Oscar Pickin' Time
by, March 5th, 2010 at 01:07 AM (1259 Views)
People wonder sometimes why we have two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, two forks on our tongues, two adenoids, two lungs, two pituitary glands, two kidneys, two testicles, and in my case, too much time on my hands.
The answer is fail-safe redundancy: if one ball fails, the other can do its designated job. Just ask Lance. Though you might want to avoid asking Cheryl Crow until she's less fragile.
Tonight, after a long day's journey into the most spectacular day of time-wasting I have had in years, I took my ambien tablet and now just ain't no damn ****ing good at all, to tell the truth.
But unlike 87 out of 88 humans, I have more than just a bunch of paired redundant backup organs, should one malfunction, get sick, or become temporarily incapacitated by drugs and self disgust.
I have a back-up me, that is to say, the Good Twin, John, who is more than a back-up really, he is an idealized version of what I could have been if I had not been so overwhelmed with pettiness and (unusually) petty character flaws, chief amongst which are laziness, greed, spendthifty nature, inability to plan ahead, and the kind of easy distractibility you usually see in pre-school children force fed great goblets of liquid Ritalin by men in white with gloves passed their elbows.
Please enjoy tonight's blog, Oscar Pickin' Time, a film conceived, produced, and starring the one person in the world who is as close to me as anyone could ever hope to come, though so much better than me that the gap between us can never be closed.
Be alert to the later stages of the film, where a fully luxurious pencil thin makes its appearance. Historians, I daresay, some day will note that with this image, the flood gates will be lifted, spilling cascades wannabe swooshing raffish little men in every direction across the streets of America.
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnMm44IRpMA"]YouTube- Oscar Pickin' Showdown!!![/ame]