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  1. Sarasota Y Sharks Masters 5:30 Workout -04/24/10

    by , April 23rd, 2010 at 03:01 PM (Sarasota Y Sharks Masters 5:30 a.m. Workout)

    WARM UP:
    2 X 250 4:15
    2 X 200 3:00
    3 X 100 1:30
    8 X 50 kick 1:15

    1 X 150 2:15
    1 X 75 fast 1:45
    Four times through

    2 X 50 build to fast 1:00
    1 X 100 hold fast pace 2:00
    2 X 50 fast 1:00
    Four times through

    8 X 50 1:15
    25 underwater/25 fast

    WARM DOWN: 4 X 50 easy 1:00

    Swim Workouts
  2. Friday April 23, 2010

    by , April 23rd, 2010 at 02:15 PM (Keepin Track 2010)
    Woke up just achey this am. Left shoulder sore more than tired. 30 minutes stretching...Coffee with a friend to perk up and then off to do some weights. Laid of the isolating should exercises (lat pull down and others)

    More core and some extra leg stuff. 2 sets of all at same heavy weight for both sets for arms and 2 sets of all medium weight, then heavier step up for legs.

    Run later? 2 miles.
  3. Thursday April 22, 2010

    by , April 23rd, 2010 at 02:11 PM (Keepin Track 2010)
    No dryland or other workout this morning before masters practice. Need to stay light on HQ (HIGH QUALITY) days. Some light stretching and core work though.

    Tonight's workout:

    WU 600 (mix swim and kick)
    4x25 fly drill, 4x25 fly swim on :40
    200 Kick with fins (i added underwater dolphin work off all walls to third light)
    broken 200 IM by 50's on 1:10

    High Quality: (all out race work from dive)
    2x100 specialty (BR) on 3:00
    2x100 IM on 3:00
    2x100 FR on 3:00
    2x50 BR on 2:00
    2x50IM on 2:00
    2x50FR on 2:00

    easy 200

    K 4x50 IM order... retain body position

    P100FR, Swim 50 Back, Swim 4x25 IM order on :40

    2x200IM broken by 50's on 1:00 swim down IM stroke return Specialty stroke (IE: fly/br, ba/br, br/br, fr/br)

    easy 50 and crawl to the car.
  4. Edward, Bella & Jim, The Love Triangle at CZ, April 23

    by , April 23rd, 2010 at 02:10 PM (The FAF AFAP Digest)
    Swim/SCY @ GMU

    700 EZ

    (anticipated, will do with Stud during warm up for the obscenely long events this evening)


    Much to the distress of Jim's followers, the beloved pink pony has "gone missing." After scavenging the house, Jim has found a substitute: my 9 year olds Twilight Barbie dolls. I've attached a photo below documenting the new love triangle between Jim, Edward & Bella.

    Jimby also tried to squeeze into my old stretched old B70 with a slight hole. This proved to be an utter failure. On the upside, his new briefs fit beautifully and show off his muffin top.

    Dinner with friends tonight!
    Swim Workouts
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  5. FAST Fri Apr 23rd 2010

    by , April 23rd, 2010 at 12:30 PM (Ande's Swimming Blog)
    FAST Fri Apr 23rd 2010

    2010 Short Course National Championships
    Thu May 20 - Sun 23, 2010
    Nats are in 4 weeks
    28 DAYS away,
    time to get fast, strong, skinny, & rested
    Days Till Nats

    Psych Sheets

    Team Website

    Campus Map

    Team Roster i.e. my team longhorn aquatics is TXLA

    2010 SCY South Central Zones Results are up


    Swim Center
    scy diving well
    Chris coached, Whitney's away being inducted into the Virginia Sports Hall of Fame
    6:30 - 8:00
    dove in on time
    swam with Nate, doug & Tenille
    beside todd, Tyler, Marcio & Brandon, Amy, James Fike, & Jon,
    wore B70 full

