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The Fortress
July 5th, 2007, 07:00 PM
Anyone read the recent NYT article called the "Shelf Life of Bliss"? Seems that the seven year itch has been reduced to three years ... I just had a chance to scan it. Couldn't really tell if that meant increased infidelity, shorter marriages, or more miserable married couples.

SwimStud
July 5th, 2007, 07:01 PM
Anyone read the recent NYT article called the "Shelf Life of Bliss"? Seems that the seven year itch has been reduced to three years ... I just had a chance to scan it. Couldn't really tell if that meant increased infidelity, shorter marriages, or more miserable married couples.


...or D) All of the above!

:rofl:

Peter Cruise
July 6th, 2007, 12:05 AM
Sheer twaddle.

The Fortress
July 6th, 2007, 12:32 AM
Sheer twaddle.


So I guess that breaststroker wife of yours helped you past the 7 year itch? I made it past that all right as well.

(What's that signature? I think I need a translator for that. I'm too old school.)

bud
July 6th, 2007, 01:27 PM
here is a direct link to the article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/01/fashion/weddings/01marriage.html

“What’s keeping people together is their love and commitment for each other,” Professor Musick said, “and that’s fragile.”
...
Raoul Felder, the celebrity divorce lawyer whose favorite aphorism is that marriage is the first step on the road to divorce, says marital longevity has fallen victim to the velocity of our souped-up society.

“We’re all addicted to a television-clicker lifestyle,” he said.
...
“At times, sure, I’m bored,” said Sean Meehan, 51, a therapist from West Hartford who has been married for 14 years. “Who isn’t? But you talk about it with your spouse and you can switch things up.”

“People are so used to everything being disposable,” he said. “They throw out diapers, lighters, coffee cups, so they can throw out a marriage.”
...
...as Paul D. Neuthaler, a divorce mediator in Westchester, said: “The fizzle tends to bubble out within a three- to five-year period when the basis for the marriage was purely physical or related to some attraction not closely associated with each partner’s essential character.”

....

islandsox
July 7th, 2007, 11:00 AM
Well, I don't get the NYT or any paper for that matter. But I'm surprised that it wasn't always three years instead of seven LOL with people's mindset being, well, I can always get a divorce!! We've managed 25 years and are happier today than years ago!! I'd say our shelf life of bliss is quite intact today!!

SwimStud
July 7th, 2007, 11:28 AM
I'd say our shelf life of bliss is quite intact today!!
..she said sipping a rum cocktail on the beach, in the warm tropical climate, where there is no power half the time...what to do?..what to do?.. :kiss1:



:lmao:hehehe

The Fortress
July 8th, 2007, 10:22 PM
Well, I don't get the NYT or any paper for that matter. But I'm surprised that it wasn't always three years instead of seven LOL with people's mindset being, well, I can always get a divorce!! We've managed 25 years and are happier today than years ago!! I'd say our shelf life of bliss is quite intact today!!

I thought you and hubby were opposites! I generally think that opposites attract, but don't always make the best companions down the line. Often when people retire and find they have nothing in common (although I realize this is somewhat different than being "opposites"), the relationship goes down the tubes.

I guess you are just one hot chick from putting in all those miles! :banana:

I realize divorce is a favorite sport in many places. In my neighborhood, it's the opposite. Of course, the kids are still fairly young. The 3 year shelf life where you ditch the spouse must take place pre-kids?

scyfreestyler
July 9th, 2007, 01:41 PM
Nothing worthwhile comes easy.

CreamPuff
July 9th, 2007, 04:08 PM
The 3 year shelf life where you ditch the spouse must take place pre-kids?

I would have guessed that shelf life is longer if there are no kids.

Hubby and I could be in trouble. We are polar opposites. 10 yrs together. Married 5 of those 10.

I'll check back in in another 5.

jim clemmons
July 9th, 2007, 06:20 PM
I think bliss is related to bling. A "bliss/bling thing" if you will.

For a guy, if he will occassionally remember to give her some bling, he'll get the bliss in return.

The Fortress
July 9th, 2007, 11:11 PM
I would have guessed that shelf life is longer if there are no kids.

Hubby and I could be in trouble. We are polar opposites. 10 yrs together. Married 5 of those 10.

I'll check back in in another 5.

More time for romance, travel and fun without the kidlets, to be sure. But once you have kidlets, you are less apt to throw out the relationship and start over at the first sign of trouble or lack of bliss.

