consumed with guilt. The Lurker, despite being pelted by Dana, another EVIL and fast sprinter, stumbled toward the injured pair with red eyes ablaze and smoke eminating from his un-nose plugged nostrils. Fortress finally stopped cursing and reminded Stud what the h*ll pixie dust was for. Looking relieved, he sprinkled it over the both of them, they shrunk to the size of Tom Thumb and, born upon Stud's gossamer wings, took to the air to escape the Lurker. But there, hidden in the clouds, were vultures (not to be confused with Gulls) hovering. Stud flew to the Bay and landed upon the shoulders of Julie, racing shoulder to shoulder with Barra and Muppet in the Bay Bridge swim. Julie inadvertently tossed them into the bay with her nifty high elbow recovery. They jellyfish and shark drew near, mesmerized by the golden sheen eminating from the drowning duo. They sunk further and further into the murky oblivion until ...

FindingMyInnerFish
April 16th, 2007, 04:37 PM
Ah but the broken monofin's gold dust resolved itself into a most amazing figure, clad with paddles and wrapped round with the fastskin magic carpet, and SwimP3 goggles/radio blasting the lyrics of BORN TO BE WILD.

"Soooo Lurker or Lopper or whatever you think you are--and all of you in pursuit of our noble breaststroker..., you're now history because what I have and you don't is....

newmastersswimmer
April 16th, 2007, 04:45 PM
Ah but the broken monofin's gold dust resolved itself into a most amazing figure, clad with paddles and wrapped round with the fastskin magic carpet, and SwimP3 goggles/radio blasting the lyrics of BORN TO BE WILD.

"Soooo Lurker or Lopper or whatever you think you are--and all of you in pursuit of our noble breaststroker..., you're now history because what I have and you don't is....



...is Leslie's bad shoulder and Rich's bad knees....I'm a morphed hybrid mix of both Leslie and Rich now....Some new mutated Flyer / Breasstroker with a pluthera of different injuries and a weak stomach (i.e. highly susceptible to stomach viruses).....Will this new creature be able to survive in the world of USMS? What will Mrs Stud and Leslie's hubby think about this new development?...Will the new mutated being be able to stop the lurker / lopper?....stayed tuned to find the answers....

imspoiled
April 16th, 2007, 05:17 PM
When we last saw our heros...

Stud & Fort had merged into an injured mutation. Little did they realize that the effects of pixie dust could cause such a stir!

However, Dave Barra saw the tragic accident caused by Julie's high elbow recovery and he broke away from the race for a moment to aid the Studtress. Using the power only availble to the OW army, he healed all their ills. Emerging from the injured state, the Studtress became a short-axis superpower with diamond calves and superior SDKs. The Lurker/Lopper did not stand a chance! Already reeling from serious cupcake induced injury, and having difficulty out swimming Donna, the addition of the Studtress short-axis superpower leads to the ultimate open water battle...

FindingMyInnerFish
April 16th, 2007, 05:21 PM
[only because I can't resist the urge to become a fictional character....]

InnerFish, watching developments closely on her see-all monitor, began to get edgy. Roiling waters full of warring swimmers and other odd creatures... It seemed too good to miss. She quickly turned off the monitor, threw on a wetsuit, and feeling more fishlike, donned fins (no monofin left... she'd already checked the swimshop... some odd being with a thread in its mouth assured her the last one had been sold. She knew otherwise, having used her computer spyware, but kept mum).

Dressed in her best open water finery, she made her way to the wharf, took a dive, and soon found herself in the middle of....

imspoiled
April 16th, 2007, 05:26 PM
a battle royale, complete with a pole; although, no one quite knew how the pole got there, or what to do with it...

Peter Cruise
April 16th, 2007, 05:26 PM
...sheer chaos, or in other words, your typical open water swim. First to the finish is the redoubtable Dave Barra, eyes blinking from the bright sunlight, accepts the first prize of a year's supply of Cinema Noir Twinkies, guaranteed to keep you up late every night. Overcome by emotion, he fails to notice the Lurker lunging at him, swinging a bemused Studress like a club at the back of Dave's head. Only the timely intervention of the Administrator...

newmastersswimmer
April 16th, 2007, 05:32 PM
a battle royale, complete with a pole; although, no one quite knew how the pole got there, or what to do with it...


That was a totally hillarious insert BTW Dana! I'm impressed LOL!!



Now back to the story at hand:


...sheer chaos, or in other words, your typical open water swim. First to the finish is the redoubtable Dave Barra, eyes blinking from the bright sunlight, accepts the first prize of a year's supply of Cinema Noir Twinkies, guaranteed to keep you up late every night. Overcome by emotion, he fails to notice the Lurker lunging at him, swinging a bemused Studress like a club at the back of Dave's head. Only the timely intervention of the Administrator... posted by The Cruisemeister


To attempt to use his moderator powers to close down the thread before the lurker becomes so powerful that he can leave the pages of this story and enter the real word of master's swimming (whatever that is ??) can possibly save the day now....but unfortunately the lurker was just too powerful for the administrator....and hence the administrator was vaporized in the attempt by the glowing heat vision eminating from the lurker's eyes....who will stop this evil menace now.....stay tuned for further developments...

ensignada
April 16th, 2007, 06:55 PM
Ensignada and nancytris thought perhaps they knew the answer: when speed, strength and diamond calves fail, slow, plodding, dogged determination may yet save the day. They synchronized their sundials and dove into the fray....

newmastersswimmer
April 16th, 2007, 06:59 PM
Ensignada and nancytris thought perhaps they knew the answer: when speed, strength and diamond calves fail, slow, plodding, dogged determination may yet save the day. They synchronized their sundials and dove into the fray....


With ensignada and nancytris joining in the fray, the tide was actually now turning to the side of the master's swimmers and you could sense that the powers of the evil lurker / lopper was weakening...If only someone could figure out what to do with the mysterious pole that appeared out of nowhere some pages back.....maybe the lurker could be finished off for good....

Peter Cruise
April 16th, 2007, 07:05 PM
Hmm, mused Biblioman, I sense some forum posters would love to tell me what I could do with this pole, but no time to ask, so he swung it wildly at the head of the Lurker who promptly fell to the ground squealing "I'm going to sue you, the USMS, the Candian Government..."

islandsox
April 16th, 2007, 07:40 PM
and San Francisco Bay because Julie, Donna, Dave and Studtress were chasing the monstrous Lurker down with Julie's high elbows as pointed as poison daggers and Donna's cupcake sea lice buoyant boobs helping her to swim faster than she ever has, and as they all ganged up on the green slimy Lurker, the steel pole was delivered by way of pixie dust and the Lurker was screaming, No, Not the Pole, Anything but the Pole, but the morphed Studtress picked up the pole and began to tease the Lurker by doing a dance of......

Kari
April 16th, 2007, 07:48 PM
....the Macarana. Everyone thought that particular dance was dead....(or DEAD). Everyone was so distracted by this dance that they didn't notice the SPECIAL K's (Kyra, Kari, Karen, and Keather) sneaking up on.....

islandsox
April 16th, 2007, 07:57 PM
the Lurker from behind and the Special K's had gathered driftwood and had the Weber BBQ going in full fire, and as the fray who came out of the water slowly started cornering the green slimy Lurker, a new face appeared and low and behold, it was a beautiful sight and a welcome one because the prom dress fit perfectly, so the Special K's hollered......

Peter Cruise
April 16th, 2007, 08:52 PM
"Uncle...Jim!" Yes, indeed it was Jim Thornton, undercover for his next expose on cross-dressing proms. "Actually, I'm looking for a few volunteers for this assignment..."
"E-e-e-w-w-w!" yelled the assembled multitude...

The Fortress
April 16th, 2007, 10:11 PM
But then Keather noticed that Jim had a spanking new Coach bag in tow and decided it would look nice with her fav Joes jeans. So she gathered her sistas and they encircled Cruise's purple prose rival. Dancing under a totem pole, the Special Ks munched on Cinema Noir Twinkies and summoned their special powers with an anti-butterfrog chant. Instantly, they were transformed into hideous Draculinas and they descended, in black disguise, upon the alarmed writer. He ran, but instantly began to cramp from his prior overindulgence on buttered lobster. The Special Ks trapped him in the sand, vampire teeth shining in the moonlight. And then ...

newmastersswimmer
April 16th, 2007, 11:13 PM
But then Keather noticed that Jim had a spanking new Coach bag in tow and decided it would look nice with her fav Joes jeans. So she gathered her sistas and they encircled Cruise's purple prose rival. Dancing under a totem pole, the Special Ks munched on Cinema Noir Twinkies and summoned their special powers with an anti-butterfrog chant. Instantly, they were transformed into hideous Draculinas and they descended, in black disguise, upon the alarmed writer. He ran, but instantly began to cramp from his prior overindulgence on buttered lobster. The Special Ks trapped him in the sand, vampire teeth shining in the moonlight. And then ...


...Suddenly Peter jumped into the center of the ring of vampiress special K's and began reciting one of the longest supercilious sesquipedalian pontifications of purple prose that has ever passed through his Canadian chops.....then the lurker and Jim T both began writhing and squealing in obvious agony (I mean who wouldn't be right? LOL!).....the special K's then moved in closer for the kill....the lust for blood was gleaming in their eyes....and then....

The Fortress
April 16th, 2007, 11:21 PM
And then Jim barfed, spraying shards of lobster on the elegant black Draculina attire. (The food at the Race Club may be overrated.) The Special Ks were, nonetheless, as real broads, nonplussed by this apparent charade. In fact, they were quite amused. Thus, they left the seemingly poisoned writer alone and he slithered off in his prom dress. Instead, they turned their wrath on to his purple prose nemesis, Mr. Cruise. Cruise was wielding a pole, but did not (unlike his namesake who no one likes anymore) know what to do with it. The Draculinas advanced on the sesquipadelian ...

Peter Cruise
April 17th, 2007, 01:18 AM
...who tossed his last vestiges of dignity to the wind (where they bounced off Rich and sank out of sight) and ran off into the night, hoping he could outdistance this fiendish crew in designer duds, but he could feel hot breath over his shoulder. He risked taking a look and wished he hadn't. The entire...

FindingMyInnerFish
April 17th, 2007, 09:49 AM
crew, the dracula designer ladies, Stud, and lovers of every type of stroke, fast and slow, fly and free, and breast and even dog paddle, had massed together and were closing in on our hero. This required some serious rethinking of plans.

It was time to

Peter Cruise
April 17th, 2007, 03:44 PM
Disappear.

The Fortress
April 17th, 2007, 03:57 PM
using the disappearing spell he had learned while reading Harry Potter books and sipping wine. The Draculinas, Studstress and lovers of all strokes looked on in amazement and chagrin. Then, they realized that the wizard sesquipadelian had left his pole. It lay, like a wand, about to be tossed by the wind into the adjacent blazing Weber grill. Everyone simultaneously lunged toward the wand. But out of the darkness, blocking their path, stepped ....

SwimStud
April 17th, 2007, 04:10 PM
...The Man from Atlantis.

You'll never catch him this way. You'll all have to learn SDK and breath control then swim with me to Atlantis. There will rally the forces of the Goodhew, and the Holy Spitz, before we embark on a crusade to rid the world of...

Kari
April 17th, 2007, 06:58 PM
Those Who Know No Pool Manners. Those sneaky, evil-doers....who try like mad, with all the summoning of their great and awesome powers, to drive their poor, innocent lane mates crazy with rage. Part of the SPECIAL K's Top Secret Plan of Destruction was to one and for all banish these forces of darkness from Nationals once and for all. Digging deep, Karen (Head Special K Princess), reached into her pocket and pulled out.....

sftom
April 17th, 2007, 07:17 PM
... but before she could see what it was an asteroid the size of the North American slammed into the Earth, immediately destroying all civilizations and life on it and knocking the globe off its orbit, whereupon Earth plummeted into the Sun, which permanently incinerated and vaporized all traces of Earth and anything ever associated with it, including but not limited to all of the people, places, and things referenced in this thread, which people, places, and things could never be reconstructed, resurrected or reconstituted by any power, force, or method, whether known or imaginary.

The Fortress
April 17th, 2007, 07:26 PM
... but before she could see what it was an asteroid the size of the North American slammed into the Earth, immediately destroying all civilizations and life on it and knocking the globe off its orbit, whereupon Earth plummeted into the Sun, which permanently incinerated and vaporized all traces of Earth and anything ever associated with it, including but not limited to all of the people, places, and things referenced in this thread, which people, places, and things could never be reconstructed, resurrected or reconstituted by any power, force, or method, whether known or imaginary.

But since this totem pole story doesn't take place on Earth, where there has been enough random deaths and death threats lately, there was no harm done.

Once again, after the irrelevant and ad hominem commercial break, Karen reached in her pocket, ever more determined to extinguish the Rude, including but not limited to, the mannerless, the humorless, the intolerant, and other forces of darkness, whether known or imaginary, whether schooled in the dark arts of stare decisis or sesquipadelianism. She pulled out ...

swim4me
April 17th, 2007, 07:35 PM
She pulled out.....her dictionary. Despite her oodles and oodles of education, she was dumbfounded at the words the dark force had congured up. However, hiding inside of her dictionary was........

newmastersswimmer
April 17th, 2007, 07:47 PM
She pulled out.....her dictionary. Despite her oodles and oodles of education, she was dumbfounded at the words the dark force had congured up. However, hiding inside of her dictionary was........


An autographed picture of none other but the Northern Sequipedalianist himself....Also there was a caption below the autograph that said ..."rub this caption and I will be released into the world of man again to continue my crusade to wreak as much havok on the literary challenged individuals of the world as I possibly can......and I will make you my evil co-hort....together we will rule the universe and force feed our purple prose down the throats of all mortal men and women everywhere...Mwuhahahah".

Stunned at what the captioned said...I decided too...

islandsox
April 17th, 2007, 08:39 PM
I decided to gather everyone around, the Special Ks, the Studtress with diamond calves, the nancytris but we needed the Dave and we needed the Jim, for this one would require the strength of all because this Canadian spews prose that is unintelligible and no words are in any dictionary; it was time to put him to the test....the pole test and the underwater breath control test, could he survive that one? Can he actually stop talking while underwater? If so, then how long would he.......

Peter Cruise
April 17th, 2007, 10:27 PM
...refrain from contacting the Canadian Embassy, thus causing a stiffly worded protest to be lodged with the US Gov't, completely ruining the day of the third assistant to the fourth Undersecretary in charge of Ignoring Continental Neighbours. Right at that moment, a low-flying black helicopter swooped in, the door slid open and George Park was yelling "C'mon Peter, I've got a dozen Tim Horton honey crullers and a gallon of coffee...get out of there before someone takes you shopping!" I jumped in, tossing the deadly pole back in the general direction of...

islandsox
April 17th, 2007, 10:47 PM
of the Special K's, all of them, and the pole finally landed in a position that made sense after 15 pages of pole talk, so the Special K's took turns doing their rain dance on the pole, and the rain started pouring like a Caribbean sideways rainstorm and now more morphs started taking place; George started looking like cruellers and coffee, the Cruise started babbling absolute nonsense which was refreshing, and the Black Hawk helicopter turned into a winged....

