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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Life Doctor, Death Doctor, Bad Grrrlll, Jane's Tongue,and Me

Rating: 3 votes, 5.00 average.
As I wait for my beloved younger son Jack to get some of the early Wilderness video footage uploaded to our Mac, being held hostage by the youngster's foot-dragging and teenaged lack of fatherly OCD by proxy, probably a good thing, all in all, nevertheless, as I wait for this, which I hope will be completed by nightfall of Columbus Day, here is yet another video from the recent long course nationals at Indianapolis.

Today's film was inspired by a NSR thread [ame="http://forums.usms.org/showthread.php?t=15289"]MCATs? - U.S. Masters Swimming Discussion Forums[/ame]

Seagurl51, who bills herself as the littlest FAF sister, an acronym Leslie has explained to me several times but I can never remember for sure what it means--furious and fanatical? footloose and fancy-free? fun at ****ing?--in any event, Seagurl51 recently graduated with a degree in advertising and decided she might want to take the next logical step in our consumer-driven economy and go to medical school.

That's what the thread is about: her casting about for advice on the MCATs,
or exceedingly difficult medical school entrance exams, which swimming Drs. nonpareil Kirt Dixon and Heather Reitz evidently negotiated with the dexterity of sober spiders, and which I never took but almost certainly would have scored a bit higher on them than they did had I taken them, though we will never know for sure. Kurt and Chris Stevenson and Gull and Vivebene and Allen Stark many others offer sage counsel; I offer an alternative route to prosperity as a doctor without officially going to medical school and the always witty Leonard Janzen Cher-ed my Sonny, etc.

Anyhow, it inspired me to put together this little film that introduces one of our all time favorite viewers of this vlog, the melancholy Mormon from Arizona himself, Dr. Kirt.




He and the minx, Heather, it turns out, may share some sort of tent encampment history, but that's not entirely clear. Soon, Michele wafts by, usurping my attention with her I See Dick t-shirt and announcement of taking a shower, etc.

And we end the merry melange with Jane's tongue.

If you see one feel-good swimming video before Columbus Day, this one should be it.

Our cast of character's in
Life Doctor, Death Doctor, Bad Grrrlll, Jane's Tongue, and Me include:

Kirk Dixson as.......the dashing ER physician



Heather Reitz as.....the alluring pathologist who studies corpses

[no picture available]

Jim---as the tragi-comic patient trying to decide which doctor is right for him



Michele Kagy-Schwartzenegger....Janet Evans, Jr. who teaches Jim how to urinate in his B70 and stirs his pulse back to life

{picture available but I can't find it}

Jane's Tongue....which just has to be seen to be believed

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSsci5oePh0"]YouTube - Life Doctor, Death Doctor, Bad Grrrlll, Jane's Tongue,and Me[/ame]

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  1. Bobinator's Avatar
    Hi jimby! I couldn't get it to play
    You might want to make sure it's in there.
  2. SwimmerGirlKT's Avatar
    i can do that with my tongue too.
  3. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    I need a Dick t-shirt.

    I can make a clover leaf with my tongue--maybe Jane and I should hook up.

    As always Jimby, high quality footage...I meant what I said about you...wow!
  4. jim thornton's Avatar
    Bobinator, not sure why it wouldn't play. Try again and if that doesn't work, go to the Jamesuardo Channel of YouTube and you can play it from there. I am not sure it is worth going to too much trouble...of course, there is the handsome young ER doctor, Kent Dickerson, MD.

    Or something like that.
  5. jim thornton's Avatar
    SwimmerGirlKT, you might want to be careful about getting drunk and french kissing Jane. The two of you could become entangled, necessitating a trip to the Emergency Room, where the situation could get even more dire if you happen to be seen by---yes, you guessed it--raffishly good looking Dirkson Kurtison, MD, who is rumored to be able to contort his own tongue into a four leaf clover, though pity the poor women who discover this trait, for it has never been anything like good luck for them...
  6. jim thornton's Avatar
    And finally, Kurt, my good Doctor, don't worry about a Dick shirt. I am pretty sure that ever shirt you own is one.

