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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Chapter 3: Preliminary Visuals

Rating: 3 votes, 3.67 average.
"Is one of the symptoms of swine flu a rash on the cylindrical base of the, well, I don't want to get this vlog thrown off, but is it?" thought James Thornton, several days after the Zones meet was over, and he was starting to wonder if his lack of an active immune system might actually save him from the latest colonization.

He coughed, felt his lungs ache, shook his head, felt ashamed he'd missed practice, wondered how technology could possibly hope to keep pace with his sicknesses and workout slothfulness.

He tried to swallow. It hurt too much. He brought the coagulated substance back up, then tried to avoid thinking about the cylinder and its inflamed base....

Having now provided my vlogging viewers with an overwhelming reason to change the mental visuals now dancing in their heads, I shall post some much more wholesome imagery.

First, a still photograph of a swimmer who truly deserves all the credit for my swims, this swimmer being one Mr. William Sumerfield, Esquire. Yesterday's picture of BillS, which used Jimmy Stewart as a stand-in, was a mistake.

I should have used William Holden instead:

Note: I have cropped the picture to spare Bill the embarrassment of showing what his friend's hand was doing at precisely this moment.

Next, I will present four short films taken from the Colonies Zones meet. None of these show actual swimming, so please do not be disappointed. I understand your feelings. During my Golden Boy youth, I was once jogging when several highly attractive tartlets beckoned to me to stop and chat them up.

"I'm sorry, girls!" I said. "I'd love to stop but I can't--I am just too magnificent in motion!"

I add this not our of conceit nor any other self-aggradizing motive. I am not immune to the aesthetic artfulness of my bodily movements; I feel your desire to see this, for I desire to see it myself, perhaps almost as intensely as you do.

Take heart: There will be, in a few days or so, almost 5 minutes and just under 25 full seconds of me swimming the 500 to be posted soon!

But for now, the preliminary footage.

The first two are both from Friday, April 24th, after I have warmed up for the first time in the B70. I didn't have any competitive events this day, just let myself get used to the suit a bit.

The second two are from the morning of Saturday, April 25th, as Leslie "the Fortess" Livingston, blissfully unaware that she was driving me (illegally, as you shall see) to her own first national record, well, it is just a delicious irony to see Leslie in the very final charmed moments of her life before she transmogrified from amateur celebrity to professional celebrity, with all the attendant paparazzi style pains the latter are known to foist upon the truly great.

Thank god I am headed for no such fate myself!

Film 1: The Grand Sweep of the GMU Natatorium

[ame=""]YouTube - Friday: A 2008 Zonesman Previews the 2009[/ame]

Film 2: Interview with David Bright on the B70's legality and predictions for my events

[ame=""]YouTube - David Bright: On a Swimming Costume's Leg[/ame]

Film 3: Driving to GMU with the Great One and learning how to mix and max pills and inhalants.

[ame=""]YouTube - Saturday Morning: Driving with Miss Fortr[/ame]

Film 4: Convincing the Great One to Break the Law

(Note: I may need to repost this one of Leslie breaking the traffic regulations under my relentless urging. It appears there has been an error, but try playing it anyhow.)

[ame=""]YouTube - Saturday: First Illegality as the Drive C[/ame]

More soon, but for now, I must take my swine-fluish hulk to the sick bed and/or sick sty.

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  1. Bobinator's Avatar
    I felt like I had it last week-end and monday too (swine flu). My throat was raw, head plugged up with mish-mush, and I had a dizzy head-ache. It's gone now, I think it was a sinus infection. Hang in there jimby.
  2. jim thornton's Avatar
    Thanks, Bobinator. At some point I would like to see a movie of your Kindergarteners doing the heartbeat counting thing you described months ago, where they take their pulse with one hand and pump their fist with the other every time the heart beats
  3. The Fortress's Avatar
    I am such an accomplished cheater and law breaker. Moreover, I do it all guilt free! I set a very good example for you ... And I even pampered you by driving to the meet ... Though you apparently failed to appreciate the loan of my ipod earphone ...
  4. EricOrca's Avatar
    Jim, After reviewing your excellent documentary's on vanity, the B70 suit and 2 part travel-log, what stood out for me was your hilarious quote "I'd love to stop but I can't--I am just too magnificent in motion!"
  5. Bobinator's Avatar
    It is amazing how big the kindergartners have become in the last few months, they're almost taller than me (hahaha). I will try to get the video however I do no know how to post videos on the blog. I bet my student teacher could help me. (he's from Purdue and they're techy!)
  6. jim thornton's Avatar
    Leslie, I did indeed give credit to your iPod lending! We were listening to Christina Aquillara men-hating songs together, rallying ourselves for righteous victory! Don't you remember us singing the chorus: "Rat bastard men, don't try to hold me down!"

    Eric, thanks for enjoying my deadly serious quote about myself in motion. I need to rig up some kind of system of mirrors so I can watch my back muscle groups working while I walk or jog a few steps from the couch to the fridge.

    Bobinator, all you gotta do is get a free YouTube account, upload the footage to here, then past the url for you movie into you vlog via that little "insert link" globe icon, and it will show up!
  7. imspoiled's Avatar
    Jim, I appear to have missed a chapter. What happened to Book 2?
  8. jim thornton's Avatar
    You didn't miss it. I thought I put it in Book 1. But what used to be chapter 1 got switched to the Foreward, which was misspelled. Should have been Foreword.

    Then Chapter 2 had to become Chapter 1.

    And I forgot.

    And called this Chapter 3. I think I have a very mild case of swine flu lite, but it is still enough to absolutely addle and knock me on my ass.

    Or maybe it's the first bottle of Nyquil I've swallowed.

    What chapter are we on? Which book? Huh? Who am I?