Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

1.After my recent and seemingly interminable throat-bubo-nausea interlude, I’ve emerged into a more normal state of Jimnitude, which is to say:

• grogginess that borders on a pathological Epworth Score (http://www.umm.edu/sleep/epworth_sleep.htm );
• motivation that is, at best, lackluster and in need of pharmaceutical intervention (http://www.drugfree.org/Portal/DrugI...ces/index.html );
• low-level economic heeby-jeebies (http://finance.google.com/finance?cl...q=INDEXDJX:DJI )
  
• alternating with inappropriate libidinal cravings http://www.mermaidcastle.com/mermaid...g_in_Waves.jpg

2.To make up for my indolence in the water, I have tried to use last Sunday’s hour swim followed by YMCA masters meet to jump start a return to reasonable monthly yardage. Last year, my Go The Distance http://www.usms.org/fitness/content/gothedistance miles totaled 43.3 miles for January. This year, I have managed only 25.89 so far, though I have a few more practices remaining in January to try to bridge some of this deficit.

3.One way I have been trying to up the miles without completely breaking down is to alternate regular practices with relatively slow, easy technique days. For example, on Thursday, I did a very slow 1000 warm-up using my trademarked Tai Chi SwimmingTM technique. At some point, I hope to be offering workshops on this exciting new swimming program. But for those of you who either can’t wait or are still saving up the $1299.99 cost for a half day seminar, I will give you a teaser hint: just swim as slowly as you possibly can without drowning.

4.After tai-chi-ing for 20 minutes or so, I did 7 sets of 5 x 50 concentrating on different aspects of my freestyle: 1) head down, 2) high elbow catch, 3) six-beat kick, 4) stream lined push off, 5) tight tuck during flip turn, 6) stream lined push off with two tiny SDKs, and finally 7) put all this stuff together. Then I did some trademarked Meditatively Hypoxic Ommm Cool Down 50sTM. Again, I plan on eventually hosting expensive (but worth it!) seminars on this, but for those of you on a swimming budget, the teaser idea here is this: Hold your breath on the first 25 while chanting your personal mantra; open turn, a few restorative cleansing breaths on the wall, streamlined pushoff, followed by a return 25 where you can breathe ad libertum while chanting your other personal mantra.

• Note: as part of your enrollment in my future seminars, I will provide you with your own unique Meditatively Hypoxic Ommm Cool Down 50sTM MantrasTM, both one for going down during the breath holding portion, and one for coming back during the re-oxygenation ad libertum portion. Until you receive your unique mantras, feel free to use the generic “bearers bonds” and “spirochetes”. Note: do your best not to dwell on the meaning of these mantras, which were chosen purely for the sound the words make in the silent resonating chambers of a swimmer’s skull.

5.It is now 1:20 p.m.—time to pack up my bolsa—the ultimate in both masters swimming bags and Mexican Mercado shopping containers (http://www.mexgrocer.com/61045.html) and head down to the Sewickley YMCA ( http://www.sewickleyymca.org/Home/tabid/36/Default.aspx ) and repeat this same easy practice, only doing it as 25s this time and not 50s.