Kari
April 18th, 2007, 12:40 PM
AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!

(insert commercial break)

(INSERT CHEESY MUSIC)....see a couple walking hand and hand at a swim meet, looking perfect, laughing and smiling.....

Announcer: "are you tired of going to swim meets along, with no one at your side to cheer you on....are you tired of going back to your lonely hotel room along....?"

If so, try "PICK ME UP! the newest swim shampoo from the makers of VO2Max!!"

.....and now back to our regular programming.....

Karen Duggan
April 18th, 2007, 01:27 PM
(I have yearbook students right now, and since the yearbook is finished, we all have free time. I'm reading this and just cracking up. One of them finally says, "Are you laughing at us?" I said, "No, this is funny (pointing to the computer)."
"Can we see?"
"Uh, no, you wouldn't get it..."

Thanks for lots of chuckles :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: (I put a lot more, but I got an evil message, probably from an evil sprinter, that I can only put ten. Hmmph, the nerve. Insert annoyed smily.)

OK, let me compose myself. I'll post in a minute...

Karen Duggan
April 18th, 2007, 01:31 PM
OK, back to a serious Masters Swimming Horror Movie, heh-hem...

... a winged squirrel. Yes, the helo turned into Sandy the Squirrel from SBSP. Did you know that Sandy is the product of Rocky the Flying Squirrel and a regular, old ratty ground squirrel? True story (insert winky smily). And then, unbeknownst to everyone, he...

Kari
April 18th, 2007, 01:32 PM
FOLKS: I meant "alone"!!! not "along..."

Onward......(bad script writing......):wiggle:

Karen Duggan
April 18th, 2007, 01:37 PM
Kari. Psst. Come 'ere. You can fix it by going back to your original post and clicking edit and then save. Not that I EVER edit anything I write. A-a-a-a bullsh@!. Sorry, had to sneeze.

Onward, thespians :smooch:

Kari
April 18th, 2007, 01:53 PM
thanks for the heads up, Special K!!!!!

before we get back to it....(minor hijack) - are you swimming this weekend? Are you doing the 1650?????:bow:

Kari
April 18th, 2007, 01:57 PM
....he morphed into none other than Michael Phelps!! Truth be told: Michael Phelps is actually Rocky the Flying Squirrel!! THAT'S why is so fast....

Anyway, he stunned EVERYONE in sight - the Special K's, Peter, Jim, Swimstud, Finding my inner fish, and Donna. Draculina was the only one unaffected. Instead of starring at Michael/Rocky in a stunned, dream-like state, she stood up, turned around, and shouted at the top of her oxygen filled lungs.....

FlyQueen
April 18th, 2007, 02:02 PM
That's not enough TI swimming! We swim TI here and only TI! Then she and Phelps got a room just like HWMNBN would suggest where they plotted how to take over the swimming world by melting the polar ice caps forcing all non swimmers to become swimmers and in all likihood drowning the noodlers just as they were plotting a knock came at the door ...

Karen Duggan
April 18th, 2007, 02:03 PM
..."He!! NO! No 1650 for me!" And then decided to...

imspoiled
April 18th, 2007, 02:56 PM
a knock came at the door....

It was Janet Evans, feeling cranky that she had been left out of the story for so long and jealous that Dara Torres was making such an awesome comeback. Janet, determined not to be out done, is embracing TI swimming (as it is the only way she could rejoin the storyline) and ....

FlyQueen
April 18th, 2007, 03:51 PM
is plotting a Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding move to take out her competition she knocks on the door with crowbar in hand when ...

Karen Duggan
April 18th, 2007, 04:45 PM
...evil sprinter himself, Sprinticus, tapped her on the shoulder. "Leave her, for now, we have other swimmers to trash." (cue evil laugh).
Together, Janet and Sprinticus went in search of a victim for their diabolical act. As they exit the porch, we notice a bright, shiny and new pole in the background. It ...

The Fortress
April 18th, 2007, 05:13 PM
had a TI label on it. At first, Sprinticus, being an EVIL sprinter, flinched from the acronymn and reflexively rubbed his shoudlers. Then, Sprinticus paused, pondering how poles could be Mindful. :confused: After rigorous mental examination of this issue, he shrugged his shoulders and bolted, with Janet in tow. But then, not wanting someone else to use the pole for imprinting of any vicious sort, Sprinticus grabbed it and sprinted toward LBJ. He pointed the pole at the racewalker in self-professed "dirty old man training" and yelled ...

Karen Duggan
April 18th, 2007, 07:48 PM
..."Gary Hall. We must have Gary Hall. Speedos be damned!"
"Uh, Sprinticus? Don't you mean damn the torpedos?"
"You want to get SwimStud too?!?"
And off they headed for...

newmastersswimmer
April 18th, 2007, 08:57 PM
..."Gary Hall. We must have Gary Hall. Speedos be damned!"
"Uh, Sprinticus? Don't you mean damn the torpedos?"
"You want to get SwimStud too?!?"
And off they headed for...


...the gutter to find Rich's mind down there....Sprinticus and LBJ working together.....only Sprinticus was in a full sprint and LBJ was just walking really really fast LOL!


Newmastersswimmer

FindingMyInnerFish
April 18th, 2007, 10:03 PM
However, Sprinticus, soon found himself tiring, full sprints being of limited duration. Meanwhile LBJ, having conserved energy and ready for action, saw his opportunity. A flagging Sprinticus, wheezing loudly, could not hear him as he

islandsox
April 18th, 2007, 10:07 PM
but LBJ is walking fast because he knows the Sprinticus is as evil as the green slimy Lurker because Sprinticus knows that TI goes against any and all fast swim events and is only used for distance events that LBJ loves, this is why the Thorpedo, and Gary only wear Speedo attire because they want to confuse others and hide their secret that they really are.....

islandsox
April 18th, 2007, 10:08 PM
oops, Innerfish got there before I did..

The Fortress
April 18th, 2007, 10:12 PM
.. the secret that Gary is really Warren. One liner Warren. Gary is not Warren's idol. He is Warren. Here, masquerading as a college kid on the USMS site to see what we will say about the Race Club and the 50 free. He doesn't care about LBJ or the OW or racewalking or "call girl" backstrokers. When Gary/Warren read the "swim camp inquiry" thread, he was thrilled at the vibrant hottub, er, social atmostphere of the forums and invited Jim Thornton to "come on down." Now, Gary/Warren is worried that Dara Torres will smoke him when she can finally stop swimming "masters" meets. So Gary/Warren goes to Ande and asks him ...

FindingMyInnerFish
April 18th, 2007, 10:14 PM
to grant him the Super powers promised to all who follow in Ande's way to Swimming Enlightenment. Ande is torn. Let this composite swimmer have the secrets he's so carefully preserved? He considers a moment and then offers a deal.

islandsox
April 18th, 2007, 10:36 PM
oops, Innerfish got there before I did..

islandsox
April 19th, 2007, 11:18 AM
And now we interrupt our regular programming for a word from our Sponsor, TI. "Do you want to swim smooth, effortlessly, and with precise technique? Do you want to swim miles and miles, have no shoulder injuries, and be able to use your swimming skills set as transportation?

Then we have two new programs just in time for summer; the DAL I and the DAL II. In DAL I, the Drill A Little program, you will focus on proper technique, swimming effortlessly but swimming mindfully which will help you to achieve your goals. After only a year of drilling a little, you will then graduate to our Drill A Lot program (a two year program). Here you will learn to apply all of the skills learned in Drill A Little to your new program, and, you will now be able to swim mindlessly, take your new skills to open water, where you will be able to swim for miles on end. As a matter of fact, you will literally be able to swim "around" town thus being able to leave your car at home for now you can use swimming as your transportation. Just think of the savings on gasoline this summer and especially that long-wanted trip to Paris.

You will probably even be able to swim that 3,472 miles from New York to Paris as was posted in Goggle's Maps and a plus to this mindless long swim will be that when you get there, you will have been able to have left your children at home."

and now back to our regular programming, our movie, the Masters Horror Flick........

poolraat
April 19th, 2007, 11:22 AM
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
You are too funny Donna. LMAO



And now we interrupt our regular programming for a word from our Sponsor, TI. "Do you want to swim smooth, effortlessly, and with precise technique? Do you want to swim miles and miles, have no shoulder injuries, and be able to use your swimming skills set as transportation?

Then we have two new programs just in time for summer; the DAL I and the DAL II. In DAL I, the Drill A Little program, you will focus on proper technique, swimming effortlessly but swimming mindfully which will help you to achieve your goals. After only a year of drilling a little, you will then graduate to our Drill A Lot program (a two year program). Here you will learn to apply all of the skills learned in Drill A Little to your new program, and, you will now be able to swim mindlessly, take your new skills to open water, where you will be able to swim for miles on end. As a matter of fact, you will literally be able to swim "around" town thus being able to leave your car at home for now you can use swimming as your transportation. Just think of the savings on gasoline this summer and especially that long-wanted trip to Paris.

You will probably even be able to swim that 3,472 miles from New York to Paris as was posted in Goggle's Maps and a plus to this mindless long swim will be that when you get there, you will have been able to have left your children at home."

and now back to our regular programming, our movie, the Masters Horror Flick........

Karen Duggan
April 19th, 2007, 01:06 PM
Ande begins, "So Sprinticus, let's talk about the pole."
"Uhhh, what pole?" says Sprinticus sheepishly.
"You know the POLE. Tall, shiny thing?"
"Oh, that." Sprinticus reaches behind his back and whips out said pole. "You mean THIS?" he hisses in his evil, maniacal way.
Unflinching and most unimpressed, Ande retorts, "Yea, that. Lemme have it."
At that, Sparticus...

The Fortress
April 19th, 2007, 01:06 PM
... Ande offers Sprinticus a deal. If Sprinticus will give him the pole (don't forget the pole!), Ande will give him an advance copy of his soon-to-be published Tips for Swimming Faster Faster BEFORE Nationals. This will allow Sprinticus to vanquish his secret nemesis without resorting to RX meds or steroids or creatine like the evil Paul Smith. Sprinticus is tempted by Ande. He knows it may be a trick though. After all, Ande isn't perfect. He slept in and skipped practice today. Since Sprinticus secretly went to the DAL II clinic last summer, :eek: he hands over the shiny TI pole. Ande grabs it and ...


(OK, I see Karen and I simultaneously wanted to get back to the pole.) Carry on.

SwimStud
April 19th, 2007, 01:20 PM
...finds Stud snatches it away. Stud makes his way to the block and dives in. Five minutes later, or, halfway through the dive, Ande dives in stands up in the pool, rolls 5 cigarettes-why, we don't know-and then grabs the pole back from Stud, just as Stud's hands are entering the water.

Ande yells" Silly Stud, it's not a baton, and anyhow they only use batons on land relays...and learn to track start, Weismuller!"

Ande then breaks into a song that he has just written for Carrie Underwood that is about a cheating breaststroker who double SDK's, and the subsequent revenge attack on the cheater's monfin.

All of a sudden, David "Oh-eh, 'ow you doin'?" Barra...

The Fortress
April 19th, 2007, 02:20 PM
.. Dave Barra dives in. He has just come from a challenging ashtanga yoga class and has completed the sunrise and downward dog positions. He is med free, stretched and ready to swim fly forever and ever and ever. Then, he sees Ande smoking and is appalled. I mean appalled. He reports Ande to USMS, and all Ande's times are wiped out. But Ande is secretly pleased. He was tired of writing tips and giving advice and watching peoples' dumb home videos. He decided to keep staying up to watch American Idol now that Sanjaya is gone. With Ande out of the picture, Dave Barra grabbed the pole and advanced on Sprinticus. (He allowed Stud to slink away because Stud did swim a 200 breaststroke, after all.) Dave and Sprinticus battled over the shiny gleaming object, not realizing that someone else approached with a ...

islandsox
April 19th, 2007, 02:35 PM
...with a Sanjay hairdo and their recent certification of graduation from the DAL II clinic for this is why this character is just now joining in on all the fun because he has been gone those two years. And who is it? Oh, my, it is our Muppet and he has a Mupjay hairdo trying to get that $5,000 contract from KFC instead of Sanjay. So Muppet sporting his Mupjay hairdo wonders what all the pool activity is about and HE sees the pole, he thinks it is HIS pole for he is the only one who knows what to do with the pole, so he grabs the pole, lays down on his back on the pool deck, and starts showing Ande and Dave how to use it; he wants to show SwimStud, but Swimstud is still in the middle of his block dive (he is taking his time), so as Muppet finally shows the group how to use the pole, someone yells.......

FindingMyInnerFish
April 19th, 2007, 03:58 PM
Someone yells....

"Wouldja put your suit back on already! We don't appreciate displays like this at masters' meets. It's just plain WRONG!" At this, everyone stops whatever they're doing, looks in the direction of the Rob whose shout is heard round the pool (and pole), and they are astounded to behold....

Karen Duggan
April 19th, 2007, 04:06 PM
... the pole taking on a life of its own! Everyone thought that the pole was just a tool, a training device, a _____________, but no one ever dared imagine that it...

Caped Crusader
April 19th, 2007, 04:32 PM
could swim butterfrog. And off the pole went butterfrogging away down the pool, to the chagrin of FlyQueen and Fortress. Ensignada ran to grab her videocamera. FlyQueen was so incensed she shouted "no nookie for you in the cave tonight, pole." Fortress was so incensed that she was even more of a Draculina than usual and was forced into mandatory mediatation therapy for FAFs. With those two out of the picture, the pole ...

islandsox
April 19th, 2007, 06:44 PM
started changing its shape since everyone was appalled at the quickly vanishing swimsuits on the remaining people in the pool area. This was the pole's only time to try to make a fast getaway while everyone was screaming, Where's my Suit? and people laughing at those whose suits disappeared first except islandsox because she is tan all over and people look better with tans cause its hides tons of flaws, but poor Swim Stud is still in mid-air on his first dive off the blocks from now an hour ago, and his suit starts vanishing while in mid-air and he can't speed up his dive nor hide in the pool, he is stuck and swearing at the pole for causing all of this mayhem, but Muppet's suit is still on and he is smiling. He is smiling because his suit won't disappear because he just completed his first DAL II clinic and they give graduates a special gift on completion of that two year program and the gift is......

