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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

Synaptical Cracklings

Rating: 2 votes, 5.00 average.
Three continuous days of trying to make sense of three-year old receipts in preparation for IRS Ragnarok has left my brain feeling like it's being pummeled by heat lightning and bees.

The best advice so far has been found in a homework assignment that my friend Bill's son, Liam, boy genius, completed recently.

Liam simulating his look of reflection during the class in which the idiom assignment was handed out by Miss Crabnik, or whatever her name is.

Miss Crabnik's assignment completed by Liam quickly and with an enviable combination of succinctness and accuracy.

Oh, how easy life is when one has the freedom to open one's piehole, and the happy world economy tugs its small bits of flotsam like me in a balmy current!

Shall we ever see the likes of such days again?

On this note, a very, very quick update of February 21st, 2009's "Cliffhangers" vlog entry. To job your memories, this was a list of depressing questions I was asking myself back then, that is to say, before things got much, much worse:

  1. Will he lose what little net "worth" he has left to the IRS? LIKELY BUT NOT YET DETERMINED
  2. Will he get over his cold? YES, BUT ANOTHER IS INEVITABLE
  3. Will his estrogen levels rise in a clinically significant way, LIKELY BUT NOT YET DETERMINED and will he then sell video access to his moobs on the Internet to a wealthy subset of very peculiar fetishists? UNLIKELY BUT NOT YET DETERMINED
  4. Will he act on an impulse, increasingly boisterous within his serotonin-depleted brain, that urges him to substitute one stubborn vice for an old relinquished one? SO FAR NO BACKSLIDING BUT WHO CAN HOLD OUT FOREVER
  5. Will he lose his job? SIGNS POINT TO YES
  6. Will he get the go ahead to write about masters swimming LIKELY BUT NOT YET DETERMINED and perchance get to attend Y Nationals in Ft. Lauderdale NO and try to talk the B70 Corporation into lending him a suit? NO
  7. Will he be forced to sell his ancestral stomping grounds and boyhood home for worthless pennies on the even more worthless dollar? NOT YET DETERMINED BUT CONSIDERING PLACING A CRAIG'S LIST AD FOR LODGERS
  8. Will he grow a spine or continue to lose bone density here until the metamorphosis into an invertebrate is done? NO SPINE YET PER SE, BUT SLIGHT VESTIGIAL TAIL GROWTH APPARENT
  9. Will he figure out how to get Windows Movie Maker to work again on his computer so he can do piss poor video edting, which would at least allow him to vlog again? NO
  10. Will his brother John ever download the most recent batch of lugubrious footage he sent him and turn it into something amusing? YES
  11. Will he spell cliffhanger with two f's, i.e., the conventional way, or with one f, in deference to the soy-filled energy bars that are helping him to grow a pair of hirsute titulars? NOT YET DETERMINED
  12. Will readership of the vlog continue its downwards trend as his fellow Americans, bloated with their own grief, tire of reading about his? YES
  13. Will he swim tomorrow's 1650 at CMU despite his head already swimming within its suffocating skullcap? YES; AS ONE GREAT MAN ONCE PUT IT: IT IS FINISHED.
  14. Will he appear on Court TV after doing something, or some many things, decidedly ill-advised? NOT YET DETERMINED
  15. Will he ever again smile and swagger and speak without a palsied twitching of the voice box? YES, BUT ONLY BY ACTING
  16. Will he end up in the one place he has always dreaded most, the Snake Pit, being administered to by nurse R? NOT YET DETERMINED
  17. Will he go to his grave waylaid still in the one dimensionality of the first person? NOT YET DETERMINED
  18. Will he keep the card house standing? NOT YET DETERMINED
  19. Will he enjoy the largely unanticipated delight in the suffering of another which is cognized as trivial and/or appropriate--or will he find this cold comfort at best? NO
  20. Will he hang or drown or go the way of most? NOT YET DETERMINED
  21. Will he get a PR again? NOT YET DETERMINED
  22. Will he have his way with a CreamPuff like vision?IT'S UP TO HER, BUT THE FACT THAT SHE DOESN'T THINK WE ARE COUSINS LOOKS PROMISING

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Updated April 16th, 2009 at 10:35 AM by jim thornton



  1. Iwannafly's Avatar
    Oh Jimby! You are an interesting fellow! Who happens to write entertaining Vlogs!
  2. Bobinator's Avatar
    Hi jimby!
    I am really not sure how to comment on your vlog. As always I enjoy your writing banter and outlook on things in general.
    I will have to admit Mrs. Crabnick's assignment was a bit strange....almost unprofessional in my opinion.
    I will be sure to stay tuned to your vlog, I am hoping most of your cliffhangers roll in the direction of your favor! In the meantime you should try to be positive and keep on swimming (your swimming seems to be doing very well)
    I totally agree with your thread about a "good health" insurance plan for people who take care of themselves. Many times I feel like our society almost rewards people for being sick(or at least we help pay for it with our premiums and medical care). To say the least I feel like I shouldn't be put in the same health classification as an obese, sedentary smoker!
    I know that there are a FEW times people who do the right thing still develop serious lifestyle disease, but.....Most folks don't realize HOW MUCH control they have of the destiny and lifespan of their bodies. It is much easier to be a helpless victim of your bad habits than to be pro-active about health care and try to prevent serious conditions. (sorry, I got carried away!)
  3. RustyScupperton's Avatar
    I must admit that when a large minority of my art school students smoke as we make our way from school to visit an art gallery, the Bobin's words, "o say the least I feel like I shouldn't be put in the same health classification as an obese, sedentary smoker!" have a little resonance.
    But we people are weak and prone to error. Such is our nature, Ayn PorkRind be damned!
  4. RustyScupperton's Avatar
    "Shut your pie hole", classic school assignment!