    Warm up
    20 min choice


    assigned 20 x 50 on 1:15 90%
    did 10 x 50 on 2:30
    held 29's & 30's

    100 easy

    assigned 20 x 50 on 1:15 95%
    did 10 x 50 on 2:30
    held 27's & 8's

    100 easy

    assigned 10 x 50 on 1:15 100%
    did 5 x 50 on 2:30
    held 26 & 7's

    50 easy

    2010 MEETS:

    May 20 - 23, 2010 Atlanta, GA Georgia Tech Aquatic Center COUNTDOWN
    2010 USMS Short Course National Championships
    Order of Events
    Swim Workouts
  6. Friday, 4/23/10

    by , April 23rd, 2010 at 11:56 AM (A comfort swimmer's guide to easy swimming)
    SCY, Solo

    400 swim alt. free and back
    300 kick w/fins
    (all on back as 150 dolphin/150 flutter)
    200 IM drill
    200 swim back at consistent stroke length
    (kept this at 17 spl, 3:10)

    swim 4 x 100 free on 1:40: odd lengths long and smooth, even lengths at stroke count plus 2
    (odds at 15 spl, evens at 17, times were 1:20±1)
    50 easy

    pull 400 breathe 3/5 by 25
    1 min. rest

    swim 3 x 50 free on 1:15: start fast, try to descend to even faster
    (went 34, 34, 32)
    100 easy

    swim 12 x 25 on :40 in sets of 3
    #1 easy free
    #2 back at moderate pace
    #3 fly fast

    swim down 200
    Total: 2700 yards

    Updated April 23rd, 2010 at 01:22 PM by poolraat

  7. Thursday, 4/22/10

    by , April 23rd, 2010 at 11:53 AM (A comfort swimmer's guide to easy swimming)
    SCY, Solo

    300 swim free
    200 kick, all on back
    300 pull alt. 50 free/50 back
    4 x 50 no free on 1:00 alt. drill/build by 25
    (did fly-back-breast-back)

    pull 4 x 75 on 1:30 free: make each 25 faster than the one before it, but keep the stroke count the same. Keep the times consistent across all 4 75s.
    (these were at 56-57 and 15-16 spl)
    100 easy

    swim 2 x 50 free on 1:00: #1 at 80%, #2 all out
    (went :33, :31)
    100 easy

    pull 4 x 75 back on 1:30, same way as the free above
    (these were 1:03± and 17 spl)
    100 easy

    swim 4 x 25 back on :40 all out: keep the times on all 4 the same
    100 easy

    pull 4 x 75 free on 1:30, same as above: faster than the first round
    (went 54-55 stroke count went up by 1 on the final 25 of each)
    100 easy

    swim 4 x 75 back on 1:30
    ave 1:01 and 17-18 spl

    200 swim down
    Total: 3100 yards
  8. Chasing the pain away and the swimmers

    by , April 23rd, 2010 at 09:43 AM (Mixing it up this year)
    Yes it was a long course Friday and yes I did my usual 500 Fly.

    I was interupted by swimmers trying to join me who just couldn't keep up. I ran over one as I was kicking fly on my back. You know a good ab workout.

    100, 200, 300, 400@:15R Free
    500 Free kick w/fins every 3rd 25 FAST
    500 Fly kick w/fins on back good pace make abs hurt (Ran over John, too bad)
    500 Fly w/fins in 8:32 at about 275 I start passing my two lanemates, don't know if I just brused their egos or what but next time I came around they were gone circle swimming in the lane next to me
    2x200@:30R Free Easy
    2x200@3:30 Free w/paddles & fins
    200 Free Easy

    total 3500 meters
  9. Almost Seventy!

    Well, I finally got my 50 mile cap in the mail (woot! wearing that on my lunch swim for sure), just in time for me to clock nearly 70 miles for the year. With luck, I'll have hit 100 miles by my birthday (mid-June), halfway to my goal of 200 miles for the year.

  10. Thursday April 22, 2010

    300 free
    200 IM drill
    4 x 50 kick/build
    200 fly drills
    100 ez

    2 x 25 fast hand timed with an ez 75 after. Went fly on #1 and free on #2. Don't want to state my times, but I'm feeling MUCH better about this weekend. Perhaps there is speed and turnover in my body yet. We shall see.