The Fortress
April 19th, 2007, 08:22 PM
a feisty blue muppet! The feisty blue muppet grabs the pole and whacks mupjay in the head, scolding him about doing the 200 fly at all and taking it out to fast. Didn't he learn anything at the DAL II clinic? Mupjay wants the assault to stop. So he whips off his suit and the two muppets "get a room." Pandemonium in the pool continues. Then HWMNBN enters and everyone is silent. Utterly silent. After telling everyone how ungawdly inappropriate they are, HWMNBN, while consulting his newly purchased dictionary, seizes the pole that blue muppet left behind in her addled romantic state. HWMNBN looks at the pole as if there were TFs in it. He is unsure what to do with a pole. He calls his friend Matt on the phone and Matt is similarly puzzled. Finally, they decide together that, since the pole looks too much like a noodle, they don't want it. They drop the talisman indifferently on the pool deck. The pole, because it is now alive, resents this disrespectful gesture. Once shiny, the pole turns black with rage. As revenge, the pole whips out the colonies zones video of "when things got out of hand after dinner" and starts playing it on a 60 inch HDTV for all the world to see. The swimmers, once silent, grab popcorn and sit down to watch. Lurker, Studstress, Sprinticus, the Draculinas, and all racewalkers lilkewise draw near in keen anticipation, chomping down obscene amounts of twizzlers, dots, junior mints, peanut M & Ms and all sorts of crap. LBJ pays particular attention, mouth agape. They see ...

newmastersswimmer
April 19th, 2007, 08:30 PM
started changing its shape since everyone was appalled at the quickly vanishing swimsuits on the remaining people in the pool area. This was the pole's only time to try to make a fast getaway while everyone was screaming, Where's my Suit? and people laughing at those whose suits disappeared first except islandsox because she is tan all over and people look better with tans cause its hides tons of flaws, but poor Swim Stud is still in mid-air on his first dive off the blocks from now an hour ago, and his suit starts vanishing while in mid-air and he can't speed up his dive nor hide in the pool, he is stuck and swearing at the pole for causing all of this mayhem, but Muppet's suit is still on and he is smiling. He is smiling because his suit won't disappear because he just completed his first DAL II clinic and they give graduates a special gift on completion of that two year program and the gift is......


A special hair growth enhancer that makes it difficult to tell that his suit has actually disappeared.....I mean he is so covered in hair that it looks like he's wearing a full body fastskin in fact....but he actually lost his suit too at the same moment everyone else did....and once Rich noticed midair that his suit had also disappeared he immediately went back into the "its freezing out here" routine we all witnessed before several chapters ago in his shocking bathroom scene. Meanwhile the pole continued to make its escape...until eventually Jim T shows up out of the blue again (still wearing the pink prom dress....but apparently over the food poisoning he suffered from earlier)....Jim T then began chasing after the Pole while everyone else was scrambling to cover up (except Muppet of course)...and then....

newmastersswimmer
April 19th, 2007, 08:32 PM
Fort and I posted at the same time....just think of it as two possible continuation clips for a moment and then go back to the Fort storyline...I just wanted to slam on Rich a little more anyway thats all LOL!!

The Fortress
April 19th, 2007, 08:50 PM
Fort and I posted at the same time....just think of it as two possible continuation clips for a moment and then go back to the Fort storyline...I just wanted to slam on Rich a little more anyway thats all LOL!!

... they see a preview of the Bork getting whacked with the pole because he interrupted Feistress' witty offering.

Here's the whack: :dedhorse:

After the preview, the credits roll and ...

newmastersswimmer
April 19th, 2007, 09:06 PM
... they see a preview of the Bork getting whacked with the pole because he interrupted Feistress' witty offering.

Here's the whack: :dedhorse:

After the preview, the credits roll and ...



Hey but I got a good jab in on Rich didn't I? LOL!!


Anyway Bork also sits down to watch this zaney dinner video as it is being brodcast all over the world somehow....the magic of the pole has somehow interrupted all television viewing to have this special video shown on all channels all across the world.....what will happen next is anybody's guess....(unfortunately Muppet and his feisty new blue companion are off doing their own thing in some "room" somewhere and are missing the entire video LOL!)

FindingMyInnerFish
April 19th, 2007, 09:43 PM
[[posting as if both of the last two posts are in play...]

"They see" [hair growth enhancer on the video screen]... as well as "and then"]]

so anyway...

Everyone clamors for the hair growth enhancer, as it will considerably reduce the budget for fastskins and other easily faded and fickle swimsuits.

"Just grow extra hair... makes so much sense and it's just what otters do, and they swim fast," enthused Rich who began to share his special product with all present.

Then Fortress and FlyQueen discovered another interesting property about this mixture that Rich was passing around. Both noticed at once, just as

Muppet
April 19th, 2007, 10:11 PM
... they entered the pool deck, that the mixture also contained Breaststroke Skills, a new GNC product designed to help butterfroggers swim the "World's Bestest Stroke."
...

3strokes
April 19th, 2007, 10:19 PM
FindingMyInnerFish;88429

Then Fortress and FlyQueen discovered another interesting property about this mixture that Rich was passing around. Both noticed at once, just as.....


Juliette steps out on the balcony of the Capulet house in Verona and says, "Romeo, O Romeo, dove *&(%$*((*^%^%^ stai?"

There is no reply from the shadowy figure down in the garden. His name was Romeo, but he was a character created in England (and thus did not understand a single word of Italian) and he had been created by an Arab posing as an English writer, the famous Sheikh Asbeer and thus did not fathom why there was another guy standing, in the garden, under the balcony, with him, so he asks, "Hey you! Who are you?" To which the other man replies, "Mais, tu n'es pas Christian et cette demoiselle sur le balcon, elle ne ressemble pas a Roxane." Romeo says, "What Govnur? She's making noises I can't understand and now you, too?" Cyrano replies, "Mais, est-ce que vous m'insultez, Monsieur? Je demande un duel a la mort" and then shouts, "Sancho, mi espada! Ahora mismo". Sancho replies, "Pero Don Quijote ?que hace Vuesa Merced aqui en Verona?" just as, suddenly, down the street ................

The Fortress
April 19th, 2007, 10:37 PM
Simon Cowell shouts "merde," I missed the colonies zones video. The whirling tempest of passion and lust inside the pool blew out the satellite receiver. No one will ever know what transpired ... no one will ever know whether people had "guilty consciences" ... know one will ever know how many women Rich kissed ... no one will ever know whether Poolraat's sheep made an appearance.

In an angst of misery, the Lurker, Studstress, and Sprinticus lost all molecular density and melted into the mist. The video melted too. So did the Twizzlers. Really pissed off from being hungry and deprived of her favorite treat, ImSpoiled leapt up and grabbed the pole (which, very fortunately for all involved) had not melted. It was still a black mess, but ImSpoiled thought it was a good wardrobe match. So, with the pole in hand, and feeling newly empowered, she threw out Mupjay's rancid hocus pocus GNC "mixture." She leapt on Kyra/Scarlet's handy broom and flew to Federal Way. En route, the pole scrutinized the broom. Then ...

The Fortress
April 19th, 2007, 11:00 PM
After yet another completely unscheduled and unauthorized commerical break from a Lurker/Monster, the powers that be at Federal Way grabbed the pole and the broom (not wanting to discriminate) and whacked swimroom heartily. Swimroom was permanently banned from the forum, taking the GNC crud with him/her and becoming a butterfrogger for life. Even Simon Cowell rejoiced and handed out more twizzlers.

Deprived of their film of choice and lacking originality, all swimmers went to preview Spiderman III and Shrek III. The Sandman reminded them of ...

Seagurl51
April 19th, 2007, 11:02 PM
...that one guy from Sideways, once they noticed there were other people in the movie besides James Franco......

imspoiled
April 20th, 2007, 01:41 PM
ImSpoiled, having arrived in Federal Way, and having fallen asleep during the first 20 minutes of Sideways, was fully tapered and ready to take on Dara Torres in the 50 free, only to learn that Dara had aged up and was no longer a threat. Not deterred by Dara's lame age-up weeks before Nationals, Dana realized that she still had a 50 free grude match with Stud, so Nationals would not be for naught. Also, loving all fashion accessories that compliment a woman with shoulders of a linebacker and a tiny waist, Dana set out in search of the perfect shoes to go with the pole salvaged from the disolving mupjaya hair-suit GNC concotion. As the pole could be both shiny and black, new heels were definitely in order.

Unfortunately, Dana knew nothing of Federal Way that she did not learn in the USMS Forum. Not wanting to spend the entire trip scouring strip malls, she went in search of the perfect shopping companion, who was equally versed in the art of shoe shopping and swimming, AND also knew his or her way around the town. Since Jim T was last seen wearing a prom dress he immediately popped to mind, however.......

poolraat
April 20th, 2007, 01:49 PM
....she searched high and low and he was nowhere to be found. In desparation she wailed. "isn't there anyone who can help with my shopping for shoes and accessories?" and, lo and behold who should appear.....

SwimStud
April 20th, 2007, 01:50 PM
....she searched high and low and he was nowhere to be found. In desparation she wailed. "isn't there anyone who can help with my shopping for shoes and accessories?" and, lo and behold who should appear.....
...followed eagerly by Jim Borkowski....drooling more profusely than usual...



[take that Borky!]

imspoiled
April 20th, 2007, 02:02 PM
[quote=SwimStud;88536]...followed eagerly by Jim Borkowski....drooling more profusely than usual...

Just as long as Bork is not dressed as a sheep and wearing heels....

OK, now back to our story!

The Fortress
April 20th, 2007, 04:34 PM
Jim drooled so much that he lost all bodily fluids and turned into a prune. SwimStud kicked the dry thing away, glad that his frequent tormentor had been silenced, however temporarily. Since he had charmed Imspoiled into giving him a ride on her broomstick, he arrived at Federal Way to swim his 100 IM grudge race. With the Bork eliminated, only KNelson stood in his way. Rich plotted his strategy. He knew that, like himself, KNelson was prone to drowning on the backstroke leg. After mulling his options, Stud went shopping with Dana and the sheep and buy shoes. The two evil doers then hired Tonya Harding, who lives practically right there (Rich was given this tip by the supposed non-cheater Allen Stark), to rapid fire the shoes at Kirk during the breaststroke leg. Stud sprinkled the shoes with the leftover pixie dust from his prior oscar-esque state, so no one saw them and there was no DQ. Stud was so elated by his 100 IM victory that he forgot who he was. He forgot to keep ImSpoiled happy. He forgot to pay her compliments on her broad shoulders and tiny waist. And he forgot that SHE had the pole and the broom. Rightfully feeling ignored and armed with her knowledge of the Stud's evil deed, she hopped on the broom, pole grasped tightly, and went to find ...

imspoiled
April 20th, 2007, 07:24 PM
a Cold Stone Creamery, as all women feeling neglected are want to do. After consuming a mega-sized gotta-gotta have it mud pie mojo (chocolate & coffee being the perfect non-drug prescription), Dana realized that a charming British accent was no substitue for real companionship, like cross-dressing sheep and the Master's swimmers who drool after them. So, Dana reconstituted Jim Borkowski, who insisted on acting revenge on the sweet talking Brit. His evil plan began by...

FindingMyInnerFish
April 20th, 2007, 09:39 PM
His evil plan began by signing SwimStud up for the backstroke leg of the 400 IM. The Pole, finding its consciousness (it had snuck a taste of Cold Stone Creamery goodies), saw this for the stroke of genius it was and decided to jump into the same event in the breaststroke leg. But needing two more team members, the Pole called upon

islandsox
April 21st, 2007, 11:27 AM
called upon the Fortress because the pole knows she cannot complete a 100 fly (he-he) and for the 100 free leg, chose a long distance older swimmer who hates turns, islandsox, thus setting his evil plan into motion. With Simon Cowell who has a gift of bad gab, Simon readied the swimmers to the start. But there was someone with a video camera at the end of the lane; it was Ensignada to try to get the filming correct (again) and with a look of utter horror, she sees SwimStud is going to give it one more try on that 100 back. And Swimstud knows that if he can nail the start and turns, it may only be a 60 yd swim instead of a 100. Now we have Swimstud in the water begging the Pole for magical powers, and we have Fortress whining her head off telling everyone she is older, shorter, and can't finish a 100 fly and now she is hairy which has replaced her Fastskin and she is thinking "something just isn't right, here."

So the crowd grows silent, hiding their laughing mouths with their hands, and Simon gives the start command but it is in British, not American, and all swimmers are confused what bloody blochs mean, so the swimmers in the pool, stand up, and yell at Simon......what are you.....

Caped Crusader
April 21st, 2007, 01:30 PM
what are you doing at a masters swim meet where everyone is supposed to be nice?! Simon glares back intensely, transfixing the relay team, who are then immediately turned into sheep with heels. The pole ...

Seagurl51
April 21st, 2007, 03:59 PM
...the pole flys off into space seeing it's master plan starting to collapse. As soon as the pole is out of the swim center, Simon falls to the floor and awakens as if out of a trance. He then curses Mupjay's hair at which point he is thrown into the pool where he melts on impact never to be seen or heard from again.

At this point, a huge surge of relief sweeps through the pool as everyone realizes they won't have to swim their dread events. When all of a sudden Seagurl, having just emerged from a huge pile of homework and having finally completed reading all 6 pages of this thread and towing a massive dictionary behind her, points out that the pole has vanished. Sheer terror grips the swimmers.

Just then Michael/Rocky walks into the swim center to see what all the commotion is about. FlyQueen and Fortress begin spilling the whole story in hopes that this fabled hero will be able to help them withthe special "Fly" spell to cast a giant protective bubble over the pool to prevent the poles return. With his might their is no way the spell won't work. But SeaGurl, still in a school induced haze, notices something isn't right with Micheal/Rocky. She tackles him into the pool and forces him to swim breaststroke which reveals that it's not the hero, but infact the pole incongnito!! The pole howls with agnoy as breaststroke is the purest of all strokes it causes his evil skin to burn.

SeaGurl collapses in the pool having used all her powers to expose the truth, when suddenly the REAL Michael Phelps, fresh from Leno, dives in and saves her. Wisking her away to a secret room....

The pole continues to howl in agony as the crowd stares in horror. The pole can feel this fear and begins to feed of it growing strong every minute. Ensignada filming all of this begins to realize and calls out to her friends below.......

islandsox
April 21st, 2007, 04:36 PM
and calls out to her friends below, All ewe's out of the pool, ladies first, those with heels, followed by the man ewes! No one knows what she is talking about so Ensignada borrows Seagirl's dictionary and shows them ewe means sheep and now Ensignada knows they are stupid sheep to boot. She yells at them because the pole is gaining strength and magical powers and now morphing again, but because the pole does not have all its strength, all ewes are watching like deer in headlights because they can see it morph. It's Innerfish, no it's the Special K's now, no it's Caped Crusader, no, it is, it is, Muppet with another Mupjaya hairdo and this one is a doozy. It looks like a hot air balloon and steam is coming from it. Now Michael brings Seagirl back from the secret room but the secret is now known because Seagirl is both blushing and her ears look different now, they stick out like Michael's. Oh my, does this Michael thing have powers too? Or is this Michael thing the pole, or another pole?

