by, February 21st, 2009 at 05:05 PM (1490 Views)
The endgames cometh.
In the next month or so, the following questions may or may not be answered, each of which is vitally critical to Jimby's welfare:
- Will he lose what little net "worth" he has left to the IRS?
- Will he get over his cold?
- Will his estrogen levels rise in a clinically significant way, and will he then sell video access to his moobs on the Internet to a wealthy subset of very peculiar fetishists?
- Will he act on an impulse, increasingly boisterous within his serotonin-depleted brain, that urges him to substitute one stubborn vice for an old relinquished one?
- Will he lose his job?
- Will he get the go ahead to write about masters swimming and perchance get to attend Y Nationals in Ft. Lauderdale and try to talk the B70 Corporation into lending him a suit?
- Will he be forced to sell his ancestral stomping grounds and boyhood home for worthless pennies on the even more worthless dollar?
- Will he grow a spine or continue to lose bone density here until the metamorphosis into an invertebrate is done?
- Will he figure out how to get Windows Movie Maker to work again on his computer so he can do piss poor video edting, which would at least allow him to vlog again?
- Will his brother John ever download the most recent batch of lugubrious footage he sent him and turn it into something amusing?
- Will he spell cliffhanger with two f's, i.e., the conventional way, or with one f, in deference to the soy-filled energy bars that are helping him to grow a pair of hirsute titulars?
- Will readership of the vlog continue its downwards trend as his fellow Americans, bloated with their own grief, tire of reading about his?
- Will he swim tomorrow's 1650 at CMU despite his head already swimming within its suffocating skullcap?
- Will he appear on Court TV after doing something, or some many things, decidedly ill-advised?
- Will he ever again smile and swagger and speak without a palsied twitching of the voice box?
- Will he end up in the one place he has always dreaded most, the Snake Pit, being administered to by nurse R?
- Will he go to his grave waylaid still in the one dimensionality of the first person?
- Will he keep the card house standing?
- Will he enjoy the “largely unanticipated delight in the suffering of another which is cognized as trivial and/or appropriate”--or will he find this cold comfort at best?
- Will he hang or drown or go the way of most?
- Will he get a PR again?
- Will he have his way with a CreamPuff like vision?
- Will he gain or lose his will?
Well, will he?
Stay tuned. The endgames cometh in Season 2 of Vlog the Inhaler: the Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton!