View RSS Feed

Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Ecclesiastes and Threats to Jimby

Rating: 2 votes, 5.00 average.
Our Bible passage today comes from most of us atheists' third favorite part of the Good Book, that is, after Job and Leviticus. I refer, of course, to Ecclesiastes:

There Is Nothing New Under The Sun

(Ecclesiastes 1:9-14 NIV) What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. {10} Is there anything of which one can say, "Look! This is something new"? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time. {11} There is no remembrance of men of old, and even those who are yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow...14} I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

This morning, while tidying up the flood of dross that somehow manages to accumulate in even the most austere of households, I had a sudden wild hair. (Sorry if the real expression here is "wild hare" or something else. I am not a good speller or accurate recounter of cliches, such as one foul sweep, or is it one fell swoop?)

It's either this:



Or this...



Or maybe something else entirely...

Regardless of how it's spelled, my whiled hayre sprouted or hopped up after I received an email from Australia, the gist of which is not all that important, so I will reprint it in tiny font below, the better for disregarding:

Subject: A great online swimming resource

Hi, I found your details while doing research on swimming websites and wanted to share some information that you and the visitors to your site might find useful.

The resource is our “Teach Your Kid’s to Swim” website – http://www.Uswim.com. The site provides a wealth of information for anyone wanting to know more about good swimming techniques and especially those of you with children interested in learning how to swim.

We even have a YouTube Chanel - http://www.youtube.com/user/UswimAustralia which you can subscribe to and be notified whenever a new video is released.

If you think you, or anyone you know might be interested in our swimming information, we invite you to add a link to our page at: http://www.uswim.com (We have provided sample HTML for your convenience below)*.

Please let me know if you would like any further information or if there is anything further I can help with. If you do not wish to be contacted by me in the future please e-mail me to let me know.

Thanks,
Steve Jones
SiteMost Online Marketing
uSwim Australiahttp://www.uswim.com
*We suggest the following link:
Link Text: uSwim teaching your kids to swim
Description: Online swimming lessons for your children
Sample HTML: <a href="http://www.uswim.com"> uSwim teaching your kids to swim </a> - Online swimming lessons for your children.

This immediately raised the question: what imaginable kind of research might have lead Steve Jones of Australia to me?

Epiphany: the Google! He must have tired of chasing skinny-dipping wallabies and old salties out of his swimming hole and Googled something along the lines of "utlimate swimming-related authorities in the United States" and found at the very top of his Google list, "Vlog the Inhaler."

As indicated already, this Epiphany launched my wild hare to hipperty-hopperty out of its rabbit warren, or possibly my wild hair to painfully uncurl itself from its ingrown and inflamed recess. Either way, I was off to my own computer to ego surf "Vlog the Inhaler" myself to see how famous I am becoming in the ether!

Be careful for the fame you wish for. This is, alas, what I found--the apparent rantings of a criminal maniac in full-blown terroristic threat mode:

http://www.shanepowers.com/2008/12/vlog-inhaler-warning.html?showComment=1234115520000#c1027998684 767394656

WARNING: DO NOT WATCH FILM IF YOU ARE SCARED OF SWEARING CRIMINALS THREATENING VLOG THE INHALER

Upon further examination, I discovered that this possibly actionable promise of a beat-down was dated last December. Regular Vlog the Inhaler readers will note that my first post was in January, I am pretty sure.

Thus, with great relief that this apparent madman was targeting ANOTHER Vlog the Inhaler, my anxiety quieted and swimming evangelism took over. I invited the chain-smoking recreant to stop his filthy habit and swim instead.

I may be an atheist, but that doesn't stop me from being an evangelist for the One True Way, which I think we will all agree is swimming endless laps in an effort to shave a tenth of a second off our 50 yard freestyle times.

The fact that there may be another, indeed a whole squadron of other, Vlog the Inhalers out there in the Internet world reconfirmed the sagacity of Ecclesiastes yet again. Just as I was bemoaning my inability to come up with anything completely original, I noticed one of the angry Mr. Shane Powers' linked blog "followers." The name of this linked blog: The Phuckery.

Ecceliastical confirmation No. 2! There is no new Phuckery under the sun!

At the risk of giving Leslie The Fortress Livingston even more hits, comments, and superior blog statistics, please check out a chain of comments initiated here http://forums.usms.org/blog.php?b=1357#comments when I, Jimby, happened to mention in a comment to Leslie that the word **** is automatically detected by special USMS Vice Police software on this site and converted into four harmless little asterisks. This software, I further pointed out, is as good at speling as I am, thus it fine to write fuc fuk fook and fucity fuk fuc fik!