Everyone is cautiously watching the Michael thing and not aware that the real pole is butterfrogging to the bottom of the pool to drain it. The Michael thing, being a water ancestor with hidden gills, screams for the pole to stop or he will send it to the DAL II TI swim clinic, a two-year stint. The pole, with great fear turns around and.......

The Fortress
April 21st, 2007, 05:01 PM
shouts "accio, broom." The summoned broom speeds over, the pole jumps on and they get the hell out of dodge, which had been quite inhospitable. Tired of space travel, the pole checks itself into the Betty Ford Center to rid itself of toxins and get its shine back on. There, it is surprised to find ... no one ... no swimmers drink or abuse drugs. No one drinks Monkey La Las. Not even vino gurus Cruise and evil Paul Smith can be found. The place is a utterly vacant except for ...

islandsox
April 21st, 2007, 05:21 PM
except for Elvis. After 30 some years, Elvis IS alive and this is where he has been hiding eating fried banana sandwiches and gooey butter cakes for these are his drugs of choice. And Elvis even with his gray hair and still beautiful blue eyes, has a wing of his own because he is the size of the Sears Tower in Chicago. So now the pole is there for rest and rejuvenation because he knows that swimmers are utterly outrageous people due to Chlorine Intoxication. Dave Barra and Peter Cruise who occasionally lecture at the Betty Ford Clinic, are responsible for ridding the pole of its bad behavior, but a pole is a pole, like a snake is a snake, and the pole has a very big surprise for his two counselors. But he must wait until the broom has been re-varnished to make for quicker getaways. The pole is fooling his counselors and very shortly, it will......

3strokes
April 21st, 2007, 07:14 PM
The place is utterly vacant except for ...

... a herd of Us, looking for the pole (who's a "ram") that ...........

Seagurl51
April 21st, 2007, 09:29 PM
The pole was fooling it's conseulers and very soon will have returned to full power. The pole began planning his break out, e-mailing back and worth with broom to plan their midnight ride unbenounced to the rest of rehab staff.

It was time for the pole to break. He escaped and was heading down the hall when all of sudden.....

FindingMyInnerFish
April 21st, 2007, 10:22 PM
He is interrupted by a voice from everywhere and nowhere, asking "Have YOU found your inner fish today?"

The voice even seems to be inside of him as well as in the air. He tries and tries to figure out where it's coming from, but to no avail. "Wicked plot by those counselors, no doubt," he mutters. But the voice persists, and so does the question.

In an attempt to escape, the pole bumps into none other than

newmastersswimmer
April 21st, 2007, 10:25 PM
The pole was fooling it's conseulers and very soon will have returned to full power. The pole began planning his break out, e-mailing back and worth with broom to plan their midnight ride unbenounced to the rest of rehab staff.

It was time for the pole to break. He escaped and was heading down the hall when all of sudden.....


....when all of a sudden the newly reconstituted Bork (thanks to Dana's kindness) intercepted the pole and worked out a special agreeement / treaty with the pole that involved a very sinister plan to work together to seek vengeance on the evil BritWit for kicking me aside when I was in my prune state....It wasn't really my fault about the whole drooling thing anyway....I mean I was in the company of this really hot looking sheep o.k.!! LOL!

The Fortress
April 21st, 2007, 10:45 PM
... But first the broom and the pole had to bust out of the rehab joint before avenging the Bork. So, texting messages on their cell phone to their fans, they put the plot in motion. The next day, an extremely large apple pie arrived at the Betty Ford Clinic with a message. It said, "we know you are sad that you can't take prescription drugs and drink like fish, but this is the best we could do. Please enjoy the baked goods. We couldn't bring ice cream from Cold Stone Creamery because it would melt." The staff was so excited, they wheeled the giant pie inside. Once inside, out of the pie burst the FAF Draculinas and Islandsox, who, having whined enough about their myriad ailments and Mindfully found their inner fish (and had scars from "imprinting" to prove it), were ready for action. They Athletically grabbed pole and broom and swooshed out the door in a Flash, Flirting with the staff along the way. (Oh, Islandsox, the slow turning distance plodder hobbled along, toting a Monkey LaLa and tylenol PM.) They all hopped and hobbled into the waiting corvette and ...

islandsox
April 22nd, 2007, 03:19 PM
into the waiting corvette and lo and behold, the driver of the vet is the Bork's new sheep girlfriend in her high heels and her name is Babette. The Bork is thrilled and thinks he just graduated from the rehab clinic because he has his dream-sheepwoman by his side; what a wonderful graduation gift, thank you Betty Ford and counselors Dave and Peter, he will never swim and drink at the same time again. But there is a transportation problem, the corvette will only hold 4 people and the Bork and Babette are already in the front seat. As islandsox FINALLY limps up to the car, she sees the car is already full of people and it doesn't have room for anyone plus-sized, so she says, what the heck, I am a distance swimmer looking for my Innerfish that was taken from me, and I don't need no stinking DAL II TI Clinic, so I will.....

FindingMyInnerFish
April 22nd, 2007, 11:47 PM
.... so I will swim the distance...

Oh but wait--there is no water nearby, no lake, no river, not even a puddle. However, resourceful people make use of what they have, and I have

Karen Duggan
April 22nd, 2007, 11:51 PM
...found the pole's good twin sista'. She has all the power, like in Bruce Almighty. She IS the Sista Almighty! She not only walks, er, uh, poles on water, she can produce water. She looks at Isox and says, "This one's for you Sox," and she fills the street until it resembles a waterway in Venice. Then...

newmastersswimmer
April 23rd, 2007, 03:10 PM
...found the pole's good twin sista'. She has all the power, like in Bruce Almighty. She IS the Sista Almighty! She not only walks, er, uh, poles on water, she can produce water. She looks at Isox and says, "This one's for you Sox," and she fills the street until it resembles a waterway in Venice. Then...


...Then after the Sista Almighty (i.e. the good twin sista of the pole) turns the streets into waterways, the pole uses the magic pole dust to turn the corvett into a corvette style speed boat.....and races off down the waterways of Federal Way in search of the BritWit (AKA SwimStud) so that Bork and his new sheepish girl friend can exact vengeance upon him.....And now that the roads have been turned into water ways, Isox is able to swim right behind the racing corvette style speedboat ....keeping pace with it all the way until finally the pole stops the boat ....SwimStud is in plain view....Bork begins to drool again (but this time it is most DEFINITELY for a completely different reason than the last droolfest)....he is now drooling over the idea of seeing his evil plan to exact pain and vengeance on the one who so callously kicked him aside when he was a dried up prune finally come to pass!....but just as quickly as the pole was able to spot the BritWit, all of a sudden.....

Kari
April 23rd, 2007, 05:38 PM
....the Special K's showed up again in full force. Especially powerful was Karen, who had just blown the competition away in all of her events at the PMS Short Course Championships this past weekend, especially in the 200 IM (she won her heat!!). Please note that she does not need VO2 Max shampoo or the special Sanjaya Swim Pelt, as she is awesomely powerful without them. Nor does she swim like a bullfrog. OK...anyway....instead of grabbing her dictionary this time, Karen reached deep into her pockets and pulled out.....:bow:

islandsox
April 23rd, 2007, 06:41 PM
..reached into her pockets (a new Speedo brand) and pulled out both a big Golden Scroll which had awarded her Swimmer of the Year for PMS Masters because those other recordbreakers have enough awards now, and from the other pocket she pulled out a British Flag attached to a prune. Karen is very confused by the British Flag prune, but honored with the Golden Scroll, so she turns around to look for the BritWit as he has been in the vicinity. Isox is not swimming as well as normal due to all the recent coughing, but she has been drafting off the speedboat that is now stopped and is finally catching up. Isox is trying to set a new record for keeping up with a corvette speedboat but doubts anyone will believe this one.

The Golden Scroll starts giving the Karen and all of the Special K's a really funny sensation, so they do the most dangerous thing possible even though they don't know it yet. They all start manhandling it (and Babette the sheep is really jealous of this act for the Bork hasn't shown affection since the corvette turned into a speedboat. All of a sudden, the Special K's scream and .......

Caped Crusader
April 23rd, 2007, 09:40 PM
they scream as the Golden Scroll falls to the ground and unscrolls. In stark black letter they read the names of all posters who has used performancing enhancing drugs and been suspended from the forums. They can't believe there are so many. What should they do with the scroll? Publicize the cheaters or blackmail them? As they mull their options over ...

FindingMyInnerFish
April 23rd, 2007, 11:14 PM
... as they mull their actions over, the Scroll morphs into the Pole and starts laughing hysterically, "I've got you all where I want you!," it cackles wickedly. "There's no escaping now. The drug police will be here very shortly, and you'll all be closed into pools heated to ninety degrees and only noodles as pool toys... oh yes, and water aerobics instructors shouting orders to you... "

"Now wait just ONE DARN MINUTE!" shouts the Fortress, who recognizes this list for what it really is.... "You can't fool anyone... these aren't drug users you listed. These are.... "

Peter Cruise
April 23rd, 2007, 11:23 PM
...very active members! Take back your slanderous, nay, in print, libelous smears and salute these dedicated contributors to the spread of swimming knowledge, see there I am, right there with Ande... (Fortress dimples modestly). C'mon sistas we're going shopping for shoes...

The Fortress
April 23rd, 2007, 11:37 PM
... and jackets and bags and earrings and flip flops and more DRUGS. Fortress needs real performance enhancing drugs (those allergy meds just will not do!) because Karlyn Pipes-Nielson just turned 45 and has already broken 16 national SCY records, including those of Islandsox's beloved Laura Val. (Islandsox is comforting herself with MonkeyLaLas and the pole.) Oh, we need to buy many more fastskins too. Those stinkin' things wear out so quickly. (Even when you don't wear them in practice like active poster Ande is always suggesting.) And while we're at it, we'll buy some push up bras even if we don't need 'em. Then, we'll heave them at Kyra. She's been napping again. Napping is not allowed if she wants to be friends with the FAFs Draculinas. Wait, she can't, she's a breaststroker like Karen ... Oh well, Kyra, awakened from her Sleeping Beauty slumber, ;) , grabs the Golden Scroll. It is not, as Cruise attempted to intimate to steer the conversation away from more treacherous controversial waters, a list of hyper active posters, but ...

islandsox
April 24th, 2007, 11:32 AM
..but a list condemning all sprinters to long distance swims in the upcoming Nationals. Fortress and the Special K's gasp at this twist of events and threaten to either boycott the Nationals or swim breaststroke in every single event---badly. Now Ensignada is eavesdropping on their plotting and rushes off to Wal Mart for a brand new video camera so she can secretly video and blackmail them. But what Ensignada does not know is since she is fresh out of the witness protection program, all plotters know who she is now and what she will be doing, so the group whispers to the Golden Scroll to spy on "Barb."

So to mislead our ex-witness protection program benefactor, all the sprinters decide to carry on with their shopping spree only this time, they are going to shop for.......

imspoiled
April 24th, 2007, 12:57 PM
...trench coats & dark sunglasses, so that they can be incognito while spying on "Barb"/ensignada and attempting to foil her video balckmail scheme. Meanwhile, ImSpoiled, who doesn't mind swimming the distance free events, really doesn't understand why a breast stroke protest is necessary--although, she did join in on the shopping spree, and tried to convince the girls that a trench coat is not at all appropriate dress for the MLB Nationals Party. (sorry about the run-on sentence.)

Hearing that the pole was heading to the ballpark after kidnapping the british flag-prune thing and Babette from the corvette....

dvarner
April 24th, 2007, 01:52 PM
[intermission, with apologies]

Full fathoms five my heatsheet lies;
Of its times are laurels made;
Those are goggles that were his eyes;
Nothing of his fastskin that doth fade,
But doth suffer a pool-change
Into something rich and strange.
AskAnde would've served him well,
Ding-dong,
Hark! Now I hear it – false-start, bell.

[restart]

islandsox
April 24th, 2007, 02:59 PM
the Bork is screaming for his Babette, Oh Babette, where for art thou Babette? And Babette spots the Britwit, Swim Stud, and he is carrying the flag with the prune, but the prune is being dragged on the ground screaming in agony because the pole was trying to give life back to the prune and had almost succeeded thereby creating two Borks, big Bork and little Bork, but the transformation is not complete. So SwimStud and Babette rush to the ballpark stadium hunting for their section and seats but Kyra, one of the Special K's, has not reserved those seats just yet. The big Bork is closing in on the Brit who has his gal, Babette, and steam is coming from his ears and nostrils. The love of his life has been stolen away.

So the Brit and Babette are searching for their Mariner's seats and Babette can run faster because she has four hoofs, appropriately painted a hot pink thus she is easy to find. So easy in fact, the pole has already spotted her but the pole sees a herd of Masters swimmers now coming into the stadium, some in trenchcoats, one with a camera, some in swimsuits and they are looking for.....

Karen Duggan
April 24th, 2007, 03:14 PM
they are looking for ...the Golden Rule? He who has the gold, makes the rules. No, that's not right... the Golden Pole, he or she, who has the pole, well, let's not go there either.
I know, they were looking for the scoreboard guy. Yea, that's it. If found, the scoreboard guy said he would put everybody's picture on the JumboTron for all to see. However, incognito, the Special K's would not recognize themselves! And for Babette, she was so excited to be featured on something other than FarmBoymagazine, or a lamb chops label, that she threw off her four heels and...

FindingMyInnerFish
April 25th, 2007, 01:04 AM
threw off her four heels and launched into a seductive Latin dance routine... or it would be seductive if trying to do it on four legs didn't interfere. Still, all assembled began to clap and shout "Lookin' goooood, baby!" Soon others jumped up and joined in the dance, some more expertly than others.

The trenchcoat spy gang, meanwhile, had stood aside from the frenzy, as had Ensignada, who began to record everything on her video camera. By now things were getting out of hand, and everyone forgot why they'd come to a stadium in the first place, seeing there was no baseball or football or lacrosse or rugby or any sort of game going on, just the masses dancing in the aisles, then spilling over the walls onto the field.

Suddenly, amid thunderbolts and fireworks, an amazing figure materializes and

Karen Duggan
April 25th, 2007, 11:55 AM
...an amazing figure materializes and it's Aaron Peirsol! He slinks up next to Babette and starts really getting down. We all look at each other quite surprised. He seems really taken with Babette.

Suddenly, Aaron starts scratching himself all over. He lets out a scream, the itching is too much. He reaches up under his chin and pulls on a hidden zipper. He zips all the way down to his feet, and we're all agape, to find that Aaron is really a SHEEP! (Turns out he didn't want to shave for the Olympics, so he put on Speedo's secret suit, the humanSKIN II.)

