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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

The Rapture

Rating: 4 votes, 5.00 average.
If you ever find yourself in the following situation, wasting an entire day alternating between--

--the consumption of red meat;

---puzzling over which dubious expenses go into which suspect category of peri-legal deductions in your Quicken files so as to minimize your tax payments from a cache of money that you do not possess,

--trying to talk people into reading a vlog 28 times in a row, at which point continued reading is likely to become habitual (but oh, how they whimper and beg to be excused those first 27 times!)

If you have done any of these, or anything similar to any of these, and find yourself by day's end in need of a Cure for the Malaise that now defines you--

then you know that The Rapture is not some obscure religious mythology, but an actual event that can be found in the Holy Waters of your local swimming pool.

With thanks to my teammate, Jessie Coppola McKelvey, photographer extraordinaire, who managed to capture my own moment of ascent towards heaven after practice!

The Swimmer's Rapture




(Note: I am pretty sure that is a bubble on my right pectoral area, otherwise I will need to be checked soon by a specialist in AWND, or asymmetrical white nipple disorder, or as we laymen like to call it, "a bad sign.")

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  1. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    you're going the wrong way.

    BTW good explanation for your white nipple. Your body is shunting blood away from your diseased, bad breast to the left "good" breast.
  2. The Fortress's Avatar
    There's only one raspberry ripple.

    Please delete the reference to tax deductions for your own good!
  3. jim thornton's Avatar
    It's okay to think it Kurt. Just don't act on it.
  4. jim thornton's Avatar
    Leslie, thanks for your commentary! The only question about my income is whether or not it will be low enough to qualify me for state aid. Maybe the rich states, like Arizona, should start subsidizing the poor states, like Appalachia.

    Kurt?
  5. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by The Fortress
    There's only one raspberry ripple.

    Please delete the reference to tax deductions for your own good!
    As someone that has been audited twice in last 2 years, I would concur.
  6. jim thornton's Avatar
    The audit Mormons?

    I didn't think that was legal. Have you been paying Cletus under the table and in violation of Child Labor Laws?
  7. The Fortress's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Kurt Dickson
    As someone that has been audited twice in last 2 years, I would concur.
    Exactly! Please delete all references to anything tax related. ASAP.
  8. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    Yeah apparently the IRS doesn't appreciate (or possibly believe) anybody donating 10% of their income.
  9. Bobinator's Avatar
    You look like a salmon swimming upstream to spawn! Very motivated!
  10. chaos's Avatar
    i like to take my rapture lying down...... on my back... navel first to the heavens! it does put a bit of strain on the lower back but i hear the masseuse in heaven has a technique that makes rolfing look "minor league" and of course.... the happy ending.
  11. Rnovitske's Avatar
    I am pretty sure that is a bubble on my right pectoral area,
    You're not lactating, are you?
  12. jim thornton's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Rnovitske
    You're not lactating, are you?
    It has been suggested by my teammates that I am such a nurturing type that I probably can lactate. Perhaps this photograph has caught my first dew drop of colostrum--Jim's final gift to the world as he ascends to his new throne in Raptureland?
  13. bsherm81's Avatar
    Jim's rapture is bursting out of the water...Chaos' is lying on his back. Mine is the first entry into the water on a running dive and feeling that high speed streamline. Shaved? oh yeah, even better! Any other preferences out there?
  14. SwimmerGirlKT's Avatar
    looks like a nimple.
  15. jim thornton's Avatar
    I thought the real Rapture was when we true believers get sucked up into the Heavens, and the rest of you scumbags get left behind to fight out the Apocalypse for our televsionary viewing pleasure?

    Oh, and when we do get sucked up, all our earthly afflictions will be made whole.

    No more chafing from an obviously pustular nimple, in other words.
  16. SwimmerGirlKT's Avatar
    ...or a pipple.

    (jim, you said you missed my comments on your blog. miss me now?)
  17. jim thornton's Avatar
    Not only do I not miss you, but I am now habituated to the point where i will need more frequent and heavier commentary dosages from you to get the same delirium.

    By the way, just saw Avatar 3D Extreme Digital, and I feel incredibly sick to my stomach. Despite this, plans continue to convert this vlog to Jim 3D Extreme Digital, too.
  18. jim thornton's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by jim thornton
    Not only do I not miss you, but I am now habituated to the point where i will need more frequent and heavier commentary dosages from you to get the same delirium.
    Kirsten, I confused myself with double negativity. I do miss you. But now that you have resumed commentating, I miss that you aren't commentating more. Take out the second "not" above and apply the sense of positivity I am trying to convey about your leaving comments in gloriously proliferating profusion, and that's what I mean.

    If you know what I mean, that is.
  19. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by bsherm81
    Jim's rapture is bursting out of the water...Chaos' is lying on his back. Mine is the first entry into the water on a running dive and feeling that high speed streamline. Shaved? oh yeah, even better! Any other preferences out there?
    Um I guess a time-warped (late 80s) Elle Macpherson, a trapeze, leather, and the Carpenters playing on my 8-track (or Prince if I'm feeling nasty) +/- rodeo clown and barnyard animals in the corner

    In my current frail, elderly condition a half-pint of Haagen Dazs chocolate chocolate chip and the O'Reiley factor on the tube.
  20. jim thornton's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Kurt Dickson
    ...and the O'Reiley factor on the tube.
    Is that so you will wish you were dead?
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