Almost a year out
by, October 14th, 2013 at 01:45 PM (669 Views)
Long time no blog. To be honest, the last few months have been quite frustrating. Lots of low points which havenít left me motivated to keep up with this thing. Letís just say that my positive and semi-linear path of improvements were thwarted somewhere around early July (month 8). I had been doing so well, and suddenly things went waaaaay downhill. Massive setback so to speak.
Canít pinpoint the exact cause, but back in early July it was like my shoulder just went ka-put. Went really dead, got super weak and numbingly painful at all times, even just sitting around. Really didnít feel right. Naturally I got quite concerned so I went back to my surgeon, afraid that I had injured some other part of my shoulder or something. I had x-rays and some tests done but nothing was out of the ordinary. ďStuff like this isnít abnormalĒ she said. Sigh. Least to say that my summer of glorious outdoor swimming did not go as planned!
So I basically started over, like in a major way this time. I put back on the fins and kicked for several weeks and slowly added back in some swimming. Again Iím super careful with balancing weights/PT and swimming as its proving to be such a delicate balance for me. I do one set of reps too many and I will pay the price in the pool, and vice versa. Right now Iím swimming full workouts again (fins go on after the main set), but 3 days a week max followed by ice. Iím doing bits of all 4 strokes with no issues, so thatís good. I just have to keep my yardage in check and make sure I get enough recovery time in between workouts. It seems that I do best when I follow a schedule of one day on Ė two days off, but it can be difficult to stick to that (not to mention that its far less that what Iíd like to be doing). Sometimes I have to decide between only having 1 day in between workouts or 4 days Ė and sometimes I reluctantly go with the 4 days off, because now I know better lol. Iíve only just started pushing myself again speed-wise. Iím still quite reserved, but thatís OK. Purgatory and I are BFFs at this point.
Admittedly itís been very difficult to stay positive throughout all of this. It is hard when you see all your progress just ~erased~ like that. At this point I feel that Iím fairly behind compared to where I thought I would be at this point. It has been a real test of patience, which I am getting better at mastering, but itís still tough. It still hasnít been a year yet, which I remind myself constantly.
Sometimes I wonder if I pushed it too hard at the beginning of this journey. Other times I just wish I had a good chunk of cash so I could afford to see REAL sport-specific specialists who could have helped me through all of this (though insurance is covering some acupuncture and I have been getting massage 2x month). Sometimes I kick myself for not having the surgery sooner, and I wonder how things would be if I didnít let my shoulder re-dislocate all those times over the years. And then sometimes think I should just take a month off (honestly wouldnít know what to do with myselfÖ..).
Lots of shoulda coulda woulda, but I try not to think too much about it. I try and let the sounds of being underwater drown it all out