We don't know what to do, what to think, so...

newmastersswimmer
April 25th, 2007, 05:24 PM
...an amazing figure materializes and it's Aaron Peirsol! He slinks up next to Babette and starts really getting down. We all look at each other quite surprised. He seems really taken with Babette.

Suddenly, Aaron starts scratching himself all over. He lets out a scream, the itching is too much. He reaches up under his chin and pulls on a hidden zipper. He zips all the way down to his feet, and we're all agape, to find that Aaron is really a SHEEP! (Turns out he didn't want to shave for the Olympics, so he put on Speedo's secret suit, the humanSKIN II.)

We don't know what to do, what to think, so...


....so as everyone is gathering themselves mentally after this new shocking revelation about Aaron Peirsol is now revealed.....Bork has been watching this dirty dancing routine between Aaron and Babette for long enough! When the jealousy meter has finally hit the boiling point, Bork then decides that he must cut in on this dancing exhibition before he loses his sweet Babette forever to this Evil Longhorn.....And as Bork makes his way towards the sheep dancing duo ....right out of the blue the most unexpected thing then happens....

islandsox
April 25th, 2007, 07:47 PM
the most unexpected thing then happens....the pole has alerted the OC representatives and they rush in to where AaronSheep and Babette Sheep are doing the RAMbo and they insist on testing the AaronSheep because they want to make sure he is testosterone positve and not estrogen positive because this will have great impact on his records. And if AaronSheep is indeed a sheep and a male sheep, then they have to create another category for this four-hooved beast in order for him to maintain his great swim records.

So as they have AaronSheep pulled aside, this is the Bork's chance to get back in good graces of his beloved Babette. And because Babette is fickle, she looks at her Bork with great passion coming from her curly haired face. As the Bork looks lovingly into Babette's big brown eyes and bad breath, a camera flash goes off and startles Babette. So much so she starts wailing, "Baa-Baa", so the Bork with fire coming from his nose starts running toward.....

The Fortress
April 25th, 2007, 09:43 PM
... scyfreestyler. Matt is holding that camera he mentioned on the "women are trouble" thread and snapping picks of Jim and Babette like crazy. Why? We don't know. The Bork runs toward him malevolently, but, in a blind rage, knocks over 3strokes. Why? Because he's an ESTP clutz. 3 strokes, normally mild mannered, screams at Jim "You are interrupting my Playboy reading. Get out of my sight." Chastised and deflated, Jim slumps. But then he remembers scyfreestyler and his fire is re-kindled. Jim sees him conversing with Geek and Gull on the topic of professional women and push up bras. This distracts him and his pursuit of the camera. He wonders whether he should pen a new limerick for the "Meaning of Swimming" thread, but realizes this is way to SR. Whilst in his intellectual professorial muddle over what to do, the pole comes and whacks him again. Here's the whack:

:dedhorse:

Once again, Jim falls on 3 strokes. This time, 3 strokes ...

3strokes
April 26th, 2007, 06:34 AM
Once again, Jim falls on 3 strokes. This time, 3 strokes ...
......
really miffed at this interruption while he's still trying to find the Playboy jokes, so that he can prove to .........

FindingMyInnerFish
April 26th, 2007, 06:48 AM
the gathered masses that Playboy isn't all centerfold--an especially important mission, as the issue he's reading features Babette as the month's centerfold, a secret he knows he must protect lest Bork gets hold of the copy and the masses stampede, but I digress....

As he scans the copy of Playboy for suitable jokes for his stand-up comic routine to be delivered later that day at the town's noted comedy club, scyfreestyler, who has taken the centerfold pix of Babette is busy concocting a plot for getting his hands on 3Strokes' copy. But as he tries to sneak up on 3Strokes, he is stopped in his tracks by none other than

islandsox
April 26th, 2007, 12:26 PM
than the Mrs. Bork because the Special Ks went and got her and want her to know that the Bork is a cheater after all. But Mrs. Bork isn't upset at all. Her position is "I've got the checkbook, the house, the kids and the dog," and I would only be upset if he tried to cheat or marry UP. This is a sheep you nitwit Special Ks, and she is laughing her butt off and rolling on the stadium floor. So now 3strokes knows he has a new routine for his comedy club act later in the evening and has decided the Bork and Babette will be central to his act. As he is planning his routine, the counselors from Betty Ford Clinic, Dave and Peter, have finally found their former patients and they are so worried as to how quickly they regressed, they both decide to.......

3strokes
April 26th, 2007, 02:40 PM
Dave and Peter, have finally found their former patients and they are so worried as to how quickly they regressed, they both decide to.......

.....establish a very strict surveillance of the two drumsticks that have been seen following a butt, which if .................

islandsox
April 26th, 2007, 06:41 PM
which if found, they will have to inspect to make sure these are indeed two drumsticks following a butt, but if they are in fact two legs of lamb following a rump, then their surveillance has failed miserably. So the Dave and the Peter Counselors decide to become as invisible as possible with the help of the pole who only wants harm done to Babette even though Dave and Peter are drooling now with the thoughts of a BBQ, the pre-National Tailgate party are entering their minds and Babette is looking pretty darn scumptuous. Bork senses this and begins to weep.

Just at this moment, a familiar sound is heard: Swimmers Take Your Marks and everyone there is in shock but decides to....

3strokes
April 26th, 2007, 08:11 PM
which if found, they will have to inspect to make sure these are indeed two drumsticks following a butt, but if they are in fact two legs of lamb following a rump, then their surveillance has failed miserably. So the Dave and the Peter Counselors decide to become as invisible as possible with the help of the pole who only wants harm done to Babette even though Dave and Peter are drooling now with the thoughts of a BBQ, the pre-National Tailgate party are entering their minds and Babette is looking pretty darn scumptuous. Bork senses this and begins to weep.

Just at this moment, a familiar sound is heard: Swimmers Take Your Marks and everyone there is in shock but decides to....


.........fetch a jar of mint jelly, wich is absolutely necessary to.........

islandsox
April 26th, 2007, 10:08 PM
which is absolutely necessary to add carbo-loading to the protein of Babette's rack of lamb. The Bork hears about Babette's impending demise and her beautiful legs being used to naw on. He is beside himself with the possibility of losing his Babette, so he summons the pole, once his enemy, to help him to find a better way to feed this cannibal crowd, so the pole decides on a plan and that plan is to.....

Karen Duggan
April 26th, 2007, 10:20 PM
... that plan is to contact Speedo and get a humanSkin III for Babette. If they hurry they can stuff Babbette in before anyone suspects. The plan is fool proof. The pole is perfect as the one to help stuff Babs into the suit.

Funny thing is Babbette's new suit looks a lot...

3strokes
April 27th, 2007, 12:19 AM
to the sound of "Silence of the Lambs"




islandsox;89755
...which is absolutely necessary to add carbo-loading to the protein of Babette's rack of lamb. .....


It's past midnight and I'm now feeling ravenous. The closest I have to "rack of lamb" is an Osso Bucco I was saving for tomorrow evening (It's been stewing and marinating for nigh on two days now) but I'm off to raid the fridge.

My intermissions do not include popcorn and soda

3strokes
April 27th, 2007, 12:24 AM
...
Funny thing is Babbette's new suit looks a lot...


...like one of my first Lycra suits (pale yellow) when one of the girls at the club (and a very pretty one at that) shouted to me across the pool's 20 meter's width on a bright (too bright, I guess) sunny Egyptian afternoon that she could see my .....

newmastersswimmer
April 27th, 2007, 03:11 PM
....could see my decision to wear that particular suit was slightly misplaced perhaps.....Now the pole's plan to save Babbette also included kidnapping the BritWit and stuffing him into a sheep skin suit....and then after covering the sheep skin suit in glue and pasting wool all over that to make SwimStud look like Babbette, the pole would offer up Richie Rich as the main course for the BBQ in Babbette's place.....This way the pole and the Bork not only get thier precious revenge on the BritWit, but they also save Babbette from the ravenous hords of USMS Frumites waiting to be fed....

Kari
April 27th, 2007, 06:30 PM
.....because all of them are required to swim the 1650, 1000, 400 IM, 200 fly and 200 breast aside from all of their regular events and they were STARVING. When Aaron Piersol got wind of what happened to his precious Babette....er.....I mean sheep, he went completely ballistic. "I know I shouldn't be in love with a sheep!!!!", he cried, "but I just can't help myself!!! You see, when I was much younger...."

Peter Cruise
April 27th, 2007, 07:56 PM
I fell in love with Lamb Chop, yes, later I realized that she was a puppet, but I fell hard. Whenever I hear bleating, I just melt...

islandsox
April 27th, 2007, 08:59 PM
I just melt and this is why I can swim so fast because my affection for sheep and lamb and chops stirs my inner feelings and this sets off my fast-twitch muscles, thus why I am a record holder. But I have to try to keep my bodily features under control so I always wear a concealing .....

3strokes
April 27th, 2007, 09:04 PM
....keep my bodily features under control so I always wear a concealing .....

......... heavy-duty waterproof and leakproof asbestos suit .........

FindingMyInnerFish
April 27th, 2007, 09:08 PM
<oops, have to revise based on intervening posts>

That shows off my muscles and gives me leverage among

islandsox
April 27th, 2007, 10:41 PM
among all the other sheep swimmers, of which there are more than not. But they don't have the Humanskin III like I do, so even though they try to blackmail me, I always pay them off in order to keep the officials off my rump and to keep them from DQ'ing me. Let's face it, I am loved in the swimming world because no other sheep can swim the stroke I do cause they have great difficulty with their coordination and heavy hooves; mine are the new lightweight Zoomer hooves (red ones) and I can SDK all day long, especially if Ande is singing his songs to me (swoon). The Fortress and the Special K's find me to be their ......

Karen Duggan
April 27th, 2007, 11:19 PM
inspiration. And this truly proves that this is a Masters Horror Flick!

The end?

(We're good, should we make a trilogy?!?)

newmastersswimmer
April 27th, 2007, 11:24 PM
inspiration. And this truly proves that...

The massive heat wave that is wiping out Central America is also frying the Special K's and Fort's brain cells....(just joking of course Donna!!....You know I love you now!!....just think of it as a little payback for the incessant dissing I received at your hands earlier in the story I suppose...remember the Mrs. Bork episode?? LOL!!)

Bork

Karen Duggan
April 27th, 2007, 11:32 PM
Ok then. :applaud:

...frying the Special K's and Fort's brain cells. This, of course, didn't take long. :p ASheep (that's Aaron sheep) has haaaaaad his fill of Babbette. He's moving onto greener pastures. As he moseys...

newmastersswimmer
April 27th, 2007, 11:45 PM
Ok then. :applaud:

...frying the Special K's and Fort's brain cells. This, of course, didn't take long. :p ASheep (that's Aaron sheep) has haaaaaad his fill of Babbette. He's moving onto greener pastures. As he moseys...

Comercial Break:

Nice added Touch I must admit Karen LOL!! :rofl: :rofl: :banana: :banana:


BTW You guys (Les and Special K's) aren't just going to just sit back and take that kind of abuse now are you? LOL!

Now back to our regularly scheduled program:

Peter Cruise
April 28th, 2007, 03:35 AM
as he moseys, he is slowly surrounded by a strangely shimmering strobing shifting cloud and slowly disappears from the story; in his place, looming above all: a pole? a totem pole? nay, a Tall Paul, a bottle of vintage cabernet clutched in one hand and a package of Cheezies in the other while singing "I wish I was a breastroker, alive, alive oh'- when suddenly he looks to stage right, eyes bulging in shock, no, it can't be, yes it is, a figure lurches into view holding a fuel-drum sized marguerita in one hand and the other arm draped around Chuckie- yes it is George, who says...

FindingMyInnerFish
April 28th, 2007, 07:49 AM
a yes it is George, who says...

Drugs? You want drugs? Forget the steroids, forget the testosterone, the EPO, the human growth hormone, and all the other poisons. I have the drug you need. This will make you forget your past swimming problems and focus on staying afloat here and now. It will even make you forget you're a sheep! (which could, by the way, be mildly inconvenient, but what of that!) Drink up now!

He hands the margarita to ASheep, who takes a swig, and turns into

3strokes
April 28th, 2007, 07:57 AM
He hands the margarita to ASheep, who takes a swig, and turns into.....

.........(given that Karen has decreed that he's moving to greener pastures)........

...turns into El Toro Bravo, not noticing that while he's leering at that appetizing herd of cows down the valley and trying to decide which twelve of them he'll be courting this morning, approaching him at an angle, carrying his killing sword (estoque) behind his back, is none other than ..........

3strokes
April 28th, 2007, 08:07 AM
Ok then. :applaud:

:p ASheep (that's Aaron sheep) has haaaaaad his fill of Babbette.


So, in a fit of pique, Babette morphs into
http://userimages.imvu.com/productdata/images_867fa26d4930d45731bb13bc56e3a754.gif
and places this ad in Personals. (Those are indeed sheep
on her 'jamas).

3strokes
April 28th, 2007, 10:27 AM
[[[ PAUSE thread ]]]

Is this Baaaabbette?


http://forums.usms.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=504&d=1177091337


[[[ /PAUSE thread ]]]

newmastersswimmer
April 28th, 2007, 03:25 PM
[[[ PAUSE thread ]]]

Is this Baaaabbette?


http://forums.usms.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=504&d=1177091337


[[[ /PAUSE thread ]]]



PAUSE THREAD AGAIN FOR ANSWER:

yes, that is Babbette....originally posted by Poolraat b/c Muppet declared in an earlier thread somewhere on the SR part of the forum that he always wanted a sheep as a pet.

PAUSE: NOW BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED MASTER"S HORROR FLICK:

3strokes
May 1st, 2007, 08:19 PM
PAUSE THREAD AGAIN FOR ANSWER:


PAUSE: NOW BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED MASTER"S HORROR FLICK:

Is this "The End" ?
It's almost like "Silence of the Sheep"; no post for a few days.

newmastersswimmer
May 1st, 2007, 08:22 PM
Is this "The End" ?
It's almost like "Silence of the Sheep"; no post for a few days.

Kinda like a Jim Morrison song eh?

SwimStud
May 1st, 2007, 08:22 PM
Is this "The End" ?
It's almost like "Silence of the Sheep"; no post for a few days.

Bork's been keeping the sheep busy...

newmastersswimmer
May 1st, 2007, 08:26 PM
Bork's been keeping the sheep busy...


If by sheep you mean Mrs Stud....then yes...LOL! :rofl:

Sorry Rich....but after seeing her picture I couldn't resist now! Think of it as an American version of a compliment o.k. :drink:

Bork

Peter Cruise
May 1st, 2007, 08:42 PM
Thread gasping...must reach out...so much more to do, to say...argh...

3strokes
May 1st, 2007, 08:59 PM
Kinda like a Jim Morrison song eh?

Jim, I'm 64. I have no idea who Jim Morrison is (or what he sounds like).

