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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Is CreamPuff Using Me?

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Forgive the provocative title of today's vlog, but I need to drive some traffic to my little corner of the swimming world, and for some reason, my depressive ruminations don't seem to be doing it.

Thus I will go back to my "Court of Last Resort" topic to drive viewership: the Comings and Goings of Our Favorite CreamPuff.

I probably wouldn't have thought to do this were it not for an email I received this evening, from the Puffster herself, with a link to a YouTube movie depicting a race she recently had. The message itself indicated that she thought someone had "hacked" the footage, so I watched it with a very keen eye, expecting a Great White Shark or some such to leap from the pool water just as she is finishing the race, embrace her comely young body in its voracious jowls, shake violently a couple times so that her suit falls off, and then chomp her in half.

I am not joking.

I really did expect something like this. I daresay I was looking forward to it.

But such obvious hackery never materializes. What does materialize, I suspect, is not hackery at all, but rather an honest depiction of True Grit CreamPuff style as she Jason Lezaks some chick in the adjacent lane.

It crossed my mind that I should post the link to see what others thought, but then I realized that the dear shy girl had sent me the link in private, more or less, and that to do so would be a breach of trust.

Then I thought a bit more about it, and I realized that CreamPuff knows I am always looking for visually interesting video material with which to counterbalance my (all too frequent of late) depressive bummerganzas of financial and hypochondriacal laments (the latest of which, by the way, is the resumption of fluish illness in the corpus of yours truly, which has, in turn, lead to a form of complaining for which I have been forced to coin a new term: swhining.)

It occurred to me that not only would CreamPuff not mind me posting the movie of her victory, she is no doubt counting on it.

This, in turn, raised yet another question in my swine-flu-riddled swhininess: Is CreamPuff using me?

I suppose it doesn't matter. Bill Withers, when faced with a similar dilemma, sang the following lyrics:

My friends feel it's their appointed duty
They keep trying to tell me all you want to do is use me
But my answer yeah to all that use me stuff
Is I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used
Oh you just keep on using me until you use me up
Until you use me up

My brother sit me right down and he talked to me
He told me that I ought not to let you just walk on me
And I'm sure he meant well yeah but when our talk was through
I said brother if you only knew you'd wish that you were in my shoes
You just keep on using me until you use me up
Until you use me up

Oh sometimes yeah it's true you really do abuse me
You get in a crowd of high class people and then you act real rude to me
But oh baby baby baby baby when you love me I can't get enough
I and I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used
Oh you just keep on using me until you use me up
Until you use me up

Talking about you using me but it all depends on what you do
It ain't too bad the way you're using me
Cause I sure am using you to do the things you do
Ah ha to do the things you do

At this point, I will post two movies: Bill singing "Use me up" and CreamPuff racing the 100 m free in Charlotte (there is musical accompaniment here, too, but of a different nature.)

You can watch these any way you want, or ignore them altogether. But my advice is this:

Turn on Bill Withers first, adjust the volume of the song. Then turn on CreamPuff and turn the sound down altogether.

Watch her, listen to Bill, and all the while think about me: the person who is being used here, but would not mind being used till she uses me up.

[ame=""]YouTube - Bill Withers - use me[/ame]

Bill Withers: start this one first, turn up the volume

[ame=""]YouTube - 100 free charlotte 2009[/ame]

CreamPuff: start this one second, turn off the volume and watch while listening to Bill above

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  1. tjrpatt's Avatar
    That is a great swim. It so looked like she wasn't going to beat the other woman. Plus, the Puffmaster was ready to go on for another 300. Strong kick the whole way.
  2. qbrain's Avatar
    Thanks for sharing Jim.

    Mrs. Ulveling has a very short stroke, but she is wonderful inside the flags. Both her turn and her finish are very impressive.

    Ms. Braun had a slow long stroke that worked to her advantage, until she was schooled on execution inside the flags.

    Jim, sorry that the PA gloom has you down. Don't worry, your day of sunshine is still scheduled for this summer.
  3. jim thornton's Avatar
    Ms. Braun almost seemed comical at the end. She lifted her head at one point to see if she could see the end of the pool. It was almost as if she thought someone was playing a practical joke on her and moving the wall the closer she got to it.

    I thought Kristina's kick was really good. She was concerned about her DPS being atrocious, but I don't think it matters if you can sustain it. She obviously can sustain her style of swimming over the long haul, so for sprints, you almost have to expect a fast turn over.

    Ms. Braun, by contrast, probably A) did not breathe enough at the beginning of the race, and B) seemed to have her head too high throughout the race, and ludicrously high towards the end.

    Kudos to CreamPuff. Did anyone see the alleged "hackery"? Maybe she did not mean hack in the computer hacking sense, which I assumed would throw some sort of special effect movie magic into the mix. But rather hackery in the sense that she thought she was hacking through the water. It didn't look like hacking to me, fast turnover notwithstanding.

    I say, recut the film and add the shark. Just have it eat Ms. Braun at the end. It would seem less cruel. After all, Ms. Braun appears dead at that point anyhow.

    (My apologies for what teammate Dan Nadler calls "inappropriate jocularity" if Ms. Braun happens to read this blog. Please, Ms. Braun, if we ever meet: Don't hit!)
  4. 's Avatar
    Ack! Jim, I did NOT know you were going to post this; however, I guess I should have known better!

    I wanted to send this to you to show you my improved kick! Remember when you made fun of me (and rightfully so) on my facebook page after viewing my 200 FR in March in which I did not kick AT ALL and my DPS was something like 1000 strokes a lap? I think you called me a hack - and it was well justified at the time. Just wanted to show you my improved kick. Only started working on DPS a couple of days ago. And yes, I'm still a hack - just note my digging away at the water. Ms. Braun is a MUCH better freestyler than I am. I do not ever want to swim next to her again.
  5. 's Avatar
    Jim, I am worried about your depression. I just read your other vlog post. What can we do to cheer you up (that is legal)?
  6. jim thornton's Avatar
    We shall always have Argentina, Kristina. And that will have to be, as they say, suficiente. O basta. Que es la palabra perfecta?
  7. EricOrca's Avatar
    Being a whitewater kayaker on a extended sabbatical, I grew very tired of wild and crazy "music" tracks on videos of kayakers hucking falls, boofing rocks and cartwheeling in holes. However this practice appears to be prevalent in the swimming world as well. That being said, this was a great come from behind swim, I take it "Creampuff" was in lane 3. Perhaps a whitewater kayaker charging down lane 2 would have been appropriate with the heavy metal soundtrack. I tried the "vintage" soundtrack, but I just couldn't quite picture a shark attack...
  8. RustyScupperton's Avatar
    Terrific swim! More Phelps than Lesak in terms of stealing victory at the last instant. Very cool.

    Must have stung like hell for Ms. Braun. Gentle unguent needs to be soothingly appleid...
  9. RustyScupperton's Avatar
    PS, not sure whether Jim or Kristina woyuld be the better appliator of aforementioned gentle balm upon the person of Ms. Braun.