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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Hairstyles for Twins and other Taper Distractions

Rating: 4 votes, 4.75 average.
Many of you are going to Nationals and hence have probably begun to cut your yardage down for the so-called "taper" period.

Two-a-day workouts consisting of 16,000 meters per session have been reduced by at least 10 percent. I daresay some of the lazier masters swimmers are swimming no more than 12,000 meters total per day now, all in order to let their bodies "rest."

Alas, when the body rests, the mind is free to run particularly riotous, or at least that is my experience.

Perhaps some of you are feeling odd sensations in your shoulders and have begun to speculate on S.L.A.P. lesions and rotator cuff fraying. Perhaps digestive irregularities have caused you to wonder if a diet consisting on 10 percent fruits and vegetables, 10 percent whole grains, 10 percent small sticks you have found in the woods, and 70 percent Activia yogurt has been, perhaps, a bit ill-advised?

Who wants to swim Nationals feeling slightly bloated?

Hence your mind ruminates over and over again on whether today is the right time to drop the fruits, vegetables, and whole grains entirely, and go to the oft-recommended 100 percent small-sticks-and-Activia diet?

If you are thinking such thoughts, chances are you are in need of a major distraction.

Just as a magnificent race horse can only be calmed down by the presence, in his or her barn stall, of a friendly pony, goat, or some other cuddly friend animal, so does your current swimming thoroughbred status--oh, you know who you are, you magnificent specimens, you!--require the assistance of a little fuzzy animal friend or two to calm you down before your own big show in Atlanta.

My twin brother John and I are more than willing to be those comical little animal friends for you.

In this spirit, we have made a short film that is IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO LIKE A LOT.

It is on a subject that is of no little tangential interest to swimmers, as well: hair.

To be sure, in this, the final swan song of the high tech body suit for men, the issue of hair is perhaps not quite so feverish as it will be next year at this time.

But it is still of some interest.

My brother told me this morning, "You are really going to have to like us to like this movie."

He may be right. But I am betting that even people who hate us, or at the very least do not like us or are somewhat indifferent to us, will nevertheless like this movie regardless of their lack of affection for the hirsute protagonists.

To reiterate: unlike some of my other efforts lately, this is a short film that is IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO LIKE A LOT.

Especially if you watch it quite a number of times and let it grow on you.

I dare you to prove me wrong.

Good luck at Nationals; good luck with the small sticks and Activia diet; and good luck managing to stifle your affection reflex for the Thornton twins and their glorious manes of hair from toe to shining heads.

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YsDUUysELg"]YouTube- How to Hairdress Your Identical Twin[/nomedia]

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  1. tjrpatt's Avatar
    Jim, don't you mean 16K a week. Very few Masters swimmers do 16K twice a day. Ha! Many Masters swimmers complain how a 3000 workout is exhausting. Chaos is in this category of 16k, twice a day. Sorry, but some GTD people seem to fudge their numbers. Of course, I have no proof so it is allegedly. 12K during the length of the taper is more like it!

    I swam at Indy very bloated and had some good results. I guess that I would have done even better if I had one of the "Aqua girdles" on.
  2. gigi's Avatar
    My computer is dying a slow and painful death...and right now one of its main symptoms is an inability to play any videos. I can live without my netflix "play it now" movies, but I've been missing the Jim lost in the woods stuff and now I can't see this hairstyling business.
    Now that I think, maybe that's not such a bad thing!
  3. Speedo's Avatar
    I use hair clippers exlusively to cut my hair, since my hair is very thin and breaks off easily. It's a genetic condition called monilethrix. Over many years of using the clippers I have grown weary of the same old thing- I can't try new hairstyles. I don't have "bad hairdays." All I have is the number 1 attachment. So thank you for doing this film- it has given me new inspiration to just "keep it even."
  4. jim thornton's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by tjrpatt
    Jim, don't you mean 16K a week. Very few Masters swimmers do 16K twice a day. Ha! Many Masters swimmers complain how a 3000 workout is exhausting. Chaos is in this category of 16k, twice a day. Sorry, but some GTD people seem to fudge their numbers. Of course, I have no proof so it is allegedly. 12K during the length of the taper is more like it!

    I swam at Indy very bloated and had some good results. I guess that I would have done even better if I had one of the "Aqua girdles" on.
    Irony, my young friend! I was going for irony here!

    Trying to plant little seeds of doubt in the swimmers' minds.

    What? Only 12,000 meters per day during taper? Why I don't do that much in a normal month! Maybe I should just bag this meet.
  5. jim thornton's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by gigi
    My computer is dying a slow and painful death...and right now one of its main symptoms is an inability to play any videos. I can live without my netflix "play it now" movies, but I've been missing the Jim lost in the woods stuff and now I can't see this hairstyling business.
    Now that I think, maybe that's not such a bad thing!
    Gigi, I can assure you, the inability to see the Thornton twins trim each other's luxurious locks is, indeed, a very bad thing.

    Yes, indeedy do. A very bad thing indeed.

    Time to buy a PCTV combo with built in DVD. And lose yourself in the pervasive world of media.
  6. jim thornton's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Speedo
    I use hair clippers exlusively to cut my hair, since my hair is very thin and breaks off easily. It's a genetic condition called monilethrix. Over many years of using the clippers I have grown weary of the same old thing- I can't try new hairstyles. I don't have "bad hairdays." All I have is the number 1 attachment. So thank you for doing this film- it has given me new inspiration to just "keep it even."
    Speedo! I never in a million years would have taken you for a monilethixiac!

    Is not the No. 1 attachment great?

