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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Breast Buds and Dysthymic Pugs

Rating: 5 votes, 5.00 average.
As hinted yesterday, and fulfilled today, there is a new Thornton Twins film for your viewing pleasure today.

So sweet is this visual confection, however, that I fear it might rot your teeth if you do not first consume something more meaningful and less pleasant to swallow.

So, for your own good, I include the first ever preamble homework assignment for Vlog the Inhaler viewers. Note: I know you don't want to do this. I know you would rather be consuming intoxicants with your friends or children. I know you would even rather be tapering.

But homework is for your own good.

Here it is:

1. This will be my 40th posted vlog, which puts me currently in 12th place for overall number of posted blog entries on USMS. The No. 1 spot is currently owned by my friend, Leslie Livingston, with 126 entries. As much as my fondness for Leslie knows no bounds, so does the necessity of "killing the Bhuddha" require that I either beat her in blogging, or blind and castrate my father and have sex with my mother. There are no other alternatives. I have made the excruciating decision to dispatch Bhuddha Leslie and leave be my parents' cremated remains.

2. In terms of posted comments, I am doing slightly better in the competiton for supremacy. My vlog has currently received 279 comments, safely ahead of Greek Olympic God, Chris Stevenson's 223. However, the damnably affable and friendly and must be killed Bhuddha Leslie has 620 comments, which is frankly just discouraging to the competitive Jimby. It doesn't help much that my 270 comments/39 blogs equals a ratio of 6.9 comments per entry, whereas Bhudda Leslie's 620/126 equates to a relatively less spectacular 4.9 comments per blog. I suppose I could apply the Finnish formula here in an effort to make myself feel a bit better, but the thing that would really make me feel completely whole is to become an Internet Phenomenon.

3. This is where your homework assignment comes in. Before watching the incredibly charming, Feel Good About Yourself Relative To Me, Early Oscar-Contending Short Film in both the Bible and Breast Bud categories, first:


  • go back to the beginning of my vlog and open each entry separately.
  • on the upper right hand corner, where you will see a little "rate this blog" thingy, click to open, then select "Excellent--Five Stars *****" and click again.
  • go to another computer in your house and/or workplace and/or public library and repeat this process.
  • at the end of the first vlog entry, where there is the option to leave a comment, please do so. You might want to get out a Thesaurus and concentrate on adjectives of a positive nature.
  • E-mail every person you know with this set of instructions and beg them to follow each one to a T. Note: in order to leave a comment, but not to rate my vlog as "Excellent--Five Stars *****", you must get a sign-on name and password--totally free!--and then post at least one or two quick comments in the actual forum discussion threads. This is so that Jim Matysek won't think you are spammers. Spammers! That's the last thing we want here!
  • Okay, you have completed your homework for Vlog the Inhaler Entry No. 1. Now, simply move on to Entry No. 2 and repeat the exact sequence outlined above. Yes, this does require another trip to your workplace and/or public library and/or separate part of your house. Yes it does require hauling out the Thesaurus again, though it might streamline things if you leave a Post-It note by some of your favorite positive adjectives. And yes, it does mean emailing everyone you know once again with your exhortations to follow the instructions again in exactly the same way. No one ever said homework was easy. The only thing one has always maintained is that homework is rewarding.
  • Next, move on to Entry No. 3. Pretty soon, as you get into the posting, rating, emailing, driving around town, exhorting, swing of things, it will actually become fun! Your friends scattered throughout the Internet ether might not agree, and in fact, they might even ask you to desist and when you refuse (thanks!) they might try changing their email address. Track them down! It's rewarding!
  • Once you get caught up with today's Entry No. 40, you should be able to do maintenance Vlog fan activities by rote and on a daily basis. Once inculcated, the homework habit does get easier, I assure you!
  • If there are any questions and/or snafus and/or divorces that result from too much time spent on the computer, do not hesitate to post comments about this. Suggestion: instead of one long comment, break it down into many, many short comments. ( I think this may actually be one of the ways Leslie The Bhuddha Who Must Be Met in the Road and Killed Fortress Livingston has amassed her huge advantage over me.)

