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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Seeing it through to the End

Rating: 5 votes, 5.00 average.
First of all, I do appreciate the fast-dwindling number of you out there in vloglandia who remain willing to follow the zeniths and nadirs of my occasionally swimming-related life.

As you diehards know by now, the vlog has taken on a particularly confessional tone since returning to the wilderness and finding myself afflicted by a small lesion, no bigger than a match head, that looked like a teeny tiny mouth that was watering ever so slightly.

I am not sure why any lesion, big or small, would be mouth-watering. Perhaps--and I concede here this may be wishful thinking on my part--the reason was because of said lesions proximity to my manhood. Can there be such a thing as a small, lustful, female, mouthwatering and mouth-like lesion?

Probably not, but this, at least, is how it first manifest itself to me a week or so after my return from the Wilderness. Tiny, itchy, perhaps lustful, but really nothing too terribly serious. Nothing to write home about.

You can follow the transmogrification of said lesion, from miniature to bear trap-sized, by simply going back and reading, in the following order, any of these vlogs that you might inadvertently skipped over (or simply want to reread for fun and enlightenment.)

Wilderness Update Plus News About My Fungus

(Oct. 14th: first official vlog mention of the lesion, though I suspect I had been bravely keeping its existence to myself for at least a little while before)

Groin Disaster!

(Oct. 15th: back in the Halcyon days when I still believed the lesion was as benign as crotch rot)

Worsening Groin Disaster, Rated XM for Mature Medical

(Oct. 16th: written after I went to a doctor, who told me it wasn't crotch rot but perhaps a tic bite that was now infected; he sent out my blood tests to Mayo Clinic to check for Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and other possible arthropodial calamity; he also gave me antibiotic pills and an ointment, both of which I later discovered through internet research are used in the treatment of MRSA, or flesh-eating bacteria, as well)

Update from the Ward

(Oct. 17th: the most lugubrious entry yet, written after two full days of antibiotic treatment that had not seemed to help one bit; I did not even attempt to joke around in this vlog, for there was no jollity in Mudville that night, Mudville being my increasingly disgusting even-to-me groin region)

Which bring us to today's entry:

Seeing it through to the End

(the first in what I hope will be a series of photographs documenting my return to health in the not impossible-to-imagine future. Since I am obviously biased by the fact that I am, well, me, and I variously think I see improvements, and think I see worsening catastrophe, depending on my mood and the pain level at the time, I am hoping that my readers and viewers can rate the lesion's nastiness in an objective way, thus helping me know--for real, not from hope or dread--if I am improving, staying the same, or slinking ever closer to perdition.

For sake of consistency, I propose a scale of 1 to 100, with 100 being utterly perfect groin health of the sort one might imagine exists in the inner thighs of the most alluringly beautiful young chaste milky white and unblemished prepubescent nun that ever could live. 1, on the other hand, is for decomposing wretches for whom leprosy is only the icing of the cake for a 1,001 other syphilitic, acne'd, pustulent, flesh-eating, pruritic, and foul smelling dermatological murderers that have shared the same damned dermis.

We shall, for simplicity's sake, judge today's lesion of mine a ranking of 50.

Tomorrow, if I am ambulatory to take and post another snapshot, and you think I have improved, then perhaps I will deserve your vote of 51. Or if things have gone the other way, perhaps a 37.

One other quick note before the picture. I received this warning from the ever caring Mermaid. In addition to rating my lesion, I am wondering if the carefully couched legalese in the warning actually applies to me. I am planning to continue swimming practice. I don't think my infection is waterborne. Let me know your thoughts on this matter, too: To Swim or Not to Swim with the Lesion.

Oh, and when you do look at the picture, consider singing to the tune of George Harrison's wonderful, "While My Guitar Gently Weeps"--

I look at my groin, which must surely be healing--
Still my bu-
boe gently weeps--

With every unguent, it must surely be crusting--
Still my bu-
boe gently weeps--

I don't know how-owow germs were inserted
My flesh was inverted too
I don't know how-owow skin got perverted
No one alerted you.

I look as it grows ever more like vaginas--
Still my bu-boe gently seeps--

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  1. tjrpatt's Avatar
    95, please get that checked out. Please stay out of the pool until that is checked out. It is alot worse from the XM rated photo.
  2. mermaid's Avatar
    For God's sake Jimby - we don't want you to endure or be subjected to any more harm. Please stay out of the pool, spa or any other body of water until a full & complete recovery can be documented.
  3. Chicken of the Sea's Avatar
    Has it closed up at all? There's a little scar at the top,kind of like an eposiotomy
  4. Chicken of the Sea's Avatar
    Seawater fixes everything. Visit your bro, Crusty and get some ocean therapy?
    Mb you should try a sitz bath with some salts in it?
  5. Bobinator's Avatar
    I concur with Tom, 95. (It would be a 100 if it were larger)
    Now the crazy thing looks like a malignant melanoma!
    If I were your mother I'd take you to the dermatologist stat!
    Do it Jimby! ASAP!
  6. The Fortress's Avatar
    New topic plz!!!

