"I am not a creeper!" declares Vloggist
by, February 4th, 2009 at 06:59 PM (2411 Views)
A mini self-vlogging here before the more severe self-vloggulation of swimming practice begins in 1 hour and 10 minutes.
It has occurred to me, after receiving several comments, possibly from women with kidney stones and delicate Scylla and Charybdis-like nether passages to same, that a section of yesterday's vlog may have seemed to some of you (i.e., those who avoid reading about the latest scientific findings) to have been the arbitrary and sickly imaginative fantasies of a creeper.
I refer specifically to my offer to remove Jessica Alba's kidney through her birth canal.
One woman emailed me the following (in response to my circulation of the vlog url http://forums.usms.org/blog.php?b=1313 to select teammates in the hopes that they would A) open the vlog, B) click the "rate this vlog" button, C) select "Excellent!" ******, and finally D) either read it or not; once the Excellent tab has been checked, their further behavior is not my concern.
Anyhow, here, in its snippity snappity entirety, is what this snippy-snappy snapper wrote me, ostensibly in reference to Jessica, vaginas, and kidney extractions:
Jim, I don't rally need to get your email reply to all the Masters. I don't particularly get your humor. I would appreciate if you make a note to remove me from your group list, unless it is something you need to send to me specifically.
*name changed slightly
Not long after this, another young woman, whose opinion I care deeply about, and whose kidney I have long sort of wanted to extract with my trochar (see picture), told me she found the whole business tasteless, sick, and marveled at how I could have any friends at all.
Trochar being used on a rodent
Anyhow, we went back and forth on the topic of me, my lack of friends, the reason girls don't like me, why she thinks I am disgusting, that sort of thing, in other words, putting myself willingly through the Dr. Kurt Dixon "time is a violent stream and the world is a meat grinder" exact summation of La Condition Humane.
Then all of a sudden it occurred to me why this other woman (not Humorless Cur, the other one) was so mad about the whole business:
She thought I had made up the whole concept of kidney through vagina extractions!
As soon as I realized this, I felt so much better!
No, one thousand million times NO!
Jimby did not make up anything, ever, in the history of my life, having to do with vaginas and medical intervention! No, no! This is not my world! I have no desire to intrude here in any but the most wholesome of natural ways! And even this, due to no fault of my own, has proven by and large impossible!
Science made this up. Science and scientists and real men of Medicine and Hippocratic First Do No Harm Oaths!
I honestly and truly thought that this new procedure, publicized widely via the Associated Press yesterday, was something that everyone already knew about!
'Natural orifice' surgery is the final frontier
Ewen Callaway, reporter
We've all heard about the urban legend where a person wakes up in a hotel bathtub with a scar across the abdomen, one kidney lighter.
However, a new surgical procedure could make donating a kidney nearly scar-free - at least for women. For the first time, doctors extracted a kidney out of a patient's vagina for the purpose of organ donation.
You can read the whole thing here: http://www.newscientist.com/blogs/sh...ry-is-the.html
So there. I think we all feel much better now knowing that beyond all possible question, your vlogger is 100 percent not a creeper.
Never was, is not now, not ever gonna be!
Technical notes for those interested in the nuts and bolts of vlogging:
1. Attentive readers will note that Jimby has pioneered the self-referential "meta-vlog" in today's offering. Within the present vlog, he has provided a link to yesterday's vlog. He is considering going back to yesterday and inserting a self-referential link to today's, or yesterday's future, vlog. But he fears that he might somehow get stuck in a circular loop and spend the rest of eternity in something very close to perdition.
2. Another quality evident in today's effort is the use of random boldings of words and thoughts and so forth. Readers of comic books will see that Jimby has simply taken an old technique from Spiderman inkers and applied it to his own work a la Mary Jane below: