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Vlog the Inhaler, or The Occasional Video Blog Musings of Jim Thornton

The apogee of a dilettante

Rating: 2 votes, 5.00 average.
Stardate 1-09-08.

Your exhausted, wizened, and sore-throated vlogging correspondent, with the considerable help of his robust, young, handsome, identical twin, cross-dressing brother, present to you what may very well become the video anthem for every mediocre competitor who has the AUDACITY
to stuff his stuff into an overly tight Speedo racing costume and aspire to the record books.

I can take credit for only a small part of this wonderfully inspiring motion picture--i.e., the writing, starring, audio, and obligatory semi-nude cheesecake shots of me.

My impossibly good-looking identical twin, whose allure is evident in both his male and female morphs, to the point where I would entertain having a three-way with him if it weren't so obviously wrong, anyhow, my brother John deserves much of the credit for this film.

If Hoosiers could be remade without the basketball stuff, and set instead in a small town swimming hole, and furthermore if Gene Hackman could be placed squarely into this hole, well, I am pretty sure you know exactly where I am going!

As someone--who knows whom?--has already posted on the RustyScupperton YouTube video channel, the host of this gem of a talkie:

Absolutely wonderful! This film is not
just about one man's tenuous claim
on swimming glory; it is about
Mediocre Everyman's striving
for recognition in a world
that says back to him,
No! Not you! Not now! Not hardly!

One final note: so compelling are the visual effects of this film that it is easy to get caught up in the visuals alone, ignoring completely the voice of the narrator. It is for this reason--plus a myriad more!--that
Jim Thornton--Swimming's Glory demands not just to be watched and rewatched and rewatched again. No, it cries out for so much more!

Word of wisdom to the would-be wise: if there be only one movie all year that you opt to watch 100 times, let this be it. You will not be disappointed.

I, and by I I mean the film, am-is just that good!

And on this note, I now invite you to enjoy as you have never enjoyed a swimming movie in your whole life.


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  1. quicksilver's Avatar
    A riveting work of vlogophraphy. Disturbing, yet engrossing.
  2. tjrpatt's Avatar
    If you don't make the all time list, you could possibly make the list for 2008. I just want to get to the yearly list first and then go from there. Of course, right now, I am focused on getting a USMS Yards Top Ten. Keep up the fast swimming.
  3. qbrain's Avatar
    It is quite possible that video will make you liable for millions of master's swimmers psychiatric treatment.

    Congrats Jim, or did John step in for your race?
  4. The Fortress's Avatar
    I agree with Quick's take. John is a talented computer artist.

    But how many wigs can twins own?!
  5. tjburk's Avatar
    Ruined a perfectly good Led Zeppelin song!!!
  6. tjburk's Avatar
    Cybil has nothing on you Jim/John/Jane...whatever you call yourself!....
  7. jim thornton's Avatar
    Thanks, one and all. Speaking for John and Jane and myself, please know that your happiness and amusement are really what we live for, plus a little bit of money to afford Nyquil on the 363 or 364 days of a non-Leap Year that we have sore throats, colds, sniffles, or other sicknesses.

    Please encourage all of your friends to view these vlogs. Our goal: to go viral sometime before we die. So far, we have not even managed to go prion.
  8. quicksilver's Avatar
    A few thoughts...

    I will never be able to look at an Izod sweater in the same innocent way, ever again.
    Wait until Michael Phelps finds out.
    Wait until the Jesuits find out.
    Wait until the far right wing conservative forumites find out.

    Mad genius, or visionary. Still undecided.
  9. The Fortress's Avatar
    The Michael Phelps in the glass parts were very inspired too.
  10. jaegermeister's Avatar
    Very clever. We all secretly are like you, Jim.
  11. jim thornton's Avatar
    Thanks Mr. Jaegermeister! You do not need to keep your secret hidden anymore! You are like Jim Thornton, and there is no shame in that! Well, there is shame in it, but there's nothing wrong with shame! Well, there is something wrong with shame, but nothing wrong with that!

    I think the sore throat microbes have finally breached the blood brain barrier.