Of bell curves and buboes
by, January 16th, 2009 at 01:22 PM (2086 Views)
The attentive vlogger pays attention to the needs of his audience. One way he does this is by analyzing viewing patterns and commentary statistics. When these are high, it is a rough indication that the audience is voting with its eyeballs and typing fingers. One cannot be sure if this indicates affection for the vlog--or execration for same (which, one must conjecture, accounts for Sean Hannity's surprisingly robust audience).
The only thing that seems irrefutable is that high viewership and commentary suggests high interest--be this positive or negative.
It seems to me from my analysis that the drama of my finger and abdominal buboes is coming to an end. Yesterday's depiction of a syphilitic facial lesion was, perhaps, too much. I preminisce a dropping of my readership numbers if I don't make a quick adjustment in the direction of wholesomeness.
It might also help if this were somehow swimming-related, too. Thus, I am going to insert a photo of the Sewickley YMCA mixed medley relay team. You will note that we are wearing our matching new body suits:
The swimmers are, from left to right, Daisy Ogden, Bill White, Mollie Nadler, and Jim Thornton.
In our previous 17 competitions, we have been disqualified for swimming what the judge described as "doggie paddle." It is true that we are all quite familiar with doggie style, and practice this as a group at most workouts, however, we are hoping to complete a race legally sometime this year for consideration in both the USMS top 10 and FINA masters tabulations.
Oh, ****! Who am I trying to kid. My attempts at wholesomeness are pathetic. They always degenerate into what young Mollie Nadler's eye doctor uncle, Dr. Dan Nadler, MD., once described as "inappropriate jocularity."
If viewing continues its downwards trend, I will have to put together another assemblage of USMS swimmers set to a stirring song, a la Mungo Jerry's In the Summertime or perhaps the theme to Hawaii 5-0.
Don't make me do this!
Just subscribe to my vlog via the RSS feed option. You don't even have to read it or look at it. But I will be provided the illusion of readership!
The sore throat, after minor improvement, has taken a turn for the worse. I have read that coxsackie viruses can attack the hearts of rodents forced to exercise on a hamster wheel while sick with colds.
I am still going to swim the 1-hour postal swim on Sunday, even if this means Dead Man Floating my way to the finish line. I am going to swim in the follow up YMCA meet, possibly even a relay with my teammates in our puppy suits.
Do you know the definition of hero?
Mij Notnroht is one, albeit somewhat backwards way of putting it.
I will keep you posted.
For those of you who would like to be able to make videos of the quality of my brother John's, he has begun a series of lectures on the use of Photoshop. The swimming-related aspects of this are fairly minimal. But you might enjoy his film nonetheless.