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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Two More Squats Visually Demonstrated by L & J

Rating: 3 votes, 5.00 average.
Many people who know me well think I don't work.

This isn't entirely true.

The truth is that I rarely work.

However, when I do engage in these rare episodes of work, or perhaps work-like endeavor is more accurate, it is like doing an unbelievably difficult distance and sprint set for the mind that goes on, week after week, until the entirety of my soul is as empty and dessicated as the ears that feed the Children of the Corn.

Like all such exacting demands upon human performance, what I am expected to achieve, and what I can achieve, are often wildly disparate propositions.

But since my livelihood depends upon delivering what I am incapable of producing on my own, I have, in recent years, been forced to increasingly rely on PEDs to get the job done.

I am, for instance, now drinking my 14th cup of coffee of the day, and I must say, I am feeling a bit like an insect that has made the mistake of biting into a coffee bean 10,000 times his size. That is to say, I am feeling poisoned.

On top of this, I have the degrogification effects of one 100 mg tablet of Provigil, a drug FDA approved only for narcoleptics, shift workers, and those of us able to mimic the symptoms of these first two conditions well enough to convince our physicians to write us a prescription.

On top of my 14 cups of coffee, this Provigil tablet is working extremely well.

I have no doubt that tonight's swim practice, wherein the main set is 5 x 500 on 6:45 followed by 5 x 100 on 1:15, will barely dent my degree of alertness, unless, of course, my heart happens to explode, dispatching me forthwith to the Great Resting Reward, a dispatch which just might be the best unintended medicinal side effect of all time.

I kid. I am nothing but a raw ganglion these days, hoping for immortality!

Tonight, the raw ganglion shall return to its office/sleep chamber, which sleep hygienists have long suggested should not be combined, but sometimes one has no other option; watch the second half or final quarter of House depending on when I get back from practice; maybe have another training dinner exactly like last night's--i.e., three pork chops and a bowl of ice cream; then prepare for bed. I have Sonata, which has been deemed almost entirely ineffective; and two bottles of NyQuil, which personal experience has shown to be highly effective. I may find a little more of this and that to add to the soporific brew.

With these drowsy syrups of my own concoction, I shall -- with luck! -- slip into the sweet embrace of sister Morphine, perchance to dream of the squats Leslie has shown me and I have appendaged below, perchance to wake up again tomorrow morning, and brew some more coffee, and pop another Provigil, and begin once more the form of livelihood which will surely one day prove the death of me.

On this note, here are the right and wrong ways to do two more forms of squats:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1Frkbya3zY"]YouTube- Overhead squatting and swing squatting with Leslie[/ame]

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  1. pwolf66's Avatar
    Jim, don't turn your feet out more than about 30 degrees from forward. Your feet looked like they were about 60 degrees.
  2. qbrain's Avatar
    You guys are killing me.

    Leslie, you do need to get down further

    Jim, you really should have started with body weight sqauts. Your form on overhead squats was horrible. Much better during the swing squat.

    Were you wearing aquasocks? Actually a better choice than running shoes
  3. The Fortress's Avatar
    I was just doing a fast demo, Q!

    Jim wears swim wear to the gym ... What if the jammers rip?
  4. qbrain's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by The Fortress
    I was just doing a fast demo, Q!

    Jim wears swim wear to the gym ... What if the jammers rip?
    But you let Jim capture you doing a partial squat on film...

    What if Jim's jammers rip? How is that any different than a swim meet, or anything else he might wear to the gym? It happens, I doubt anyone will care.
    Updated November 30th, 2009 at 07:36 PM by qbrain
  5. The Fortress's Avatar
    A tactical mistake to be sure ... I'll probably never live it down ...

    Gym shorts are far less likely to rip! It's close quarters at his Y -- I think laughter would ensue.
  6. qbrain's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by The Fortress
    Gym shorts are far less likely to rip! It's close quarters at his Y -- I think laughter would ensue.
    I disagree, I have ripped far more pair of gym shorts than speedos, but either way, Jim seeks the outward display of gaiety in others.
  7. The Fortress's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by qbrain
    I disagree, I have ripped far more pair of gym shorts than speedos, but either way, Jim seeks the outward display of gaiety in others.
    Really? What kind of gym shorts are you wearing?