    COS's comment was hysterical!
  7. billwhite's Avatar
    Jim, I rate it an 83.
    A couple of observations.
    1. Could it possibly be some sort of stigmata? Feel free to expand on this possibility.
    2. I think your vagina may be in its "time as a woman". There is product at the grocery store in the pharmacy aisle to deal with this but I would suggest you stay away from the tamponade type of dressing.
    Updated October 18th, 2009 at 10:05 PM by billwhite
  8. jim thornton's Avatar
    Just to remind my viewers, the higher the number, the more disgusting the lesion.

    A 95 puts me very close to what I clearly described in today's vlog as "100 being utterly perfect groin health of the sort one might imagine exists in the inner thighs of the most alluringly beautiful young chaste milky white and unblemished prepubescent nun that ever could live."

    Actually, what is a little disconcerting is that itching has gone away to weird nerve pains and a sense that my left kidney has been punched.

    I am hoping this is my imagination, but I do plan to call the doctor tomorrow and see what to do next.
  9. jim thornton's Avatar

    It does look in hindsite that I made the right decision not to sign up for the sprint meet this year.

    But please do feel free to think of me, especially when you and Rich are enjoying your steaks, charbroiled to a blackened crust on the outside, giving way to a crimson warm center, barely warmer than a low grade fever.

    Bill, I think I will just continue using the BandAid brand maxi pad bandages, which seem to be soaking up the strawberry colored seepage nicely.

    If this does kill me, is there any way that you all can try to forget these images and remember me in less pathological days?
  10. billwhite's Avatar

    I hope you get some overnight improvement but do call doctor in morning if at all worse.

  11. EricOrca's Avatar
    < 10...
    I see a progression here, not a positive one, but one of choices & consequences that led to the inevitability of an encounter with a member of the every popular arachnida family.
    1. Since you belong to the group of male swimmers who refuse to shave their body hair as mentioned in Your body-hair is a natural play and mating environment for the aforementioned arachnids.
    2.You mentioned that you were very unsanitary in your daily grooming on your esoteric adventure at the expense of the flora & fauna of the Idahoian Wilderness; thereby providing an attractant & potential breeding ground for our wee itty bitty eight legged friends.
    3. Perhaps your daily religious ritual with the cranium of the Canis Latrans; inadvertently stirred up a nest of the little buggers, whereby one of them using your body hairs to easily maneuver to your "naughty bits" ,effecting a bite or perhaps, laying some eggs.
    Just a thought, serious medical care is in your best interest at this time, and is there something else in your life you can share with your forumites while you wait for the lab tests to come back?
  12. jim thornton's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by The Fortress
    New topic plz!!!
    The first stirrings of insurrection?
  13. jim thornton's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by EricOrca
    and is there something else in your life you can share with your forumites while you wait for the lab tests to come back?
    The Mutiny grows?
  14. jim thornton's Avatar
    Actually, I do appreciate your advice, one and all. I just gooped up with antibiotic cream and have assessed the area for positive changes, found none, but also found no deepening of the crevasse.

    I do wonder what the culprit is . If an infection, you'd think the medicine would be doing some good by now. Perhaps it is necrotizing toxins from a spider, after all.

    Where is House when you need him?
  15. Bobinator's Avatar
    Sorry Jimby I didn't mean to offend you or anyone with my diagnosis. I really am not trying to be funny. That picture looks exactly like the MM pic in the textbood I taught freshman health with. I was being totally serious about the dermatologist!
    If the pic is photoshopped I take all this back.
  16. jim thornton's Avatar
    No, Bob, I knew you weren't joking. I've seen melanoma pictures before, and I agree it looks like that, but the location (sun never shines in this area) and quick development make me convinced it's not.

    I did see a doctor on Friday and am about to call his office again. It doesn't seem any worse this morning, but it doesn't seem any better, either.

    I will keep you all posted! Thanks, seriously, for your advice and suggestions.
  17. Bobinator's Avatar
    Well you know Bob Marley had melanoma of the toenail.
    I'd err on the safe side and get it looked at. You've been patient long enough!
  18. jim thornton's Avatar
    I did go in on Friday and got the Rx for antibiotics. I called this morning but so far the doctor hasn't called back. Maybe I will call again and see what's what. Thanks for the goading!
  19. Bobinator's Avatar
    Well I'm alot better at giving advice than i am at following good advice! I hope it works out to be a spider bite or something easy. Maybe an ingrown hair?