My hubby and I are pretty similar. Except he's more hyper and Type A. :rofl:

Jim makes a good point. Bling is good. Right now, though, I would consider an FS Pro bling. :lmao:

CreamPuff
July 10th, 2007, 09:41 AM
I agree on the bling thing.

Hubby: Offers any and all bling.

And, to bring it up one more notch. . .

Wife happily declines b/c she doesn't feel a need for it and understands compounding interest.

Minimizes :argue: and maximizes :hug::hug:

Blackbeard's Peg
July 10th, 2007, 10:14 AM
I recall a chat I had with one of my good friends/ roommates while we were in college about girls and relationships. He was telling me that in terms of bf/gf stuff, you generally spend 6-9 months working your physical attraction (ie making out at the movies, holding hands on the way to the dining hall, etc...), and then at that point, its time for the deeper attraction to take root (the "ok, I enjoy making out with X; now do I actually enjoy spending time/ hanging out with and getting to know X?" part). Thats when things seem to fall apart.
relationship = :notworking:
A little less mature subject matter, but I guess its the same general concept.

SwimStud
July 10th, 2007, 10:45 AM
Does tiling and painting etc. count as bling??

I don't buy flowers either...at least not on St. Valentine's day, birthdays, or other "expectant" days.

Listening and being there for her when she has to vent, general compassion and sympathy...these are the grease for the "watching the ball game without interruption" wheels...

Question: Why does the garbage have to be taken out "now" why is "later" not acceptable?
:dedhorse:


*lights at arm's length and stands well back*

ensignada
July 10th, 2007, 10:47 AM
I think the danger spots are when you and your spouse get so busy with the day to day things - jobs, feeding and watering of children, nest feathering - that they eclipse your relationship as husband and wife and you feel more like roommates/colleagues. In my house, we only have one job and one child and it *still* happens. Thankfully, a day or an evening alone almost always brings out "Oh yeah, *that's* why I married you." It's something that you have to be aware of and stay on top of.

SwimStud
July 10th, 2007, 10:50 AM
Thankfully, a day or an evening alone almost always brings out "Oh yeah, *that's* why I married you." It's something that you have to be aware of and stay on top of.


There's not enough "Oh yeah that's why I married you" in my house....kids take all our energy!

:joker:

ensignada
July 10th, 2007, 10:50 AM
Tiling, painting, staining and general installation count as bling - as does emptying the dishwasher and putting the coffee on before I come downstairs, as does cracking me up on a regular basis.

I can buy my own bling.

ensignada
July 10th, 2007, 10:53 AM
There's not enough "Oh yeah that's why I married you" in my house....kids take all our energy!

:joker:

Like I said - you have to stay on top of it - and we're no better than most. You have 2 kids and 2 jobs to work around, so it's even harder. I just think with 17 years under our belt, we have a little more tolerance for screwing up.

SwimStud
July 10th, 2007, 10:55 AM
Tiling, painting, staining and general installation count as bling - as does emptying the dishwasher and putting the coffee on before I come downstairs, as does cracking me up on a regular basis.

I can buy my own bling.

"General Installation" I could really go off on that one!:joker: snicker snicker

...but I'll just say provided General Installation does not hand over the DIY campaign to Major Catastrophe things are good. If the Major shows up to take command I start getting pretty aggravated...

The Fortress
July 10th, 2007, 10:55 AM
There's not enough "Oh yeah that's why I married you" in my house....kids take all our energy!

:joker:

The garbage has to be taken out right away because, if you've gone to the trouble of cleaning up, you want it out of your sight and the house to look pristine. And a hubby who cooks and cleans is pretty fantastic. I hate cooking and cleaning, so any help I get is awesome!

As for kids, they are energy zappers. That's why most women I know are asleep at 9:30 or 10:00 pm. Then there's no adult time. No adult time = trouble. Date night is good.

I can buy my own bling too, but I have to say that Mr. Fort is an excellent gift giver.

SwimStud
July 10th, 2007, 10:56 AM
Like I said - you have to stay on top of it - and we're no better than most. You have 2 kids and 2 jobs to work around, so it's even harder. I just think with 17 years under our belt, we have a little more tolerance for screwing up.

17 years for me in October...you don't even get that for mugging old ladies for their social scecurity checks!

MichiganHusker
July 11th, 2007, 12:21 AM
I think it is ok to have differences with your spouse, you need to have some separate interests and friends. But I still think people should marry someone who is their best friend - I can honestly say that I truly enjoy being with my husband and we have alot of fun together.