My style is more: Julio Iglesias, Paul Anka, Harry Belafonte, Nat King Cole, Joan Baez, The guys who sang Tom Dooley (OK, I remember their name now, The Kingston Trio), Everly Brothers, Dalida, Mireille Mathieu, Charles Aznavour, (late, late '40s to mid '60s and then I kind of went collecting some of those oldies, including lots of Flamenco, Spanish classic poetry put to music, Classic (Segovia) and Flamenco (Paco de Lucia) guitar, etc...)

The really, really modern names I can -sometimes- think of, are Celine Dion (who's the opposite of the saying "Sois belle et tais-toi" meaning "Be pretty and Shut up"), Barbra Streisand and what's his name...... (not to diminish the Three (original) Tenors.

Band names I can think of have nothing to do with Flesh-eating, Naked Dead, Zombie Cheek-to-whatevers, ultra-slimaboozaers, but more like Bill Haley and the Comets, (Yes, Rock 'n' Roll did exist in prehistory), the Beatles, and can't think of (or remember) who else.

I guess that this very partial list of some of my favourite songsters and music-sters would qualify this post as a Hitchcockesque-horror post to all the youg'uns out there today.

Are you sorry now, that you mentioned Jim Morrison (and exposed yourself to this sprint down memory lane 8 ? For all I know he could be a baseball, player).

islandsox
May 1st, 2007, 09:38 PM
Drugs? You want drugs? Forget the steroids, forget the testosterone, the EPO, the human growth hormone, and all the other poisons. I have the drug you need. This will make you forget your past swimming problems and focus on staying afloat here and now. It will even make you forget you're a sheep! (which could, by the way, be mildly inconvenient, but what of that!) Drink up now!

He hands the margarita to ASheep, who takes a swig, and turns into

a very handsome bullfrog who invented butterfrogging, so the bullfrog, always heading for water, finds the entrance to the Federal Way pool and starts warming-up ahead of time in preparation for his winning races, both the fly and the breastroke due to his natural ability. And he practices his starts off the blocks and goes way past the 15 meter mark, almost crashes into the end of the pool. Wow, he is good. So now the weird crowd is looking for ASheep who is now a frog and hears water splashing. They see the now morphed bullfrog zipping up and down the lane and are worried that he will be a great contender. But they have a plan; he is not legal because he is a bullfrog, so they decide that if he wins any races, they will turn him in to the officials and have him not only barred, but have him fried for an appetizer. This way his records can be expunged.


The bullfrog is happily zipping in the pool and looks up to see a menacing crowd and goes Riiippppet. Then

FindingMyInnerFish
May 2nd, 2007, 06:33 AM
Then, Newmastersswimmer steps up and announces, "It has come to my attention that certain people here are plotting against my client, claiming falsely that bullfrogs are barred from competing, but a careful review of the rules of this meet mentions NOTHING about bullfrogs and I am prepared to see that my client, now aka AFrog, is not hindered from the rewards he has so obviously earned with his excellent diving, swimming, and frog kicking abilities."

A shout goes up from the back of the crowd, "You're THE MAN!"

"No," says AFrog, "I'm actually a frog, but let's not let that come between us."

His words are almost lost in the din, as the crowd starts to

3strokes
May 2nd, 2007, 07:41 AM
Then, Newmastersswimmer steps up and announces, "It has come to my attention that certain people here are plotting against my client, claiming falsely that bullfrogs are barred from competing, but a careful review of the rules of this meet mentions NOTHING about bullfrogs and I am prepared to see that my client, now aka AFrog, is not hindered from the rewards he has so obviously earned with his excellent diving, swimming, and frog kicking abilities."

A shout goes up from the back of the crowd, "You're THE MAN!"

"No," says AFrog, "I'm actually a frog, but let's not let that come between us."

His words are almost lost in the din, as the crowd starts to

......... hop madly up and forward, then surges towards the free open buffet, mostly fly tidbits and finger and tongue-foods that cost ..........

Kari
May 2nd, 2007, 02:19 PM
a ridiculously large sum of money, which is why it's so expensive to compete. The Babbette Sheepskin II runs approximately $12,000, and no one can possibly afford that, except for the great and mighty Aaron Piersol...oh....and Kyra, because her boyfriend Michael Phelps buys them for her. Anyway...when the Special K's get wind of this, they...

Peter Cruise
May 2nd, 2007, 06:33 PM
erupt in a shopping spree of envy, cards are maxed out, clerks exhausted and after such a compulsive angst-purging, there's nothing like a good...

Kari
May 2nd, 2007, 07:07 PM
massage by the pole. Yes folks, the pole has not left. But by now, after things have especially gotten out of hand, the pole is married to Babbette, which infuriates Aaron. But by this time, Kyra, who has just finished swimming the 400 IM in 3:45 (this is long course, of course), the 1650 in 15:00, and the 200 fly in 1:30, is pregnant with Michael's baby.

Peter Cruise
May 2nd, 2007, 07:25 PM
The world erupts in a unrestrained celebration dwarfing the end of world wars, Wall Street is aflood in free money, clerics of various religions embrace and love, peace and happiness reigns; however, then they have their first fight and what a doozy, over...

3strokes
May 2nd, 2007, 08:02 PM
The world erupts in a unrestrained celebration dwarfing the end of world wars, Wall Street is aflood in free money, clerics of various religions embrace and love, peace and happiness reigns; however, then they have their first fight and what a doozy, over...

............. what in later Chronicles, as recorded by Veteran Historians of the Forumites United team, came to be known as ........

Karen Duggan
May 3rd, 2007, 12:42 AM
...sheep skin seat covers. Who would have thought such a trivial, every day thing, such as car covers could set the world on its ear! But, alas, it's true. It all started when the Special Ks unleashed an unusually unpleasant shopping spree (for the clerks there) at Costco. Karen, realizing finally, that every time she got out of her car, she had wool stuck to her a$$, decided that it was time to buy new seat covers. Costco was having a sale on sheepskin ones.

Unbeknowst to her, or other sprinters, uh- shoppers, Babbette and the Pole were picking out their wedding pattern. They couldn't decide between the Dixie flowered plates, or the Chinette. They looked lovingly at each other, wanting to please their mate when it happened.

The Special Ks were rolling to the checkout with Bork on top of the cart holding his new electric guitar, "airing" it out. Something about "Brown Sugar" or some sort of thing. Babbette turned to see what all the racket was and she caught sight of the seat covers....

newmastersswimmer
May 3rd, 2007, 01:29 AM
***** Comercial Interruption********


Jim, I'm 64. I have no idea who Jim Morrison is (or what he sounds like).

My style is more: Julio Iglesias, Paul Anka, Harry Belafonte, Nat King Cole, Joan Baez, The guys who sang Tom Dooley (OK, I remember their name now, The Kingston Trio), Everly Brothers, Dalida, Mireille Mathieu, Charles Aznavour, (late, late '40s to mid '60s and then I kind of went collecting some of those oldies, including lots of Flamenco, Spanish classic poetry put to music, Classic (Segovia) and Flamenco (Paco de Lucia) guitar, etc...)

The really, really modern names I can -sometimes- think of, are Celine Dion (who's the opposite of the saying "Sois belle et tais-toi" meaning "Be pretty and Shut up"), Barbra Streisand and what's his name...... (not to diminish the Three (original) Tenors.

Band names I can think of have nothing to do with Flesh-eating, Naked Dead, Zombie Cheek-to-whatevers, ultra-slimaboozaers, but more like Bill Haley and the Comets, (Yes, Rock 'n' Roll did exist in prehistory), the Beatles, and can't think of (or remember) who else.

I guess that this very partial list of some of my favourite songsters and music-sters would qualify this post as a Hitchcockesque-horror post to all the youg'uns out there today.


Are you sorry now, that you mentioned Jim Morrison (and exposed yourself to this sprint down memory lane 8 ? For all I know he could be a baseball, player).

Hey I like your taste in music Ahmed! Especially the Beatles (which you listed)....So I'm guessing you don't know who the dude in my avatar is then? LOL!....Anyway Jim Morrison wrote a song titled "The End"....thats why I mentioned it b/c you asked if this was "the end" of the thread.....This is the end...my only friend...the end...and it goes on and on....its the music you hear at the beggining of the movie Apocalypse Now as well.... (if you've ever seen that movie?)

********* Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Horro Flick************

3strokes
May 3rd, 2007, 05:29 AM
newmastersswimmer;91391
***** Comercial Interruption********

..So I'm guessing you don't know who the dude in my avatar is then? LOL!....Anyway Jim Morrison wrote a song titled "The End"....thats why I mentioned it b/c you asked if this was "the end" of the thread.....This is the end...my only friend...the end...and it goes on and on....its the music you hear at the beggining of the movie Apocalypse Now as well.... (if you've ever seen that movie?)

********* Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Horro Flick************


****Another interruption to answer Jim's interruption
a) Thanks for the info
b) Don't you find it "strange" that he sings "the end" and then "goes on and on and -I presume- more ons and ons"?
c) Also -strange, that is- that he sings "the end" at the beginning.
I've heard of the "beginning of the end" but rarely of "the end at the beginning" -except for flashbacks, of course.
**** end of interruption to the interruption

FindingMyInnerFish
May 3rd, 2007, 06:38 AM
...seat covers...

which Bork found quite comfortable for riding in the cart and singing (and, as they approached the register, holding forth on Jim Morrison). Seeing all this, Babette fainted, and as she did so, she fell directly on top of

islandsox
May 3rd, 2007, 10:27 AM
she fell directly on top of her new husband, Pole, who was quite happy about this incident except for her weight. So his smile slowly turned into one of grimace as he tried so hard to .....

3strokes
May 3rd, 2007, 11:05 AM
she fell directly on top of her new husband, Pole, who was quite happy about this incident except for her weight. So his smile slowly turned into one of grimace as he tried so hard to .....

......to ease the pain by applying a lot of mint jelly, all over the ..........

newmastersswimmer
May 3rd, 2007, 11:11 AM
****Another interruption to answer Jim's interruption
a) Thanks for the info
b) Don't you find it "strange" that he sings "the end" and then "goes on and on and -I presume- more ons and ons"?
c) Also -strange, that is- that he sings "the end" at the beginning.
I've heard of the "beginning of the end" but rarely of "the end at the beginning" -except for flashbacks, of course.
**** end of interruption to the interruption

Hey man I don't know anything about no flashbacks o.k. Ahmed! LOL! :rofl: :rofl:

Now back to the story:

mint jelly...all over the fastskin Pro III made of human skin....and then....

Kari
May 3rd, 2007, 11:54 AM
Michael Phelps and Kyra showed up!

(sorry, I need coffee first....) :coffee:

newmastersswimmer
May 3rd, 2007, 12:01 PM
Michael Phelps and Kyra showed up!

(sorry, I need coffee first....) :coffee:

And they looked a bit frayed for some reason? Anyway, I did notice a particular glow coming from Kyra but maybe that was just my imagination.
Micheal and Kyra rushed over to help Babs off of the pole before the poor pole
became damaged beyond repair! The Mint Jelly was making Babs very slippery however and so Micheal and Kyra began screaming for help....and then you will never guess who showed up next....madder than a hornets nest to see his sweet Babbette in such a unflattering position with the pole ...the pole who he thought was his friend and evil cohort once upon a time....

Kari
May 3rd, 2007, 12:07 PM
....it was none other than Aaron Piersol!!! Screaming with jealous rage, he ran over to the pole, yanked it out from under Babbette - mint jelly and all, and began choking it while yelling, "how dare you, you ho!! Babbette was MY sheep, not yours!! How could you....????" yada yada yada. Seeing this, Michael, Kyra, The Special K's, and Bork ran over, grabbed the pole from Aaron, and the struggle began. Slipping on mint jelly.....

3strokes
May 3rd, 2007, 01:02 PM
....it was none other than Aaron Piersol!!! Screaming with jealous rage, he ran over to the pole, yanked it out from under Babbette - mint jelly and all, and began choking it while yelling, "how dare you, you ho!! Babbette was MY sheep, not yours!! How could you....????" yada yada yada. Seeing this, Michael, Kyra, The Special K's, and Bork ran over, grabbed the pole from Aaron, and the struggle began. Slipping on mint jelly.....

......... one of the very very new newbies, said, "Should I be seen by my System administrator participating in such depravity, when he spies on my computer remotely, could I debauch him with the offer of (fast or slow)skins, (multi-flavoured) jellies, poles of undetermined origin and unspecified destinations, and will he just cut off my Internet acc *^&% pfuitt

Karen Duggan
May 4th, 2007, 03:58 PM
Ahhhhmmeeeeeed- come baaaaaaack! You are hysterical :rofl:

Yea. Anyway.

There was so much mint jelly that everyone was slipping and sliding all over each other trying to get up. There was many a "Hey, watch where you're putting hands!" comments. As well, as "Hey, can I watch where you're putting your hands?" But I digress. The melee lasted about 10 min.

When all was said and done, Babbette was missing. 3Strokes had a very gratified look on his face, and his breath wreaked of mint jelly.
"Where's Babbette?!?" Aaron yelled frantically. He ripped of his humanSkinII and started...

3strokes
May 4th, 2007, 06:48 PM
Ahhhhmmeeeeeed- come baaaaaaack! You are hysterical :rofl:

Yea. Anyway.

There was so much mint jelly that everyone was slipping and sliding all over each other trying to get up. There was many a "Hey, watch where you're putting hands!" comments. As well, as "Hey, can I watch where you're putting your hands?" But I digress. The melee lasted about 10 min.

When all was said and done, Babbette was missing. 3Strokes had a very gratified look on his face, and his breath wreaked of mint jelly.
"Where's Babbette?!?" Aaron yelled frantically. He ripped of his humanSkinII and started...

.....to berate 3strokes who shrugged and said, "OK. I just bribed my way back in. (It didn't hurt -not with the mint jelly- that I am the sysadmin and that I love "rack" of lamb. I hope Baabbette is an under-aged Kiwi (am I mixing my metaphors, here? New-Zealander spring lambette, not a fruit. Have I created an inseparable quadrangle or hexagone-gone and way gone-? I'm sure that more than a whole herd (or troop) have been involved with Baabbette.))

I've lost track of my ((( and )))))) (There. I've done it again.)

Guess I'm baaaaaaaaaaack!

Peter Cruise
May 4th, 2007, 07:45 PM
Gandalf recoiled from the glowing ball, glancing sideways at the naughty hobbit (who was busy soiling his pants), and grimly intoned "Sauron grows cocky, spreading his mindless entertainments to sites formerly devoted to discussions of pristine technical exactitude..."
Meanwhile, Gollum had slithered into the room unnoticed (which, considering his usual fishy reek was a testament to the hobbit's state of panic). With all the deftness of a banker he reached into Gandalf's bag of tricks and slowly removed...

islandsox
May 4th, 2007, 08:12 PM
Gandalf recoiled from the glowing ball, glancing sideways at the naughty hobbit (who was busy soiling his pants), and grimly intoned "Sauron grows cocky, spreading his mindless entertainments to sites formerly devoted to discussions of pristine technical exactitude..."
Meanwhile, Gollum had slithered into the room unnoticed (which, considering his usual fishy reek was a testament to the hobbit's state of panic). With all the deftness of a banker he reached into Gandalf's bag of tricks and slowly removed...