Thanks in advance for all your help!

And now, your spirit filled with a sense of Calvinism and a hard job done hardly and well, it is time for your well-deserved reward.

I give you a portrait of a wretch, and by so doing, the gift of feeling so much better about your own current circumstances relative to mine! Enjoy!

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsX4lVh26MQ&feature=subscription"]YouTube - Breast Buds and Dysthymic Pugs[/ame]

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Comments

  1. RustyScupperton's Avatar
    I have been following your instructions to the "T" and have to say, it really is fun!I finally feel life has purpose and meaning!
    Thanks, beloved Inhaler!
  2. Bobinator's Avatar
    Well Jim, another great video production from you. I now understand the soy thing, breastbuds and all. I still stand by my Power Bar Smoothie Bars.....they get you to where you need to be! (where ever that is)
    I do have a problem with the whole dysthymic pug thing. It has been my experience in owning a pug to know/understand that pugs are all good !(more like great) Never should the words sad/unhappy/depressed/bummed/angry/dysthymic(I don't even like this word; it sounds snootie, medical, and like you want to eliminate anyone with less than a medical degree from understanding your point) be associated with the regal and loyal breed of friend I refer to as pUG!
    Anyway, great posting.....I am not a feminist or a puggist, just a loyal follower who likes to give you a hard time!

    Bob
  3. quicksilver's Avatar
    Dude. Thanks for the nudity warning.
    The underwear model is helping soothe the mental scars which were inflicted during the opening scene.

    Will you plan on competing in women's suits in the near future?
  4. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    That
  5. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    was
  6. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    amazing
  7. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    !
  8. jim thornton's Avatar
    1. No pugs were emotionally harmed in the making of this video, in fact, they got treats. This said, Lefty and Biscuit don't like the cold and have been spending a lot of time inside the past month. I do think a little melatonin-inducing exposure to sunshine was good for them! They do not need, nor would they tolerate, sunscreen.
    2. I have been wearing women's suits for years, or at least what would be perceived as women's suits, or Spiderman costumes, in the pre-Aquablade era
    3. Kurt and Rusty, excellent following of instructions. Honestly, don't you feel you have done something rewarding?
  9. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    ...more like a cheap 5 dollar hooker in a garbage-filled back alley.
  10. RustyScupperton's Avatar
    Jimby, I thought I'd share my response to a "nabob" named Dave.
    Dave,
    My poor poor deluded Jesse Helms/ Donald Wildmon wannabe.

    Since when does the sight of a beautiful male nipple elicit a "Yuck"? Whatever happened to Tennessee Williams famous dictum, "Nothing human disgusts me.:, although in fairness, my brother's chest belongs more to the angelic than human realm.

    Had you spent more than "three seconds" with this powerful and moving film, you might have learned much, from the succour of the Anglican liturgy to the breakthroughs of science to treat dysthymia, both human and pug varieties.

    Have you been working for "the man" so long that all creative/philosophical fires have burned out?

    Get back RIGHT NOW and watch this movie in its entirety. Take this opportunity for growth.

    As Epicteus teaches us, "if a great film appears on youtube, watch and learn from it."
    John
  11. jim thornton's Avatar
    thanks, rusty, but i am sure that dave meant no harm by his remark. it is a powerfully disorienting thing for a man who has long considered himself obligately heterosexual to have feelings so strong when gazing upon the hairy nipplage of a fellow man. i am certain that what his cognitive brain labeled "disgust" is actually something his reptilian brain has labeled "give me a piece of heeeeeeeem" a la Hazel Motes in the film version of Flannery O'Connor's Wise Blood. He is a capital fellow, Rusty, just confused, a reaction that you, with your DNA-identical nipples to mine, have surely provoked in occultly libidinous men, women, and children your entire blessed days!