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Thread: ISO Real Parents

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    sprint diva The Fortress's Avatar
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    ISO Real Parents

    Here's an interesting article from the Washington Post.

    I liked the "don't bug me unless you're bleeding" comment.

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...091001174.html

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    Very Active Member Seagurl51's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    My mom has actually said that "Don't bother me unless you're bleeding" to me before.

    I had boundaires, The Look, and counting *shudder* and I turned out amazing. [It's probably pretty obvious that my parent's boundaires shattered my self-esteem. ]

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    Very Active Member FlyQueen's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    Oh there was definitely a look and no coddling. Lots of Flybaby, NOW! And because I said so which I used today. There is a difference between loving and coddling.

    Great article, what a nice contribution!
    "I don't race to see who is the fastest, I race to see who has the most guts."

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    Very Active Member bud's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    very thought provoking article. thanks for the post.

    Fugio, ergo sum.

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    Very Active Member quicksilver's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    Thanks for the link as well.

    Having hosted a party for my 7th grader and her two dozen friends recently, I started to have visions of 'Lord of the Flies' towards the end of the evening.

    Being the disciplinarian isn't fun, but kids need boundaries.
    And testing them (boundaries) is part of the growing up process.
    Excellence Is Never An Accident.

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    Very Active Member Swimmy's Avatar
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    Cool Re: ISO Real Parents

    Good article, Fortress. I feel like I am on the front line. So many parents won't say no to their kids and it makes it very hard for teachers. Parents have actually gotten mad at me for saying no to their child and not letting them have free run in my classroom. They will pay for it later!
    Swimmy
    Life is simple...Eat, Sleep, Swim!
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    Very Active Member swimshark's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    I read this the other day and really enjoyed it. I am working on getting "the look" with my 2.5 year old. Still working, though.... According to my parents I am firm enough but not too firm. Sigh, parenting is so hard!

    Alison

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    Very Active Member imspoiled's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    Excellent article. The "look" has worked on my kids since they were toddlers. Being an involved parent is great, but like the author described, too many parents act as if being involved means bieng a "friend" and abdicate traditional "parental" roles as authoritarian.

    Thankfully, using "don't bother me unless you're bleeding" hasn't been necessary in our house. My son did like to overreact to minor cuts and scrapes when he was younger though. This lead us to start asking, "Do we need to cut it off?" (fingers with paper cuts, scraped knees, etc.) After my husband and I went through a dialogue on how easy it would be for the doctor to make the pain go away by cuting off the offending appendage, my son got the point. Next time he fell down there were some tears, but he was able to compose himself and said, "It really hurts, but I don't think we need to cut it off."
    Twizzlers will be the ruin of Western society... or, at the very least, my waistline.

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    Very Active Member swimmieAvsFan's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    i find it somewhere between mildy amusing and slightly disturbing that these kids who will walk all over their parents have a tendancy to be downright petrified of recent college graduates (read: swim coaches...)


    the going theory is that we swim coaches manage to burst their bubble of parentally-generated (and severely misguided!) perfection.
    any other theories???

    Mollie Grover
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    Very Active Member swimshark's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    Quote Originally Posted by imspoiled View Post
    This lead us to start asking, "Do we need to cut it off?" (fingers with paper cuts, scraped knees, etc.) After my husband and I went through a dialogue on how easy it would be for the doctor to make the pain go away by cuting off the offending appendage, my son got the point. Next time he fell down there were some tears, but he was able to compose himself and said, "It really hurts, but I don't think we need to cut it off."
    Oh Dana, I'm using that one when Matthew gets older! so far he's pretty good. He'll fall and I'll ask if he's okay and he usually says "yes". But there are times when he falls and wants me to kiss where he fell. I really don't want to kiss his butt in public!

    Alison

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    Very Active Member imspoiled's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    Quote Originally Posted by swimshark View Post
    But there are times when he falls and wants me to kiss where he fell. I really don't want to kiss his butt in public!

    Alison
    I think that would fall under the title of "unnecessary indulgences," and put you in the category of parent whose children walk all over them. Although, I think boys learn that from their fathers. My husband still wants me to kiss his butt in public, on occasion.
    Twizzlers will be the ruin of Western society... or, at the very least, my waistline.

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    Very Active Member swimshark's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    Quote Originally Posted by imspoiled View Post
    I think that would fall under the title of "unnecessary indulgences," and put you in the category of parent whose children walk all over them. Although, I think boys learn that from their fathers. My husband still wants me to kiss his butt in public, on occasion.


    Alison

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    Very Active Member FindingMyInnerFish's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    Quote Originally Posted by swimmieAvsFan View Post
    i find it somewhere between mildy amusing and slightly disturbing that these kids who will walk all over their parents have a tendancy to be downright petrified of recent college graduates (read: swim coaches...)


    the going theory is that we swim coaches manage to burst their bubble of parentally-generated (and severely misguided!) perfection.
    any other theories???