Kaizen who is really Sauron because he too spreads mindless all over the world; it is the newest thing to do, mindless or mindful, one in and of itself. So Frodo, our newest best friend yells at Aaron Sheep that Babette has been having her way with everyone in the Horror Flick; she can't help it, if Amanda can pose nude, then she can do the Rambo with anyone who finds her beautiful. And because Aaron is so in love with Babette, he starts bribing people to not sleep with Babette because she may be expecting their baby ewe. But Babettte is a party sheep, she has the body rug to prove it, rug burns and all which she is proud of like earned stripes.

So Aaron is standing there giving away green currency to any and all and is realizing he must do more commercials and specials cause Babs is high maintenance. So Aaron decides to do....

3strokes
May 4th, 2007, 08:39 PM
So Aaron is standing there giving away green currency to any and all and is realizing he must do more commercials and specials cause Babs is high maintenance. So Aaron decides to do....

........... the unspeakable. He brazenly takes hold of ..............

Karen Duggan
May 4th, 2007, 09:59 PM
takes hold of Playgirl magazine. He decides then and there. He must pose nude, to get back his money from the Special K's, et. al. chix (because he knows they'll buy it). He can then wisk Babbette away to a Pole (north or south-neither have sheep) and raise there ewe to be the best sheep ever!

Years later... Aaron's stint in Playgirl opened many other doors for him: front, back, side, and yes, even sliding glass. The French doors were another story.
Aaron and Babbette decided it was time for their charming young sheep to...

imspoiled
May 4th, 2007, 10:23 PM
**Time out**

I thought Kyra was pregnant with MP's baby, you know, the beginning of the supreme swimming race. When did Babette get knocked up and what happened to Michael & Kyra's first fight???

Clearly I missed a few episodes...

**Time in**

3strokes
May 5th, 2007, 02:46 AM
**Time out**


Clearly I missed a few episodes...

**Time in**

Aside:------------------------------
Reruns available on demand.
Sorry programmes out of print.
End of Aside------------------------

FindingMyInnerFish
May 5th, 2007, 06:59 AM
time for their young sheep to be told the facts of life <this part blotted out by admin. but you get the picture> and also to have a name. So they announced a "name Junior" contest in Playgirl Magazine, which by then belonged to them and they could print anything they wanted in it. Many entries came in, including one from Kyra and Michael's new baby, who also by now had begun to learn the facts of life and felt some exploring was needed. Also felt it was time to get a name for <himself? herself? this narrator can't remember that particular detail... help is welcome>....

So finally the entry deadline had arrived, and with all the entries reviewed, a winner was chosen, and it turned out

3strokes
May 5th, 2007, 08:55 AM
So finally the entry deadline had arrived, and with all the entries reviewed, a winner was chosen, and it turned out

...... that the firm of LynchMerrillWeatherSpoonColdWaterhouse & StraddleVarious, who held the sealed envelope containing the winning entry, said that they could not find the &%^%$(& envelope. (Their official statement was worded a bit more correctly.)

It turned that, on that day, they had mailed out the invitations to the Daily Governor's Nudist Ball. The guest list showed 2,8888 names but the auto-stamping machine showed that 2,8889 envelopes had actually been stamped and sent. (If you're wondering at the four digits following the ',' comma separator, it's because the firm of LMWSCWH&SV was using a new 2.33 logarithm-based numbering system to encypher everything.)

So a team of highly skilled Private Investigators was hired to visit all recipients and find out which one had received two envelopes.

They decided to go "en masse" all together rather than spread out.
The very next morning, Joey, Phoebe, Ross, Monica, Rachel and Chandler climbed into the ...............

islandsox
May 5th, 2007, 09:06 AM
Sheep Mobile that Aaron and Babette reserved with his monies from Playboy that he gave to Karen because she is the Sheep Mobile's travel agent. But it really did cost Aaron because it is the only double-decker Sheep Mobile in her fleet. And the driver costs extra of course but there is a big problem, the driver, 3Strokes, will only take Canadian currency so they have to make a side trip to Toronto to exchange currency.

They finally arrive and start questioning everyone, Aaron and Babs, Special K's, Innerfish, the Cruise, well you get the idea. They must know about the two envelopes because this offspring must be named!! Babs swears that there was only one envelope, but being well-trained investigators, they see her chewing on something and get skeptical (did she not like the name in one of the envelopes?), so they throw Babs to the ground, pry open her stinky mouth, and out comes....

Peter Cruise
May 5th, 2007, 09:27 AM
one ring to rule them all...

newmastersswimmer
May 5th, 2007, 09:29 AM
one ring to rule them all...

and one ring to find them....one ring to...

aquaFeisty
May 5th, 2007, 09:48 AM
bring them all and in the lap-pool bind them. In the land of...

3strokes
May 5th, 2007, 10:14 AM
bring them all and in the lap-pool bind them. In the land of...

............. never say "dye", because the parents had sworn that their kid (as we're not talking "goats" here, shouldn't that be "lamb"?) would stay "au naturel" and never, ever change colours (on the surface, anyway), but ...............

FindingMyInnerFish
May 5th, 2007, 04:00 PM
............. never say "dye", because the parents had sworn that their kid (as we're not talking "goats" here, shouldn't that be "lamb"?) would stay "au naturel" and never, ever change colours (on the surface, anyway), but ...............

... thrown into the pool, the unnamed offspring sheep turned not just a new color but many, many new colors, more than matching the best tie-dyed efforts of Jerry Garcia fans... When the crowd saw the multi-colored lamb, they were awe-struck and thunderstruck, amazed, rapt, and bedazzled.

Among the crowd were several admins, who also looked on in wonder... "how did this marvelous creature come to be on this forum without a username," they asked among themselves. Blinded by the brilliance of the colors, they and everyone else gathered in this spot had an epiphany of sorts. They knew immediately as one what must be done, and

3strokes
May 5th, 2007, 04:09 PM
Among the crowd were several admins, who also looked on in wonder... "how did this marvelous creature come to be on this forum without a username," they asked among themselves. Blinded by the brilliance of the colors, they and everyone else gathered in this spot had an epiphany of sorts. They knew immediately as one what must be done, and

........ called on Dolly Parton to sing "Coat of Many Colors" (american spelling, no "u") while trying to name-tag the sheep "Joseph" and offering to sell him (it?) to an Egyptian Pharaoh ..............

Karen Duggan
May 6th, 2007, 11:10 AM
(cue music)

newmastersswimmer
May 6th, 2007, 12:08 PM
(cue music)


...the music from Steve Martin's King Tut kicks in....and then....

(you know for the Egyptian Pharaoh LOL!)

3strokes
May 6th, 2007, 04:02 PM
...the music from Steve Martin's King Tut kicks in....and then....

(you know for the Egyptian Pharaoh LOL!)

, who rises from the deep, deep blue depths, as IslandSox is about 17 miles from her origin and has been swimming towards Utila for "about a year and three months now", but the "mummy" who, quickly unraveling her wrap-arounds, manages to grab .................

Peter Cruise
May 6th, 2007, 04:26 PM
the tired old thread by the throat and shouted "When are you going to give up? Only a few of the tireless continue to service you, the rest are masquerading!" Poor old threadie sniffled and pulled out a cell phone, "Hello, crisis line? I'm feeling hopeless and under-contributed-to. I'm thinking of ending it all if I don't get a transfusion; please send help!"
Just then a large limo pulled up and out stepped Amanda Beard arm-in-arm with Ande. "The big lug was just giving me some stroke tips" breathed Amanda, "He wants to write a song about me...something about Technique versus Conditioning: a ballad, he says". The front door of the limo opened and out stepped the extra-mindful driver who asked "But which is the greater cause of injuries?" A horde of rotten tomatoes then pelted the trio...

islandsox
May 6th, 2007, 06:48 PM
who all ended up with awful shoulder injuries because their fending off the tomatoes was not in good form and their turnover rate was way too high trying to keep those tomatoes at bay. So the mindful one autographed his newest book's copies for them and signed them up for the DAL II clinic and Amanda thought this would be a good job to endear herself once again to the swimming community by offering herself up to be an instructor. But the mindful one being very cautious and leary, told Amanda that

3strokes
May 6th, 2007, 08:20 PM
But the mindful one being very cautious and leary, told Amanda that

..'tis much better to "see" the naked truth than to try guessing who's behind a mask and reaching a wrong conclusion based on a façade (specially if seen from behind).
You, also, risk ending up going home with ................

FindingMyInnerFish
May 6th, 2007, 09:52 PM
..'tis much better to "see" the naked truth than to try guessing who's behind a mask and reaching a wrong conclusion based on a façade (specially if seen from behind).
You, also, risk ending up going home with ................

... the wrong sort of person. Have your parents not discussed the possible consequences of this? Shoulder injuries are the least of your worries if you find yourself alone with, for instance,

islandsox
May 6th, 2007, 10:28 PM
a rainbow colored sheep and a group of crazy master swimmers and investigators traveling in a Sheep Mobile trying to find the envelope containing the name of Babette and Aaron's offspring while Michael and Kyra's baby is learning the facts of life after reading Playboy and seeing Amanda with no clothes. He sees Amanda's picture and goes ugh....the sheep looks so much better to him and because the sheep is rainbow colors, he starts looking for that pot of.....

Peter Cruise
May 6th, 2007, 11:36 PM
weiners and beans, with a group of sheepish looking cowboys sitting around it. "Excuse me" said the tall, loutish one "I didn't mean to offend you, leastwise, not unless you're one of them sidewindin', tutu-wearin' breastrokers who oughta be run out of town on a rail..."
"That would be awful!" protested Amanda "No wonder they call you the Evil One!" Just then a large, oily puff of smoke erupted and when it had cleared, there stood the GoodSmith, complete with 'No scholarships for Aliens' t-shirt.'
"I heard that the EvilOne was causing trouble, so I have 25 seconds or less of rapid motion stored to defeat his nefarious purposes " he rasped.
At that, the to Smiths grappled in neo-Greek fashion while...

3strokes
May 7th, 2007, 07:05 AM
.
At that, the to Smiths grappled in neo-Greek fashion while...

................. over on EvilStroke (AKA broke lower back, scapula, rotator cuff (specially subscapularis and infraspinatus), lumbar vertebrae, glute and sciatica Mountain, two Chiropractors -WMNBN'ed- huddled under the drizzle (coming down in solid, torrential sheets) and watched the raging arroyo's water turn red (and yellow and green and blue and magenta and cyan). They then saw baby lambkins carried downstream to end up against the dam built by Playboy's new logo, the beaver, which thirstily absorbed the various colours (the lambs, not the beaver) and slowly became dyed-in-the-wool. Elle's photographers (and a half-dozen paparazzi WMNBN'ed) gathered round ("Elle" the French magazine, not the other Elle, the McPerson*) and started popping their ................


* the "h" omitted on purpose.

islandsox
May 7th, 2007, 08:19 AM
their beer cans and said "good riddance" we need a drink cause this storyline is not for the faint of heart. The Evil One and Goodsmith battle it out and Amanda thinks it is over her because she is a big celebrity now and it only took one photo shoot not years of training for her water sports. Why didn't she think of this years ago and not waste all those years? Suddenly, she hears splashing and clonking and looks to see that Babette and Aaron's baby is struggling in the water it got swept into. The Beaver yells to the Special Ks, the FAF sistas, Karen, and all the swimmers who are sitting around the campfire with Rich in a tutu, "Aren't you gonna help.....

FindingMyInnerFish
May 7th, 2007, 11:06 PM
their beer cans and said "good riddance" we need a drink cause this storyline is not for the faint of heart. The Evil One and Goodsmith battle it out and Amanda thinks it is over her because she is a big celebrity now and it only took one photo shoot not years of training for her water sports. Why didn't she think of this years ago and not waste all those years? Suddenly, she hears splashing and clonking and looks to see that Babette and Aaron's baby is struggling in the water it got swept into. The Beaver yells to the Special Ks, the FAF sistas, Karen, and all the swimmers who are sitting around the campfire with Rich in a tutu, "Aren't you gonna help.....

"Do you want the poor creature to end getting in the midst of the Smith battle?"

The campfire group all turned at once to see the multi-colored lamb and knew they had to act quickly. They rushed headlong to the water, grabbed the waiting kayaks, and paddled furiously led by the inner fish in them all to where the lamb was struggling. Rich was the first to reach the creature who, upon seeing him clad in his tutu, called "mon frere!" For the lamb was convinced that the tutu was a peculiar kind of wool.

Seeing that the lamb had claimed Rich as brother, Rich was moved and immediately

Peter Cruise
May 8th, 2007, 08:17 PM
booked a flight to Ireland for the whole, extended group. "Let's party!" yelled the usually demure Rich "I am so ready to show my real self!" Everybody else ignored him as they piled into the miraculously-waiting, hauled-out-of-retirement Concorde and jetted off, intent on fun, and perhaps a little mayhem, as well.
The pilot, Jean Luc Concorde, leaned over and whispered to his co-pilot, "Who are these people? They seem very disruptive!"
At that very moment, a loud baa-ing could be heard coming from the passenger area, where...

Pop Tart
May 8th, 2007, 10:10 PM
Babs daughter was crying cause she just found out that the clowns over at the Masquerade Ball just ate her mother. Her dad Aaron is planning Babs funeral. Now what is a little sheep to do except invoke revenge. And she still doesn't have a name, and because they were not married, this makes her an illegitimate.....

3strokes
May 9th, 2007, 09:24 AM
Babs daughter was crying cause she just found out that the clowns over at the Masquerade Ball just ate her mother. Her dad Aaron is planning Babs funeral. Now what is a little sheep to do except invoke revenge. And she still doesn't have a name, and because they were not married, this makes her an illegitimate.....


......... but prime candidate to star on the Menu of "La Maison d'Or", or "Chez Maria Antoinetta" or "La Forchetta colla Jelly-O di Menta". Lesser Restaurateurs wouldn't touch an illegitimate lambin with a ten-foot skewer.

Pop Tart
May 10th, 2007, 08:12 AM
......... but prime candidate to star on the Menu of "La Maison d'Or", or "Chez Maria Antoinetta" or "La Forchetta colla Jelly-O di Menta". Lesser Restaurateurs wouldn't touch an illegitimate lambin with a ten-foot skewer.

Nor would she put herself in the position to be an appetizer at her tender age. So the pilot and co-pilot Jean and Dean Luc Concorde tell the flight attendant to not serve those lamb appetizers for fear of a stampede so they opt for the grass cakes instead with a little trough water. Babs' daughter calms down for a moment until.....