Live, Laugh, Love (or something like that).

My husband and I are so different in so many ways, but the things that really matter - intellect, morals, character, attitude, etc we share completely. We believe we are an equal partnership and we both take ownership of our relationship and share in its nurturing.

Granted, I've only been married 9 years, but I am happier today then I was pre-marriage. Having been a divorce lawyer for approx. 6 years (got out of that as soon as I could!), I think that people rush into marriage because they are "in love." Yes, this is an essential element, but there are so many other things to consider for a long term healthy marriage. There is no "perfect" marriage, because we are all human, with emotions, needs, fears, etc. Therefore, I think successful marriages are the ones where the couples still look at each other with love and respect. I love seeing older married couples who absolutely love being together. :kiss1:

Here are my 5 top tips to a happy marriage:
1. Always kiss hello, goodbye, good night, good morning (throwing in a hug is good too, but optional).

2. Pick your battles! Don't criticize your spouse for every mistake s/he makes, especially small ones that don't matter.

3. Sometimes when you are in a bad mood or annoyed by your spouse, it is better to just keep it to yourself and fake it. You don't need to express every single emotion 100% of the time.

4. Treat your spouse the same as your friends, i.e., be polite! Remember to say please and thank you. Example: Every time one of us cleans the kitchen or does a chore, we thank each other. Seems silly, but it really is great to hear my hubbie say "Thank you for cleaning the kitchen" after I have worked just as long of a day as he has.

5. If you have kids, don't forget to take some time out for date night. I don't have kids, but I see couples who forget about the spouses and it is only about the kids.


I'll get off my soapbox now! :p

3strokes
July 11th, 2007, 12:14 PM
I would make "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus" mandatory pre-marital reading (and I wouldn't object to an examination with 80% passing grades required to grant a marriage license. In that test I would also include a lie-detector test so that examinees would not give the answers they know should be given -for passing- but that they do not intend to apply to their relationships lives).

The Fortress
July 14th, 2007, 12:11 AM
I would make "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus" mandatory pre-marital reading (and I wouldn't object to an examination with 80% passing grades required to grant a marriage license. In that test I would also include a lie-detector test so that examinees would not give the answers they know should be given -for passing- but that they do not intend to apply to their relationships lives).

The problem is that not all women are from Venus!

I think Susan's point #3 is very accurate.

It's odd, the divorce lawyers I know are all happily married. Guess they learned something on the job. Glad you got out though Susan! I think being a divorce lawyer would be fairly horrific.

MichiganHusker
July 14th, 2007, 01:08 AM
The problem is that not all women are from Venus!

I think Susan's point #3 is very accurate.

It's odd, the divorce lawyers I know are all happily married. Guess they learned something on the job. Glad you got out though Susan! I think being a divorce lawyer would be fairly horrific.

Amen to that! Hey Fort, why are you pitching a tent?

imspoiled
July 17th, 2007, 02:49 PM
Listening and being there for her when she has to vent, general compassion and sympathy...these are the grease for the "watching the ball game without interruption" wheels...



Stud, if you interrupt her when she's trying to watch a ball game, you deserve all the grief you get! :thhbbb:

Love you!

SwimStud
July 17th, 2007, 03:11 PM
Stud, if you interrupt her when she's trying to watch a ball game, you deserve all the grief you get! :thhbbb:

Love you!

I don't even watch the ballgame... I'm normally wowing the lifeguards with my mastery of 'fly and backstroke...

ensignada
July 17th, 2007, 05:47 PM
Gag, gag, gag....

Karen Duggan
July 26th, 2007, 09:24 PM
Someone mentioned being "bored sometimes" but they talk about it, blah, blah. BORED? I can honestly say in (almost) 12 years of marriage (Aug 12), bored is a word that would NEVER enter into a description of it. I did marry my best friend, and I'm glad I did, any other less tolerant man would have divorced me a long time ago! :smooch:

SwimStud
July 26th, 2007, 10:36 PM
My favourite quote:
"No matter how beautiful, and sexy he/she looks...someone somewhere is sick and tired of their crap!"

:rofl:

...and I didn't see it on a T-shirt in Wildwood, NJ!

PS 50 LCM pool open in Brookfield if you're visiting CT in the summer KD!