    Tomorrow I swim:
    100 IM
    50 Free
    50 Back
    200 Free

    Sunday I swim:
    50 breast
    50 fly
    100 free

    Have an idea of what I want to go in all but the 50 breast. I am not a breaststroker so I really don't care.
  11. Swim + ballet

    I swam again at lunch today with the team. Here’s what I did:

    700 scy warmup

    5 x 150 (75 ST ez/m/f, 75 FR f/m/ez) @ 2:45 [did the last 50 of each kick]

    Chalk talk on FR and BK entry and exit

    4 x (100 BK @ :30 rest, 200 IM @ :30 rest), odd sets EZ focusing on technique, even sets fast

    200 warmdown

    I like the technique-focused chalk talks we get—they’re about 5 minutes long, and always give me something good to focus on during the rest of the workout (and often the rest of the week and beyond). I know I should be focusing on technique keys while I swim in any case, but my attention is prone to wandering to other stuff going on in the pool, and the chalk talks help it find its way back to more pertinent matters.

    Tonight I did ballet class, which always leaves me happy and energized. We did lots of jumping. I need to stretch my legs out well tonight and tomorrow—last week they stayed really tight after ballet for several days.

    Good luck to all you colonists and others doing meets this weekend!

    Tags: ballet, noon
  12. Short tune up 4/22/10

    by , April 22nd, 2010 at 07:41 PM (The Labours of SwimStud)
    Taught a swim lesson and stayed in the water for a 100 yards swim working on form.
    4 x 100
    4 x 25 fist sprints to 15
    5 x 100

    Carbing up, clipping, packing, and getting ready to lay the smack down on Fort..
  13. Thursday, Apr. 22

    by , April 22nd, 2010 at 05:44 PM (The FAF AFAP Digest)
    ART, 40 minutes:

    Went in for a tune up. He worked over my scapular area and my tight left psoas & hammie muscles (this was a by product of bikram too, I think).

    We chatted briefly about extreme isometric holds. He had not heard much about them as they are still pretty cutting edge. However, he agreed that the total fiber recruitment involved would help speed/strengthen short arc contractions.

    We also chatted about protein consumption. I told him my son was having trouble gaining/sustaining weight for crew despite lifting, protein consumption etc. He said that the protein won't be adequately absorbed without the green veggies. It's super hard to get teens to eat enough of these ...


    Warm up:

    600 various

    Main sets:

    8 x 50 fly drills @ 15-20 RI

    8 x 25 breast pullouts, working on shooting arms forward and keeping hands under body

    50 EZ

    2 x (25 build free + 25 EZ)

    1 x (25 fast evil + 25 EZ)

    150 EZ

    Total: 1550


    Ready to race already. Getting totally bored with the brief rest.

    I don't really have any goal times for this weekend other than not to suck and not to get DQ'd. I would like to break 26 in the 50 free, but I realize I'd never done that without a full taper. I don't swim the event that often; and I have a love/hate relationship with it.

    Speaking of 50 free, I've swum 2 this year -- 1 in SCY and one in SCM. The SCM one converts to exactly the same time as I swam in yards. One was in a full body B70 nero comp and the other was in the new B70 kneeskin ... Interesting ... I'm sure there were other factors at play.



    Here's an article supporting a link between drylands and improved swimming performance, which is much more recent than the short lived Costill study Jim selectively cites. :-P

    It's from the Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research. Here's the abstract:

