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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Out of Idaho

Rating: 2 votes, 5.00 average.
Back to my own little corner of civilization, such as it is, with clothes now dry but not my nose.

I am not sure how exactly I came into contact with a rhinovirus in the middle of Idaho's nowhere, but apparently I did, and I am back to my sickliness and malaise.

One of the most interesting facets of being alone in the wilderness is how quickly one realizes that whining is literally a waste of breath when there is no one to whine to. I suggest amending the old chestnut about trees falling in the woods, and whether or not such make sounds if no one hears it.

Does Jim's whining in the forest make a sound if there is no one there to hear it?

Unlike the Zen-like precursor question upon which this one is loosely based, the Jim Whining: Noise or Not? Conundrum does have an actual answer.

No, Jim's whining does NOT make a sound in the forest.

Babbling, on the other hand, might be a little different.

My babbling began some time after the third day, when the weather started to turn nippy, and clouds mottled the previously unbroken cerulean heavens.

It started with me singing a medley of songs with no apparent transition between them oh we love to go a'wandering along the mountain treks, yodelay, yodelee! a'waltzing Matilda with me, and we loaded up our bilabongs and kookaberry sat on his old Dan Tucker!

And from this music the babbling only intensified and has gotten a hold on me ever since returning to swim two days later in an overheated 25 m pool in the boonies of Pennsylvania oil country yodelay yodelee! and then the next day after our practice of 4,000 pitiless yards through the high grass country losing the trail here and there I remembered the spirit who guided me safely through the wilderness, my only cranially gifted friend, in this he was somewhat different from my two walking stick companions whom I named Hayzeus and H.G. for the one sitteth on my right hand and the other on my left...yodelay, yodelee!

...but fevers doused with flooding toddies of Nyquil do eventually break, and I suppose today's vlog will simply serve as a sop to my fans and a teaser of footage I hope to come but for now let me just include a few quick pix of me in my hypothermic lonely despair and the spirit god of the wolverine who provided me inspiration when the hours were darkest....

there is admittedly some controversy about the species nature of my spirit god--some (i.e., hunters, woodsmen, naturalists, and scientists) claim he is a coyote whose skull has been prominently punctured by a gunshot as evidenced by the small hole on the right side of his brainpan and the larger one on the the left) while others (me) maintain this is the skull of Old Man Wolverine himself, who has taken me under his savage claw and will protect me from evil here ever after.

You decide.

Exhaustion sets in

A man and his spirit god compare dentition

When I prove incapable of making sense of the map, my spirit god offers to take a look and offer directional advice provided I lend him my reading glasses. (Note what some "experts" claim is an exit wound behind his left orbital socket. I prefer to think of this as the channel through which Old Man Wolverine's etherous vapours could easily flow into my own worried and alleged soul, comforting me in that way only Old Men Wolverines can.)

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  1. billwhite's Avatar
    If you could have blurred the first picture and made it a slightly longer range shot I believe we could have started our own Idaho-Yeti legend. The last picture though is probably the best and you should use it as your USMS avatar.
  2. jim thornton's Avatar
    Excellent idea, Bill.

    I may try to figure out how to execute.

    By the way, I have a cold today, which I may have mentioned in the vlog itself. Perhaps that might help to explain my pitiable meet performance.

    Though I continue to think that "internal rot" remains a better explanation.
  3. billwhite's Avatar
    Like I said before just blame it on being only a 9% human bio-entity.
  4. SwimmerGirlKT's Avatar
    I have a runny nose, if your misery is companionable. I think that a cold office is to blame, which isn't as sexy as your raw, animalistic experiment.
  5. jim thornton's Avatar
    Well, I just took a nap in my Wilderness parka, under a blanket, on my couch, with Power Lunch droning on soothingly in the background.

    There is nothing like a Wall Street rally, with the possible exception of professional golf, to nap to when ones body is wracked by the chillblains and the vapours.

    Later today, if my health rallies ever so tiny an amount, I may have to go a' huntin and a' gatherin' for some Nyquil (original Vick's Cherry-flavored--this is one of the few products where a generic substitute does NOT work nearly as well) and Hall's cherry-flavored cough drops.

    Then I will make myself the kind of gravel-textured toddy that no virus can hope to survive.
  6. Chicken of the Sea's Avatar
    hahaha I read your blog as I watched and waited while my billy boiled.
    I've got a cold too. what's my excuse??
    I agree that whining when there's nobody around to hear does not count.
    Did you bring back your anorexic friend?
  7. Bobinator's Avatar
    Welcome back to civilization Jimby. Sorry about your cold. Whining always makes me feel better whether anyone hears it or not. When you are all alone it is all about you and that's all that matters.
    I can't wait to see live footage of your exciting expedition.
    Btw why did you have your shirt off while interacting with the skull. I thought it was cold and nasty in Idaho. What were you up to JIMBY? Inquiring minds want to know!
  8. EricOrca's Avatar
    While I dote on your blog with the rest of the swimming world, relishing each word as it flow's from the virtual page...I am most certain you have the skull of a Canis latrans; a common coyote. Perhaps in your merry malady malaise condition, you made the remains of a dead animal your spirit guide, turning an ordinary adventure in the woods into a quasi-necromancy medium punctuated by fits of time, leave the bones lay as they are!
  9. RustyScupperton's Avatar
    This is an excellent start to perhaps a Dickensian serialisation of the "Adventure Out West" that hopefully will unfold in installments for months and years to come. Is it true that you have over 3 hours of audio taped memories to draw upon when you apply yourself to the scrivener's art?
    Oh Joy!
  10. jim thornton's Avatar
    1. Amanda, I did bring back my little friend, which is technically a violation of federal law, but see #3

    2. Bobinator, when I first entered the wilderness, the weather was actually hot (upper 80s) during the sunny hours, which meant I had to periodically take off my sweat-drenched garments and let these air out. I had just found my spirit god a little before one of these airings.

    3. Mr. Orca, you are one erudite sumbitch, I must say. I really appreciate your perspicacity here, and I think you are correct in your classification of my friend's skull.

    I found this image of a "museum quality" coyote skull, and it does, indeed, resemble the noggin on my Higher Power.

    As for removing it from the Frank Church, in clear violation of the "take nothing, leave nothing behind" ethos of the wilderness, I admit I am in violation of this, and I do feel a little guilty about it. However, I am almost certain that some cowboy popped a cap in his ass, and by ass, I mean head. There is an entrance wound about the diameter of a cigarello on his right forehead, just behind the eye; and an exit wound almost the diameter of a ping pong ball on his left side.

    It's possible that a hunter shot him thusly from a great distance. But to hit such a perfect shot seems unlikely to me. I think he might have been trapped and then executed, Mafiosi style.

    I ask you, which is the greater violation? Removing my god from his wilderness, or leaving him to leach back into the killing fields upon which he was unjustly murdered?

    I made my choice.

    4) Mr. Scupperton, my old friend! It is nice to see you back from your wanderings, wherever these may have taken you. I have heard rumors you have been searching for Selkies along the sea coast!

    Perhaps I will take your advice and simply upload, in an entirely unedited manner, one at a time, the snippets of video I got from my trip in a very quasi Dickensian manner!

    Capital idea!