A new start
by, June 29th, 2009 at 12:09 PM (951 Views)
Thirty three days after she moved out, she signed the title of our house over to me. Our ten year old relationship is officially over.
I've suffered several depressive episodes and lost 20 pounds. But I came through like a champion. I took positive actions over these 30 days: locking in to a great refinance rate, got the house appraised, organized records and took them to an accountant, got a market analysis done, hired a lawyer, found some friends that would mediate the financial settlement. It was really hard to do these things because I was hoping to reconcile, but she would have no part in joint counseling. The only discussions were over her withdrawing her equity.
So she lost some of her equity in the home, but has a new boyfriend - and he has some interesting issues. It's the stuff of soap operas.
She has stopped swimming and has essentially dropped out from our social network of swimming friends and family. During our very brief discussions, I sense a lot of confusion, some anger at me (although she chose to initiate the affair) and sadness. I also believe that she will bury her feelings by immersing herself new work projects. I know that eventually, the thrill of the affair will wear off and reality will set in. What happens then?
In the end, I have the house (new windows and interior paint (2007), new floors (2008) and a new roof and restucco (2009), a great refinance rate and in 10 years will own the home. And I have a broken heart.
I'm doing a lot of self work (counseling, journaling and joining civic minded groups) as well as swimming like crazy. I've found that no matter how much I exercise, it does very little to help overcome the grief. Talking, writing and being with people has really helped me get through this nightmare.
While some have advised that time will help heal me, I believe that it is what I choose to do with the time that is more important.