    Rewatch the part of the film where my brother does a little "topiary work" on my head. There is always the potential for new hairstyles
  7. Bobinator's Avatar
    I grant you 100 Schrutt bucks for the creative, informative, yet heartwarming journey of twin brothers making the best of their hair or lack there-of.
    I love John's wohrl! (cowlick) I bet if he grew it long it would be a perfect corkscrew! That would be HOT!
  8. tjrpatt's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by jim thornton
    Irony, my young friend! I was going for irony here!

    Trying to plant little seeds of doubt in the swimmers' minds.

    What? Only 12,000 meters per day during taper? Why I don't do that much in a normal month! Maybe I should just bag this meet.
    I know and I approve of this mechanism.
  9. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    "you!--require the assistance of a little fuzzy animal friend or two to calm you down"....unless that little friend is clawless and is in your colon.

    Good stuff as always. I use a two on myself and invariably miss chunks in the back. Fortunately, I have nurses willing to work the back with trauma shears. Good luck all at nationals.
  10. Chicken of the Sea's Avatar
    Rusty, you are a beautiful man and your newly transplanted *hole is both functional and attractive.
    I'm getting you some of these for your birthday to enhance it
    http://www.danceskirts.biz/accessories_5_hair.html
    About the swirl direction...I think it is due to the Coriolis effect.
    Updated May 16th, 2010 at 11:06 PM by Chicken of the Sea (fixing the link. very important)
  11. RustyScupperton's Avatar
    Thankyou SO much SeaChick! I want the one with rhinestones. Lots and Lots of Rhinestones!
  12. bsherm81's Avatar
    I bring out the 1 guard as soon as its long enough to show evidence of bed head. John looks much better with the Jim look, but I wish I could have been at the table to vote for the lil head tornado to stay!

    Jim, went to see the Babies movie (so-so, though the moms loved it), and one of the previews was for a new release called "Ondine" that is about Colin Farrell finding a SELKIE!!

    They stole your premise! the only changes are the selkie was in Ireland and a really hot woman, but its YOUR STORY!
    Farrell needs one of your haircuts too.

    And I would have been intimidated by the yardages if they were weekly!
  13. jim thornton's Avatar
    Thanks for the kindly reviews. I notice that no one has yet taken exception with the fact that John and I were both called assholes by people who knew us, albeit not that well.

    Here are a few more reviews that John has gotten for this film:

    “Magnificent! “


    “Very funny - I cackled aplenty.”

    “rumors??”

    “You are tooooooooooo funny Smithson! What a combo…”

    Not to bias anybody.

    PS

    Kurt, if only I could cajole a single nurse into approaching me with trauma shears, I think my life would be complete.

    PS Amanda, are you saying that if John and I were Aussies, his cowlick (or would it be a sheeplick?) would circle in the opposite direction, like your rumored-to-swirl-oppositely toilet flushing waters?

    Oh, and what use do you envision for his hole?

    Finally, Bill, it is ironic that this Selkie movie is entitled Ondine.

    Are you aware, as Kurt and I am, of the medical condition called Ondine's Curse?

    Ondine's curse: Failure from birth of central nervous system control over breathing while asleep. There are usually no breathing problems while awake. The involuntary (autonomic) control of respiration is impaired, but the voluntary control of ventilation which operates during waking hours is generally intact.

    It appears that I have a functional version of this, vis a vis, my sleep apnea, for which I am scheduled for a CPAP fitting in less than one month.

    More on my attempts to breath during the night soon.

    But Selkies names Ondine don't just happen every day to twins who pretend to be Selkies and who suffer Ondine's Curse.

    There is no way this is a coincidence.

    God wants me to join the Campus Crusade for Christ, I am certain of it.

    One way.

    The question for the likes of me: which way is it?
  14. Bobinator's Avatar
    never mi
  15. jim thornton's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Bobinator
    never mi
    I can never never mi you, Bob! You are the kindest hearted person I know, staying late to help those kids in the Special Olympics.

    You are a female mensch.
  16. aquaFeisty's Avatar
    I am not certain if I found this film "IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO LIKE A LOT"

    However, I did have some VERY interesting dreams last night involving clippers and number one and number two attachments and hair cuts and Ben's very cute college roommates and...

    So apparently your movie made an impact...
  17. Chicken of the Sea's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by aquaFeisty
    I am not certain if I found this film "IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO LIKE A LOT"

    However, I did have some VERY interesting dreams last night involving clippers and number one and number two attachments and hair cuts and Ben's very cute college roommates and...

    So apparently your movie made an impact...
    haha yeah the Thornton offspring did not go unnoticed (inappropriate emoticon deleted here).

    Did anyone else feel an overwhelming urge to pluck the little dandelion hairs that escaped the mower?
  18. jim thornton's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken of the Sea
    haha yeah the Thornton offspring did not go unnoticed (inappropriate emoticon deleted here).

    Did anyone else feel an overwhelming urge to pluck the little dandelion hairs that escaped the mower?
    The dead soldiers, or, in John's corrected phrase, the live soldiers, were pretty much trimmed. John's ear hair, however, continues to fly like a freak flag!
  19. jim thornton's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by aquaFeisty
    I am not certain if I found this film "IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO LIKE A LOT"

    However, I did have some VERY interesting dreams last night involving clippers and number one and number two attachments and hair cuts and Ben's very cute college roommates and...

    So apparently your movie made an impact...

    Carrie, for what it's worth, I just found the following comment on John's YouTube page:

    "Sexy pair of twins with a great sense of humor."

    On a conscious level, I suspect it is possible for you to resist this siren-like double-whammy allure of ours.

    But evidently, when you close your eyes for the night, you have no barrier to the infiltration of the identical twin incubi who fly through the night vapors, looking for women to visit in their uneasy slumber.
  20. aquaFeisty's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken of the Sea
    haha yeah the Thornton offspring did not go unnoticed (inappropriate emoticon deleted here).
    I shall be receiving my DOW card in the mail any day now...
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