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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Obsession Escalates: Third Vlog Today

Rating: 3 votes, 3.67 average.

The doctor is in!

I was just able to cajole the lovely death doctor, Heather Rietz, MD, a great swimmer and Facebook friend, who knows more about "icing on the cake" in corpses than all of us put together, to agree to a Q & A about my groin infection.

This is what Dr. Reitz had to say:


heather, can you do me a huge favor?

Depends (LOL).
No I will not lick your wound.

can you go to my vlog and look at my lesion and offer me the benefit of your pathologist's thoughts?
did you see today's pix?

It looks pretty nasty but it maybe looks better.

it is the weirdest thing

Did you acquire this in the wilderness?

does it look like MRSA or Stevens-Johnson syndrome and toxic epidermal necrolysis
i am not sure where i got it.
it showed up a week or so after the wilderness
a very small little crack in the skin tha itched

Could be. I guess. Hard to tell now that it has been treated. Did your doctor culture it?

not yet, he took blood tests to see if it was rocky mountain spotted fever
i am so so so sick of it
can't swim

Hmmm...are you systemically ill in any way?

when i first got back from idaho, i had a really bad cold that went away faster than any cold i had ever had (3-4 days). then i noticed this tiny little itchy area, tried to treat it with antifungals and cortisone cream, and it got much worse
and has since lingered despite antibiotics and antibiotic cream

It looks more bacterial to me. May just take more time.
Isn't one of your 500 some friends a dermatologist?

i wish!
i am an impatient sick person
prone to catastrophizing

I would be much better at helping you if you sliced off a piece, put it in formalin so I could make a slide!

can i buy that stuff at radio shack?

I am impatient too. I would hate anything that kept me out of the pool. LOL!

oh, oh! it has been steadily "weeping" very slight amounts of pinkish fluid

I think that you need to go to AZ and go to Kurt Dickson's ER!
Does sound kind of blisterish!

the only strange symptom besides this is that the surround skin, as far back as the the first half of the left butt cheek, feels kind of almsot sunburned and sensitive
sorry for the lack of humor here!
major psychopathology taking hold

Be more likely to find formalin at a place like McDonald's!

Okay., could I have a Big Mac and a Petri dish? And yes, I do want fries with that

That's very odd. Not good to be a medical mystery!

the perfect storm for us nondelusional hypochondriacs

I think that you would be much more ill if it was MRSA!

yes, probably. i wonder if it could be a spider bite?
i'd hoped that land exercise wouldn't be bad for it, but the sweat didn't seem to help
it's almost like a burn

Could be. Brown recluse spider bites can be nasty like that.

i don't think they have them in Idaho

Yes I would say that it has to be kept as dry as possible.
I suppose other types of spiders could cause a similar reaction.
I would say if it's not significantly better by Thursday GO BACK!

well, thanks for listening. I might try to postpone my daily pictures unless there is something noticeably changed

Might need stronger drugs!

Okay. I doubt it will have changed much by then.
Would cortisone be a mistake on top on the antibiotic ointment? I suppose you want inflammationfor healing
right now, it just kind of burns

I would just put the antibiotic ointment on it. Burning could mean it's healing!

thanks, heather. you can have my body to look at when i expire

FANTASTIC! Hopefully I'll be retired by then.

i will be your advisor for affaires de la coeur. You can be mine for infections of the groin.
pretty much the same thing, when it comes down to it

Ha! Ha! Have a good night. Hope that you get back to the pool soon!

thanks. one last thing. have you ever heard of someone having a permanent groin infection that never goes away and just makes the person miserable for the rest of his hopeless life? and if so, is this common?

I don't think so. It should heal. You should know that you're not supposed to keep "touching" yourself down there. It will make your tallywacker fall off and you will go blind!

Great advice. I only wish I had learned it 57 years earlier. I am going to copy and post this conversation on my vlog for the benefit of my fellow members in the Mysterious Groin Affliction Sufferers
Support Group!



The doctor is out.

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  1. scyfreestyler's Avatar
    LOL! So, off to McDonalds?
  2. jim thornton's Avatar
    With a quick stop at Knives R Us along the way!
  3. The Fortress's Avatar
    All I have to say is Heather is hot and smart and nice and fun. I have no comment on the lesion. Stop playing tennis and lift weights.
  4. jim thornton's Avatar
    With my arms, right? Not the tallywhacker?

    Leslie is also hot and smart and nice and fun.

    The lesion is only one of these things.
  5. Bobinator's Avatar
    It sound like Dr. Reitz's prognosis is good!
    Maybe this will help the butt cheek!
  6. billwhite's Avatar
    Yes, that Heather is hot and smart Fort but you don't want her to be your doctor (at least not in the pathologist capacity)!

    Jim, I predict you will be almost better by Sunday, and if not get more drugs.
  7. EricOrca's Avatar
    Jim, your amazing
  8. Chicken of the Sea's Avatar
    The lesion is fun
  9. jim thornton's Avatar
    Lesion: thy name is legion.
  10. qbrain's Avatar
    Jim, the pictures of your wound have turned into a bikini clad woman. Congratulations, I think this was your goal, was it not? I mean, how else were you going to get a bikini clad woman in close proximity of your penis characterture?
  11. jim thornton's Avatar
    You would be surprised how many normal women are bi-curious about my lesion.
  12. jim thornton's Avatar
    P.S. That picture really is our very own swimming pathologist from Nashville, Heather Rietz, M.D. I am sure if she had been practicing when Elvis passed, she would have been assigned his case.

    I think that's why she agreed to my FB Q & A. She's attracted to celebrity pathology.
  13. ALM's Avatar
    Jim, I can say with some degree of certainty that it is not Stevens-Johnson Syndrome. At least not yet. My dad died from SJS ten years ago. If it were SJS, you would have those lesions all over your body...
  14. The Fortress's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by jim thornton
    Lesion: thy name is legion.
    You might as well just go ahead and give it a name at this juncture. When I was watching Wanda Sykes the other night, she had named her seemingly inevitable little mid-life belly "Esther." I suggest something similar for the lesion.
  15. jim thornton's Avatar
    How about Pinchas? I met Pinchas Zukerman once, and I have been called a Pinko, and a long time ago I knew an astronaut, or maybe he was a lifeguard, named Pinkie.

    Pinchas it is, then, Pinkie for short.

    Pinchas the Lesion. Great suggestion, Leslie!

    Wait! I just wanted me to name it after you! Yes you did, didn't you!!!!????

    Okay, we will put it to a vote.

    Who prefers Pinchas the Pustulent Paradox?

    And who prefers Leslie the Listless Lesion?