    ABSTRACT. Girold, S., D. Maurin, B. Dugue ́, J.-C. Chatard, and G. Millet. Effects of dry-land vs. resisted- and assisted-sprint exercises on swimming sprint performances. J. Strength Cond. Res. 21(2):599–605. 2007.—This study was undertaken to com- pare the effects of dry-land strength training with a combined in-water resisted- and assisted-sprint program in swimmer ath- letes. Twenty-one swimmers from regional to national level par- ticipated in this study. They were randomly assigned to 3 groups: the strength (S) group that was involved in a dry-land strength training program where barbells were used, the resist- ed- and assisted-sprint (RAS) group that got involved in a spe- cific water training program where elastic tubes were used to generate resistance and assistance while swimming, and the control (C) group which was involved in an aerobic cycling pro- gram. During 12 weeks, the athletes performed 6 training ses- sions per week on separate days. All of them combined the same aerobic dominant work for their basic training in swimming and running with their specific training. Athletes were evaluated 3 times: before the training program started, after 6 weeks of training, and at the end of the training program. The outcome values were the strength of the elbow flexors and extensors eval- uated using an isokinetic dynamometer, and the speed, stroke rate, stroke length, and stroke depth observed during a 50-meter sprint. No changes were observed after 6 weeks of training. At the end of the training period, we observed significant increases in swimming velocity, and strength of elbow flexors and exten- sors both in the S and RAS groups. However, stroke depth de- creased both in the S and RAS groups. Stroke rate increased in the RAS but not in the S group. However, no significant differ- ences in the swimming performances between the S and RAS groups were observed. No significant changes occurred in C. Altogether, programs combining swimming with dry-land strength or with in-water resisted- and assisted-sprint exercises led to a similar gain in sprint performance and are more efficient than traditional swimming training methods alone.

    Triathlon swim starts:

    Ran across this article on triathlon swim starts. The training methods all seem to contemplate an all out sprint at the beginning. That threw me into lactate shock last year and I was looking for a different approach ...

    Sports Nutrition:

    Swim Workouts , ART
  14. Sarasota Y Sharks Masters 5:30 Workout -04/23/10

    by , April 22nd, 2010 at 05:10 PM (Sarasota Y Sharks Masters 5:30 a.m. Workout)
    The young Sharks exit the LC pool at 6:30, so we will do our last set LC

    WARM UP:
    1 X 250 4:10
    2 X 200 3:20
    1 X 150 2:15
    2 X 100 1:30

    5 X 100 free 1:30
    5 X 100 kick 2:15
    5 X 100 IM or choice stroke 2:00

    4 X 50 1:00
    1 X 100 easy free 2:30
    Three rounds.
    Round 1: 50's are fly, 2 back, 3 breast.


    4 X 200 free 3:20
    4 X 100 1:40
    Descend both 1-4

    WARM DOWN: 4 X 50 easy 1:00

    4800 Y/M
    Swim Workouts
  15. Tuesday, April 20, 2010

    by , April 22nd, 2010 at 03:37 PM (Keepin Track 2010)
    Today I needed to get some weights workout in. I worked out my arms, shoulders, triceps, and core. Plus I executed all the leg's weights series from the PT folks. Legs felt weak. Arms felt tough. I moved back 8lb dumb-bells 1st set & 10lb er's second set.

    I added the ring core exercises from the USA Swimming chica on the website.

    Today's practice:

    800 (400 swim, 400 Pull w/P+PB) WU
    600 (4 x 25 Br Dr, 4 x 50 Br swim; 4 x 25 Ba Dr, 4 x 50 Ba swim)

    Main set: (2400)
    1 x 200 Pull w/P+PB @ 2:40
    4 x 125 Free swim @ 1:40
    1 x 100 Back swim @ 2:00
    (Repeat 3x)


    200 Kick w/zoomers

    4 x 50 Drill/swim by 25

    Total = 4300yds
  16. Thu Apr 22nd 2010

    by , April 22nd, 2010 at 10:48 AM (Ande's Swimming Blog)
    Thu Apr 22nd 2010

    Today I wore B70 legs in practice
    Garrett Weber Gale told me I was wasting the "magic" of the suit by wearing it in practice

    Glenn Mills of was in town this morning filming Eric Shanteau
    I watched Glenn shoot some of Erics starts using a
    [ame=" "]Casio EX-FH25 10.1MP High Speed Digital Camera[/ame]

    Lifted yesterday after work

    2010 Short Course National Championships
    Thu May 20 - Sun 23, 2010
    Nats are in 4 weeks & 1 day,
    29 DAYS away,
    time to get fast, strong, skinny, & rested
    Days Till Nats