    Heh, no theories, but I'll bet a lot of desperately walked on parents will want to hire you as their "super-nanny"!

  14. #14
    sprint diva The Fortress's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    Quote Originally Posted by swimmieAvsFan View Post
    i find it somewhere between mildy amusing and slightly disturbing that these kids who will walk all over their parents have a tendancy to be downright petrified of recent college graduates (read: swim coaches...)


    the going theory is that we swim coaches manage to burst their bubble of parentally-generated (and severely misguided!) perfection.
    any other theories???
    Kids are generally nicer to adults other than their parents. They save the worst crap for home. If they're petrified of you, maybe the parents have taught them something. Or maybe you're just a really scarey person. Or, if they're at the tween age, they would rather do anything than look like an idiot in front of some hip cool jock swimmer coach.

    Immediately after having my first kid, my pediatrician cautioned that when a kid asks "Why?" when you have issued an instruction, your first and only response should be "Because I said so." My 15 year son heard me saying that to my youngest the other day, and said, "But, Mom, that isn't logical. You've got to discuss the situation logically." I laughed (and secretly worried about his lawyer-like tendencies). My reply: "This is not a democracy, buster."

    Alison, don't worry. It's your first kid. They always get doted on more. Then, you magically wake up and realize that benign neglect may actually benefit your kid because they learn independence and how to amuse themselves. Then, you only intervene or worry unless they're off juggling knives.

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    Very Active Member 3strokes's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    Quote Originally Posted by imspoiled View Post
    My husband still wants me to kiss his butt in public, on occasion.
    ..........And this is bad, wrong, evil........... because?

    ..... Where, Oh, where did I last see my swimming suit? Oh well!

  16. #16
    Very Active Member swimmieAvsFan's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    Quote Originally Posted by The Fortress View Post
    Kids are generally nicer to adults other than their parents. They save the worst crap for home. If they're petrified of you, maybe the parents have taught them something. Or maybe you're just a really scarey person. Or, if they're at the tween age, they would rather do anything than look like an idiot in front of some hip cool jock swimmer coach.
    wouldn't that require their coach to be hip, cool, or a jock?

    (okay, maybe i've got the jock part going for me. )


    i'd vote more for the fact that i'm one of the tallest (and loudest!) coaches on deck. which i guess then makes me one of the scariest ones too.
    although, i would be more afraid of our head age group coach than me if i were one of our age groupers! (but, obviously he's doing something right, seeing as how he ended up PV coach of the year for the 06-07 SCY season!!! )

    Mollie Grover
    Potomac Valley Top Ten Recorder
    USMS Rules Committee Co-Vice Chair

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    Active Member Treebox's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    I am partial to the Marine Corps mentality of parenting. You take away every God given right and give them back one at a time. 'Yes sir and no sir' still work pretty well. My 9 year old son's friends even know what to expect and behave very well when they are visiting.

    As for notifying when bleeding...I usually preface my response along the lines of "we'll have to amputate above the neck"

  18. #18
    Very Active Member ensignada's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    I nearly died laughing last night. My 7 yr daughter and I were standing in line to pay for dinner at a diner. Two children around her age went flying through the line. She turned to me and said, "You know I know better than to act like that, don't you?" But the woman in front of me gave me a look that would kill. They were her children!
    "...it is but well to be on friendly terms with all the inmates of the place one lodges in."
    Melville, Moby Dick

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    Very Active Member swimmieAvsFan's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    Quote Originally Posted by ensignada View Post
    I nearly died laughing last night. My 7 yr daughter and I were standing in line to pay for dinner at a diner. Two children around her age went flying through the line. She turned to me and said, "You know I know better than to act like that, don't you?" But the woman in front of me gave me a look that would kill. They were her children!


    barb, your daughter is the best! i got a total kick out of her at zones, and that comment totally fits the personality i saw at the meet.


    comments like that are why the minis i coach are, across the board, my fave group. especially when we give them sets that include having to tell jokes...



    what happens between age 7-ish and 11-ish?
    it can't all be hormones, can it???

    Mollie Grover
    Potomac Valley Top Ten Recorder
    USMS Rules Committee Co-Vice Chair

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    Very Active Member swimshark's Avatar
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    Re: ISO Real Parents

    Quote Originally Posted by The Fortress View Post

    Alison, don't worry. It's your first kid. They always get doted on more. Then, you magically wake up and realize that benign neglect may actually benefit your kid because they learn independence and how to amuse themselves. Then, you only intervene or worry unless they're off juggling knives.

    First and only!! I only get 1 chance to make mistakes - Ack.

    Barb, that is a good story. Your daughter is a cutie.

    Molly, I think you have more than just the jock thing going.

    Alison

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