    Please continue to send those free samples. The last one for Oxycontin hardly lasted five minutes at my most recent West Virginia theme party.
  7. qbrain's Avatar
    Really Jim, easily you best work. I felt honored to be invited to the sneak preview for only a small fee. I just can't figure out if Kurt looks older or younger in person than his avatar, and I must learn how you manage to get women to show you their advanced tongue skills... in the stands no less. Really, amazing.

    Quote Originally Posted by SwimmerGirlKT
    i can do that with my tongue too.
    They flock to you. Is it your ab? Did I leave my education in Pittsburgh before I had mastered all I could learn?
  8. The Fortress's Avatar
    That is NOT Jane. You really need to get the names of your conquests straight, son. I won't reveal the true identity of the lady, as I doubt you have her permission to post it here!

    I vote Kirt Dixon the sexiest man under 55!
  9. jim thornton's Avatar
    Q--whenever you want to return to pittsburgh, I will happily enroll you in the Jim Thornton Playa Academy.

    You have taken the prerequisite courses, I trust, including the vital subbuccal membrane work and the one of salivary gland leeching nodes?
  10. jim thornton's Avatar
    Leslie, really.

    Permission?

    Permission?

    We don't need no steenking permission!

    As you would know if you took my introductory class at the Jim Thornton Playa Academy: filming chicks in public where they can't do nothing about it 101.
  11. The Fortress's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by jim thornton
    Leslie, really.

    Permission?

    Permission?

    We don't need no steenking permission!

    As you would know if you took my introductory class at the Jim Thornton Playa Academy: filming chicks in public where they can't do nothing about it 101.
    Still coulda gotten the name right, dude!
  12. Bobinator's Avatar
    What urination technique does Elizabeth use?
  13. Bobinator's Avatar
    Shoot, I mean michele!
    Emma says "hi"!
  14. jim thornton's Avatar
    Dude, get her name right!

    Actually, Michele said that once you get the B70 on, it's so much of a pain to take it off you should just go in the shower and urinate with the suit on.

    I think there was an earlier video with that on it somewhere.

    Leslie, her name was Jane.

    Wasn't it?

    Or Jean?

    Or Gianging?

    But I am almost sure it was Jane.
  15. jim thornton's Avatar
    Okay, so her name is Mary.

    But I am pretty sure that her friends called her Mary Jane as a kind of joke, and overtime, this got shortened to just Jane.

    That's why people like me think she's named Jane.

    Plus I really hope she doesn't see these comments.

    Sorry, Mary Jane.

    Jane.
  16. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    Leslie, He has got my vote...he is certainly deserving.

    Jimby, what do those WV theme parties actually look like? Is that where you dress your Gerbils with leather chaps and vest and see how high they "ride" into your colon. I will definitely have to wear one of my (Jimby's a) dick, pink, Ralph Lauren oxfords to one of those occasions...if only I could get the invite.
  17. jim thornton's Avatar
    You mistake us in Western PA for Arizona sophisticates with your bolo ties and gila monster leather cowbow boots.

    West VA theme parties are where a bunch of yahoos and jag-offs convene at Me 'n My Dad's Huntin' Lodge to crush oxycontin tablets, snort the powder, and watch the wrecks happen like clock work on the bendy road where we put the trailer.

    Then we go huntin'.
  18. jim thornton's Avatar
    P.S. I can't believe nobody but me has yet given this particular vlog 5 stars yet!
  19. poolraat's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by jim thornton
    P.S. I can't believe nobody but me has yet given this particular vlog 5 stars yet!
    I can.
  20. jim thornton's Avatar
    Floyd, someone, perhaps someone under my spell, but nonetheless someone, has indeed given me that coveted 5th *.

    Thanks to all those who appreciate the kind of highbrow literary work being produced here.

    I know it's not for everyone, but if you have ever been accused of being a "fantsy pants," I welcome you and the Nobel committee to your new home on the web: Jim's World!
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