by, October 15th, 2009 at 10:57 PM (3236 Views)
Because my idiopathic (as yet) groin disaster is driving me batty with itching, tonight's vlog will be a bit simplified.
I will be adding no pictures or videos, which I think can only pale in comparison to what your imaginations can supply.
Moreover, I have lost too much sleep from the itching disturbing my sleep last night that I can't write more than a line or two of coherent prose.
Thus permit me to approach the topic of fungi invasion of the crease between my left teste and inner thigh, at the very top, the upper left vertex of the isoscelean Delta of Venus (were I a woman), or perhaps the eye bag under Pinocchio's left orb is a bit more like it (were I a man), during a rare moment of Pinocchioian truth-telling, for there is no lie I could tell in all god's firmament that would allow my nose to elongate right now, so fierce is the itching, where was I?--oh, yes, the forms with which I will approach tonight's topic succinctly:
- a haiku
- copied comments from my Facebook page, the other arena where I have been soliciting free medical advice, so far without any serious suppliers of same.
Part 1: Haiku
Itchy groin mis'ry
Scalding water from the tap
Part 2: Facebook commentary
(I posted a link to yesterday's vlog-- http://forums.usms.org/blog.php?b=5875 ; Floyd and Barb both gave it a "like" rating. Then the following comments appeared over time)
Barb Weidner The ads are for jock itch and genital itch, lol.
Yesterday at 8:18pm ·
Leslie Livingston Maybe the ads will give Jim good sources for effective unguents and creams ...
Yesterday at 10:17pm ·
James Scott Thornton I think I need to get some Mycolog. Worked like a dream when I was younger.
22 hours ago ·
Richard A Skerrett There are tablets you can take that kill from within.
15 hours ago ·
James Scott Thornton Are they available in the US? The itch last night woke me up.
12 hours ago ·
Leslie Livingston I'm sure they are, Jim, but you have to go to a doc to get a scrip. The tablets work much faster on nasty funguses.
11 hours ago
Richard A Skerrett Definitely worth a visit to the doc. The tablets are most efficacious.
11 hours ago
James Scott Thornton Doctor appointment: tomorrow, 8:45 a.m. Assuming, that is, that the fungus--like a seed pod from outer space--has not by then completely subsumed my entire being and called the doctor's office back and announced, "Cancel my appointment. Anti-fungals are no longer necessary."
8 hours ago ·
Richard A Skerrett I think you have been reading too much science fiction. The fungus is a wily beast but has not evolved into a dialing organism yet - or has it? Maybe they have new strain in the Idaho wilderness.
7 hours ago
James Scott Thornton Part fungus, part wolverine, part Jimbo DNA, and part pure monstrosity!
7 hours ago
Jack Martin Fungus consists of millions of living organisms. As a form of life you should respect it's right to live and try to coexist with it! War against fungus is not the answer. Try to see the world through the fungi point of view! If the world didn't have fungus we wouldn't have penicillin!
6 hours ago ·
James Scott Thornton I would love to find a PETA member who would come and scrape off every single little fungi from my groin and save same from the horrible death I am praying modern medicine will bring them...
You do raise a good point, though, Jack. I am being selfish, aren't I?
Yikes that itches!
6 hours ago
Jack Martin "Selfish" is probably not the right analytical framework in this situation. I think we need to look at it through the cost benefit analysis which will be used in the new government health care package. Example: An 80 year old man needs a hip replacement for $100,000, he is only expected to live another 3-4 years, so a hip replacement is a waste... Read More of money. The money is better spent on psychological counseling for 100 career criminals, in order to convince them that rape, robbery and murder are, although an understandable reaction to their deprived childhoods, improper reactions to the stress of modern society.
In your case this analysis progresses as follows: Jim Thornton's groin; no value to society and little value even to him (57 years old, 2 kids, etc., his groin has done all it's ever gonna do). The value of a new form of fungus: heck for all we know, this particular strain may cure cancer! Result: the fungus lives, Jim's groin?
3 hours ago
James Scott Thornton Jack, I can see why you are such an excellent prosecutor! A steady, rational, inarguable accumulation of factoids that lead to one inescapable conclusion:
cut out Jim's hip and give it to the old man, then let the 100 career criminals feast on what's left.
15 minutes ago
Tom Patterson Just take out Bernie Madoff's hip, give it to the 80 year old and let the prisoners feast on what's left of Bernie Madoff's remains.
11 minutes ago
James Scott long as we're dissecting Bernie, can I have his groin for transplant?
2 seconds ago
Doctor's appointment tomorrow at 8:45 a.m. Just took another scalding shower, a trick I learned for ameliorating (temporarily) the itch of poison ivy.
In addition to the original small lesion, that looked like one of those between-the-toes cracks you can get from Athlete's Foot, like a tiny smirking mouth, I now seem to have developed a major allergic reaction to cheap generic drug store anti fungal foot creme applied to the groin. I followed this up with heavy duty cortisone creme prescribed for a finger fungus, and this seemed to do nothing but further hamper my body's attempt to repel the little invaders. And now, exacerbating it all, third degree burns from the shower in an attempt--as the Japanese poets might put it--achieve the bliss of "short-lived abatement."
If I had the energy, I would try to add one further form of writing to tonight's vlog: the updated folk song.
I have only one line so far:
Where have all the groin doctors gone, long time passing?
Dr. Dixon! Where the hell are you with my free sample of nystatin-oxycontin mustard plaster?
Why hast thou forsaken me, Dr. Duxson?