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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Hit Parade

Rating: 4 votes, 4.00 average.
Perhaps this is vanity, but I have occasionally been known to check the viewership of my various vlogs, in part to try to figure out what my readers most seem to want to read about.

Then I can give them more of that, currying favor and otherwise sucking up, until I have achieved my lifelong goal of getting a friend somewhere before I die.

Just joking. My identical twin brother John is definitely a friend, and he maintains he is not pretending to like me.

I am off track.

So anyhow, every once in a long while, I will post a vlog that takes on a life of its own. For example, last February 23rd, 2009, I posted a vlog entitled Who's Your Trinidaddian? about the 1650 meet at Carnegie Mellon University. It featured my friend and Pitt teammate, Meera Ramsooksingh, whose parents came to the US from Trinidad.

For reasons that I still don't understand, this vlog has received more hits than any other I have written to date. The margin above and beyond all the others has, until recently, not only been inexplicable but ludicrous. I asked Meera if she had forwarded the link to her mother, who then might have forwarded it onwards to the entire Trinidaddian expatriate diaspora, but Meera claims this did not happen.

She says, if anything, she has done her best to hide the existence of Who's Your Trinidaddian? from everyone she knows.

I should add that there is a picture of Meera holding a sign that reads, "Will Swim for Polish Vodka."

In any event, that vlog has received, as of the latest inventory, some 4807 views. Interested parties can read, or re-read, it here:

Until very recently, my second place vlog entry has been around 1600 hits, again, astounding, and I do not in any way believe this many people have actually read it. Still, I can't understand why web crawling internet search engine spiders would have focused on this one, either.

However, there is a new vlog entry that is rising even more quickly and inexplicably than my salute to Triniddadians and their love for swimming and Polish vodka.

Since Dec. 22nd's posting of Lost Person Behaviour--only 2 1/2 weeks ago!--this vlog on my tendency to late-night Ambienated scrofulousness has already garnered 3120 separate views. Last night, the figure was 2200, give or take--there threatens to be 1,000 views in a single day!

What gives?

I asked this same question on Facebook, along with a related query--i.e., how to encourage my fans to tithe.

Dave "Chaos" Barra suggested there might be a virus.

Amanda "Chicken of the Sea" Hunt thought that I was clicking on it myself in Ambienated amnesia.

Eney Jones said that she reads it when she can't sleep, implying there might be a legion of insomniacs out there who turn to the words of Jim to lull them into stupor.

Only my friend Bill (yes, Bill-- along with my twin brother John -- are friends, despite the earlier appeals/ploys for sympathy) came up with what might be the real answer: that the combination of Ambien, Zombies, and Tiger Woods, all of which are mentioned in Lost Person Behaviour, may have conspired to put my vlog y into some prominent position in the Google queue.

Thus tonight's vlogging experiment.

Here are some things that I have found myself thinking about today, in enumerated order:

1. mark mcgwire 2. oinkernet 3. ruthie from 7th heaven 4. jejune 5. 8 parts of speech 6. nothing suits me like a suit 7. miep gies 8. brown coakley debate 9. teresa sullivan 10. under the milky way tonight 11. honey west 12. sam s club closing 13. monica malpass 14. the bachelor rozlyn 15. sarah palin fox news 16. jejune definition 17. katie mclaughlin 18. alcoa earnings 19. david gergen 20. ethan embry
Let us see how many hits today's vlog,Hit Parade, generates, shall we?

Jejune this experiment may indeed be; but I very much doubt you will find this kind of content on oinkernet, even if Sarah Palin does end up taking a job there when the Fox News thing fails to pan out and she joins Mark McGwire and, possibly, Teresa Sullivan, Monica Malpass, and the bachelor Rozlyn in the ranks of forgotten disgraces.

If you don't believe me, ask David Gergen, Ethan Embry, or Ruthie from Seventh Heaven.

Oh, I did a 53.35 in the 100 SCY free yesterday, in a Y pool where the shallow end was so shallow that Bill reported hitting his legs on 4 (count them, 4!) SDKs on every shallow-end pushoff in the 200 backstroke. More on swimming tomorrow, that is, if today's vlog does not lead to such an overflow of traffic that the USMS servers must temporarily shut down!

Just in case none of the above triggers the right combination of search term Open Sesame attention, I should add one final item to my recent life. After noting on Facebook that my good friend Amanda Beard had befriended "Heather Hotness" and 29 others, I immediately sent a friend request to Heather Hotness myself.

Heather accepted! I am friends with Hotness! And I think after she see this vlog get over 1 billion individual views, she will even answer my chat overtures. (I asked her "Are you real?" and she immediately logged off.)

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  1. RustyScupperton's Avatar
    What an amazingly interesting set of tags! I was just minding my business thinking to myself, "What in the world is 'oinkernet', and, Bob's your Uncle, I found myself on this fascinating vlog!" What a wonderful discovery! I bet the vloggist has more friends than he can shake a stick at!
    Good Day!
  2. jim thornton's Avatar
    Thanks, stranger!

    It is proving sort of ironic, in an Alainisse Morisette sort of way, which is to say, probably not ironic at all.

    But my attempt here to attract billions of accidental hits and views has backfired tremendously.

    It has been nearly a full day now, and I have only received 26 cursory views of Hit Parade, which makes it seem increasingly likely this will be my worst vlog viewership yet.

    Though I doubt very much it will prove the low tide mark for the future.
  3. Bobinator's Avatar
    This morning I realized in the middle of a 4th grade class that my students top favorite song would be the perfect background to your "lost Person Behaviour" blog!
    Here are a couple quotes from the song:
    "It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep. Because my dreams are bursting at the Seams."
    --and---"Leave my door open just a crack.
    Cause I feel like such an insomniac.
    Why do I tire of counting sheep?
    When I'm far too tired to fall asleep."
    Check it out on u-tube. The song is "10,000 Fireflies" by Adam Young aka Owl City.
    Adam who is an insomniac himself started writing songs in his parents basement when he couldn't sleep!
  4. jim thornton's Avatar
    Thanks, Bobinator!

    I will find the link and post it here!
  5. jim thornton's Avatar
    [ame=""]YouTube- Fireflies by Owl City[/ame]
  6. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    It's hard to describe your popularity. I would liken it to Pamela Anderson. If you are going to get herpes or hepatitis C, you might as well get it from her former hotness.

    Jimby: part guilty pleasure, part bad car accident, part scab you just can't stop picking.

    Here's to a million hits my friend...the vloggers equivalent to the nastiest, most virulent STD a guy could ever hope to acquire.
  7. jim thornton's Avatar
    Dr. D, you might think that my more scrofulous vlogs might have attracted hits, but you would be wrong!

    Something very odd is going on with Lost Person Behaviour (again, emphasis on the British/Canadian spelling here.) I wonder if it has somehow wound up on the syllabus of a deviant psychology course somewhere, and an aging professor--perhaps interested in coaxing his coeds into trying Ambien by advising them against it--has made Lost Person Behaviour required reading for his course, especially the sleep-over portion?

    In any event, Dr. D, thanks for your as always inspired commentary. I had never before considered the possibility that my readers might require the Jaws of Life to separate themselves from me, and thereafter find themselves absolved of guilt but devoid of pleasure, until their wandering hands just happen to discover, sometime in the night, under the concealment of a winter comforter, there--yes! right there!--Oh, how good it feels! Let me just pry a little more around the edges!

    Oh, Jim, you scabbrous scamp!

    And then, just when you think you've picked him off your soul, a new one forms, and...

    Well, thanks, Dr. D. for delving so deeply and analytically into why I am the most loved and loathed of lotharios, if only in my own imaginary realm.