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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Of bell curves and buboes

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The attentive vlogger pays attention to the needs of his audience. One way he does this is by analyzing viewing patterns and commentary statistics. When these are high, it is a rough indication that the audience is voting with its eyeballs and typing fingers. One cannot be sure if this indicates affection for the vlog--or execration for same (which, one must conjecture, accounts for Sean Hannity's surprisingly robust audience).

The only thing that seems irrefutable is that high viewership and commentary suggests high interest--be this positive or negative.

It seems to me from my analysis that the drama of my finger and abdominal buboes is coming to an end. Yesterday's depiction of a syphilitic facial lesion was, perhaps, too much. I preminisce a dropping of my readership numbers if I don't make a quick adjustment in the direction of wholesomeness.

It might also help if this were somehow swimming-related, too. Thus, I am going to insert a photo of the Sewickley YMCA mixed medley relay team. You will note that we are wearing our matching new body suits:



The swimmers are, from left to right, Daisy Ogden, Bill White, Mollie Nadler, and Jim Thornton.

In our previous 17 competitions, we have been disqualified for swimming what the judge described as "doggie paddle." It is true that we are all quite familiar with doggie style, and practice this as a group at most workouts, however, we are hoping to complete a race legally sometime this year for consideration in both the USMS top 10 and FINA masters tabulations.

Oh, ****! Who am I trying to kid. My attempts at wholesomeness are pathetic. They always degenerate into what young Mollie Nadler's eye doctor uncle, Dr. Dan Nadler, MD., once described as "inappropriate jocularity."

If viewing continues its downwards trend, I will have to put together another assemblage of USMS swimmers set to a stirring song, a la Mungo Jerry's In the Summertime or perhaps the theme to Hawaii 5-0.

Don't make me do this!

Just subscribe to my vlog via the RSS feed option. You don't even have to read it or look at it. But I will be provided the illusion of readership!

The sore throat, after minor improvement, has taken a turn for the worse. I have read that coxsackie viruses can attack the hearts of rodents forced to exercise on a hamster wheel while sick with colds.

I am still going to swim the 1-hour postal swim on Sunday, even if this means Dead Man Floating my way to the finish line. I am going to swim in the follow up YMCA meet, possibly even a relay with my teammates in our puppy suits.

Do you know the definition of hero?

Mij Notnroht is one, albeit somewhat backwards way of putting it.

I will keep you posted.

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For those of you who would like to be able to make videos of the quality of my brother John's, he has begun a series of lectures on the use of Photoshop. The swimming-related aspects of this are fairly minimal. But you might enjoy his film nonetheless.

BORKED

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Comments

  1. quicksilver's Avatar
    I preminisce a dropping of my readership numbers if I don't make a quick adjustment in the direction of wholesomeness.
    A viewer discretion advisory would help.
    This vlog is not for the faint of heart and yet I remain am an unwavering fan.

    But you are on the right track. Puppies are always a welcome sight. Thankfully they had no leprosy.
  2. quicksilver's Avatar
    I preminisce a dropping of my readership numbers if I don't make a quick adjustment in the direction of wholesomeness.
    A viewer discretion advisory would help.
    This vlog is not for the faint of heart and yet I remain an unwavering fan.

    But you are on the right track. Puppies are always a welcome sight. Thankfully they had no leprosy.
  3. jim thornton's Avatar
    Thanks! and Thanks again! I hadn't thought of the concept of double-posting! That will certainly crank up the number of comments.

    Do you swim in NYC? I have to go there every once in a while for work, and I usually just swim at the Lexington Y, I guess they call it the Vanderbilt Y, but it's on, or near, Lexington. Maybe the next time I am in the area, I could swim a practice with you buys, plus bring a camera and do a movie on your team. Alas, the last time I brought a video camera to NYC, it got stolen out of the car.

    I will try to add puppies more often. And maybe some baby penquins.
  4. The Fortress's Avatar
    No mawkish puppies and penguins please! I vote for keeping it edgy and campy.
  5. quicksilver's Avatar
    Here's another post for the ratings...

    To answer your question, No. No more city dwelling for me.
    I'm on the east end of Long Island which is about 90 miles away.

    We do however travel "up island" for most of the meets. And occasionally to the city.
    If the opportunity ever arises for a cameo, I'll gladly consider. Keep up the excellent work.

    Viewer discretion!!
  6. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    No need for viewer discretion. I am ok with puppies and penguins as long as they have a syphilitic chancre.

    You should put a montage of all your ailments together with that song from the latest "Dawn of the Dead" movie--?Get down with the sickness.
  7. jim thornton's Avatar
    Kurt, it's a little ironic that you mentioned Dawn of the Dead. I was actually IN THIS MOVIE, that is to say, the good original version filmed in the mid 1970s in the Monroeville Mall, as opposed to the recent remake, also by George Romaro, but I think filmed somewhere in Canada.

    I played a zombie with a business suit, Wall Street Journal, and acting ability. The slightly less than 1 second of screen time I enjoyed remains to this day my best work in any medium.

    Perhaps I can work this into a future vlog. Hmmm....just need a swimming angle.

    Swimming in what? Hmmm. What could an insatiable ghoul possibly be swimming in?

    I shall sleep on it!
  8. Iwannafly's Avatar
    I hope your lesions and your sore throat start to heal before Zones.
    Nice work on the vlog.
  9. jaegermeister's Avatar
    What's a little pus between friends? No need to soften the visuals.
  10. qbrain's Avatar
    I am posting just to help hold Jim's fragile ego together.
  11. jim thornton's Avatar
    Actually, scar tissue from healing buboes seems to be sustituting for the collagen that used to keep my ego in tact; I think the scar tissue may actually prove to be more durable.

    Tom, now the other side of my throat/gullet is sore. Is it possible to have a sore throat for life, assuming a relatively normal lifespan?