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Thread: Swimming Stereotypes

  1. #1
    Active Member abc's Avatar
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    Swimming Stereotypes

    Equipment Rep
    Trains with every piece of equipment available at all times.

    The Luddite
    Trains with nothing. Only uses a loin cloth and goggles in workout.

    The Barnacle
    Leaves right on your feet. Couldn't count to five or ten if his life depnded on it.

    The Coach
    Not an actual coach, but someone who is consumed with technique. Swimming is a precise set of moves that can be broken down, categorized, and scientifically analyzed.

    The Jaded
    Could care less about technique. Just wants to swim and leave the analysis to the eggheads.

    The Swimaholic
    Trains at least 10 swimming workouts a week. Anything less is viewed as not trying.

    Fast Guy who Never Trains
    Shows up once a month and breaks national records in practice.

    Hardest Working Man in the Swim Business
    Trains like a ferocious animal in workout, but has no speed when it comes to racing.

    Lane Guy
    Works out in a lane that is far too fast or slow for him.

    The Crack Guy
    Dude, pull your swimsuit up or get a bigger size.

    The Newbie
    Shows up to practice in board shorts and a scuba mask.
    _________________

    As for myself, I would fall into the categories of Luddite and Jaded. Also, I wrote this from a male perspective, but the women are included as well. Any other stereotypes?

  2. #2
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    Quote Originally Posted by abc View Post
    The Newbie
    Shows up to practice in board shorts and a scuba mask.
    I absolutely love the "Newbie" swimmers! For Master's swimmers they are a bit more "off" than the age-group swimmers, but still enjoyable in my eyes!

    Personally, I am definitely a coach in and out of water...analyze everything...not good!
    Andy Scherer
    Site Founder
    TheSwimmersCircle
    Head Coach
    Typhoon Swimming

  3. #3
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    Some I see include:

    Swimmer Barbie
    Wears a two-piece suit to show off her "enhancements" and always gets in late to make sure everybody sees her.

    Triathlete
    Only swims freestyle (slowly) and wears a wetsuit at practice.

    18-24 Age Group
    Stands around on deck talking about vapid topics, texting their friends, listening to their iPods, and get in after warmup is over.

    Male ex-Collegiate Swimmer
    Talks incessantly about his college times and the other guys he swam against. High-fives other guys at workout and talks louder than anybody else in the pool, coach included.
    Doug Adamavich

  4. #4
    Very Active Member aquageek's Avatar
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    The Elevator Repairman

    Has never been in a pool or seen meet yet is an expert on the sport.

    The Team Organizer

    Plans all the team events and gets no recognition but is loved by everyone. Every team needs this person.

  5. #5
    Very Active Member gobears's Avatar
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    Quote Originally Posted by aquageek View Post
    The Elevator Repairman

    Has never been in a pool or seen meet yet is an expert on the sport.
    LOL. I used to be a true Swimaholic. I don't fit any of the Stereotypes listed now. Maybe something like:

    The Reformed Swimaholic: The ex-swimming obsessed swimmer who now trains but only enough to have fun and stay in shape.

  6. #6
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    Quote Originally Posted by Doug Adamavich View Post
    Some I see include:

    Swimmer Barbie
    Wears a two-piece suit to show off her "enhancements" and always gets in late to make sure everybody sees her.

    Triathlete
    Only swims freestyle (slowly) and wears a wetsuit at practice.

    18-24 Age Group
    Stands around on deck talking about vapid topics, texting their friends, listening to their iPods, and get in after warmup is over.

    Male ex-Collegiate Swimmer
    Talks incessantly about his college times and the other guys he swam against. High-fives other guys at workout and talks louder than anybody else in the pool, coach included.
    Man, I show up at practice just for the Barbie Swimmer, makes those 5: 30 workouts more entertaining.

  7. #7
    Very Active Member elise526's Avatar
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    The Cutthroat
    Spends hours studying competitors' times on the Internet, has memorized their times, and purchased the latest and greatest technology to take them down.

    The Meet Phobic
    Loves to train hard and swim fast, but for whatever reason, cannot be talked into doing a meet.

    The Independent
    Shows up for masters practice and when given 10 x 100 I.M. by the coach, decides to do 5 x 200 breast in the same lane as the I.Mers.

    The Yapper
    Enjoys using kick sets to catch up on the latest gossip. Also, known to skip sets to talk about the latest sale at Macy's.
    Last edited by elise526; December 11th, 2008 at 01:43 PM.

  8. #8
    Very Active Member inflictfreedom's Avatar
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    Beer Glasses - Thinks they're swimming straight and strong but in reality they're thrashing all over the lanes, invoking fear in the hearts of lane mates.

  9. #9
    Very Active Member jim thornton's Avatar
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    The Finn.
    A sort of obnoxious guy with barnacle tendencies who uses the Finnish Formula to "age grade" his times and, thanks to such math, has NEVER BEEN BEATEN by anyone whose victory would cause him distress.

  10. #10
    CreamPuff
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    The Stalker
    No matter what practice you attend (morning, lunch or evening) - and you have no set pattern - that person is there. Even if you decide to randomly do a double. They are there doing a double too.


    The Faker/ The Psych Out

    This person whines incessantly about how they suck; are slow; are out of shape; they haven't swum in 27+ years; they can't do that stroke or distance and then they end up kicking everyone's ass.

    The Mid Life Crisis
    This person is around middle age but insists on training and swimming meets with the kids while wearing the skimpiest training suits possible; tan is optional. LOL Oh wait, that's me!

