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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Same OId Steelers: Win, Win, Win.

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Too exhausted to vlog extensively.

Swam okay at meet today, times to be reported later when officially on web. Foreshadowing: massive heart valvular damage and/or other performance-inhbiting physical catastrophes were not validated by meet today. need to do follow up checks, however, and remain vigilant


100 free
50 free
200 IM
25 fly
200 mixed freestyle relay

the meet started at 12:00 with my first event at 12:15. the meet ended around 2:30 with my last event at 2:00.

i may have more words on the "need for rest between events" that seems to be required by hot house flowers who did not grow up in the acid rain and toxic fumes of Pittsburgh.

As tiring as the meet was, the Superbowl was much, much more exhausting. I am limp. I am ennervated. I am like the guy in the Victorian collection of ribald erotica, the Pearl, who is forever claiming, "I spend! I die! I am spent! I am dead!"

I am that guy.

Only football oriented.

My testosterone levels went from semi-manly, to girlish, to invertebrate, and then back to Arnold Schwarzenegger right after a horse sized hypodermic injection of clear and cream.

But enough for now.

To sum up:

I am spent.

The Pittsburgh Steelers, and those of us whose fandom nourishes their efforts, are the highest forms of life to ever exist in the Universe. If you are an atheist, it is time to reconsider your views.

There IS a higher power.

And that higher power is me. And the rest of the team.

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Updated February 2nd, 2009 at 11:50 AM by jim thornton



  1. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    I became a cardinals fan the last five minutes of that game (I'm not anymore). Your precious steelers were fortunate to win that one--I guess it is better to be lucky than good. Congratulations and good luck with your testosterone levels and your hypogonadism.
  2. jim thornton's Avatar
    Thanks, Kurt. Actually, it looks like my hypogonadism might be getting a lot worse before it gets better. My employer wants me to write about the side effects of too much phytoestrogenic soy products in the male organism. If this article actually gets assigned, I might be A) drowing in soy milk, and B) sporting breast buds, and C) have a decent shot at getting to swim as a woman by the time some of the bigger spring meets roll around.

    I will, of course, vlog extensively about my metamorphosis if this article is actually assigned.
  3. qbrain's Avatar
    One of your more humble blog posts.
  4. jim thornton's Avatar
    Q--and I hope you don't mind me using the abbreviated endearative here--I am poised on the precipice of total ruination! Imminent job loss! Imminent health dissolution! Bankruptcy! Humiliation! Etc.

    Think of me as a magnificent diver perched atop the 10 meter platform, hoping to be the first person in recorded history to do a 7 flip 8 1/2 twisting inverse reverse in layout position!

    I leap from my precipice!

    I spin and flip and somersault and gyrate as if suffering some 3-D form of St. Vitus's Dance and/or Jumping Frenchmen of Maine Syndrome!

    Through the ether I tumble and twist and fall and accelerate!

    Like an Irish Airman, I foresee what is coming!

    Will I splat upon the water's pitiless surface, a crumpled, castrated, Indian-sunburned wreck?

    But no, I hurtle and fall past where the water should be!

    A split second more to complete my acrobatics, my impossible quest!

    I finish! I am the first human in history to complete the dive.

    And in the nanosecond of life remaining to the likes of me, I realize what mercy has been tendered to me, how, indeed, it is that I have bought this extra time to complete the final seventh flip and the final 1/2 twist!

    For the pool is empty.

    Then I hit.
  5. qbrain's Avatar
    Are you implying that you tempted fate, your feathers got a little singed and the wax melted? Daedalus' high diving son?[ame=""][/ame]
  6. jim thornton's Avatar
    That is not a bad way of putting it, Q. Every day, I see new evidence of wrinkles in your cerebral cortex. Pretty soon, your former billiard ball with be the cranial equivalent of a sharpei!
  7. qbrain's Avatar
    Baby steps. Lets get to the golf ball stage first.
  8. jim thornton's Avatar
    Golf ball sized! That's exactly how large I hope my soy-diet-induced breast buds will become!