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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

It's official: I've been colonized

Rating: 3 votes, 5.00 average.
On the 40th day of Jimby's continuous infirmity, his kindly swimming coach, Bill, took pity and made tonight's "stroke" practice reasonably doable.

  • 8 x 100 odds stroke, evens IM on 1:40
  • 12 x 25 fly with 3-5 SDKs on :30
  • 12 x 25 back "
  • 12 x 25 breast DPS
  • 12 x 25 free 1 breath per length
  • 3 x 100 IM on 2:00, last one fast
  • 6 x 50 free on :40
  • throw in the 100 easy I did on my own for pre-warm up, and it totalled 2700.

The only hard part was the butterflies, which seemed like they were going to be easy after the first one, but quickly became grueling five yards into the second one.

The horror and gasping struggle caught on camera by swimming and photographic legend, James Kegley, protegee of Doc Councilman, winner of innumerable Chesapeake Bay Swims, and husband of a former CIA operative

The set that did make me feel I still had hope as a swimmer was the 12 x 25 freestyles.

Almost everyone on our little team tonight ended up taking at least the allotted one breath and sometimes more than one.

I announced that I was going to alternate no breath/one breath, proclaiming to my teammates that my body had been so thoroughly colonized and replaced, cell by cell, by anaerobic bacteria over the past month and a half that I no longer needed air at all.

Mollie, Stacey, Annie, and perhaps to a lesser extent Jessie, that is to say, the comely young girls of the team, seemed to think this was the idle boasting of an ineffectual lech.

James S. "Renfield" Thornton frightening girls in his spare time

I actually thought perhaps this was a sound interpretation. But Spunky emerged, supplanting Renfield, and bragged to the comely tarts that the colonization is, indeed, so complete that I get lockjaw in every muscle of my body.

Thinking, of course, that this was true except for the one bodily quadrant that could actually use a wee bit of firmness.

Then the red thin line stood erect at the apex of the pace clock.

I was off.

No breaths the first 25.
None the second.
Or third.
And so forth.
300 yards without air.
Well, I breathed a bit in between, i.e., on the wall, while awaiting the next send off.

But nary a single lung suck taken in from toe push-off to fingertip wall touch.

It helped that our kindly Bobinator had posted earlier somewhere, I think, on her own blog, the quote from Alexander Popov about not fighting the water, but rather trying to assume some of water's qualities, befriend it, flow with it.

Actually, the exact quote was: " don't have to fight the water, just share the same spirit as the water, and it will help you move" Alexandr Popov

Popov's friendship with water leads to an odd fusion

And thus I imagined myself cruising up and down the pool like a human current, and the desire for air just faded away.

I have at last become a 6' 1" anaerobic bacterium: dream state complete.

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  1. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    With half your body out of the water, gulping for oxygen, I do buy the anaerobe part. Which clostridium are you colonized with: tetanus, botulism, or my personal favorite, "difficile"(the never-ending diarrhea of old-people)?
  2. jim thornton's Avatar
    Kurt, you do make me laugh.

    Of course it's difficile!

    That goes without saying. But I will say it anyhow.

    I have been 100 percent replaced, cell by cell, with difficile clostridiae. I can't wait to shake that IRS ladies hand, can't wait to hear her say a couple minutes later, "Ah, excuse me...I have to run to the bathroom."

    And know that for the rest of her life on the toilet she will have her inspection of me to blame.
  3. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    To the IRS lady that now has C. difficile: Karma's a bitch ain't it?
  4. onefish's Avatar
    love the photo. suitably strange, what stroke is that? or did you see something unusual in the water?

    i've seen some odd poses like that in ads, phenomena seems to have cropped up shortly after the olympics, never have swimsuit models try to look like real butterflyers. always a chuckle.

    (i am almost positive that your real butterfly does not look like that ;^)
  5. jim thornton's Avatar
    Actually, I spent a summer in the Gulf Stream a couple years ago where I tried to make it as pelagic predator. This picture shows me missing an alewife, or possibly an albacore, that I had almost bitten into. I think I settled for a dinner of seahorses I found with their tails curled around some floating Sargassum weed.