    You're right about Jim, of course.
  8. qbrain's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by The Fortress
    Really? What kind of gym shorts are you wearing?

    You're right about Jim, of course.
    You can rip out any gym shorts that don't have any give in the fabric during squats or deadlifts or anything else deep.
  9. jim thornton's Avatar
    I am not sure about this outward display of gaiety of which you refer. However, I do think that when word gets out of my apparel in the weight room, it's likely that a bevy of comely davatchkas might start hanging around the weight room, hoping for a wardrobe malfunction.

    Actually, there is a reason I wear water shoes and jammers to weight lift.

    I bring my stuff to the Y on a Honda Metropolitan Motor Scooter, as careful viewers of my vlog already know.

    The easiest way to carry stuff on this scooter is via a Mexican bolsa, or plastic "old lady bag" that hangs from a hook on the scooter.

    All that will fit in the bag are lightweight items, no redundancy allowed. Hence, clean clothes, goggles, swimming suit, stretch cord, chamois towel, and water socks. After weight lifting, I take a shower with all the "clothes" on to clean them, then shed everything but the suit and goggles and go for a swim.

    It's a very convenient system.

    I highly recommend it to those temperamentally inclined, like me, to traveling light. It helps if you don't care too much what other people think of your appearance.

    By my age, you tend to have let that go anyhow.
  10. jim thornton's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by pwolf66
    Jim, don't turn your feet out more than about 30 degrees from forward. Your feet looked like they were about 60 degrees.
    Thanks, Paul, I will keep this in mind once my hips unlock enough to be able to perambulate the earth once more without wincing.

    Leslie would have probably emphasized this, too, if she didn't need to get through 12,723 different specific land exercises for me to master over the course of 17 minutes. She simply didn't have time to go over the minutiae, such as how to avoid orthopedic disaster.
  11. The Fortress's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by jim thornton
    Thanks, Paul, I will keep this in mind once my hips unlock enough to be able to perambulate the earth once more without wincing.

    Leslie would have probably emphasized this, too, if she didn't need to get through 12,723 different specific land exercises for me to master over the course of 17 minutes. She simply didn't have time to go over the minutiae, such as how to avoid orthopedic disaster.
    If the hips and back are aching, you know what's next, son: hot yoga!
  12. jim thornton's Avatar
    I have long hoped to be the Inappropriate Hot Yoga Guy of my generation. With your encouragement, Leslie, I feel certain this dream can be realized!
  13. jroddin's Avatar
    Most cameras have an auto focus feature, but Jim must own a special camera. Apparently his camera has an "auto focus on Fort's cleavage" feature, which is enabled during these film shoots. It seems that whenever he pans the room and stops, the camera happens to magically zoom right on Mrs. Livingston's bosom. I'm sure it is just a coincidence...
  14. billwhite's Avatar
    Well Jeff, I must say that watching Leslie workout out makes me have a nice warm feeling somewhat akin to one of my favorites of yesteryear on ESPN2 - Kiana. Not an innocent warm feeling but I think you may get the idea if you ever watched Kiana. Of course, all of this is lost as soon as we get to Jim's turn at the end of the lens.
  15. jim thornton's Avatar
    I agree with Bill. Though my bosoms are clearly much larger, and possibly a little firmer, than Leslie's, looking at them does not create the non-innocent warm feeling of which Bill speaks.

    Which is unfortunate, because I have access to my bosoms 27/7, and it they did anything lascivious for me, it might be proof that god exists.

    But as already mentioned, they do nothing for me. Nothing at'all.
  16. RustyScupperton's Avatar
    For an out of shape wretch like me these exercise training films are a breath of fresh air. Jim and Leslie are the Richard Simmons and Jane Fonda for the 21st century!
    Work it people!
  17. jim thornton's Avatar
    Thanks, Rusty, for the compliment. I am not sure, however, Leslie will cotton to being compared to Jane Fonda. Unlike Richard Simmons, Jane is old and white, not a cool rap producer like the guy you've compared me to!
  18. RustyScupperton's Avatar
    Thank you Jim for catching my typo. I did indeed mean Russell Simmons, not Richard!
    My bad!
  19. jim thornton's Avatar
    Word dat, Rustysnizzlebuhdizzle. No diggety!
  20. billwhite's Avatar
    No Jim, he really meant Richard Simmons (sans the 'fro and short running shorts of course).
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