    Psych Sheets

    Team Website

    Campus Map

    Team Roster i.e. my team longhorn aquatics is TXLA

    2010 SCY South Central Zones Results are up


    Swim Center
    scy main pool
    Chris coached, Whitney's away being inducted into the Virginia Sports Hall of Fame
    6:30 - 8:00
    dove in on time
    swam with Kelly, Brandon, Tenille, & an Australian triathlete
    beside Marcio & ritchie
    tyler Nate, amy, ned, larry, chris & Desiree
    wore B70 legs

    Warm up


    assigned 500 fr
    did 5 x 50

    assigned 5 x 100 on 1:15
    did 100, 50, 100, 50, 100

    assigned 800
    did 8 x 50

    assigned 400 fr
    did 4 x 50

    assigned 4 x 100 on 1:15
    did 100, 50, 50 100

    assigned 800
    did skipped it

    assigned 300 fr
    did 3 x 50

    assigned 3 x 100 on 1:15
    did 100, 50, 100

    assigned 800
    did skipped it

    talked with Kris Kubik when I skipped parts of sets,

    he told me yesterday Ben Van Roekel did a get out swim.
    he did 50 yard free from a running start wearing an old LZR with a busted Zipper & a jaked. 3 coaches timed him.
    he hasn't trained much since NCAAs.
    he went 18.5

    2010 MEETS:

    May 20 - 23, 2010 Atlanta, GA Georgia Tech Aquatic Center COUNTDOWN
    2010 USMS Short Course National Championships
    Order of Events

    Updated April 22nd, 2010 at 03:33 PM by ande

    Swim Workouts , Strength Training and Dryland Workouts
  17. Updated Progress

    by , April 22nd, 2010 at 08:38 AM (Swimming, Life, and Other Stuff!)
    I have been swimming a bit this week. The ribs feel a little better each day.
    I tried a flip turn today; bad idea
    I am depressed and beginning to think the 10K may be a bad idea. I should be swimming more than 1500 a day at this point. I don't want to push it and make it worse though.
    I think a new goal may be in order. I turn 55 in September. Perhaps a new age group will get me motivated!?
  18. Attempting to sprint some

    by , April 22nd, 2010 at 07:51 AM (Mixing it up this year)
    Testing the leg out today with a lot more kicking and some sprint work. My kick did not feel as strong as it had been or I was too timid to push it real hard. Not sure which.

    10x100@1:45 Free felt really fast this morning held 1:25's
    500 Free kick w/fins every 3rd moderate
    10x50@:55 Breasts pull w/fins pushed hard here
    5x100@1:45 Fly kick w/fins 25 rt side, 25 lt side, 50 on back
    10x50 alternate Free and Fly from dive sprint 20 yards
    200, 150, 100, 50@:10R Free EASY

    Total 3500 yards
  19. Wednesday, April 21

    by , April 21st, 2010 at 10:44 PM (The FAF AFAP Digest)

    Warm up:

    600 various

    Main Sets:

    8 x 50 fly drills @ 1:00
    (chest press, caterpillar, one arm and plyo drill, which I've decided is good for working on pulling straight down)

    50 dolphin dive

    10 x 25 UW shooters, dolphin kick on side

    50 dolphin dive

    10 x 25
    odds = easy speed fly w/fins
    evens = EZ

    3 x (25 AFAP evil + 50 EZ)

    175 EZ

    Total: 2000



    Felt pretty mermaid-ish in the water today despite (TMI alert) the effen unexpected arrival of AF.

    I am readying the place for the arrival of Stud, Chicken and Jimi. Stud in the green room with his boxing gloves, Jimi in the red room with his hallucinogenics and the pony, and Chicken in the guest cottage with her HTFU gear. Scarlet, as Jimi has taken to calling me, will attempt to sleep in her usual place of repose.

    Now, complete non sequitor: What age should teenage girls be allowed to date? My 15 year old freshman teen is criticizing my "strict" choice of 16 for solo dating ... On the upside, she's had her permit for awhile now and, despite terrorizing me, hasn't killed me.
    Swim Workouts
  20. Jim! The acclaimed new HBO series

    by , April 21st, 2010 at 10:12 PM (Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton)
    Tomorrow I leave for Colony Zones. I am hoping that when I return on Sunday night, or possibly Monday afternoon, that I will have excellent news awaiting me regarding a new acclaimed HBO miniseries based on my life.

