by, March 29th, 2013 at 04:58 PM (308 Views)
"I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint:
my heart is like wax, it is melted in the midst of my bowels.
My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws"
--Psalm 22: 14-15.
I am beginning to understand my humanity at its most lived, at its most deeply felt, is to be found in the midst of suffering... or, perhaps, it is at such moments that I feel like I can touch something beyond my material humanity... maybe this keeps me driving myself, even when I'm hanging onto the wall gasping for breath after every rep... I could stop at any moment, end the suffering, but I hurl myself into another rep when the pace-clock tells me it must be so. Why? What am I paying for? Why do I feel like I HAVE to endure? I want to be a better swimmer of course, but there are days when there has to be something more than just that... this pouring out, using myself up, melting myself down... I think we all sense that need to find the depths of the abyss, in order to rise again. Today I beat the human out to inhabit my inner worm; but the worm will weave its cocoon and emerge with wings. So this is my Good Friday meditation, I don't know that it would have even occurred to me had I not poured myself out in today's workout.
I did the weights again today (same as Wednesday, but did 2 sets of each exercise), this time before my swim. The swim was tough as a result:
1200 (alternated free and pull 200s; build from EZ to moderate)
4 x 100 fly on 3:00 (1:48-1:56)
100 IM (1:45) on 3:00
4 x 100 bk on 2:15 (1:47-1:50)
100 IM (1:45) on 2:15
4 x 100 br on 2:30 (1:48-1:52)
100 IM (1:46) on 2:30
4 x 100 fr on 2:00 (1:19-1:23)
100 IM (1:47)
200 EZ fr (~3:30)
200 Pull (~3:30)
4 x 50 fr (catch-up; slide-n-glide drills) on 1:00
3800 SCY/80 minutes
My slower times today, despite the perceived difficulty, were a humble reminder of how far I have to go.
Yesterday was an easy day, though the kick work has left my legs pretty sore... essentially 3 tough days in a row on the legs w/ weights and swimming. Here's what I did yesterday in the short time I had (2000 SCY/40 minutes):
400 EZ swim, 7:00
200 spear drill w/ fins
4 x 50 spear drill w/ fins, harder on 1:00
4 x 50 pull on 1:00
5 x 100 on 2:00 (1:27-1:31)
4 x 25 front dolphins on :45
4 x 25 back dolphins and flutter on :45
200 breast kick w/ board
100 EZ swim
The 700 or so of pull and free work in the middle was to reinforce proper hip rotation and focus on kick timing (which I'm now obsessing about, so we'll see where that leads).
Spring is the sweeter after a long winter. Today we are reminded that triumph requires suffering; and what little suffering we endure is so small in comparison to the suffering of others who have gone before us, gracing us with their sacrifices. Blessings on this solemn day! Peace.