Peter Cruise
May 10th, 2007, 09:38 AM
they realize that somone had way too much garlic in their meal. As the the passengers choke and gasp while the oxygen masks drop down, Rich wears a guilty smirk and proclaims...

SwimStud
May 10th, 2007, 09:46 AM
"...I'm sorry guys but it's the anti anxiety pill that I take before flying..."
Rich then turns to the glass of Jack Daniel's on the fold down table and pounds the fire liquid down his throat..."Another please..." he asks the Stewardess...

"Do you workout?" she asks in a Scottish accent.
"Well, yes..a little bit.." Rich answers slightly bemused.
"I can tell!" she smiles
"It's not me...it's the sweatshirt..." Rich modestly asserts.
"No, it's not..." she says mischieviously...


(OK I'll halt the biographical part here Yes that is a word for word exchange with me and a Stewardess about 12 years ago. Sadly, I was already married--but it still counts!)

3strokes
May 10th, 2007, 10:16 AM
"...I'm sorry guys but it's the anti anxiety pill that I take before flying..."


(Aside)
Shame on you for remembering it word-for-word (even if your memory is perfect). The Flight Attendant (back in my days they were Stewardesses and Air Hostesses) must have been quite attractive.
(/Aside)

He was interrupted by the hostess who came running back from the galley. Panting, she asked, "Did you already take those three anti-anxiety pills I gave you?" He replied, "Yes, of course." "Uh, Oh!" said she. "I'm afraid we'll have to move you from First Class down to the unpressurized Cargo hold. :mooning: Those were Laxatives, stowed in the wrong Nightstand drawer instead of where the Cockpit crew stashes their party drinks, under the Loveseat."

Pop Tart
May 10th, 2007, 11:07 AM
(Aside)
He was interrupted by the hostess who came running back from the galley. Panting, she asked, "Did you already take those three anti-anxiety pills I gave you?" He replied, "Yes, of course." "Uh, Oh!" said she. "I'm afraid we'll have to move you from First Class down to the unpressurized Cargo hold. :mooning: Those were Laxatives, stowed in the wrong Nightstand drawer instead of where the Cockpit crew stashes their party drinks, under the Loveseat."

And SwimStud yells at the top of his lungs, You Idiot, and at this very moment he lets one blow and the cargo door explodes sucking him, Jean and Dean, and Babs' baby into the great unknown night sky. The good news is they all have on Speedo's latest ShortFastSkins and they pull the cords and big tents open up behind them. Now they know they will not purchase these items because they cause great drag--good for now---bad for swimming. But Babs's baby has a really big problem, her Speedo ShortFastSkin does not come in 4-hoof size and she starts barreling towards the earth yelling......

FindingMyInnerFish
May 10th, 2007, 12:39 PM
back to earth, yelling...

"Thank God for water landings!"

With that she splashes down and begins to swim a breaststroke that would be the envy of Swimstud from whom she had learned by osmosis. Or something.

Through the wine-dark sea did she breaststroke fearlessly and fast, until she reached land, where she found

Karen Duggan
May 10th, 2007, 03:49 PM
a land untouched by man (or so she thinks).

She takes a brief nap on the beach, and when she wakes up...

3strokes
May 10th, 2007, 04:19 PM
a land untouched by man (or so she thinks).

She takes a brief nap on the beach, and when she wakes up...

..........on a French topless beach ............

Nightstand
May 10th, 2007, 10:21 PM
which she does not recognize as being strange because she's been au naturel all her life only covered in curly wool. So while on the beach, Bab's daughter who has no name so she will take the interim name of Flo for ease of writing purposes, sees waiters delivering drinks to the tourists sunning themselves. She lays back in a lounge chair because the ride from plane to earth was rather devastating and asks the waiter for Trough Water. The waiter asks for her credit card because she doesn't look like she belongs on the Riviera. So she pre-imprints the slip of paper with her hoof, and the waiter's eyes light up and he says to her....

FindingMyInnerFish
May 11th, 2007, 08:02 AM
... he says to her,

"Ooooooh, it's YOU! I remember your picture from that name the lamb contest. So what did you turn out to be named?"

"What name the lamb contest?" Babs' daughter asked. "I never heard of anything like that. I have no clue what my name is since no one told me."

"Well," said the waiter. "For the purposes of communicating with you, why don't we go with the name I gave you in the contest, since no one seems to have made any decision. I've always been a go with the flow kind of a guy, so my pick was Flow, but since no one calls anyone Flow, I shortened it to Flo. And it fits you anyway because you seem to have flowed in with the tides. So welcome, and let me get you your drink."

"Well, I hadn't really thought of myself as a 'Flo,' but I'm tired of namelessness, since it interferes with a lot of things, like taking books out of the library about where I came from or about learning new strokes besides that breaststroke I learned from my long lost brother, I think he's called Swimstud. So whatever... Flo it is."

At this point, their conversation is interrupted, as someone from two tables over recognizes Flo and approaches her table. It turns out to be...

3strokes
May 11th, 2007, 08:56 AM
...
At this point, their conversation is interrupted, as someone from two tables over recognizes Flo and approaches her table. It turns out to be...

......... Le Maitre Nageur who is followed by two very dissimilar twins each wearing a Teh-shirt (this is France where "t" is "teh"). One is very tall and the other almost a dwarf. Le Maitre nageur introduces them, "Zis is Ebb-tide Marée and Zis is Neap-tide Marée and they have a complaint. It seems a new flow (Flo?) has landed on what should have been Normandy but ended up being the Riviera (and no one saw her going through Gibraltar). She is unshaven and her fleece has absorbed so much C-water that they can no longer do their synchro and --also-- every one on the Riviera is coming down wiz le floo. Can we ring you out (valet service out of France) or, at least, wring you out?"

To which Miss Nightingale replied, "I believe that you have the wrong Flo. Bah and Humbug!" ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Pop Tart
May 11th, 2007, 09:00 AM
......... Le Maitre Nageur who is followed by two very dissimilar twins each wearing a Teh-shirt (this is France where "t" is "teh"). One is very tall and the other almost a dwarf. Le Maitre nageur introduces them, "Zis is Ebb-tide Marée and Zis is Neap-tide Marée and they have a complaint. It seems a new flow (Flo?) has landed on what should have been Normandy but ended up being the Riviera (and no one saw her going through Gibraltar). She is unshaven and her fleece has absorbed so much C-water that they can no longer do their synchro and --also-- every one on the Riviera is coming down wiz le floo. Can we ring you out (valet service out of France) or, at least, wring you out?"

To which Miss Nightingale replied, "I believe that you have the wrong Flo. Bah and Humbug!" ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

:rofl: wring me out, new flow :rofl: continue on...

newmastersswimmer
May 11th, 2007, 09:46 AM
******* Commercial Break*************


"...I'm sorry guys but it's the anti anxiety pill that I take before flying..."
Rich then turns to the glass of Jack Daniel's on the fold down table and pounds the fire liquid down his throat..."Another please..." he asks the Stewardess...

"Do you workout?" she asks in a Scottish accent.
"Well, yes..a little bit.." Rich answers slightly bemused.
"I can tell!" she smiles
"It's not me...it's the sweatshirt..." Rich modestly asserts.
"No, it's not..." she says mischieviously...


(OK I'll halt the biographical part here Yes that is a word for word exchange with me and a Stewardess about 12 years ago. Sadly, I was already married--but it still counts!)


Yaeh but you conveniently left out the part about how that person depicted in your avatar was the actual stewardess that day Rich! You got to provide all the facts now Rich when you tell a story like that cmmon!! :rofl:


******** Back to the regularly scheduled program**************************

MOONBEAM
May 13th, 2007, 05:15 PM
......... Le Maitre Nageur who is followed by two very dissimilar twins each wearing a Teh-shirt (this is France where "t" is "teh"). One is very tall and the other almost a dwarf. Le Maitre nageur introduces them, "Zis is Ebb-tide Marée and Zis is Neap-tide Marée and they have a complaint. It seems a new flow (Flo?) has landed on what should have been Normandy but ended up being the Riviera (and no one saw her going through Gibraltar). She is unshaven and her fleece has absorbed so much C-water that they can no longer do their synchro and --also-- every one on the Riviera is coming down wiz le floo. Can we ring you out (valet service out of France) or, at least, wring you out?"

To which Miss Nightingale replied, "I believe that you have the wrong Flo. Bah and Humbug!" ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Flo is not happy with these comments about her wool, so she decides to leave this terrible place, The Riviera, and not pay the bill for her rice cakes and trough water. She calls for the waiter, "Hey, Monster, uh, Monsignor, uh, WAITER, give me my tab. She has already decided to commit fraud, watch this: she imprints her credit card with the Left Hoof, not right one hee-hee. And she adds a huge tip knowing the charge will be declined. Flo hoofs it outta there in search of......

3strokes
May 13th, 2007, 09:38 PM
Flo is not happy with these comments about her wool, so she decides to leave this terrible place, The Riviera, and not pay the bill for her rice cakes and trough water. She calls for the waiter, "Hey, Monster, uh, Monsignor, uh, WAITER, give me my tab. She has already decided to commit fraud, watch this: she imprints her credit card with the Left Hoof, not right one hee-hee. And she adds a huge tip knowing the charge will be declined. Flo hoofs it outta there in search of......

.......... greener pastures?

But, wait ................
What is that green glob, sliming (is that a word?) its way down the Alps, across the Rubicon, and the Topaze-con and the Emerald-con? It oozes its way across Monaco (but it doesn't like it much, it's rainier there). It grabs Flo by the hoof (Flo is still too weak from laughing so HarHarHard at swindling Jean-Marc-Philippe-Gauthier-Hugo-Cyrano de d'Artagnan (the waiter) and (the glob) carries her (Flo) along, across the Pyrenees and down into Barcelona where it's the annual running of the ........................... sheep (for the Toros you have to go farther North to Pamplona). Only, in Barcelona, they being Catalanes, they do things differently; there it's the guys in white, with red kerchiefs who run after the sheep carrying huge butcher knives (the guys carry the knives. Pay closer attention please)..

Flo screams and ..............

Peter Cruise
May 13th, 2007, 11:21 PM
Flo screams and returns to a world of American cuisine. Yes, she is suddenly transported to an anonymous mall where she is being chased by a giant ketchup bottle and hordes of hungry, overweight shoppers. "This is horrible,"
bleatas Flo "where, oh where, will my salvation come from?" Suddenly there is a deafening air expulsion-noise and a crippled Concorde settles gently down on the food court, cushioned fron crashing by Rich's gaseous profusion. All of the regulars are there, albeit highly nauseated....

FindingMyInnerFish
May 14th, 2007, 07:12 AM
Flo screams and returns to a world of American cuisine. Yes, she is suddenly transported to an anonymous mall where she is being chased by a giant ketchup bottle and hordes of hungry, overweight shoppers. "This is horrible,"
bleatas Flo "where, oh where, will my salvation come from?" Suddenly there is a deafening air expulsion-noise and a crippled Concorde settles gently down on the food court, cushioned fron crashing by Rich's gaseous profusion. All of the regulars are there, albeit highly nauseated....

They flow out of the Concorde, with amazed mall shoppers standing by, forgetting all about Flo or ketchup or what they were going to do with the ketchup, and instead watching transfixed as Rich, the FAF sistas, the Special K's, and the Smiths gather in front of them. As one, these displaced Concorde passengers demand to be shown the Speedo shop, whereupon a mall security guard is summoned.

The guard whips out his radio and says

IMNAUGHTY
May 14th, 2007, 11:32 AM
"Um, Seattle, we have a problem."

As everyone stands around looking a bit ticked, because they can't immediately see the Speedo shop, Flo looks over and see her long lost cousin 'K'.

"Kaaaaay, is thaaaat you?" and she rushes over, all four hooves sliding all over the slippery tile of the mall.

"Shirley, is that you?" K smiles and rushes to embrace the sheep.

"You called me Shirley? Is THAT my name? Well, that's what I named you. There never was a winner picked out. I chose Shirley 'cause it rhymes with curly, and Shirley the Sheep sounded kinda cute."

"Oh. You'll never guess what's happened to me. And why are you all greenish looking in the face?" K looked over at Peter, annoyed.

"Well, let's pick up where we left off shall we..."

MOONBEAM
May 15th, 2007, 09:17 AM
"Um, Seattle, we have a problem."

As everyone stands around looking a bit ticked, because they can't immediately see the Speedo shop, Flo looks over and see her long lost cousin 'K'.

"Kaaaaay, is thaaaat you?" and she rushes over, all four hooves sliding all over the slippery tile of the mall.

"Shirley, is that you?" K smiles and rushes to embrace the sheep.

"You called me Shirley? Is THAT my name? Well, that's what I named you. There never was a winner picked out. I chose Shirley 'cause it rhymes with curly, and Shirley the Sheep sounded kinda cute."

"Oh. You'll never guess what's happened to me. And why are you all greenish looking in the face?" K looked over at Peter, annoyed.

"Well, let's pick up where we left off shall we..."

Wherever that was or is to be, Flo who is really now Shirley because her cousin K has precedence in naming her because she's family, Shirley begins to tell K about her adventures. She's a world traveler now but all she really wants is a nice pasture and to find Aaron, her almost step-dad. She remembers those crazy swim people so maybe they can help her. But she has one bad memory, there was a fellow on the Concorde who cut a big one and this caused her to parachute to earth; not a pleasant thing for a sheep, so as she is looking for the Special Ks, Michael Phelps, Fortress, Innerfish, Islandsox, etc., she hears tremendous laughter coming from the
mall's Speedo shop. Shirley and K gallop through the entrance doors and see everyone they were looking for, including the Pole who is behind the cash register with a smurky-looking......

3strokes
May 15th, 2007, 08:22 PM
............. smurky-looking......

.person named 3strokes, who wants to tell you all about a horrific movie I (i.e., he) just saw (parts of). It was called "Clash of the Titans".
I flipped to that channel as the head of a Goddess (of sorts; she was a statue) falls and casts a curse on the "Greeks?" (Andromeda's legend says it was Ethiopians). Anyway the King and Queen are given 30 days before sacrificing their daughter Andromeda by chaining her to a rock or cliff for a sea-monster to eat. The Goddes does specify that she must be a beauty, a virgin, of royal blood, of perfect bla-bla-bla (a description of Andromeda). So, Perseus, who is in love with her goes on an adventure (practically the whole movie) to get the secret of killing the Kraken from the Stygian witches, battles Medusa, after slaying the two-headed dog, crosses the Styx and battles God-knows (or the Gods know) how many dragons and semi-beasts, etc..............

Is that stupid or what?
All he had to do to DQ Andromeda
from the sacrifice was to
....................
..........................
..........................
..........................
..........................
..........................
....... deflower her.

Back to our regular Masters horror flick....................