    You may say I'm a dreamer....
    But I'm not the only one...

    -John Lennon

    Here is how this rapidly developing news began developing rapidly:

    Magazine has been serializing little video clips from my time in the Wilderness last fall. In an effort to let my various acquaintances know about this, I sent out innumerable Facebook postings, and when these went largely ignored, decided to try a more direct approach, that is to say, a mass emailing.

    Here is what I wrote:


    Dearest Munificent Swimming Friends of Jim,

    How I treasure each and every one of you!

    Great news!!! (Though I should say at the outset here you will not hurt my feelings if you delete this unread!)

    Part 2.
    of my Lost in the Wilderness video diary is ready for your viewing at the Backpacker magazine web site!

    In fact, you can also find
    The Trailer and Part at this web site also:

    Part 3—the Finale
    --is going to be posted on April 26th. I can’t wait to see if I live or die!

    For those of you who like to read, I will also attach
    the .pdf of the actual story. Feel free, of course, to delete this unread if you have reached this point in today’s email and are having second thoughts and cold feet!

    {Note from Jim--if you want me to send you, too, a .pdf of the actual story, just send me your email address and I will!}

    My feelings are impervious to insult! You won’t hurt them by deleting any of this at any time!

    However, if you can leave a nice comment on the
    Backpacker web site, it might help secure my employment for future oddventures that – assuming they don’t kill, maim, or completely dement me – you might find future amusement in living vicariously through my sufferings.

    I am, for instance, trying to talk them into sending me to Death Valley this summer to hike around and see just how thirst quenching mirages are...

    Again, videos here:

    (Comments are moderated so won’t appear immediately.)

    PS If you want to be removed from any of the very infrequent mailings of mine in the future, just send me a note to this effect. If, however, you want to add some of your friends, you can send me a note to that effect as well.

    No wonder I treasure each of you so!

    Jim Thornton

    Jim's USMS Masters Swimming Vlog:


    This mass emailing, alas, provoked a...less than mass response.

    However, quantity is not the only measure of a response. There is also quality to consider.

    And one of the few respondents that actually did write me back was the lovely
    swimming star, Cheryl Kupan. You can look up Cheryl's astonishing masters swimming record here:

    As remarkable as her swimming has been, what is even more intriguing to me is her life among the New York Glitterati.

    This is what Cheryl recently posted as her "status" on Facebook:

    Cheryl Kupan is wondering if she can find date/friend for the Entourage premiere...

    Naturally, I thought she meant the kind of thing we little people mean when we say things like this on Facebook--i.e., can anyone out there in Coraopolis, Leetsdale, Edgeworth, Emsworth, etc. with cable, HBO, and, preferably, a High Definition TV, invite me over to watch Vince, Drama, E, and Turtle when they resume their mildly amusing lives of leisure and privilege?

    (from left to right: Hodding Carter, Rahm Emmanuel, Mike Ross, Michael Schmidt, Jim Thornton)

    But it turns out that Cheryl is not like the little people. She means the actual, live, Entourage premier somewhere out in Los Angeles.

    She told me that she works for Time Warner, which owns HBO, which makes Entourage. And furthermore, I managed to wheedle out of her that "the HBO chicks" love her.

    Could I somehow finagle a
    Munchhausen by proxy syndrome pathological love spin-off sort of arrangement for me?

    Could I?


    Okay, so, with the above background in mind, and the premise set up, here is our subsequent correspondence.

    Cheryl, I hope you don't mind. And I
    really hope that the HBO chicks that love you/by-extension-us don't mind.
    Jim's inaugural gambit: sent out mass emailing, see above.
    Cheryl's reply:

    In a message dated 4/21/2010 1:48:42 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, writes:
    Part 3—the Finale--is going to be posted on April 26th. I can’t wait to see if I live or die!

