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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton


Rating: 5 votes, 5.00 average.
The endgames cometh.

In the next month or so, the following questions may or may not be answered, each of which is vitally critical to Jimby's welfare:

  1. Will he lose what little net "worth" he has left to the IRS?
  2. Will he get over his cold?
  3. Will his estrogen levels rise in a clinically significant way, and will he then sell video access to his moobs on the Internet to a wealthy subset of very peculiar fetishists?
  4. Will he act on an impulse, increasingly boisterous within his serotonin-depleted brain, that urges him to substitute one stubborn vice for an old relinquished one?
  5. Will he lose his job?
  6. Will he get the go ahead to write about masters swimming and perchance get to attend Y Nationals in Ft. Lauderdale and try to talk the B70 Corporation into lending him a suit?
  7. Will he be forced to sell his ancestral stomping grounds and boyhood home for worthless pennies on the even more worthless dollar?
  8. Will he grow a spine or continue to lose bone density here until the metamorphosis into an invertebrate is done?
  9. Will he figure out how to get Windows Movie Maker to work again on his computer so he can do piss poor video edting, which would at least allow him to vlog again?
  10. Will his brother John ever download the most recent batch of lugubrious footage he sent him and turn it into something amusing?
  11. Will he spell cliffhanger with two f's, i.e., the conventional way, or with one f, in deference to the soy-filled energy bars that are helping him to grow a pair of hirsute titulars?
  12. Will readership of the vlog continue its downwards trend as his fellow Americans, bloated with their own grief, tire of reading about his?
  13. Will he swim tomorrow's 1650 at CMU despite his head already swimming within its suffocating skullcap?
  14. Will he appear on Court TV after doing something, or some many things, decidedly ill-advised?
  15. Will he ever again smile and swagger and speak without a palsied twitching of the voice box?
  16. Will he end up in the one place he has always dreaded most, the Snake Pit, being administered to by nurse R?
  17. Will he go to his grave waylaid still in the one dimensionality of the first person?
  18. Will he keep the card house standing?
  19. Will he enjoy the largely unanticipated delight in the suffering of another which is cognized as trivial and/or appropriate--or will he find this cold comfort at best?
  20. Will he hang or drown or go the way of most?
  21. Will he get a PR again?
  22. Will he have his way with a CreamPuff like vision?
  23. Will he gain or lose his will?

Well, will he?

Stay tuned. The endgames cometh in Season 2 of Vlog the Inhaler: the Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton!

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Updated April 16th, 2009 at 10:37 AM by jim thornton



  1. Kurt Dickson's Avatar
    Don't worry about going to the grave in the first appears you are already there in the 3rd person.

    Better to go to Ft. Lauderdale and have the B70 people beg you to use their suit and you say, "no...someone must put an end to this madness of 300-500 dollar suits; I race clean baby (plus I like the aerodynamic advantage of my uncovered heaving manboobs in the water)."
  2. Chicken of the Sea's Avatar
    If you go to Fort Lauderdale and get a free suit..... sell the suit, go out on the "town" with the proceeds, and simply wear duct tape around the meat and two veg and moobs.
  3. jim thornton's Avatar
    I think that if the sorrowful kangaroo had thusly enwrapped his meat and veges and moobs, he might have avoided his Great White fate. Kurt, your suggestion to try to the hydrodynamic approach of the graceful manatee will be taken under advisement. As long as no propeller-ized water craft are permitted in the competition pool, it might be worth trying.
  4. RustyScupperton's Avatar
    Inhaler, If you get a chance watch the amazingly moving documentary that Alexandra Pelosi (Nancy's daughter) made about disgraced preacher Ted Haggard for HBO.
    You end up really feeling for the guy and I must say, your situation is nothing compared to his, vis a vis a coming down in the world, from schmoozong presidents to near destitution living in cheap motels. It will make you feel very grateful for all the wonderful things you have!
  5. RustyScupperton's Avatar
    Oh, I forgot to say, wonderfully well written blog entry today! You make self-pity sing like the angels!
  6. ViveBene's Avatar
    James, John, Matthew, Jesus - I think you've got some alt ego choices there.
    Why not write for Prevention (if the mag still exists)? THey wouldn't expect a writer to show how B70 is a chick magnet (chick magnitude?). With pictures.
    Updated April 16th, 2009 at 10:37 AM by jim thornton
  7. onefish's Avatar
    Move towards the light, Jimby - but not THAT light. Get outta Pittsburgh and go west/south! Change your name, escape the IRS! "toes up" should only apply to backstroke.
  8. Bobinator's Avatar
    Okay jimby here's a basic idea:
    If I were you I wouldn't worry about any of that ****!
    Go ahead and pass "GO", collect your $200.00!
    Do not sell your ancestral stomping grounds/boyhood home; I doubt if anyone in this economy could afford to buy it!
    Write a complicated, intellectually challenging, and very mysterious novel about an aging master's swimmer and his/her visions of an imaginary cream puff-like apparition including the major impact it has on his/her daily routines and thoughts in life. Juice the concept up to the hilt, get a great publicist, and land a major Hollywood screen play with the smoking hot novel! You could be a gazillionaire! I know this because I am the type of average john q. public who purchases this type of reading material.
    Remember and focus Jimby, ........sucess is your only ****** ******* option, failure's not!
  9. Iwannafly's Avatar
    I like this Bobinator person! She's got her **** all in one sock!
    Don't worry Jimby, your loyal readers are still around. Plus, we're awaiting the swimmers and their dogs Vlog!