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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Soul MRSA or something worse?

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jim thornton
, January 13th, 2009 at 06:30 PM (1183 Views)
Despite lots of fluids and rest and HBO On Demand TV comedies to rally the jolly immune system warriors within, I appear to be descending ever deeper into the Poe-esque gloomworld wherein doth dwell all manner of microbes and wretchedness.

As today's mercifully short Vlog will reveal, I have begun to disintegrate. The once tight skin that held my lithe musculature like a silk purse has begun to suppurate and pustulate in ways that preminisce, as they say, the worm in the salad days to come.

Please, fellow swimmers with doctor degrees, especially those versed in skin lesions and sinus pain and scarecrows for the grim reaper, can you take a quick look then phone in a prescription for me at the Moon Township K-Mart, telephone number 412 262 1570?

Brompton's cocktail, where art thou in this wretch's hour of need?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p02qAzkyrdE

or just click this:

BORKED

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Updated January 20th, 2009 at 01:12 PM by jim thornton

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Comments

  1. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    Soul MRSA is the worst! I cannot see the video, but if you are doing the postal swim this weekend, get on some drugs....
  2. jim thornton's Avatar
    Kurt, not sure why it wouldn't work earlier, but it should work now. Please watch the video, especially if A) you have some tangential connection to health care (i.e., a doctor, a nurse practitioner, a shaman, a charlatan, or a patient with similar symptoms to mine and are interested in forming a support group), or B) know anybody who falls into the general bailiwick of A that you could send my video to for advice and prescriptions.

    It may sound like I am joking here, but I am not. I would very much like to be well by later on tonight, and it seems like this is becoming ever less likely.
  3. jim thornton's Avatar
    Kurt, why hast thou forsaken me, especially now that I have just found out from Leslie that you are actually a doctor!

    Another doctor friend looked at my vlog and told me he thought my finger was infected and i should go to a doctor who can listen to my heart and lungs!

    My god! Am I dying? Give it to me straight. I am, aren't I?

    Like Norman Cousins, I am going to beat death through laughter. Back I go now to Summer Heights High.
  4. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    Sweet...biblical reference from the confirmed atheist. I just PM you. Let me know.
  5. jim thornton's Avatar
    As soon as I climb out of this MRSA foxhole, I will be right back sucking contentedly at the bosom of unquestioning atheism!

    On the plus side, the abdominal lesion has begun to look like a fairly attractive female nipple, complete with small aureola.

    I am thinking now that a person with herpes somehow got bitten by a deer tick, which was brushed off by the same person using a hand with an open cut that had MRSA, and that the deer tick somehow landed on me, and has tranfused a trinity of herpetic withow, MRSA, and Lyme Disease.

    But again, there is a consolation. It's a pretty damn attractive nipple substitute, at least at this point.

    I just realized that this whole comment is permeated by death and mammaries. Mother, oh, god, mother! Help me!
  6. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    Well, I hope you won't be suckling on that areola-substitute on your abdomen because I'm betting there is no way you will be able to reach that thing (plus you will probably be dissappointed and possibly injured if you try).

    You need to throw Coxsackie (hand-foot-mouth) disease into your next twisted theory of your illness, but then I guess that would throw off the whole trinity thing.