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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Crazy Little Thing in Indianapolis

Rating: 3 votes, 5.00 average.
Today's vlog, part of an ongoing series from last summer's Long Course Meters Nationals in Indianapolis, does not require a whole lot of explanation. I do think, however, that a short glossary might be in order:

Novelty stimulus females: women unfamiliar to a male and hence able to induce the Coolidge Effect during initial encounters

Refractory period: the amount of time after a "swim" that a "swimmer" requires before being able to "swim" again with any kind of meaningful vigor and/or forward progress. Example: Leslie Livingston swims the 50 backstroke on August 12th, 2009. Seventeen years later, i.e., August 12th, 2026, she is ready to try it again.

Sexual harassment: words, deeds, actions, inuendo, and the like that are unwanted by those upon whom such is foisted; the kind of boorish behavior that guys like Jim Thornton have dedicated their lives to preventing

Hymenopterans: stinging insects in the bee, wasp, and yellow jacket families, sometimes linked metaphorically with human love

Fiction: a work of art that has not actually happened in "reality" but is nevertheless "true" in the greater scheme of things and may, in fact, have happened on an almost nightly fantasy basis since an author's chance meeting with a comely Canadian emigre/soil entomologist/swimmer protagonist (just to use a random example) who has subsequently refused to respond to any or all of his Facebook postings, again, not that any of this is "real" though, again, its essential "truth" is a different story entirely.

Note: Jealousy welling up within the breast of anyone with any romantic affiliation whatsoever to any of the entirely fictional characters in today's film (despite these characters' resemblance to real people with the same names) is absolutely unwarranted.

Hanky? No!

Panky? Decidedly not!

Nevertheless, please enjoy the most tragic of all human situations...what wasn't but might have been:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2m02_xkVUKk"]YouTube - Birds, Yellow Jackets, and Novelty Stimulus Teeammates[/ame]

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Updated September 17th, 2009 at 01:27 PM by jim thornton

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Comments

  1. billwhite's Avatar
    Well, if nothing else it seemed that Megan and Stephanie were extremely accommodating to the creepiness. Having said that I think we may need a 'body language expert' here to give a more detailed analysis.
  2. jim thornton's Avatar
    I, for one, find it VERY difficult to distinguish between a shudder of lust and one of revulsion.

    Two sides of the same coin perchance?

    Ditto for little gagging noises.
  3. Bobinator's Avatar
    Well Jimby, no one can say that you didn't try your very hardest. There should be some type of pride you can take from that.
    Hopefully your "refractory period" will frazzle before your next encounter with another lovely "novelty stimulas female."
    I think if you talk LESS and MOVE faster the ultimate "hymenopterans" plunge could occur seamlessly!
  4. The Fortress's Avatar
    I think Bill still has my room key card too, but I'd like to clarify that I was not harvested either!

    Except for the momentary creepy look, Stephanie adapted to your, er, uniqueness very well. Innocent Megan looked a bit more taken aback.

    What happens to your refractory period during your frequent bouts of hypochondriachal swine flu lite?
  5. mermaid's Avatar
    Jimby, you're not a singer
  6. jim thornton's Avatar
    Leslie, I understand and will let the entire world know that you were not harvested by bill.

    Mermaid, the singing problem is not mine. I made the mistake of using that technology that automatically adjusts the tone and pitch of my voice.

    Evidently, the software had never encountered quite such a perfect tenor before (I was the 4th member of the 3 Tenors), and it seems to have gotten flummoxed and made me sound horrible.

    Permit me sometime to sing for you in private.
  7. billwhite's Avatar
    I can only imagine that the harvesting of a fortress would be a rare and spectacular event and much like the bloom of a titan arum it would be treasured by its audience. Alas, this flesh fly has no such key!
  8. jim thornton's Avatar
    After some initial reticence to discuss the last forbidden taboo subject in USMS, misgeneration, I am happy to see the flood gates of discourse are robustly opened.

    Have you, too, been victimized in the past by Society's views on misgeneration? Oh, occasionally the topic hits the news--Anna Nicole and her robustly alive octagenerian corpse-husband, for instance.

    If you have something to get off your chest, and furthermore if you are the younger female member(s) of a misgenerational couple(ing)s, this vlog is your first step towards healing.

    I wait to hear from you, Stephanie, Megan, Dixie, Lola, Ursula, Madison, Trixie, Gertie, and the whole modern day assortment of trendy named vixens born after the Clinton administration!

    Do not let your bad experiences fester like an unopened titan arum! Let your meat flower blossom in all its glory!
  9. jim thornton's Avatar
    P.S. Thanks, Bobinator. Your advice on making the hymenopteran plunge is fantastic. Imagine me right now making a little zipping motion across my fast flapping lips.

    Indeed, this may actually prove to be doubly beneficial. If you can't talk, you can't sing either, which appears to be another one of my downfalls.
  10. EricOrca's Avatar
    Bravo Jim, Bravo! I might mention that Hymenopterans are the land based flying stingers, where us water based aqua-homosapiens are concerned, the Dasyatidae can also sting, however most would not metaphorically associate the nasty barbed attack to the lower leg as a love bite....
  11. jim thornton's Avatar
    Hmm. It does seem to me that there were a bunch of things that kind of looked like this struggling to go on the attack...millions of them, actually. I didn't realize they were Dasyatidae.

  12. billwhite's Avatar
    Jim, you meant eager and willing right? I don't think struggling is the correct description.
  13. jim thornton's Avatar
    Yeah, you're probably right. They are definitely eager, willing, and hopeful. But it is proving to be an overwhelming struggle for them to find a safe harbor and/or landing strip upon which to disembark on their journey to secure the precious.
  14. billwhite's Avatar
    Secure? You mean deposit their precious 'venom/cargo' as this is their main purpose. Also, exterior landscaping usually plays no role in the rendition. It may possibly play a role in inciting the delivery process but I doubt it.
  15. jim thornton's Avatar
    When women say we are immature, Bill, even though they are chronologically decades younger than us, I always think it comes down to the ventriloquists calling the real shots.

    A comely chick like Stephanie may seem much younger, at 23, than me, on the cusp of 57. But her eggs are relatively ancient, having been around for almost 24 years, biding their time, but growing older by the day.

    My little swimmers, on the other hand, were hatched from Sertoli cells at most a couple weeks ago, and have been maturing in the nursery school of my epidydimis, where presumably they are practicing finger painting even as I write these words.

    The May December romance is correct, only it's we old guys who are the May, and the "young" davatchkas who are, in point of fact, the Decembrists!
  16. poolraat's Avatar
    Jim have you tried that line of reasoning on young Stephanie? Did it work? And I think you might have fat fingered the keyboard while typing your age???

    I need to get the May-December romance thing right next time. My last one was December-May.
  17. jim thornton's Avatar
    Floyd, Stephanie studies insects professionally, so I am certain that none of my arguments would come as any form of surprise to her. I do think that I might have some success by sending her my cartoon novella, The Use of Sexual Attractants in the Extermination of Insects, but I have to find that particular and charming bit of my juvenilia first.