    Wow! Real life Drama! I have lots of catching up to do. I'm the reading type, so I'll take if for the train ride/snooze home.

    I too will wait in anticipation for April 26th to see your fate. Is there a "Will Jim Live or Die" pool that I can put a wager in?

    {note from Jim--Cheryl picked out this pretty-in-pink font color expressly for me. At least I am pretty sure she did.}

    Jim's reply:

    Insider tip: Bet on him not making it.

    Send your wager to me, and if I don’t make it out of Idaho, I will pay you your winnings within 24 hours!

    PS Consider floating The Jim Thornton Story/Experience to your friends at HBO. This has mini series written all over it!

    Cheryl's reply:

    Let me read through it first -- HBO does do quirky.
    Is this more like Hung, or Curb, or redneck Sopranos?
    I can't wait for my train ride home to start reading all about your adventures....

    {note from Jim: she has abandoned the pretty-in-pink font color to a business-like black. My heart skips a beat}

    Jim's measured reply:

    It’s a little like Hung meets Survivor Man only I am neither hung nor a survivor but rather loser freelance writer forced to go on these oddventurous trips to keep from losing his house. A few of the other ones I’ve done over the years:

    · Lay down with dead cows in the Chihuahuan desert in hopes of coaxing vultures into landing on me

    · Jetskiied to Siberia where I was held at gun point by Kalashnikov-toting Soviets

    · Set my own personal land speed record on the Bonneville Salt Flats in a 69 Mustang with a Lincoln Continental engine tweaked to burn Nitrous

    · Blowgun monkey hunted in the Ecuadorian Amazon

    · Almost got electrocuted testing out a shark-repelling device while swimming through a feeding frenzy of sharks

    · Scissored through a half-pipe at Breckenridge, twice, on a “snow bike” after breaking my ribs on the thing 20 minutes earlier

    I also have done the same kind of thing with countless unnecessary medical procedures—from virtual colonoscopies to anti-impotence “trans-urethral micro-suppository pellets” (not actually impotent, so in order to simulate this, I had my wife sing Ethel Merman songs in bed).

    I will attach a few pictures!

    Desperation breeds desperate measures—as enthralled viewers of HBO’s new acclaimed seriesJIM! will surely attest to!

    Joking aside, I have so many of these first person experiential stories I’ve written over the decades that we could do easily do 5 years worth of episodes in visually spectacular locales. Throw in some (fictitious) love interests, like the cruelly beautiful publicist for HBO who keeps threatening to cut my show, and a Dickensian assortment of Smallweed-like rapacious creditors, and I think we have the next American Masterpiece on our hands!


    Cheryl's reply:

    You had me at Hung, then lost me at not hung.


    Jim's reply: {note--I am not proud of this, but Hollywood is a cruel town. You do what you must to secure yourself a place on the casting couch.}

    What I meant was that I am not hung. I’m HUNG!!!!
    But I was afraid this would scare the Japanese side of your family tree.


    Cheryl's reply:
    But I was afraid this would scare the Japanese side of your family tree. --good memory.

    All right. As of now, the ball, or perhaps balls, for I have floated quite a few concepts here, are in Cheryl's lovely court/cougar cave.

    Who knows what the high-powered beautiful media mavens of Manhattan are thinking?

    If I had to venture a guess, she's on the horn with her stiletto-heeled HBO chick mafia, telling them even now about this sad sack rube who has blundered onto a pot of gold with his sad sack life.

    They may even be debating ways of negotiating a low-ball rock-bottom option for my life story.

    Let me take the angst out of the equation for you, Cheryl.

    You are correct. I am no "sophisticate" with even the most rudimentary understanding of "moral obligation bonds backed by collateralized Burger King Limited Partnership swap derivative shares amortized against the yen."

    These kinds of money things baffle and daze me.

    My life story is my gift to the world.

    I will let it go in a heartbeat for an option in the very, very low seven figures.

    Cheryl's reply to
    JIM! ?

    Apparently, she is still thinking it over.

    But when I get back from Colony Zones, I am confident everybody's gonna get well!