SwimStud
July 26th, 2007, 10:47 PM
so good I posted it twice!

imspoiled
July 27th, 2007, 12:20 PM
My favourite quote:
"No matter how beautiful, and sexy he/she looks...someone somewhere is sick and tired of their crap!"

:rofl:

...and I didn't see it on a T-shirt in Wildwood, NJ!

PS 50 LCM pool open in Brookfield if you're visiting CT in the summer KD!

I imagine the high brow t-shirt slogans one encounters in Wildwood, NJ would make one :blush:. Surely, they do not need to be :censor: for the family crowd?

Actual t-shirt spotted on a 20-something in Ocean City, NJ-- "I (heart) Hot Moms." I told my hubby he better watch out...:bolt:

SwimStud
July 27th, 2007, 12:25 PM
I imagine the high brow t-shirt slogans one encounters in Wildwood, NJ would make one :blush:. Surely, they do not need to be :censor: for the family crowd?



There was one that my 9 year old daughter thought funny:
"If you think I'm a bitch you should meet my Mom!"
Of course she merely smirked at that one and tried to get me to buy it for her...Yeah I need to get in the middle of that one...

Slowswim
July 27th, 2007, 01:21 PM
Someone mentioned being "bored sometimes" but they talk about it, blah, blah. BORED? I can honestly say in (almost) 12 years of marriage (Aug 12), bored is a word that would NEVER enter into a description of it. I did marry my best friend, and I'm glad I did, any other less tolerant man would have divorced me a long time ago! :smooch:

I going on 23 years (NOV 18) and bored has never been an issue. :hug:

I too married my best friend and we've been happily play around together ever since.:groovy:

And pla to until I'm long past:cane:

The Fortress
July 27th, 2007, 01:37 PM
I too married my best friend ...

Me too! It can be a bit much when we read each other's minds though. And we both have a bit of a temper ... so no boredom issues ...

Only problem: He's a Republican ...

Blackbeard's Peg
July 27th, 2007, 01:45 PM
Only problem: He's a Republican ...
I thought politics had no place in this forum... :duel:

Slowswim
July 27th, 2007, 02:31 PM
Reading each other's mind isn't a problem for us. It's finishing each other sentences.

My wife is a republican too!

The Fortress
July 27th, 2007, 05:04 PM
I thought politics had no place in this forum... :duel:

Ah, so you're one too! Hope the blue Muppet is. Mr. Fort is very liberal on the social issues, so that's what saves us, he's just obsessed with taxes.

Ah, did you miss the threads on Fred Thompson and the war in iraq? LOL.

scyfreestyler
July 27th, 2007, 06:37 PM
There was one that my 9 year old daughter thought funny:
"If you think I'm a bitch you should meet my Mom!"
Of course she merely smirked at that one and tried to get me to buy it for her...Yeah I need to get in the middle of that one...


I would literally laugh out loud if I ever saw a kid wearing a shirt like that! :lmao:

ande
July 27th, 2007, 08:31 PM
god forbid


Me too! It can be a bit much when we read each other's minds though. And we both have a bit of a temper ... so no boredom issues ...

Only problem: He's a Republican ...

ande
July 27th, 2007, 08:37 PM
I've been married 20 years, things are pretty good right now. You just gotta make it through the tough times and both people have to stay committed.

Several of my friends have gotten divorced.

It's hard when one is committed and the other wants out, or
if one person changes so drastically.

I wish I had better answers or pithy "swim faster faster" type advice for marriage.

Be nice
play fair
show your love
be honest

SwimStud
July 27th, 2007, 10:00 PM
I've been married 20 years, things are pretty good right now. You just gotta make it through the tough times and both people have to stay committed.

Several of my friends have gotten divorced.

It's hard when one is committed and the other wants out, or
if one person changes so drastically.

I wish I had better answers or pithy "swim faster faster" type advice for marriage.

Be nice
play fair
show your love
be honest

Ande you forget "don't yap through the ballgame" on your list... ;)

The Fortress
July 27th, 2007, 10:15 PM
Ande you forget "don't yap through the ballgame" on your list... ;)

Don't rag on your spouse about how much time swimming takes.
Don't travel too much.
Don't spend your entire life at kids' events, although this is difficult if you've got a lot of them.

Do give compliments.
Do rave about broad shoulders.
Do buy bling occasionally.
Do small thoughtful things. (Mr. Fort just picked up my allergy meds at the drug store for me.)

Rich: You forgot "Don't nap on the couch."