    The Man's Man
    90% weight lifting
    9% telling others what to do to become a better swimmer
    1% swimming

    The Dictator
    He/ She is not the coach; however, you are more afraid of this person than you are of the coach. This person is in complete control of the lane at all times. Lane order is told to you. Sets are followed to a T unless Dictator (not the coach) changes them. You must leave 10 seconds behind each person or suffer the consequences. If you are faster than said lane leader/ dictator, you are still not to break through that 10 second barrier. Otherwise, it's the rack.

    The Leper

    You are so annoying that you are the only one in the lane.

    SPED Racer
    They suddenly want to race you provided
    1. they have fins and/ or paddles and/ or other piece of speed enhancing equipment and you don't
    2. they win
    Last edited by CreamPuff; December 11th, 2008 at 02:27 PM.

  11. #11
    Very Active Member aquageek's Avatar
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    The Name Changer/Avatar Updater

    Once proud, now confusing to simple minded forum browsers.

  12. #12
    Very Active Member knelson's Avatar
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    The Browser

    Checks either top ten, individual results or current top times list on the USMS web site at least once a day.

  13. #13
    Very Active Member thewookiee's Avatar
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    Quote Originally Posted by aquageek View Post
    The Elevator Repairman

    Has never been in a pool or seen meet yet is an expert on the sport.

    .

    LMAO!!!

  14. #14
    Very Active Member Leonard Jansen's Avatar
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    The Petri Dish
    Comes to the pool with a disease that the CDC classifies at the "EVACUATE EVERYONE WITHIN A 10 MILE RADIUS"-level. He/She then proceeds to spit great quantities of stuff with the color of split-pea soup and the consistancy of vulcanized rubber into the gutter. Two weeks later you hear that a member of the pool maintainance staff just died quite horribly and their entire house had to be burned with napalm "just to be sure."

    -LBJ
    "Excitable boy" they all said.

  15. #15
    Wannabe Middle D. Swimmer qbrain's Avatar
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    The Transfer Athlete: They are in better shape then Michael Phelps and they look like they deserve their own fast lane. They started swimming because an injury is preventing them from continuing their previous sport at an elite level. They are both the strongest and slowest in the pool, and know none of the competitive strokes.

    The Tidal Wave: The person you want to draft off of, but hate to swim in the next lane over from. Splitting a lane with the person guarantees a lung full of water by practices end.

  16. #16
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    The Late Bloomer

    A fevered and frequent competitor, TLB continually rationalizes slow performances by citing dense, impenetrable research on VO2 Max and other incomprehensible alleged measures of athletic capacity. TLB references ad nauseum the fact that TLB did not swim age group, thereby missing out on the prime VO2 Max building years. TLB will only compare TLB's performances to those of other, similarly situated TLBs (down to country of origin, educational background, current economic status, and year of immigration to this country) thereby ensuring TLB's victory in TLB's narrowly self-defined peer group. Will debate these points endlessly, vociferously, and mindlessly on various fora until forced to leave.

    Note: May be somehow related to The Elevator Repairman, see above.
    At this point in the development of our society, there is virtually no writing which has not been plagiarized at least in part from another. I read that somewhere.

    This was no boating accident.


  17. #17
    Just swim. USMSarah's Avatar
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    Quote Originally Posted by inflictfreedom View Post
    Beer Glasses - Thinks they're swimming straight and strong but in reality they're thrashing all over the lanes, invoking fear in the hearts of lane mates.

    Ahhhh, yes... the lane hog (love your title for it)... this person also knocks into you on a consistent basis and never learns!!!
    Made with real lightning!

  18. #18
    Very Active Member jim thornton's Avatar
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    This is an excellent thread topic, Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. or Miss ABC.

    I am thinking that if there is anyone in our ranks with cartooning talent, an illustrated volume of these swimming types might prove to be a best selling stocking stuffer type gag gift for swimmers of all ages.

    I suggest the profits of such a volume be split thusly:


    • 5 percent to Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. or Miss ABC
    • 5 percent divided evenly to each participant who has come up with types
    • 10 percent to the cartoonist and book publisher to be divided as they see fit

    and


    • 80 percent to yet another stereotype familiar in both swimming pools and life itself, to wit:


    The Me
    A self-interested individual whose personal swimming times, practices, bouts of illness, etc. are, in this person's eyes not the only things of interest in the whole wide world, but together represent 80 percent of the things of interest in the whole wide world.

    The Me, for specific purposes of asset distribution of book sales based on ABC's original idea and the very funny contributions of a host of forum swimmers, is this me, i.e., Jim Thornton, though you can also make the check out to James Thornton, Mr. J. Thornton, or a host of similar variations. At my local bank, they know it is all about The Me.

  19. #19
    Very Active Member thewookiee's Avatar
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    Quote Originally Posted by BillS View Post
    The Late Bloomer

    Note: May be somehow related to The Elevator Repairman, see above.

    No. Two different types. TLB has actually seen a swimming pool. Has actually been in a swimming pool. Has actually swam in a meet at somepoint in their life. Has actually tried to learn more about the sport and at somepoint listened/read books by top level coaches

    The TER pretends to know more about subjects, while not having done anything in said subjects and ignores information from people that have first hand knowledge of said subjects. The TER is more pretender than contender.

  20. #20
    Here to keep it real JimRude's Avatar
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    Re: Swimming Stereotypes

    Train Like Tarzan, Race Like Jane
    self-explanatory
    This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha!

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