Final note for today:
please do not allow the time you have spent tarrying on this post stop you from reading/watching yesterday's post if, indeed, you have not already done to at least a couple times already. In the race for the highest number of comments left on a swimming blog, Leslie seems to have appropriated my strategy of encouraging multiple short comments in lieu of one longish praisefest.

Thus:

Don't: Jim, I don't care how many Vlog the Inhalers are out there under the sun. You are the only one that matters to me! I love, love, love you!

Do:

First comment:

Jim,

second comment:

I

Third comment:

don't

Fourth comment:

care

and so forth, adding considerably to my tally. Thanks!

Submit "Ecclesiastes and Threats to Jimby" to Digg Submit "Ecclesiastes and Threats to Jimby" to del.icio.us Submit "Ecclesiastes and Threats to Jimby" to StumbleUpon Submit "Ecclesiastes and Threats to Jimby" to Google

Categories
Uncategorized

Comments

  1. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    You are on such thin ice right now....the other vlog the inhaler appears unstable. I would not mess with that.
    I hope that face pictured above is not yours cuz if it is, you need a doctor.
    More Ecclesiastes for you: Eccl. 6: 1
    There is an evil which I have seen under the sun, and it is common among men (Jim)...
    Don't worry, I will visit you in hell.
  2. jim thornton's Avatar
    Excellent comment, fellow hellion! The only recommendation: you really could have stretched this out to almost 100 individual one word comments!

    I figure that my chain-smoking antagonist is either in jail or California now, and thus unable to do me any harm.

    I don't think that picture is a face. It took a lot of searching to find a jpg of an ingrown hair, and once I found one, I wasn't going to question the location of said hair.
  3. chaos's Avatar
    ha, the ad above reads "legal info for stalking" blah blah www.findlaw.com

    has it come to this?

    hell is other people
  4. Bobinator's Avatar
    Jimby, you are the one and only VLOG THE INHALER! Anyone else out there who uses that name is a disillusioned wanna-be!
    I think I know that guy (mr. shane powers). I recall him in my freshman health class 9 years ago. He always argued when we talked about the dangers of nicotine! I'm sorry to see he's still on a downward spiral.

    bob
  5. Bobinator's Avatar
    Oh, I think the patch of skin on your blog is actually that of mr. shane powers. He had a problem with ingrown hair folicles during his high school days.

    bob
  6. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    trying to stretch it out is cumbersome as you must (as I learned yesterday) wait 30 seconds between posts...so while I love you and your folliculitis...I guess not that much.

    Hope you are an organ donor...that guy looks pissed...one amphetamine binge away from beheading my beloved jimby...goodbye old friend.

    Word to "hell is other people."
  7. quicksilver's Avatar
    Thin ice baby.

    Good thing you're part Polar Bear.
    Or is that your brother?

    It's all so confusing.
  8. jim thornton's Avatar
    Thin ice might be helpful for Shane Power's folliculitis.

    Wasn't there a song about this from Mary Poppins or The Sound of Music or something? The chorus, as I recall, went something like this:


    I love to go a'wonderin'
    around the Internet!
    and when I go
    I love to sing
    this ingrown hair lament!

    Folliculeeee!

    Folliculaaaa!

    Folliculeeee!

    Folliculaaa haaa haaa haaa!

    New contest: name Shane Power's body part in today's vlog infected by folliculitis. Surely, it can't be his neck?
  9. jim thornton's Avatar
    PS

    You might want to look at the oil painting of the Wild Hares as they hipperty hopperty across the winter landscape while singing to your self the Folliculee song whose lyrics came in the above comment.

    Kind of cute, I must say.

    Oh, to be a happy bunny!
  10. newmastersswimmer's Avatar
    hmmm
  11. newmastersswimmer's Avatar
    a very
  12. newmastersswimmer's Avatar
    interesting
  13. newmastersswimmer's Avatar
    Blog Jim!

    (I especially liked the video about Leslie's almost World Record...Nice Hair too BTW lol!)
  14. Chicken of the Sea's Avatar
    A warning to those who mock my good mate, Steve Joneseses's, sincere and well-intentioned attempt to help improve their bloody swimming....
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...Australia.html

    oh yeah, Jimbo, where the Fukc(TM) did you get that picture of my latest bikini wax?
  15. jim thornton's Avatar
    Is that where those ingrown hairs are coming from? Amanda's Brazilian?

    For those of you too lazy to click on the excellent link that our Chicken of the Sea Aussie provided, here is the picture of the poor kangaroo about to be eaten by a shark.


    Shark eats swimming kangaroo in Australia

    By RICHARD SHEARS
    Last updated at 14:38 12 December 2007